So ... how far would you go in an effort to right some wrongs done to you?

Hello folks!
The following item is a blog post I wrote two weeks ago, but I had to do some soul searching to come to the conclusion if I truly wanted to go through with my plans. See, if I do this (what my blog talks about), I could be destroying a person's life and imploding a relationship.
True, all the parties involved need a rude awakening. And I don't really care about any of them any longer.
But I just need to be certain that I am okay with what I need to do, and I've been agonizing about all of the repercussions.
So I put it out there ... what would you do?
Read on:
Once a year, just like a birthday, Miss Bernadine decides to clear out her treasure chest and find that one item that she feels that the world just needs to know, and she spills the “T”.
That time every year is fast approaching, that day is this Friday. I’ve never really got any clarity on whether Miss Bernadine wants to morph into Miss Karma for that day, or if she’s just damn tired of seeing others get the upper hand. I guess it’s her way of making sure that people don’t trample on her feelings.
True, I’m a sensitive soul, and things do hurt me from time to time. A lot of things affect us all. For me, a couple of things that get to me would definitely be when people only see the color of a person’s skin and refuse to look past that. My motto has always been “Whatever anyone thinks about me is none of my business.” But there are times that I do actually care, because when people judge others simply by their race, it’s downright tragic.
But I digress.
This Friday (actually this week), something tremendous and difficult is happening in my personal life. I really can’t go into details at this time, but it has been the most stressful thing I think I’ve had to deal with in my life thus far.
But as this pivotal milestone has been uppermost in my mind and just doing whatever I can to get over this particular hump and not crush people in my path, it has occurred to me that I may have been working overtime to not hurt a person because I didn’t want bad karma coming my way. And I didn’t need any of that in my life.
But I think I got that incorrect in my mind, because keeping this secret so others wouldn’t get hurt in the process, I’ve hurt myself by keeping it. There are times when people have referred to me as “Charlotte”, the “Sex in the City” Park Avenue Pollyanna who just thinks that “Gee, if you wish hard enough, and do the right things always, you’ll be blessed with a good man, a great job, good karma and only the best in this life.”
It was a good thing that I had my alter – Miss Bernadine – to balance out that way of thinking. Because I did believe my “Charlotte” side … but it’s seeming like I can’t follow that philosophy, at least not anymore.
And this secret I’ve been holding on to, to spare feelings, well it’s just not worth it any longer. So at the end of this week, I am not only dealing with a stressful milestone, a turning point, in my life, but I’m also going to let the secret out. And I am going to have to tell the person. In all reality, I don’t believe he deserves to be spared the truth, because maybe the truth is no better than the lies.
I was dating someone last year, and I tried hard to get past a few things that he did and not hold the past against him. Well, I may have been the best thing he ever had in his life, but that just wasn’t enough to keep me around. Before we ended things, he was with another man. Oddly enough, I didn’t really care that he was with another man, because as the saying goes, “I can do bad all by myself.”
What hurt was that the person he stepped out on me with was a friend of mine, a married friend of mine. I was so pissed at this friend that I just wanted to tell his husband. But my “friend” begged me to keep it secret and not destroy his marriage, and the Charlotte in me gave in and kept his secret. Well Miss Bernadine just no longer agrees to do so.
I’ve been hurt a lot in the past two years, but I’ve kept it all inside and took it all, no matter the cost. It’s not good for a person to do that, just because everyone expects it from you.
It’s time that others had to answer for their actions. So I’m getting it out in the open and telling the husband. I mean, why should I care what happens to the happy couple? And maybe a little piece of me wants to repay the guy who I did so much for and put myself out on a limb, more times than I want to recount. I let him in my little world, and he let me down in so many ways.
This week, I really need to reclaim that spark that made Miss Bernadine shine. I really need to once again be on the inside what I’ve been trying very hard to show on the outside.
I’m taking back my life – personally, professionally and spiritually – with no Rupologies! I mean, it’s true – if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else? RuPaul is a role model of this queen (thus her words ring true in my ears), and I need to find my way back to fabulousness – something that RuPaul truly believes in doing.
No matter what.
So I ask ... what would you do if you were Miss Bernadine?

