I'll just say 'Happy PRIDE everyone' and leave it at that for the time being

I think for everyone who knows me pretty well, that I’ve always been a junkie for any and all things LGBTQ, especially the annual PRIDE parades. In fact, a couple of friends close to me call me, “Everyone loves a parade.”
I’ll get to analyzing this year’s parade later in this blog post, but for right now, I just want to put it out there … this year’s festivities had some ups and downs. And these ups and downs were not some things that people may know, nor may not care either. That’s not my reasoning for blogging about this year’s festivities.
I must admit, I was not fully in the spirit of the joy of gay pride this year. And I take full responsibility for it, too. I kept up the smiles and big laughter, because hey, who wants to know how upset a person is truly feeling when we are all supposed to be celebrating to the full extent.
I did some fun things this year, as I’m never one to turn down a good time. And plus, it helps to get into the spirit. But for this year, it was just a bit tiresome, stressful and a bit depressing. I felt like how I feel about Christmas anymore … I don’t really celebrate it much anymore because the spirit of the season escapes me anymore.
And like I said, I blame myself for my lack of inner enthusiasm for this year’s PRIDE. For many reasons … emotional, financial, spiritual, passion … this past year since last PRIDE, I’ve felt very separated from people. The past 12 months have been very much like riding a rollercoaster with emotions. I was hoping that my feelings would have subsided before PRIDE, but sadly it hadn’t.
Perhaps that is the reason I posted on Facebook last week a little plea to myself. It was not meant to cause a holy war with certain people in the community because, I must state, it was my plea to myself (and whoever took any message from it) to be able to feel the love of PRIDE.
The post was quite simple:
“I just need to feel the love this weekend! So people, let's make sure each of us show each other love and more than just lip service this PRIDE weekend!”
The “lip service” of which I referred was to those individuals who run up to a person during PRIDE weekend and slop sugary sweetness all over you, and once Monday rolls around, they are acting like PRIDE never occurred. Now everyone knows someone like this in their lives, and it’s just about the concept of the action. And I truly did need to feel the love this past weekend, for personal reasons. My personal reasons, just mine.
It seemed that a firestorm erupted on my status; I didn’t even know it until one of my sistas mentioned it to me. I was off Facebook for a bit, and when I viewed all that followed my simple request of showing people the love to one another this PRIDE, it was obvious that the message of my status was lost. I just wanted people to, perhaps, go out of their way to show the love, because as history has shown us over the past few years, we can lose our loved ones, in and out of the community, in the blink of an eye.
So I just hope that the message wasn’t lost on too many people.
Another thing that bothered me as PRIDE approached was that so many younger members of the LGBTQ community had no freakin’ idea about what the elder members of this community have sacrificed to pave the way for all of the younger ones and make life easier for all of us. Now this is not directed to any one or two people in particular, it’s a general thing that I’ve witnessed over the years.
So many want to be named “This Title” or “That Title”, but really don’t know about what came before them. I was floored last year when I asked a few younger LGBTQ members of the significance of the Stonewall Riots and what the drag queens who’ve come before us have sacrificed in blood, sweat and tears … and they had no idea. I just want everyone to be up on their LGBTQ history in general and history – period, because as the theory goes, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Young ones – there is a bevy of elder LGBTQ members who, if you seek them out, could give you a very entertaining lesson of our history. Ask them about Harvey Milk, Stonewall Riots, Bayard Rustin, Everett George Klippert … the list goes on and on. Now there are a great number of young LGBTQ community members who are well-versed on the history, and that makes me so very proud. But for the ones who don’t, let’s pick up the pace. Just a suggestion.
