A Benefit for Wendy is a cause everyone should support

I know within the gay community, something difficult happens to one of us. And that's the time for all of us, within and outside the community, to band together and offer assistance to one of our own.
I think that is one of the things that unify us, despite any differences a person may have with another. It's one of the reasons I'm most proud that I'm a part of the community.
So it made me very happy when I received notification that the community was getting together to put on a fundraising benefit for Wendy Tesoroni, one of the bartenders at Club Paradise. As some of you already know, Wendy was in an accident and suffered injuries. And as all of you know, Wendy is a major part of the community.
I know for me, she always made me feel like I was never an outsider in the gay community, actually from the moment I first moved to the area and started hanging out. I'd never told her how much I appreciated her for doing that. She's done that for so many of us.
(*And despite her massive love of hockey and the knowledge that she's the one who got me addicted to Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey shots, I still adore her*)
So as she's been a trooper during recovery, her medical expenses are pretty hefty. So this benefit is a good thing, at this time.
So we as a community, gay and straight, should make it out to Paradise Asbury Park on Tuesday, January 29th for this benefit. It starts at 7 p.m. and is being hosted by Lady Marisa and Verona Veloure Sky, Miss Paradise 2012. There will be performances by Willito Rivera and Sabrina Rondeau, Mr and Ms. Gay NJ, and there will also be 50/50s, basket raffles and homemade cooking. If you are interested in donating items for auction or financial donations, you can drop them off at the Empress Hotel desk or call 732-988-6663.
For more information you can look up the Facebook page for Paradise Asbury Park or the event page "Benefit for Wendy"

Who knew the fear of rejection would turn out to be the least of my worries?

I know fear of rejection and being gay are two things that usually don't go together. Well, for the most part.
I mean, some people think that all of us gays are just bold, brash and pick up each other with the swiftness. None of us are shy creatures, afraid of being rejected. Hell, we acquaint a "hello" as foreplay. At least that's what some people think. And looking around within the community sometimes, I may agree with them.
But that is a category that I rarely fall into. I'm very shy sometimes, almost awkwardly so. I'm always in fear of being rejected. Vulnerability sucks sometimes.
Despite my fear, I decided to just let loose and go after what I want. Of course, the object of my "desire" was a guy who I've grown used to being around. We hang out when we see each other, usually at Club Paradise. Well, to be honest, we do a little more than hang out. There's usually some making out. It's just become a staple with the two of us.
To that end, I've enjoyed the fact that we can make out with one another and still keep it above-board. It was just enjoying each other's company and having some fun. I was fine with that because I really didn't think he'd ever have any desire to take it to the next level.
I never had to worry about a fear of rejection from this guy because we were just two guys flirting, making out and hanging.
But then, a couple of people who I know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, commented that we "hang out" a lot and it's noticed. Since they know me, and know how I'm not the type of guy to just make out with a guy who I didn't have any feelings for, I started to see how they were pretty accurate in their assessments. But I never took any action.
Then I wondered if I should think about taking it to the next level. But my fear came in when my mind started to think, "hey, maybe this guy only makes out with me when we are both drinking heavily ..." So fear of rejection kept me from seeing if we should advance to the next level.
So you can imagine my surprise when, as we are "hanging out" most recently, he actually brought up the subject of getting together and getting to know each other away from the Paradise scene. Of course I agreed, since I wanted to get to know him better also. It could actually lead somewhere, who knew?
I'd felt pretty stupid for letting a fear of rejection hold me hostage. I was criticizing my shy self for putting up barriers. I mean, I'm a good guy, may even be a good catch for the right man. Why had I been doubting myself?
So just to confirm the plan, I sent him a text. No response.
As the day went by with no reply, I thought perhaps I had the wrong number. But after checking, I realized that I did have the right number. So it wasn't that.
And as the time has already passed, it's pretty evident that he didn't want to get together in a sober setting. Or maybe he second-guessed his decision and couldn't bring himself to contact me.
See, this wouldn't be bad to most people. Some people don't care about things like this happening; they chalk it up to experience and just move on to the next guy.
And that would be fine. But I'm not made up that way, as I've grown up in a different environment than others. I've not gone into much detail with too many people about the way I grew up, especially in regards to my "destiny" and where my life was supposed to go.
I had turned my back on my "destiny" when I made the tough decision to live my life being true to myself, and coming out of the closet. My religion and my ministry - as it were - didn't leave any room for Eric being a gay man.
Anyway, I will go into more detail about all of this in a later blog post. But for the case right before us, I will simply say that when I made my decision years ago, it was determined by my elders that I would never have a successful life with another man. So every time I have a false start with a man (and trust me, there have been a heck of a lot ... too many to mention), my thoughts immediately go to that determination.
So the fear of rejection, as it is, would turn out to be the least of my worries. I'd gotten past the rejection stage, or so I thought. I figured that if I could get past the rejection stage, my opportunities would take a turn for the better. Hey, I may just have success and that determination would finally be a thing of the past.
I've only said this to a couple of people, but I was getting scared that I would be alone because of the choice I made years ago. So maybe I put too much emphasis on this latest situation.  I mean, hey, people say a lot of things when they are in a drunken situation and in the throes of the moment, things they may not really mean to say or do.
But I think it worried my sis when I told her, and I didn't say that I was upset or angry ... I had used the word "disillusioned". I think that word held a lot of weight, because when a person is disillusioned with a situation, a person or a choice, a part of their spirit has taken a beating.
I guess to be honest, my spirit has taken a beating. People sometimes joke with me that no matter what, I continually see romance and relations as this grand dame of life, that soulmates and true love do exist as long as we want it to happen. I just knew that I'd always be a Pollyanna about romance.
Well Pollyanna is looking at things a little differently today. That's been a fear of mine as well, that I'd lose that spirit about me and that I'd soon regret my decision years ago.
I don't want to lose that spirit. For some of us, that's all we really have.
I don't want to be cynical, because, in the long run, I put too much on the line to lose now.
I don't want to lose now.