Asbury Park Bear Weekend, Aug. 14-16, is an event not to be missed

Get ready, people!
The weekend of August 14-16, there won’t be any lions, there won’t be any tigers … but there sure as hell will be a lot of bears!
During that weekend in the city, we will be celebrating the 2nd Asbury Park Bear Weekend. Last year’s weekend was a major success, and as it seems to be shaping up, this year’s activities will bring a lot of fun to Asbury Park.
This is just one of the many ways that we as a community come together, enjoy each other’s company, work hard to support a worthy cause, and have a freakin’ blast being a part of something bigger than ourselves. And boy, do we in the LGBTQ community know how to party!!
The festivities begin Thursday with a pre-party at Georgies Bar, from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. And that’s just the beginning.
On Friday, registration for the weekend will begin at the Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa at 4 p.m. A meet-and-greet will be held at the hotel from 6 to 8:30 p.m., and you can partake in some “Bear Bingo” and enjoy some light fare. Starting at 9 p.m. comedian Peter Bisuito presents, "My Big Funny Peter" at Paradise. There will be drink specials all night for package holders, and a $15 cover for non-package holders. Then from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. get into the groove with “Bears in Boxers” while DJ Jonny Mack spins at Paradise.
Below is a compilation of the events for Saturday:
9 to 11 am.: "Grrr Mornin" Breakfast at Paradise Sundeck*
9 to 10 a.m.: "Yoga for Bears" Poolside at The Hotel Tides*
11 a.m.: Recovery Meeting
11 a.m. to 5 p.m.: "Bears on the Beach" 5th Avenue Beach Party
Beach Badge included for all package holders*
6 to 8 p.m.: "Cigar Party Beer Bust" at Georgies
Includes: 1 Cigar and unlimited Miller Lite Draft for package holders*. Complimentary buffet and hosted by Mr. NJ Leather 2015.
8 to 10 p.m.: "BearLesque" followed by "Beareoke" with DJ Ted D'bierre at Georgies
*$5 Cover for non-package holders*
10 p.m. to 2 a.m.: "The Woof Ball" featuring DJ Stephan Durkin at Paradise
*Includes: Free Admission to Paradise and discounted drinks for package holders*
Below is a compilation of events for Sunday:
9 to 10 a.m.: "Yoga for Bears," held poolside at The Hotel Tides*
Noon to 5 p.m.: "Bear Watch" Pool Party at the Hotel Tides, with a special appearance by BearDonna.
*Includes: Admission to the pool, complimentary food and bobbing for apples for package holders*
Drink Specials for package holders. $25 for non-package holders
5:30 p.m.: Tea Dance at Paradise*
* Included for Package Holders
As you can tell, the weekend will be full of lots of fun, frolics and fantastic bears. It’s not to be missed. For more information, you can connect to the Facebook page for the 2nd Asbury Park Bear Weekend by clicking this link. You can also go directly to the website at http://asburyparkbearweekend.com
A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Project R.E.A.L. of Asbury Park.
This weekend is presented by Hotel Tides, DragonsLair Productions and Asbury Park Bear Weekend, LLC. Some sponsors are Conover Agency, Georgies Bar, Miller Lite, Ketel One Vodka, Yestercades, Paradise, and BearGuide.net.
Get in gear, because there will be Muscle Bears on the Beach, Polar Bears in the pool, Cubs on Cookman Avenue, Otters from out of town, Chasers, admirers, our friends and even the occasional Goldilocks.
(P.S. – And Goldilocks … that will most likely be yours truly – you’re quite welcome!!)

How are we supposed to feel when death comes knockin' at the door?