Something else that boggles my mind happened Sunday during the PRIDE parade. For some reason, and I haven’t been able to find out the answers yet, in the procession there was a 15-20 minute gap in the parade. It was evident that something happened, but at this point it’s not clear. I know there needs to be some form of control in the procession just so things don’t get out of control. But why is it that there was such a huge break in the procession that it made some people question if there were, in fact, a part one and part two to the parade. I’m sorry, and I’m not pointing fingers, but it made some look like they had no idea what they were doing.
Questions have been put out there:
Why is it such a hassle in just letting people progress out of the starting gate?
Why does the order of groups/organizations marching in the parade line need to be so stringent, almost seeming like when we were in grade school when one student didn’t want to sit next to another, so the teacher conceded and made sure they didn’t sit next to each other? Are there groups who don’t want to walk after/before others?
Will this sort of thing happen next year, and what needs to be done to make sure this doesn’t happen again?
Why didn’t anyone putting this all together have anyone stop the paradegoers at the beginning of the line from marching forward until everyone was caught up and we were all a unified marching parade?
These are just questions on people’s minds. Anyone with the answers, definitely let us know. Hey, I’m sure some don’t care too much. But for some reason, in this man’s eyes, it was a little depressing … and I didn’t need any more of that.
Okay, so I don’t sound like a wet blanket, we should all give a huge shout-out for the individuals who busted their asses to give everyone a happy PRIDE weekend. We all need to take a moment and actually thank so many people (too many to mention), but just a few in my mind at the moment: all the workers at Paradise, Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, Georgies, and so many other establishments in Asbury Park who made this year’s festivities a successful, fun, safe time for all of us. All the booths at the festival grounds, the fabulous performers at the festival, the organizers of every event this past weekend (including NJ Leather community, Jersey Pride, the Pride Center of NJ, PRIDE Network … the list goes on and on).
There were a number of enjoyable times this weekend, so don’t get me wrong. I was able to enjoy my PRIDE as I was able to see PRIDE for the first time through a couple of good friends' eyes as they were experiencing their first PRIDE; their enthusiasm and zest for the weekend's events brought some happiness in me.
And maybe I’m just a little over it right now because of how I’m feeling at this time. And plus, I felt like I was on roller skates all Sunday afternoon/evening while working the bar at the Tides, and perhaps I’m just still reeling from the crazies of the weekend, me being sober, working my ass off, and just not in the mood – the rude lesbian couple who were too drunk to know what they ordered and just got on my last nerves … or perhaps the straight female who yanked my arm at Paradise, ordering me to get her a drink when I don’t work there; I just had on all black from my Tides bar attire … or perhaps the person I was once involved with who just wouldn’t leave the bar and leave me and some others there alone, especially since I just don’t deal with any of the craziness any longer … or perhaps the fact that I’m just burned out and got tired of people spilling, knocking over other people’s drinks, or the few people who shoved their credit cards in my face when they wanted to pay (even though I was making drinks for people).
But I’m proud of myself, because in none of those instances, did Bernadine show herself.
And for that, people, happy PRIDE!

