It's always good to see the individuals in our community rallying around a good cause, and the efforts to pay for the restoration of the Rainbow sign is just that type of cause.
This past Sunday, a fundraising benefit was held at Georgie's Bar to raise more money for Project Rainbow, a project at the hands of the Asbury Park Historical Society. This latest benefit, a combination of Bingo, Name That Tune and trivia questions, kept everyone entertained. Sponsored by Vail Realty and hosted by David Hoffman and Lady Marisa, the event was successful.
I'm hoping that the monetary goal is reached soon. The project's initial goal, according to their website, "We have hired a neon sign restorer, Robbie Ingui, from Artistic Neon Inc. in Ridgewood, New York. He will complete the sign restoration in four stages. When completed, The City of Asbury Park will provide the expertise to hang the sign in its new home in the Transportation Center. The total cost to complete the project is $15,000. Our goal is to complete and hang the sign by Summer 2012. ...We have one more fundraising event planned for the month of November."
As the monetary goal to finish paying for the sign's restoration comes closer to being reached, I'm hopeful that we as a community can dig in our pockets a little deeper and get this accomplished.
I was very surprised when my lucky raffle ticket was called as the winner of a cash prize in the amount of $125. So as I gave the money directly back to the cause, I feel somewhat satisfied that I helped get us a little closer. My goal is to donate more money, and I'm hoping that all of us in the community give a little money - those who are in a position to do so.
It's no secret that money is tight. But I was joking with someone later that evening after the benefit that we really need to reach this goal sooner rather than later because it just doesn't seem like it's an exorbitant amount of money ... and also, how many more benefits will be needed for this?
Come on people, we got this, right?
Let's ban together and get this the final funding to pay off the sign's restoration. Doesn't it seem like the individuals trying to get this project completed have been trying to get the funding forever? I know that's a gross exaggeration, but it just seem like it's been a long time.
A lot of people in the community, most notably Carol Torre, have been doing so much to attain this monetary amount, and I'm just hopeful that by the end of 2012 the financial goal will be reached.
Let's get this done!
And see, I even took a break from any romantic tales of woe, and I even steered clear of coming down hard on some of the tragic characters that have made Asbury Park a nice place to visit - and live - all to devote this blog entry to this worthy cause.
(P.S. - Don't worry, tomorrow I'll be back to normal and shedding light on the crazy, offbeat and even the sweet-natured situations that make this city a goldmine!)
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I'm ready for this relationship ... but is the object of my affections ready?
In the gay community, it's so difficult to grab and hold onto a relationship. So after taking some time off from any relationships, I'm ready to embark on a new one. Hell, I'm more than ready ... I'm exploding!
A departed queen from long ago has recently re-entered my life and is ready to rekindle a relationship with me. That's what he says he wants.
The last time, although we cared for each other, it just wasn't the right time for us to go full-steam ahead. I was ready, but I think he knew that although his heart was saying "take the plunge", his head was telling him to ignore the yield sign but not the stop sign. So he eventually told me that he knew I wasn't ready for the relationship.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. He knew that I had to experience all that the gay community had to throw at me - good and bad. So he let me go.
This was years ago. Since then, I had three other serious relationships. As I mentioned in past blogs, the first one was a struggle since he was an addict (and I was too naive to realize how tragic his situation really was) and I gave to much and received less than enough in return; the second one was a learning experience because I had to realize that giving 100 percent to a relationship while the other man is giving 25 percent, it's impossible to make it work; and the third relationship, well, I had to understand that some people really are dishonest about themselves right from the start of a relationship.
Looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to learn these lessons because it has put me in the right position to love a man and let that man meet me half way. So for me, I'm more than ready for this relationship. I've put in my dues - and then some.
I have a fear nagging at my soul, though. I know that this man wants me, and I know this man cares about me and wants only the best for me. But my fear is that he will not have enough time to devote to making this relationship work. He insists that he will, but I've learned the hard way - actually from my parents - that when a man is enthralled in business and is a powerful executive in his dealings, that the other person ends up taking a backseat.
I'm sure this is just my fear of losing this man talking to my subconscious. I mean, if he wants to make this relationship finally work and he's in it for the long haul this time I should just forget my nagging feelings, right?