One of the most difficult issues facing all of us is life and death.
You are supposed to, as we have all been told over and over, conduct yourself in such a way that the life you live will pave way for the way you are remembered and cherished once you leave this Earth and take your place in the heavenly beyond (assuming you do believe in it).
But I guess I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot more recently, as a number of people in my life have passed away. And in my community, the LGBTQ community, once one of our own passes away, we remember them fondly and do whatever we can to make those left behind feel comfort and solace.
But what happens when one of our own passes away, and that person has not been the most, shall I say, pleasant for so many to deal with over the years? How do we treat this person after he or she passes away? Do we hold a benefit to make the expenses less trying for that person’s family? Do we gather together as a united front and remember that person’s life? Do we put something together to make that person’s death more bearable?
Or do we care at all?
These are some questions that have plagued a number of us in the community. Some don’t know how to feel, or whether to feel anything at all. For me, a very spiritual person who was once a member of the ministry, my thoughts are divided. And that makes it much worse.
When a person who has made life sometimes difficult for so many members of the community passes away suddenly, what are we supposed to do? What are some of us supposed to do with the grief we feel, perhaps not for the person, but for respecting the life of a person? We’ve always heard – or I’ve always been told – that everyone has a voice in this world, and it’s up to every one of us to make sure we do our best to make others feel love.
Right now, this is a difficult thing for me to comprehend. And I think that there are always a couple of handfuls of individuals who can successfully separate the good person from the bad person, especially when that person leaves this Earth.
And as I’ve mentioned to a few friends, dealing with a particular person’s death, and wondering what this person’s death means to us – the ones who loved him unconditionally; the ones who tried to reach out to him, and sometimes got their hands bit off; the ones who loved to hate him, and hated to love him; the ones who he betrayed without feeling any remorse until it was too late; the ones who he hurt so easily because he was hurting himself; the ones who he made to feel a little stupid for giving a damn about him; the ones who actually reached him and were able to get into his heart and understand the demons he faced daily – wondering what we all are to do now.
The religious person in me can only pray that this person has finally found peace. He has to answer for his actions now, on his own. And he must face what is coming.
I’ve told a few people that this would be one of the most difficult blogs to write because I’m right there with so many others, wondering what the hell we are supposed to do with all these odd emotions. To be truthful, there's a part of me that doesn't care - and that makes me feel a bit off because Mama didn't raise me to feel such things. Sure, many can joke that this queen is just a “Park Avenue Pollyanna” and I feel too deeply and emphatically for my own good, even when the person doesn't deserve an ounce of it.
But I guess I just want to make sure that the legacy I leave behind is something that people will actually treasure and honor the life I’ve lived. But just being a good kindhearted person doesn’t always cut it, sad to say. And I suppose I’ve been curious about others, and what you believe your legacy will be.
Have any of us really taken the time to think about our legacy? How many of us have hurt others, and haven’t taken the time as of yet to make amends? How many of us will go right out, immediately after reading these words, and hurt, disappoint or anger more people because we feel like it’s our right to do so? How many of us have taken a few moments out of our daily rituals to make life easier for another person, just for the mere enjoyment of doing it?
I was speaking with a couple of good friends the other day about this blog, about this person who passed away, about what we are supposed to do and the next step. One of them suggested a roast. I mean, that’s a great idea, because although this person wasn’t the most liked individual, there is a way to take the emotional toll this has taken on so many, and channel it in some way. And a roast, I’m sure most people would be able to speak their minds, let off some steam, and express – for better or for worse – what this person’s life and death means to them and others. We could donate the money to an LGBTQ organization that could put the funds to good use, and even perhaps use the funds to save someone’s livelihood.
This community has its members who are both good eggs and rotten tomatoes; in fact, some of us possess both traits. No one is all good. And no one is all bad. We take the good with the bad; that’s what makes us human.
I was watching an old episode of “Murphy Brown” the other day about one of Murphy’s rivals passing away, and she was forced to give the eulogy on someone who was disliked by 90 percent of the media industry. She tried to find the good in him, and when she found out the good in him was just misinformation and lies, she was still going to give a positive eulogy – unless the funeral attendees had something good to say about him themselves. No one had anything good to say, so Murphy gave a scorching, negative eulogy. Upon finishing, the priest read the deceased’s final letter, which said so many nice things about Murphy. With egg on her face, it was too late to say anything nice about him. I thought this was one of the funniest episodes ever written, because of the message it relayed. The message: That even though people can seem rotten to the core, there may be one tiny spec of good in there, too. Now I’m not saying that this stands true for everyone, but you never know.
I guess the final thought for me … my plan is to continue to leave a worthy legacy so I can rest easy.
What about you?