The new 'drunken-truth device' ~ coming to stores near you

Miss Manners dictates that if you are brave enough to drink like a fool and get drunk, you should be grown enough to face the consequences. This, my friends, is exactly why when I’ve gotten drunk, I’m never afraid to face my demons the next day.
And friends, if you are grown-ups you should never do anything while drunk that you can’t face the next day.
Now for me, I’ve always joked that I should have recording mics and cameras attached to me when I get drunk, for the simple fact that I’ve done a number of crazy things while intoxicated that I would be petrified to learn of the next day. But then again, I’m a seasoned drinker, as well as a bartender. So my ass has been on both sides of the counter.
Still, I’m classy enough to know that when I’m out drinking on the town, that if I ever find myself being a drunken mess, that I have a number of people in my corner to watch not only my back, but their backs as well.
In this world that we live in, and Asbury Park in particular, when we go out and drink ourselves under the table, we have many responsible workers in the establishments we frequent who are looking out for our own good. And speaking for myself, I rely on the managers, bartenders, security guards, servers, etc., in the bars I frequent to watch my back. I’m grown enough to realize that these individuals working there aren't cutting my drunken ass off because they have a problem with me – they want to protect me and themselves.
I would never assume that if my drunken ass were told I couldn’t have another drink, it’s them being mean, rude or inconsiderate. I’m smart enough to know, being a bartender myself, that they are doing it for my own good. Everyone in the service industry is in it to make money. So how absurd it is for some people to make the leap that they don’t want your money; they just want to make things difficult for you.
Now I’m not saying that it is inconceivable that in the rarest of circumstances that it would never happen. A person may have a personal grudge against a person for whatever reason. But when you run into a situation where you’ve had too much to drink, and the crew you are hanging with have also had too much to drink, and not one, but three or four workers in the establishment have taken note of your obvious drunkenness … well then it’s time to look yourself in the mirror immediately after, and ask yourself, “Dude, where’s my manners?”
When I’ve bartended, I’ve been in the unenviable position of having to cut people off, a couple of times bouncing them from the bar. Trust me, it’s no fun, and no one loves to do it. And when you know the “drunk one” well, it’s a tough situation. But it’s something that needs to be done when the situation presents itself, no matter how hurt your feelings become. It’s in these situations when the old adage is not true … and the customer is, in fact, not always right.
But I’ll tell you this – if that person I had to boot and not serve anymore alcohol were to go out of their way to try to embarrass me or my place of business through the use of social media, … well things would not turn out pretty. Once you put something out there on social media, it’s out there for good. And when you only have access to, maybe, 25 percent of the true story (researchers have analyzed these situations and have concluded in some studies that when you are drunk and in a heated situation, you aren’t in a mindset to remember much; only the part that makes yourself seem as if you are the victim), you are doing a disservice to those employees who are forced to deal with you.
This is one of the main reasons why I always believe that a great invention would be a “drunken-truth device”, something that once you reach the legal alcohol-level where you start to get hazy on things around you, that a microphone device would begin taping your every sound and move.
Because I’ll tell you, if we all had one of these instruments on ourselves when we went out on the town, lives would be much simpler.
So my moral of this blog post is quite simple to comprehend … if you go out on the town and become inebriated, don’t resort to name calling and giving an establishment an offensive, flaming review. Take a long, self-reflecting moment to clearly ask yourself, “Gee, what did I do to cause me to get flagged at the bar and why did things get so out-of-hand?” Also, it is a good idea to ask someone, anyone, who works in the establishment or who was also in attendance at the establishment what you did, and why all of it went down. You may just figure out that you were the one who was in the wrong, and people stopped serving you alcohol for YOUR OWN GOOD.
Because people, sometimes using social media while in a drunken haze over a heated situation can be just as dangerous as getting behind the wheel of your automobile while highly intoxicated. Sometimes it doesn’t end well.
After all, why do you always hear that drunken texting is not a good thing to do? Because nine times out of 10, it’s not.

Advice: Take a break from the stresses of life to honor your God-given talent

It’s been said that God blesses all of us with a special talent. I’ve always known that my special talent is creative writing. Also, it is a well-known belief that we should never squander the talents we’ve been blessed with holding.
These past few weeks, especially, I’ve had a few conversations with my Mama. She’s passed away a couple of years ago, but I still talk to her all of the time, especially when I feel like no one else will fully understand what I’m going through. I’ve kept myself away from most people these past few weeks – not because of any one thing in particular; primarily because things have been far too overwhelming, both personally and professionally.
I won’t go into details … that’s not actually the focus of this blog. But because I’ve needed some time by myself and so I could figure out things about myself, I’ve been asking Mama for some of her special brand of advice. I know that it has been time to finish my novel, get the re-workings done, and get it out there. It has been long overdue. The novel I’ve been struggling with deals with issues from a few years back.
For weeks, I wasn’t sure whether I should just sit back and focus on being alone, or if I should complete what I’ve started some time ago. My Mama wanted me to finish the workings of my novel awhile back, but I put it off because I wanted to focus on my professional life, as well as having my share of personal enjoyment. To do so (or so I've rationalized with myself over the years), I didn't make as much time as I could with her. Well I know all too well that life is short, and if you are going to put your mark on this world, you’d best do it before it’s too late. Mama wanted to do that for a long time, but as she said, "Life just got in the way!"
I got a personal message from Mama a couple of weeks ago, something only the two of us could have known the significance surrounding. But thanks to her message, I know that my focus in the coming weeks needs to be on my novel and to steer clear of anything blocking my path. What I’ve always found solace in was my writings (thus the reasons surrounding my introspective blog, among other projects).
Of anything else, I can’t ignore the completion of my novel any longer. Most of what’s in my novel was worked on prior to Asbury Park. Mama always knew that my novel was a huge part of my existence, and making it to the finish line with the book was my personal goal.
As I need some time away from a lot of exterior things in my life, now is the best time to just concentrate fully on my novel’s completion. Sometimes you need to take yourself out of the equation, so things in your life will equal out to a complete circle. So if you haven’t, or don’t, see me for awhile just know that I’m still alive, I’m just working on myself and my novel. Bernadine still loves ya!
So my only advice to others, as well as myself, would be to never sacrifice your God-given talent for other things seeming more pertinent in your life. If you don’t use it, it may just be taken away. I’m taking a 30-minute break just to write this blog, but I’m getting back to the book right after.
So I’m using my talents … how ‘bout you?