My New Year's resolution should be an easy one to accomplish

This year I'm going to try a new concept for my New Year's resolution. This one I'm going to stick to, no matter how out-of-character it will be for me. And I want my family and friends to call me out if I don't follow this resolution to the "T".
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.

Get over yourself, twink! It was just a simple hello, not a pick-up line

I ran into a co-worker of mine last night.
I was out socializing it up after midnight at Club Paradise, having a great time with my friends. And after the week I'd had, this queen needed to blow off some steam.
I've never seen this person outside of work and in a position to just say hello to him. I figured that since he was standing a few feet away from me, speaking to a couple of my friends, I would take the opportunity to say "hey".
Big mistake on my part. As he was stepping away from my friends, I simply said, "Hey, how's it going?" His response was not even rude, it was pathetic - in my opinion. He replied in a low voice, "Hi", as he wouldn't even look me in the eye while he slithered past me.
Now I know he's not closeted, so the interaction threw me for a loop.
But the funny thing about the encounter wasn't my co-worker's actions; it was my friend's discussion about it afterward. It went something like this:
Me: Maybe he acted like that because he's shy?
My friend: That's not it ...
Me: Well it could be because he didn't know what to say.
My friend: You're really stretching there, don't you think?
Me: Well I'm a nice, friendly person ... why do you think?
My friend: Because he's just a stupid twink, who's too old to be a twink anymore, and he's got a pole stuck up his ****!
Well, you get the point I'm sure. My friend had jokingly said to me that I'm so sweet sometimes, that I'm just a Pollyanna.
It was hilarious, I hadn't been called that in a long time. And you will probably be surprised to hear me say this, but I'm proud that I can still look at the world and situations through rose-colored glasses, that I'm at-times a naive optimist. It means that deep inside, at the core of my inner-being, I still have that innocence about myself! It's a good thing, right?
Despite my co-worker's chilly reaction to my greeting, I'm still going to be a Pollyanna in a lot of situations. Actually, he's not worth my time anyway. Gays who act like they are better than others just make me want to slap them. They have this false sense of entitlement. What's that about?
But I'm glad that I am so far removed from being like that. At least I hope people see me as more inviting than this co-worker of mine.
Actually, this situation happened to me before, with a much better outcome. One of my closest, dearest friends to his day, I'd met him about five years ago. And we were co-workers, which is how we knew each other in the first place. At work, I'm such an A-type personality and always in professional mode, and we rarely spoke in the office.
Then we ran into each other at Georgie's (the gay Cheers), neither of us knowing the other was gay. He approached me, greeted me with hello, introduced me to his partner, briefly exchanged a little bit of shock that neither of us knew the other was gay, and puff - we've been tight-knit ever since! And I'm glad that I didn't act the way my current co-worker acted when he ran into me.
I don't know what gets into some people sometimes. If someone says hello with a smile, don't act like if you dare say hello with a smile back, that you are inviting the other person to try to pick you up. Sometimes, just sometimes, that person is just being friendly and trying to ... wait for it ... make a new friend!
But then again, does anything still surprise me as I'm still living, breathing - and loving - the gay scene in Asbury Park?!?