I've just always given 100 percent and have been disappointed in the past, every time in the past. So in my mind, I'm just thinking how can this time be any different? He's successful in business, but in relationships I think they have taken a backseat. I know that he wants so badly to change all that and focus on the relationship. But is that possible?
I really care about this man, and I've finally got a guy who wants to be with me - for better or worse.
I'm probably thinking too much. It wouldn't be the first time; I'm always too analytical. They do have a 12-step program for that, right?
A departed queen from long ago has recently re-entered my life and is ready to rekindle a relationship with me. That's what he says he wants.
The last time, although we cared for each other, it just wasn't the right time for us to go full-steam ahead. I was ready, but I think he knew that although his heart was saying "take the plunge", his head was telling him to ignore the yield sign but not the stop sign. So he eventually told me that he knew I wasn't ready for the relationship.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. He knew that I had to experience all that the gay community had to throw at me - good and bad. So he let me go.
This was years ago. Since then, I had three other serious relationships. As I mentioned in past blogs, the first one was a struggle since he was an addict (and I was too naive to realize how tragic his situation really was) and I gave to much and received less than enough in return; the second one was a learning experience because I had to realize that giving 100 percent to a relationship while the other man is giving 25 percent, it's impossible to make it work; and the third relationship, well, I had to understand that some people really are dishonest about themselves right from the start of a relationship.
Looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to learn these lessons because it has put me in the right position to love a man and let that man meet me half way. So for me, I'm more than ready for this relationship. I've put in my dues - and then some.
I have a fear nagging at my soul, though. I know that this man wants me, and I know this man cares about me and wants only the best for me. But my fear is that he will not have enough time to devote to making this relationship work. He insists that he will, but I've learned the hard way - actually from my parents - that when a man is enthralled in business and is a powerful executive in his dealings, that the other person ends up taking a backseat.
I'm sure this is just my fear of losing this man talking to my subconscious. I mean, if he wants to make this relationship finally work and he's in it for the long haul this time I should just forget my nagging feelings, right?
I've just always given 100 percent and have been disappointed in the past, every time in the past. So in my mind, I'm just thinking how can this time be any different? He's successful in business, but in relationships I think they have taken a backseat. I know that he wants so badly to change all that and focus on the relationship. But is that possible?
I really care about this man, and I've finally got a guy who wants to be with me - for better or worse.
I'm probably thinking too much. It wouldn't be the first time; I'm always too analytical. They do have a 12-step program for that, right?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Hey twink, you've got years to grow before reaching your elders' level
Every now and again, something I encounter in the gay community really cracks me the hell up.
Now most people who know me are well aware that I love to laugh, even at things that are not really politically correct.
But I seem to always encounter a particular person in the gay community who just boggles my mind. I am always so glad and fortunate when the young gayz come into their own and are able to express themselves by finding their space in the community - and their own skin.
And as I've come into my own in the gay community, I've always thanked my older gayz who have paved the way for me and have taken me under their wing and made me feel comfortable.
So I've always tried to do the same. But I think there are some young gayz, admirably called "twinks", who are just out of control. A few of them need to brace themselves and not make an overt effort to show others that they are seasoned in the community, when it's painfully obvious they are not.
Don't get me wrong - I love the young ones who are finding their own in the community. But please, I beg of you - don't try to step over the older ones who have made it easier for you to be your grand 'ol gay self! And above all else, don't make a feeble effort to throw shade and be disrespectful.
This past Sunday, I turned 44. And I'm proud of it because I don't look it. Thankfully, black don't crack! I was treated on my birthday by having to suffer through a rowdy group of twinks demonstrating how tragic they could be. Now at first I loved seeing their enthusiasm. But as the night progressed, their obnoxious nature just grated on my nerves.
So my friend and I figured it was time to show them how being fabulous, honoring the true divas in song and on stage, should be done. I think showing them how it should be done caused gthem to retreat and leave. Mission accomplished, and let's hope they figure out how to truly honor the musical divas who us gayz have loved for years and years. I'm sure they will; I have faith in them ... I think.
But actually, the catalyst for this blog entry was not only the group I've mentioned. It was my encounter with a tragic twink who continually prances around Club Paradise and Georgie's (two established gay establishments) like he's been here for decades. He hasn't earned his stripes yet.