Once upon a time in a land far, far away was a city called Gayton Place

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a spirited, fabulous city called Gayton Place.
In Gayton Place, there was a community filled with fantastic fairies, fierce queens and blossoming butch bitches. Now in this city, you truly never knew who a person could actually trust. So many people were out for themselves, never really looking to what they could do to make life simpler for others.
But, there were always people who, no matter what, would always be a sparkling presence in the lives of others. Those individuals usually gravitated toward one another, and those groups of people were called “destinies.”
Years ago two of those individuals, Josephine and Delia, found each other. The two young gals became the bestest of friends, totally inseparable. No one could separate them, no matter how much anyone tried. It was, what some would call, friendship of soul mates.
Josephine was somewhat reserved, but fiercely loyal. She came from a religious background and her father worked long, hard hours to make sure his family never wanted for anything – he was a self-made successful businessman and law enforcement official who made sure the family had a financial blanket to fall back on. He instituted trusts for his children, and Josephine – in a way – always counted on it. By her father doing such things, she believed that family is not always blood-related; often family was friends who would give their left leg just to make sure her family/friends were safe. Josephine believed that love existed, but lost trust over the years that it was ever really possible. But she knew that if she found love, she would do as much as she could to make it work. A hard worker and stubborn in her own right, she knew that anything worth having was worth working for. She wasn’t the type of person, from her upbringing, to take handouts. She always had a boatload of friends, whom she revered as family. That’s the way she always wanted it to be, especially in Gayton Place.
Delia didn’t grow up in Gayton Place; she lived in a town for years somewhat less desirable but where a person learned how to survive. Since growing up there, she knew how to handle herself in any situation and made sure things always turned out her way. She knew the strength of family, and once she moved to Gayton Place, she made sure her family of friends lived in a place they felt safe. In her mind, love of a good man wasn’t anything that would ever be needed to make her be a whole person. In her estimation, if love came – fine, but she wasn’t going to look for it or allow it into her life easily. A player by any means, Delia was not the type to settle down with any man. Love was just a concept that people fell into to make themselves feel safe; it wasn’t for her. Delia could be described as a businesswoman who made a name for herself in Gayton Place. People respected her, and knew that friendship and respect meant so much to her. A bit controlling in her ways maybe, but that was her charm. Some people liked that about her; they knew where she stood on situations.
So when Josephine and Delia found each other’s friendship, some were surprised because of their upbringing and the way each handled situations. Best friends, neither ever wanted to see the other hurt. They would always do everything in their power to make the other feel loved and each had the others’ back – always.
Prior to becoming friends, both had their share of romantic relationships. Delia had a few boyfriends, but nothing really stuck as long-term. Josephine had three significant romances over the years. The first one, although very good in the beginning months, turned ugly after the first year’s anniversary, as her man fell into the world of drugs and ended up being abusive – emotionally and physically. When he was carted off to rehab following an overdose, the two parted company. Although the two loved each other, Josephine was deemed an enabler and not positive for his recovery. The second romance lasted almost two years, but ended when Josephine stopped paying for everything – including his bills and making him happy. Once she put the brakes on the money, he accelerated into the world of infidelity. That breakup was very vocal in the community – and very ugly. The two rarely talk nowadays when running into each other in Gayton Place. The third relationship ended after a 6-month stint … let’s just say that ended when Josephine discovered he had a partner in another state. And one thing Josephine would never do is be the other woman in any relationship.
But I digress. During Delia and Josephine’s friendship, there was never another man who split their time. The two were inseparable, and everyone in Gayton Place was well aware. It was a friendship most aspired to have in their own lives, and if you were lucky enough to find a friend like those two, you considered yourself lucky.
Delia and Josephine worked together on projects, so they were tighter than ever. Sadly, one of the projects the two of them worked on together, Josephine’s parents weren’t extremely happy about because they felt like she was just putting her money into it without getting anything back. “An awful business move” is how it was referred, and Josephine’s father put her trust on hold until she began to act more “responsible” with her business dealings.
So Josephine sucked it up and did what she needed to do to make ends meet, without allowing herself to burden anyone in her life. Pride was something of utmost importance to her, and that was just the way things were always going to be.
After some time had passed, Josephine’s parents decided to put their confidence back into her and ultimately decided to reinstate her trust. “The struggle was worth it,” Josephine thought, “because the parents know I can hold my own and know that the way the project’s funding was handled was the best way for me to go.”