Within the world of 4-ways, I'm usually Suzanne Sugarbaker

(Editor's note: There is some reasoning behind this blog post ... you'll figure it out towards the end)

Yes, that's me.
In the world of four-ways, you could usually rely on me to be Suzanne Sugarbaker.
Or at least I used to be.
Now get your minds out of the gutter, friends! I don't mean "that" type of four-way. I'm simply referring to the characters on TV shows, a time-honored tradition in the world of television when you have four close friends share the spotlight as the main characters.
That character from "Designing Women" was set in her own ways, holds others to a certain standard, and won't back down from holding onto what's hers - whether it's an award or honor from years ago or something she's proud of that happened last week.
I've never really figured out why this is such a popular formula in writing and producing television, but the concept has lived for decades.
I have a group of friends, who some know that we are referred to as the Golden Girls. I've always been called and compared to Blanche Devereaux, for a couple of reasons. And if you know the character, you need not ask to what I am referring. I used to be that way, but I've slowed down in the past couple of years. Possibly becoming more selective ... who knows, I don't even know myself.
So while trying to figure out why I don't really foster the characteristics of Blanche any longer, I began to go down the list of other four-ways on popular TV shows and why I'm most like a particular character.
And trust - all of us closely resemble the characteristics of one of the TV characters on all of the below-mentioned shows. Why don't you try to figure out which characters on the shows that could have been molded after you. You'd be surprised what you come up with.
And if you'd like, I can tell most all my good friends which TV character in the four-way that they most resemble ... if you'd like.
I've already mentioned that on "Designing Women" and "Golden Girls", for different reasons I fall into the category of Suzanne and Blanche, respectively. Here are a few others:
1) "Girlfriends" - Toni Childs. That character had to pull herself up from meager beginnings and, now financially secure, cherishes what money can buy a person, primarily herself. But she has a big heart and will do whatever she can to help a true friend out of a situation. She will only settle down with a man who can equal her financial stability (or have the drive and passion to make the bucks).
2) "Noah's Arc" - Chance Counter. He's extremely intelligent, and he will always analyze a situation to death. He is very cautious, especially since he is determined to find that one true love to share his life. He's the one in his group who friends will look to for solid, clear thinking. He's somewhat prudish, to his own detriment.
3) "Will and Grace" - Will Truman. He was engaged to a woman before he decided to stop hiding in the closet and be himself, despite the cost to family and friends. He's successful in his career, but he, too, analyzes issues in his life a little too thoroughly. He just wants to be with one man for the rest of his life, but most times can't hold onto that true love because they don't measure up to his high standards.
4) "New Girl" - Schmidt. He grew up not always proud of his appearance, and now that he's grown up and possesses some appealing qualities - inside and out - sometimes works overtime to find a partner who will accept him for his flaws and positive qualities. He makes a lot of mistakes in his pursuit, but he wants everything in his life to be perfect and in-order. He hold friends in such high esteem, but sometimes goes too far in pleasing others.
5) "Hot in Cleveland" - Melanie. She's sappy sweet and sweet-natured. She can be a goody-two-shoes, but when the time is right, she sheds all that and can become a true lioness. She's by no means brainless; in fact, she possesses a quiet intelligence and quirky nature that people just can't help but like.

Okay, this is probably the most light-hearted blog post I've ever done. There's a reason behind that, other than pageviews and simple enjoyment. This past week has been an extremely difficult one for the nation, in light of the tragedy in Newtown, Conn. I told myself, as a member of the media, that I wouldn't comment too much on the devastating events.
I've cried over the news. I've been infuriated from the first news of this, to present day, because I feel helpless to do anything to make any sort of difference so this never happens again. It's innocence lost, not only the innocent victims of the tragic events, but when something like that happens, everyone loses a little of themselves as a result.
So as America still mourns, I just wanted to put a blog out there to possibly take minds off of the tragedy, at least for a few minutes.
So maybe, after reading this blog, you will take a minute out of thinking to just consider, "Which TV character in that four-way reminds me of me?"