What made me chuckle was that he had "relations" with my friend, and for some reason he thought this made him part of MY world. No, sadly young buck, it doesn't. So after running into him a couple times later and briefly saying "hi" to me, he got upset that his name wasn't drilled into my head.
Really??? He told me his name in passing, and me - having a couple (or few) martinis, I had no idea what he said his name was. I mean, young twink, you didn't have sex with me, so did I really need to remember your name?
So he storms off in a huff, all pissed at me that I didn't remember his name. I just broke out in laughter because if he wanted to know how I had remembered him, he would have been really upset. The reason - I'd been referring to him as "Bookbag boy", and if he wanted me to call him that when he questioned me about his name, I sure enough would have done it.
Lesson to the young gayz under 23 trying to find their own way in the community - don't think that you've put in enough time in the struggle for gay equality and redemption to step to the older gayz, 'cause you haven't.
Your time will come ... just hold your horses, earn the respect and learn from your elders.
Now most people who know me are well aware that I love to laugh, even at things that are not really politically correct.
But I seem to always encounter a particular person in the gay community who just boggles my mind. I am always so glad and fortunate when the young gayz come into their own and are able to express themselves by finding their space in the community - and their own skin.
And as I've come into my own in the gay community, I've always thanked my older gayz who have paved the way for me and have taken me under their wing and made me feel comfortable.
So I've always tried to do the same. But I think there are some young gayz, admirably called "twinks", who are just out of control. A few of them need to brace themselves and not make an overt effort to show others that they are seasoned in the community, when it's painfully obvious they are not.
Don't get me wrong - I love the young ones who are finding their own in the community. But please, I beg of you - don't try to step over the older ones who have made it easier for you to be your grand 'ol gay self! And above all else, don't make a feeble effort to throw shade and be disrespectful.
This past Sunday, I turned 44. And I'm proud of it because I don't look it. Thankfully, black don't crack! I was treated on my birthday by having to suffer through a rowdy group of twinks demonstrating how tragic they could be. Now at first I loved seeing their enthusiasm. But as the night progressed, their obnoxious nature just grated on my nerves.
So my friend and I figured it was time to show them how being fabulous, honoring the true divas in song and on stage, should be done. I think showing them how it should be done caused gthem to retreat and leave. Mission accomplished, and let's hope they figure out how to truly honor the musical divas who us gayz have loved for years and years. I'm sure they will; I have faith in them ... I think.
But actually, the catalyst for this blog entry was not only the group I've mentioned. It was my encounter with a tragic twink who continually prances around Club Paradise and Georgie's (two established gay establishments) like he's been here for decades. He hasn't earned his stripes yet.
What made me chuckle was that he had "relations" with my friend, and for some reason he thought this made him part of MY world. No, sadly young buck, it doesn't. So after running into him a couple times later and briefly saying "hi" to me, he got upset that his name wasn't drilled into my head.
Really??? He told me his name in passing, and me - having a couple (or few) martinis, I had no idea what he said his name was. I mean, young twink, you didn't have sex with me, so did I really need to remember your name?
So he storms off in a huff, all pissed at me that I didn't remember his name. I just broke out in laughter because if he wanted to know how I had remembered him, he would have been really upset. The reason - I'd been referring to him as "Bookbag boy", and if he wanted me to call him that when he questioned me about his name, I sure enough would have done it.
Lesson to the young gayz under 23 trying to find their own way in the community - don't think that you've put in enough time in the struggle for gay equality and redemption to step to the older gayz, 'cause you haven't.
Your time will come ... just hold your horses, earn the respect and learn from your elders.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Some couples have the 'Romeo & Juliet' syndrome ... not a good thing
I've lamented incessantly that I desire a relationship. I've told it to friends, family and the followers of my blog. I've told it to anyone who would listen, I suppose.
I've learned over time on the proper ways to treat my partner, as I've been privy to the positives and negatives. My past relationships have not been the best, and after a lot of self-analyzation, I've realized that a major part of the romances not lasting was because I gave too much.
I didn't mean to do that ... it just comes naturally for me. I learned early on that the more you give in a relationship, the less your significant other has to give. Ultimately, you will end up in an imbalanced relationship.