Josephine was happy again, she could get things back on track financially. Sadly, a bit of tragedy occurred shortly thereafter. Delia found herself in a situation where she was in trouble, and to save her from the situation where she would find herself in financial and judicial burden, Josephine stepped up and took the fall.
Well, Josephine didn’t step up – she was sort of pushed into the situation. Josephine didn’t care, because she knew that in any sort of situation, she’d actually always take a bullet for her best friend Delia. That’s just the way she handled her loving friendships.
Soon after, through word-of-mouth in a number of ways, Josephine’s father discovered what she had done, and decided that Josephine was not ready to handle some situations in her life, and held the trust back again – this time indefinitely. Josephine was already in a career spiral, having to deal with a backstabbing friend and co-worker who underhandedly took the promotion and hefty pay raise she was in line to receive, so losing that funding was a huge blow. But she did what she needed to do to make ends meet.
But sadly, one thing she had to cut back on was hanging out as much socially. Either that, or start eating Ramen Noodles. And trust, Josephine knew what it was like to eat that in college; she wasn’t ready for that. So she got a second job and made ends meet as best she could. She thought everyone would understand; plus it wasn’t like no one would never see her again – just not as much. After all, everyone knows what you need to do to survive, especially in Gayton Place. And Josephine prided herself on never, ever having to “work” the room for drinks; it just wasn’t her style.
Shortly thereafter, things between Delia and Josephine got a bit tense when Josephine began spending a little time with a new man, Gulliver. It was merely casual, just the two of them hanging out here and there – nothing big or serious, just hanging out, joking around and the little bit of time they got to spend together, she learned a lot about him. People in Gayton Place had already started gossiping, but that happens everywhere you go … that’s just life.
So Josephine made every valiant effort to make sure she still was visible out and around Gayton Place, a few times being forced to eat Ramen Noodles just so she didn’t take away any time from hanging with Delia. After all, the two of them hung out at least five times a week. Josephine knew it was getting tight financially for her, and she confided in Delia her situation and let her know that due to what has happened financially, she couldn’t be out as much. Of course, being the friend Delia was, she offered numerous times to let Josephine hang and not have to deal with the financial part of it. And of course, pride and the way she was brought up, Josephine couldn’t let that happen often.
A couple of weeks later, even though Josephine was able to find a little funds here and there and hang out in the city with Delia, that, Josephine soon discovered, was not enough. A couple of weeks after working a double-shift just so she wasn’t homeless next month and had some funds to survive, Josephine decided to stop out and meet up with Delia.
Imagine Josephine’s surprise when she finally arrived, and Delia, although a few drinks into the night, was immediately hurtful with her words. Josephine chalked it up to the alcohol and just let it slide; after all, she figured Delia had a rough night at work and didn’t mean to say anything hurtful. It was then, after about a half hour, that Delia said something to her best friend that ripped Josephine to the core.
Angry that Josephine hadn’t been able to hang out as much, Delia accused her of being a disloyal friend because she hadn’t been out as much, and, to paraphrase Delia’s words, if you were a loyal friend, you would be hanging out with me a lot more, and your crazy-in-the-head asshole new man wouldn’t be here.
Funny, the insult to Gulliver didn’t phase Josephine at all; she knew how Delia felt about him and just pretty much laughed that off. What broke Josephine’s heart was the accusation that she was not a loyal friend, since her “loyalty” was what kept Delia out boiling hot water late one night a few months prior, something that no other person in Delia’s life would never, ever do for her.
Josephine decided to just let sleeping dogs lie and forgive – not forget – all the unfortunate things Delia said to her. She just hung out with her best friend over the next few days and didn’t bring it up again.
After the few days hanging, and thinking things were all smoothed over and back to normal, Josephine was utterly devastated to hear, from a number of people in Gayton Place, that her best friend was saying awful things about her. You see, Josephine and Delia had a blood-oath promise – if either of them ever had any sort of issue with the other, they would talk directly to each other about it; no one, no one in Gayton Place would hear about it. It was a promise that Josephine held dear to her heart, and realizing that Delia did not hold the same weight to the promise, she knew the two of them would never be the same again, especially after Josephine put her financial, judicial and legal safety on the line for her best friend.
After Josephine actually overheard Delia expressing to someone how mad she was at Josephine for not being loyal, even though Delia was drunk, it was just too much for Josephine to bear. She decided to pull Delia aside – one-on-one – and discuss the issue. Delia couldn’t handle Josephine’s hurt and sadness over all that had transpired, and decided to walk away.
The two haven’t spoken since … well Gayton Place is talking all about it, and sadly as in many situations, have taken sides. Sometimes a sincere apology is all that is needed in any situation, but alas, that doesn't seem like it will be forthcoming. At the moment, this fairy tale hasn’t been given an ending.
You can write its ending … go for it. I need an ending for my children’s fairy tale before submitting it to my publisher. Can anyone help me with it?