Candy Bar, the new gay establishment to open soon, is so needed right now

I'm excited!
Hell, I'm more than excited!
I keep hearing that the new gay bar on the horizon, Candy Bar, will possibly open for business this summer in Asbury Park. It's just a couple of blocks from where I live, and that's good. But even if it were a mile away, I'd take a taxicab there whenever I were to go.
This new gay bar is so desperately needed right now.
I don't know about you, but I think that a little new competitive blood to attract the Asbury Park/Shore gayz is well in order, and long overdue. Now I'm not knocking Club Paradise or Georgie's - and I totally adore gay-frequented Hotel Tides (for obvious reasons) - but we need a resurgence in Asbury Park for a few reasons.
I will always frequent Hotel Tides - it's a top-notch establishment, I used to bartend there, love all the workers and patrons, and my best friend runs the place.
I will always frequent Club Paradise - a lot of cool-ass people work there and hang out there, the dance music is killer, and I love the atmosphere. Plus the tea dances there are awesome.
And Georgie's - well, I love the karaoke, they throw some good benefits, and I can get an awesome pink lemonade martini there.
With this new bar, I'd like a chance to avoid a couple of elements that I'm just tired of dealing with at times. And if I were a mean-spirited soul, I could take this opportunity to bash a couple of individuals in these gay community establishments who don't deserve our patronage or money.
But my mama taught me better than that, so I'll just say that when we are made to feel that those individuals can treat people patronizing these establishments with snarky attitudes and no respect in return, that's when a line needs to be drawn - with no apologies.
And I feel validated in feeling this way, because after talking to a number of people who I rarely see out and about in the city anymore, they reaffirmed that they would rather avoid the places and not deal with any attitudes. As one said, "I can drink at home rather than spend my money out and deal with the bitchiness!"
Those who are closest to me already know all too well which individuals and situations to which I'm referring, and I've made no secret about my feelings (or should I say old feelings, cause I could care less about the individual(s) anymore).
Don't get me wrong ... because about 99 percent of the people working in these current gay establishments are cool. And I know what they have to deal with - and STILL keep a positive attitude. It's more than difficult sometimes, and I am well aware of that. Bartending myself, I get it.
Anyway, I digress ... because I don't deal with those situations - or persons - anymore. Phew, what a relief!!
So as I was saying, Candy Bar is so needed in our community right now. We need a bolt of energy, and I think that no matter what this new bar offers the community, most of the community will accept it. Perhaps only having a couple of selections in Asbury Park has caused a lot of people to just head to the straight bars or, as mentioned by my friend earlier, just stay home.
Some places are losing patrons, and it "could" be as a result of the way patrons have been treated. Asbury Park needs some new energy. What we used to be thirsty for in the past couple of years seems to whet our appetites less and less these days. And perhaps if we had a couple of additional choices, we would also come to appreciate the bars that are still alive in the community. It could be a positive thing all-around. Who knows?!?
So when Candy Bar opens its doors, I will greet it with open arms, if for no other reason but to appreciate the gay community a little more myself. After all, variety is the spice of life - so they say.
And if for some reason this new place doesn't stand up to the hype, I'm going to do my darndest to get my father to invest in a gay bar and see where that leads ... although I think he might have to steer clear of the bar on certain nights - I don't think he's that comfortable seeing two men kiss just yet! (*Insert smile here*)

The next drag superstar competition

I've been trying to get a project off the ground for a little over a year, and I think it's time it has taken wings.
Not only would it promote camaraderie in the community, but it would also be a positive effort to raise money to help those hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. I've mentioned this to a few people, but of course, I'm not a successful event planner or promoter. So maybe someone will help me get this off the ground.
There are some good drag competitions in Asbury Park, and I love to see a good drag show. I think drag queens are some of the most talented performers in our generation. The way they move, glide, dance, lip-sync, and sweat a crowd into a frenzy is just mesmerizing. Club Paradise, La Sierra and Georgies have some amazing drag performances - which is what initially prompted the idea. That, and drag superstar RuPaul, of course.
It would be amazing to have a drag competition where five gay men in Asbury Park and the Shore area who have never done drag before in their lives were to compete over a four-week period, knocking off a competitor each week, until they reached the top spot.
The added feature to this competition would be for each novice to be mentored by five accomplished drag queens in the area. Not only would the last drag queen standing receive a financial reward, but the mentor of the ultimate winner would receive a financial reward as well.
Each competitor could canvass New Jersey to get some sponsors and perhaps whatever we were able to raise would be a great thing to donate to rebuild Asbury Park after Hurricane Sandy's destruction.
The competition could have three judges, certain individuals who are well-versed in the world of drag, style and entertaining. It would also need a host(ess) for the stage. There are a few people who I think would be perfect for these roles.
Believe it or not, drag fascinates me, and I would really consider being one of the contestants. There are some people who think that this gay man is too masculine to do drag. They might be right. But that would be the intricate part of this whole thing, and it would be the ultimate challenge for the mentors - turning someone butch into a lovely, mesmerizing drag queen.
I think that a competition such as this would be just what Asbury Park needs to start to get over this latest tragedy named Sandy.
Now like I said, I'm in no means an event planner. But I would love to be one of the competitors. Just to say that I've done drag - one item on my bucket list complete.
And just because I dressed as Serena/Venus Williams and Tootie from "The Facts of Life", that was in no way, shape or form drag.
And hey, I know the perfect person to be my mentor!
I'm game to make this happen. I want to definitely see if we can get this done, and ... May the best woman win!