I've had my share of imbalanced relationships. Trust me ... it's no fun for the person giving 80 percent. But it's so easy for the person giving 20 percent to get too comfortable. And then when you decide to push the other person to step it up and become an equal, they can't - or won't - do it.
So as I've stood back and observed a lot of gay men while in their respective romances, it has become painfully apprarent that some gay men just can't find their ways into healthy relationships. I'm glad that I've watched these relationships blossom, crumble, get pieced back together with duct tape, and then crash and burn in the most treacherous ways - because by watching from a close distance, I've gotten a eyeful of the tragic messes some of these gay boyz have stumbled upon.
And how some of these boyz have handled their relationships, it has become all too apparent at where you can draw the line in the sand and separate the men from the boyz.
It's so tragic to watch guys break down in public, at the local hangouts no less, crying and lamenting over how their boyfriend/lover/trick has broken their hearts and stripped them of their dignity.
News flash boyz: No one can take anything away from you unless you give them the power to do so. Too many of these boyz are giving away their power in the relationship, which is why they find themselves in physically frightening and verbally abusive romances.
When you have to watch a couple out on the town fighting like cats and dogs, it not only makes the two of them look bad, it causes some people who care about the two of them to take measures to separate themselves from the tragic pair. Then the couple always seem to wonder why people begin to act differently around them. It's not too hard to figure it out - your tragic displays in public are just pathetic to watch.
I wish that some gay men who are confident, secure and loving to their relationships with their significant others would take some of these "Romeo & Juliet" pairings under their wings and teach them a thing or three about proper relationship etiquette. It would make a world of difference.
Now I'm not saying that these tragic pairings don't have the capacity to make it work and become loving couples; I'm sure they have it in them. But before they can show a more loving side of themselves, they'd have to take a long look in the mirror (separately and as a couple) and try to change the things that are causing them to look tragic to the masses.
And remember, Asbury Park's gay community has a long memory. You don't want to be remembered as "that guy" who has gotten the bad reputation and potential romantic interests have heard that you aren't capable of being in a drama-free relationship. Some people already have that reputation, and the best way to turn that around is simple. I really can't believe anyone has to tell a person this, but:
1) If the person you are in a relationship with constantly abuses you verbally, behind closed doors and out in the public - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
2) If the person has ever put his hands on you in a menacing, abusive way - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
3) If the person refuses to meet you halfway and you are always giving more than you are getting out of a relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
4) If you always have to track down your boyfriend and figure out what, or who, he's doing - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
5) If you ever find yourself crying out in public over the man in your life who has consistently treated you like yesterday's garbage, and you are wracking your brain trying to find reasons to stay in the relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
My mother and sister always told me that if you are in a bad relationship, get out of it because "You can do bad all by yourself"! And it's true - you can do bad all by yourself!
And now that I've sat back and observed how to finally have a true, meaningful, equal relationship, I know that I'm ready. So I will let you in on a little secret - next week I am going out with a man who I have known for a few years, but circumstances have caused us to never get it together (I'll explain in more detail at a later date). Although he lives in another state, I'm determined to make this man a significant part of my life. I've waited long enough, and before I wait any longer because of circumstances, I know you have to grab the person who means something to you when he's in your grasp.
My guardian angel is giving me the green light, so I'm grabbing!
I've learned over time on the proper ways to treat my partner, as I've been privy to the positives and negatives. My past relationships have not been the best, and after a lot of self-analyzation, I've realized that a major part of the romances not lasting was because I gave too much.
I didn't mean to do that ... it just comes naturally for me. I learned early on that the more you give in a relationship, the less your significant other has to give. Ultimately, you will end up in an imbalanced relationship.
I've had my share of imbalanced relationships. Trust me ... it's no fun for the person giving 80 percent. But it's so easy for the person giving 20 percent to get too comfortable. And then when you decide to push the other person to step it up and become an equal, they can't - or won't - do it.
So as I've stood back and observed a lot of gay men while in their respective romances, it has become painfully apprarent that some gay men just can't find their ways into healthy relationships. I'm glad that I've watched these relationships blossom, crumble, get pieced back together with duct tape, and then crash and burn in the most treacherous ways - because by watching from a close distance, I've gotten a eyeful of the tragic messes some of these gay boyz have stumbled upon.