Charlie, you will be sorely missed by all of us ... fly, fly, fly my friend

This may very well be the most difficult blog post I’ve had to write thus far.
As most have already heard, one of our own, Charlie Gurrera, passed away Tuesday. He was one of the most influential, supportive members of not only the LGBTQ community, but all communities.
I’m sure all of us will forever be touched by our experiences with Charlie. He touched so many people’s lives, and made everyone feel so welcome who walked through the doors of Georgie’s, the bar where he served as manager.
Everyone has their own memories that they can hold dear to their hearts. Just one week prior to his death, it was my birthday. I celebrated my birthday at Georgie’s, and as soon as Charlie saw me walk through the door, he made sure to come over, give me a kiss and hug, order me a celebratory drink on him, and laugh as he made sure to supply me with jello shots, as we joked that I had posted on Facebook that I was looking forward to my jello shots and he wanted to make sure I got my birthday wish.
That was just a small part of the type of person Charlie was in our lives. Whenever one of us in the community were struggling with something, having a great day, or just trying to have fun, he was there to offer support, possibly an ear, a laugh, or (and this is funny to me for reasons only he and I know) a half-priced drink coupon.
I haven’t mentioned this too much as of this moment, but when I needed a chance, he was there. A couple of years ago, the job that I had worked so long and hard to reach the top of the ladder cut me loose and laid me off. I had put my life into that job, and in the process neglected a lot of my life, my mother in particular. Then she passed away and I lost that job. I had to reinvent myself, and in the process, I attended bartending school and received my certification.
Unfortunately, except for my best friend Ryan – who allowed me to bartend some at his place, Hotel Tides, most places in the community didn’t want to take a chance on me. It was difficult and I felt very defeated. I think Charlie knew this, and he was going to allow me to do some work at Georgie’s. Turned out shortly after, I took another job back in the media environment.
But still, Charlie was willing to take a chance, when so many other places didn’t want to do it. That meant a lot to me, as most may see me as a proud man and I don’t like to show a weaker side.
I know that so many in the community have their own Charlie moments. His friends, whom he always considered his family, can take some solace in the knowledge that he knew that he was loved, and there are so many photos, videos and snapshots of how much you all loved him.
Being an editor in the media industry, we are always forced to inform the world of the straight facts on something like this. But straight news is not the way this would go. Not only because I considered Charlie a friend, but because so many times, the person is not what the news is on that person in the end – it’s what their entire life and the lives they touched means to the world.
Charlie was an entrepreneur, a staunch supporter of all things LGBTQ, a funny, endearing, passionate young soul who was taken from us far much too soon. He was much more than that to so many of us, and will be sorely missed.
So Charlie, this is for you, a verse from my favorite song, Billy Joel’s “Vienna”:
“Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize … Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

Down for reconstruction

A few people had asked when I was going to put out a new blog post, so this is just to get viewers up to speed.
After a couple of months almost feeling like I've been on a rollercoaster, and just dealing with some personal and professional issues, I'm going to take a break from being the gay blogger reporting on Asbury Park's positives and craziness.
I guess I may as well add this bit of information to the blog as well. If you don't see me out and about that often, don't worry, I'm not dead (hopefully not!) Being out in Asbury so much is somewhat stressful at times, and after hearing four little words from my doctor today, I know a break is needed. The words, "Your numbers have spiked", has been something I've been working double-time to never hear.
I'm not going to go into any details as to things that have been going on, but just know that everything will be fine.
So I'm going down for some reconstruction and refocus.
Much love to all! And don't worry ~ I'll announce when the blog will be back up and running.
Peace!