And how some of these boyz have handled their relationships, it has become all too apparent at where you can draw the line in the sand and separate the men from the boyz.
It's so tragic to watch guys break down in public, at the local hangouts no less, crying and lamenting over how their boyfriend/lover/trick has broken their hearts and stripped them of their dignity.
News flash boyz: No one can take anything away from you unless you give them the power to do so. Too many of these boyz are giving away their power in the relationship, which is why they find themselves in physically frightening and verbally abusive romances.
When you have to watch a couple out on the town fighting like cats and dogs, it not only makes the two of them look bad, it causes some people who care about the two of them to take measures to separate themselves from the tragic pair. Then the couple always seem to wonder why people begin to act differently around them. It's not too hard to figure it out - your tragic displays in public are just pathetic to watch.
I wish that some gay men who are confident, secure and loving to their relationships with their significant others would take some of these "Romeo & Juliet" pairings under their wings and teach them a thing or three about proper relationship etiquette. It would make a world of difference.
Now I'm not saying that these tragic pairings don't have the capacity to make it work and become loving couples; I'm sure they have it in them. But before they can show a more loving side of themselves, they'd have to take a long look in the mirror (separately and as a couple) and try to change the things that are causing them to look tragic to the masses.
And remember, Asbury Park's gay community has a long memory. You don't want to be remembered as "that guy" who has gotten the bad reputation and potential romantic interests have heard that you aren't capable of being in a drama-free relationship. Some people already have that reputation, and the best way to turn that around is simple. I really can't believe anyone has to tell a person this, but:
1) If the person you are in a relationship with constantly abuses you verbally, behind closed doors and out in the public - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
2) If the person has ever put his hands on you in a menacing, abusive way - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
3) If the person refuses to meet you halfway and you are always giving more than you are getting out of a relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
4) If you always have to track down your boyfriend and figure out what, or who, he's doing - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
5) If you ever find yourself crying out in public over the man in your life who has consistently treated you like yesterday's garbage, and you are wracking your brain trying to find reasons to stay in the relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
My mother and sister always told me that if you are in a bad relationship, get out of it because "You can do bad all by yourself"! And it's true - you can do bad all by yourself!
And now that I've sat back and observed how to finally have a true, meaningful, equal relationship, I know that I'm ready. So I will let you in on a little secret - next week I am going out with a man who I have known for a few years, but circumstances have caused us to never get it together (I'll explain in more detail at a later date). Although he lives in another state, I'm determined to make this man a significant part of my life. I've waited long enough, and before I wait any longer because of circumstances, I know you have to grab the person who means something to you when he's in your grasp.
My guardian angel is giving me the green light, so I'm grabbing!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Perhaps my guardian angel is keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me
I'm back.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Congratulations Asbury gays ... the cynicism has finally worn me down
A little over a year ago, I had posted a blog that had some of my good friends worried that all the drama, chaos, cynicism and bitchiness surrounding the gay community had put me in a bad place. I was fine (sort of); I was just a little tired of having to put up with it all.
This time, I'm not "just a little tired" ... I'm done!
Over the past couple of months, I had been trying to keep it together because I knew that I never let things get the better of me and I always maintained a positive attitude about the gay scene in Asbury Park. I always knew that no matter what, happiness was just around the corner for me.
So I always let my guard down and let people know that I was always the optimist, that my gays would never really let me down. Despite the fact that so many people in the gay community were becoming - or had already become - cynics about the community and all the drama, I refused to let myself be cynical about the scene.
I can no longer say that. Some of the people in this gay community have put me in a very negative space. I can no longer makes lemonade out of lemons. I can no longer let myself care about the gay community in Asbury.
There are so many people who I'd like to thank for pushing me to feel like a part of me has died, especially since I'd always felt so alive being a confident, passionate black gay man, one who always knew that romance and camaraderie was always possiible. I was fooling myself, for so many years.
I wish I didn't feel this way, especially since this past Mother's Day was so tremendously hard for me to deal with. I still smiled and made sure everyone around me didn't know how awful I was feeling; I didn't want to ruin anyone's special day.
So I made the decision to bury those feelings down, deep down, so I didn't show them to anyone. And I was fine with that.
But despite how I felt about no longer having my mom around and not being able to celebrate her day the way we honored her every year, I pressed forward. But I just wanted to throw myself into being so happy in my gay community. But no, some of these gays in Asbury must have just known how awful I was feeling and wanted to make me feel so much worse.
It's a rule of mine to never offer up names, and I'm not going to change that rule now. But if any of you reading this relate to the situations, know it is about you or something you've done and don't like the mirror being held up to your dark, passionless soul, too damn bad!
You have people lying to your face because they think you are too stupid to know they're deceptive jerks; people who would rather serve out-of-towners before their regular patrons because they think you'll wait forever because you are here all year round; people who start fights because they have something to prove; people who ignore you and act like they don't know you (even though they wanted to be your Facebook friend - what's that about?); people who are so afraid of getting older that they settle for a younger, very tragic person - just because they are young.
You also have people who are just too damn tragic and spreaded drama in their past relationships that they are so inept at being in a true, loving relationship in the future so they try to push that drama into the new prospective romantic relationship; people who ask you out, then realize you want more than a one-night stand (even though you told them so prior); people who will let you know that you are only a customer who tips big, when you may have mistakenly assumed that they are a friend; people who you think are friends and they will drag you into a situation by opening their mouths about something they "assume", then try to backpedal by lying; and those who will make you feel like you can't trust a living soul ever again.
I know some of this is harsh ... hell, who am I kidding? It's all harsh. But I'm at the end of my rope, and I've already tied a knot to hang on but it seems like that knot is coming loose. But hey, I'm a writer, and what writers do is write about what they know and how things make them feel.
But I'm SO grateful for the people in the gay community who counteract these negative souls; I need more of them. If it weren't for these individuals, I know I'd just crumble.
My bestie, who has found all this stuff out long ago but still has never crushed my hopes that some people are still good for me, has been a true rock for me;
My golden girls, who have always let me know that even though there are some tragic souls in Jersey's gay community, they always have my back and we can always, always laugh about it until it all seems so trivial;
A few very tight, close friends who will let me vent and cry in front of them and never, ever turn their backs on me;
A few close confidantes who will pull me aside and tell me when I'm making a tragic mistake because they know me all too well and know I'm worth more than what I'm blindly walking into.
Actually, there are a lot of people who I am cool with and who I know have my back - even when I don't even know they are protecting me. They don't always tell me they are protecting me; they just do it. And I love them for it and hope they know I love them for it. I'm going to have to tell them how much they mean to me a lot more.
So although I've encountered some people who make me feel nauseous just at the sight of them, I thank the Heavens that some truly dear people have been placed in my path to counteract the negative souls.
I was about to apologize if anyone was offended at this blog post, but I'm not really sorry at all. Those who I love and adore in this community know how much I care about them because I make every attempt to let them know how much I love them and appreciate them - whether by tipping very well for their service, or texting them our secret crazy catch-phrases all the time, buying them a drink when I'm happy to get the chance to hang out with them, or giving them a huge hug when I see them out and about.
Perhaps if anyone learns anything from reading this blog post, I'd like it to be this ... If you treat people like they are insignificant in the big scheme of things in this world, you will continue to return to this Earth as a less fortunate soul who will get beat up emotionally, even worse than the time prior. Act towards others as you want to be treated yourself.
And more importantly, never treat another human being in a manner that you would never want someone treating your own mother.
This time, I'm not "just a little tired" ... I'm done!
Over the past couple of months, I had been trying to keep it together because I knew that I never let things get the better of me and I always maintained a positive attitude about the gay scene in Asbury Park. I always knew that no matter what, happiness was just around the corner for me.
So I always let my guard down and let people know that I was always the optimist, that my gays would never really let me down. Despite the fact that so many people in the gay community were becoming - or had already become - cynics about the community and all the drama, I refused to let myself be cynical about the scene.
I can no longer say that. Some of the people in this gay community have put me in a very negative space. I can no longer makes lemonade out of lemons. I can no longer let myself care about the gay community in Asbury.
There are so many people who I'd like to thank for pushing me to feel like a part of me has died, especially since I'd always felt so alive being a confident, passionate black gay man, one who always knew that romance and camaraderie was always possiible. I was fooling myself, for so many years.