Is imitation really the sincerest form of flattery? Well I'm not convinced

With the news breaking that SandBlast will be taking a hike from Asbury Park and skipping down to Atlantic City this summer, many people seem to have some mixed reactions.
I’m not actually sure how the residents and tourists in AC will greet this, but I hope the organizers of SandBlast are prepared for it. I’m not saying that it won’t be a good thing; I’m just saying that for us in Asbury Park, we got a lot out of having it here. Businesses profited. Residents, although at times bothered that they had to walk miles to get to their own homes since parking was very limited, enjoyed the festivities.
It was a good source of income for Asbury Park. That’s just a fact.
But I have to say, instead of focusing on what SandBlast brought to the community, it might be a good time to reevaluate what we, ourselves, have been doing to each other – all in the name of “good, healthy” competition.
Now I already know that this blog post will not be the most popular, but some things need to be said. Some of us really need to take a good, long look in the mirror and make sure that we have been the best that we can be. In the name of competition, it has been my opinion that some people have been stepping on others’ toes and making rash decisions when individuals haven’t been acting in ways that suited their needs.
For instance, they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery … but that’s not always the case. If someone, be it a person or company, has a profitable idea under their belt, I believe (in my opinion) that the idea should not be replicated by anyone else. When a person tries to “replicate” someone else’s profitable ideas to drum up business in the community, that is not imitation – and it’s not flattering. It’s, in a word, snatching.
Not only that, but it’s obvious. I can never understand why one bar/restaurant would ever do the exact same thing another bar/restaurant is doing, on the exact same night, in an effort to steal their business. Some people, I’m sure, are saying that I’m just a naïve fool who doesn’t understand the ways of the world. And you may be correct in your assessment. But everyone is entitled to their opinions, and this is mine. Sorry about it … but not sorry about it.
Just come up with your own ideas, and be successful on that level. It’ll make you feel so much better. Well, one would hope, right?
It also saddens my heart when people in the community are penalized for trying to make a living. We all keep saying that we in the LGBTQ community want to work together, live in harmony and have equality in every way, shape and form. Well let’s start with ourselves as members of the LGBTQ community.
We need to start setting examples, because if we don’t, we have no right to complain about others. I understand that competition is tight in the LGBTQ bars and restaurants. But it just boggles this gay man’s mind when a performer, bartender, server, security guard, disc jockey, entertainer, etc., etc. loses their way of making a living – and some are making a living in the industry and nowhere else – because they need (not want but NEED)to work in two or three different venues in the community.
Now I’m not pointing fingers or even intimating that I understand why or what the reasons are. But in my humble opinion, if we are to show the straight community that we can rise above the ways they handle themselves, we need to demonstrate by example. Let’s share the talents that make our community stand out and have others take notice.
Okay, I say all this to say what, you ask? The point of my mindset is this: If a person, organization or business can be admonished and punished for doing the same type of things at two different venues, then how in the hell can people make any justifications in their ways of thinking that it is somehow okay to try to do the same events that another person, organization or business is doing?
Can someone explain this to me? $2 dollars to the person who can explain this concept to me … $5 to the person who can look me in the eye, with a straight face, and make sense when you do it!
So if it’s good business to imitate ideas, then why don’t we as a community get together and “imitate” SandBlast – under a different name – but on the same weekend? Let’s practice what we preach, because if you can justify why we do that to each other, then I’m sure we can pull off a more spectacular imitation of this event.
And as the Pink Prom is fast approaching, I’d just like to say that if anyone tries to snatch that idea/concept from me, good luck New Jerseyans because that is patented to me and Bernadine will SHUT---IT---DOWN! This admittedly naive person learned his lesson after seeing some of the things that go on. You’re welcome!