I wish I didn't feel this way, especially since this past Mother's Day was so tremendously hard for me to deal with. I still smiled and made sure everyone around me didn't know how awful I was feeling; I didn't want to ruin anyone's special day.
So I made the decision to bury those feelings down, deep down, so I didn't show them to anyone. And I was fine with that.
But despite how I felt about no longer having my mom around and not being able to celebrate her day the way we honored her every year, I pressed forward. But I just wanted to throw myself into being so happy in my gay community. But no, some of these gays in Asbury must have just known how awful I was feeling and wanted to make me feel so much worse.
It's a rule of mine to never offer up names, and I'm not going to change that rule now. But if any of you reading this relate to the situations, know it is about you or something you've done and don't like the mirror being held up to your dark, passionless soul, too damn bad!
You have people lying to your face because they think you are too stupid to know they're deceptive jerks; people who would rather serve out-of-towners before their regular patrons because they think you'll wait forever because you are here all year round; people who start fights because they have something to prove; people who ignore you and act like they don't know you (even though they wanted to be your Facebook friend - what's that about?); people who are so afraid of getting older that they settle for a younger, very tragic person - just because they are young.
You also have people who are just too damn tragic and spreaded drama in their past relationships that they are so inept at being in a true, loving relationship in the future so they try to push that drama into the new prospective romantic relationship; people who ask you out, then realize you want more than a one-night stand (even though you told them so prior); people who will let you know that you are only a customer who tips big, when you may have mistakenly assumed that they are a friend; people who you think are friends and they will drag you into a situation by opening their mouths about something they "assume", then try to backpedal by lying; and those who will make you feel like you can't trust a living soul ever again.
I know some of this is harsh ... hell, who am I kidding? It's all harsh. But I'm at the end of my rope, and I've already tied a knot to hang on but it seems like that knot is coming loose. But hey, I'm a writer, and what writers do is write about what they know and how things make them feel.
But I'm SO grateful for the people in the gay community who counteract these negative souls; I need more of them. If it weren't for these individuals, I know I'd just crumble.
My bestie, who has found all this stuff out long ago but still has never crushed my hopes that some people are still good for me, has been a true rock for me;
My golden girls, who have always let me know that even though there are some tragic souls in Jersey's gay community, they always have my back and we can always, always laugh about it until it all seems so trivial;
A few very tight, close friends who will let me vent and cry in front of them and never, ever turn their backs on me;
A few close confidantes who will pull me aside and tell me when I'm making a tragic mistake because they know me all too well and know I'm worth more than what I'm blindly walking into.
Actually, there are a lot of people who I am cool with and who I know have my back - even when I don't even know they are protecting me. They don't always tell me they are protecting me; they just do it. And I love them for it and hope they know I love them for it. I'm going to have to tell them how much they mean to me a lot more.
So although I've encountered some people who make me feel nauseous just at the sight of them, I thank the Heavens that some truly dear people have been placed in my path to counteract the negative souls.
I was about to apologize if anyone was offended at this blog post, but I'm not really sorry at all. Those who I love and adore in this community know how much I care about them because I make every attempt to let them know how much I love them and appreciate them - whether by tipping very well for their service, or texting them our secret crazy catch-phrases all the time, buying them a drink when I'm happy to get the chance to hang out with them, or giving them a huge hug when I see them out and about.
Perhaps if anyone learns anything from reading this blog post, I'd like it to be this ... If you treat people like they are insignificant in the big scheme of things in this world, you will continue to return to this Earth as a less fortunate soul who will get beat up emotionally, even worse than the time prior. Act towards others as you want to be treated yourself.
And more importantly, never treat another human being in a manner that you would never want someone treating your own mother.
Friday, May 4, 2012
When do you know that you are in the right place for a new relationship?
I'm not sure what I did in a past life, but after looking at the way my love life has progressed, there's a chance I may have caused a few lovers some emotional stress.
Wow, that's deep.
Not too deep. I always believe that the way you treat someone in a past life is the way you'll be treated in your next life. That's why I make every attempt to be kind, considerate, chivalrous and sweet-natured.
It's kind of obvious that not many people who I encounter believe in this concept too much, because they aren't really following these guidelines.
This is one of the reasons why I'm cautiously optimistic when I meet a new person who I consider a potential romantic interest. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Why? Because it always does. But even so, I still keep chugging along. Someone said I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe they were right. But I always see the best in a person until they give me a reason to toss them aside.
I know maneuvering my way through the sea of gay men, looking for my next romance, is a treacherous course. So many of the men who I encounter expect me to always make the move. Believe it or not, I'm one of the most shy individuals when it comes to that. I am deathly fearful of rejection, due mainly to something that happened in my past (which is totally for another blog post, likely to be written when I've had a couple of stiff martinis).
But despite my apprehension, I still want to see what the future holds for me. I am interested in someone new, but I'm not sure how much this person really likes me in return. Sure, I've been told that he likes me and wants to me, but until I hear those words out of his mouth, there's always a chance that it's just my wishful thinking.
My close friend was joking with me about my goal to finally do something and enter into a new relationship; he'd said I haven't done too much to find someone new. And he's right. I just didn't want to make any moves to allow myself to get hurt. I guess I should have just taken my own advice, because I always tell people to get past themselves to let a new person into their lives. Practice what I preach - I know, I know!
My blog entires are always truthful - sometimes painfully so. But as a writer, I've been taught that you have to expose yourself to get to the good stuff. Well, if I were to be truthful, I'd have to reveal that this particular person seems very kindhearted and genuine. The reason why I'm so uncertain - I've asked him to join me at a function, but as of yet, he hasn't answered me. And I'm not sure if he even wants to spend time with me.
My mother, God rest her soul, always taught me to never, ever chase someone who may not want to be caught. In matters like these, she's always been right.
So revisiting the past, I've been exploring my past relationships and some of the mistakes that I've made. Now they haven't been princes, and at times I've given way too much. I'm not sure why I'd always bent over backwards to make things turn out the way I wanted/needed them to turn out.
But I'm thankful I do have something to go on as a reference to what I need to do next time, before I go down the same path.
So I guess it's time to explore what's out there waiting for me in the way of romantic relations.
Wow, that's deep.
Not too deep. I always believe that the way you treat someone in a past life is the way you'll be treated in your next life. That's why I make every attempt to be kind, considerate, chivalrous and sweet-natured.
It's kind of obvious that not many people who I encounter believe in this concept too much, because they aren't really following these guidelines.
This is one of the reasons why I'm cautiously optimistic when I meet a new person who I consider a potential romantic interest. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Why? Because it always does. But even so, I still keep chugging along. Someone said I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe they were right. But I always see the best in a person until they give me a reason to toss them aside.
I know maneuvering my way through the sea of gay men, looking for my next romance, is a treacherous course. So many of the men who I encounter expect me to always make the move. Believe it or not, I'm one of the most shy individuals when it comes to that. I am deathly fearful of rejection, due mainly to something that happened in my past (which is totally for another blog post, likely to be written when I've had a couple of stiff martinis).
But despite my apprehension, I still want to see what the future holds for me. I am interested in someone new, but I'm not sure how much this person really likes me in return. Sure, I've been told that he likes me and wants to me, but until I hear those words out of his mouth, there's always a chance that it's just my wishful thinking.
My close friend was joking with me about my goal to finally do something and enter into a new relationship; he'd said I haven't done too much to find someone new. And he's right. I just didn't want to make any moves to allow myself to get hurt. I guess I should have just taken my own advice, because I always tell people to get past themselves to let a new person into their lives. Practice what I preach - I know, I know!
My blog entires are always truthful - sometimes painfully so. But as a writer, I've been taught that you have to expose yourself to get to the good stuff. Well, if I were to be truthful, I'd have to reveal that this particular person seems very kindhearted and genuine. The reason why I'm so uncertain - I've asked him to join me at a function, but as of yet, he hasn't answered me. And I'm not sure if he even wants to spend time with me.
My mother, God rest her soul, always taught me to never, ever chase someone who may not want to be caught. In matters like these, she's always been right.
So revisiting the past, I've been exploring my past relationships and some of the mistakes that I've made. Now they haven't been princes, and at times I've given way too much. I'm not sure why I'd always bent over backwards to make things turn out the way I wanted/needed them to turn out.
But I'm thankful I do have something to go on as a reference to what I need to do next time, before I go down the same path.
So I guess it's time to explore what's out there waiting for me in the way of romantic relations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)