I'll just say 'Happy PRIDE everyone' and leave it at that for the time being

I think for everyone who knows me pretty well, that I’ve always been a junkie for any and all things LGBTQ, especially the annual PRIDE parades. In fact, a couple of friends close to me call me, “Everyone loves a parade.”
I’ll get to analyzing this year’s parade later in this blog post, but for right now, I just want to put it out there … this year’s festivities had some ups and downs. And these ups and downs were not some things that people may know, nor may not care either. That’s not my reasoning for blogging about this year’s festivities.
I must admit, I was not fully in the spirit of the joy of gay pride this year. And I take full responsibility for it, too. I kept up the smiles and big laughter, because hey, who wants to know how upset a person is truly feeling when we are all supposed to be celebrating to the full extent.
I did some fun things this year, as I’m never one to turn down a good time. And plus, it helps to get into the spirit. But for this year, it was just a bit tiresome, stressful and a bit depressing. I felt like how I feel about Christmas anymore … I don’t really celebrate it much anymore because the spirit of the season escapes me anymore.
And like I said, I blame myself for my lack of inner enthusiasm for this year’s PRIDE. For many reasons … emotional, financial, spiritual, passion … this past year since last PRIDE, I’ve felt very separated from people. The past 12 months have been very much like riding a rollercoaster with emotions. I was hoping that my feelings would have subsided before PRIDE, but sadly it hadn’t.
Perhaps that is the reason I posted on Facebook last week a little plea to myself. It was not meant to cause a holy war with certain people in the community because, I must state, it was my plea to myself (and whoever took any message from it) to be able to feel the love of PRIDE.
The post was quite simple:
“I just need to feel the love this weekend! So people, let's make sure each of us show each other love and more than just lip service this PRIDE weekend!”
The “lip service” of which I referred was to those individuals who run up to a person during PRIDE weekend and slop sugary sweetness all over you, and once Monday rolls around, they are acting like PRIDE never occurred. Now everyone knows someone like this in their lives, and it’s just about the concept of the action. And I truly did need to feel the love this past weekend, for personal reasons. My personal reasons, just mine.
It seemed that a firestorm erupted on my status; I didn’t even know it until one of my sistas mentioned it to me. I was off Facebook for a bit, and when I viewed all that followed my simple request of showing people the love to one another this PRIDE, it was obvious that the message of my status was lost. I just wanted people to, perhaps, go out of their way to show the love, because as history has shown us over the past few years, we can lose our loved ones, in and out of the community, in the blink of an eye.
So I just hope that the message wasn’t lost on too many people.
Another thing that bothered me as PRIDE approached was that so many younger members of the LGBTQ community had no freakin’ idea about what the elder members of this community have sacrificed to pave the way for all of the younger ones and make life easier for all of us. Now this is not directed to any one or two people in particular, it’s a general thing that I’ve witnessed over the years.
So many want to be named “This Title” or “That Title”, but really don’t know about what came before them. I was floored last year when I asked a few younger LGBTQ members of the significance of the Stonewall Riots and what the drag queens who’ve come before us have sacrificed in blood, sweat and tears … and they had no idea. I just want everyone to be up on their LGBTQ history in general and history – period, because as the theory goes, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Young ones – there is a bevy of elder LGBTQ members who, if you seek them out, could give you a very entertaining lesson of our history. Ask them about Harvey Milk, Stonewall Riots, Bayard Rustin, Everett George Klippert … the list goes on and on. Now there are a great number of young LGBTQ community members who are well-versed on the history, and that makes me so very proud. But for the ones who don’t, let’s pick up the pace. Just a suggestion.
Something else that boggles my mind happened Sunday during the PRIDE parade. For some reason, and I haven’t been able to find out the answers yet, in the procession there was a 15-20 minute gap in the parade. It was evident that something happened, but at this point it’s not clear. I know there needs to be some form of control in the procession just so things don’t get out of control. But why is it that there was such a huge break in the procession that it made some people question if there were, in fact, a part one and part two to the parade. I’m sorry, and I’m not pointing fingers, but it made some look like they had no idea what they were doing.
Questions have been put out there:
Why is it such a hassle in just letting people progress out of the starting gate?
Why does the order of groups/organizations marching in the parade line need to be so stringent, almost seeming like when we were in grade school when one student didn’t want to sit next to another, so the teacher conceded and made sure they didn’t sit next to each other? Are there groups who don’t want to walk after/before others?
Will this sort of thing happen next year, and what needs to be done to make sure this doesn’t happen again?
Why didn’t anyone putting this all together have anyone stop the paradegoers at the beginning of the line from marching forward until everyone was caught up and we were all a unified marching parade?
These are just questions on people’s minds. Anyone with the answers, definitely let us know. Hey, I’m sure some don’t care too much. But for some reason, in this man’s eyes, it was a little depressing … and I didn’t need any more of that.
Okay, so I don’t sound like a wet blanket, we should all give a huge shout-out for the individuals who busted their asses to give everyone a happy PRIDE weekend. We all need to take a moment and actually thank so many people (too many to mention), but just a few in my mind at the moment: all the workers at Paradise, Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, Georgies, and so many other establishments in Asbury Park who made this year’s festivities a successful, fun, safe time for all of us. All the booths at the festival grounds, the fabulous performers at the festival, the organizers of every event this past weekend (including NJ Leather community, Jersey Pride, the Pride Center of NJ, PRIDE Network … the list goes on and on).
There were a number of enjoyable times this weekend, so don’t get me wrong. I was able to enjoy my PRIDE as I was able to see PRIDE for the first time through a couple of good friends' eyes as they were experiencing their first PRIDE; their enthusiasm and zest for the weekend's events brought some happiness in me.
And maybe I’m just a little over it right now because of how I’m feeling at this time. And plus, I felt like I was on roller skates all Sunday afternoon/evening while working the bar at the Tides, and perhaps I’m just still reeling from the crazies of the weekend, me being sober, working my ass off, and just not in the mood – the rude lesbian couple who were too drunk to know what they ordered and just got on my last nerves … or perhaps the straight female who yanked my arm at Paradise, ordering me to get her a drink when I don’t work there; I just had on all black from my Tides bar attire … or perhaps the person I was once involved with who just wouldn’t leave the bar and leave me and some others there alone, especially since I just don’t deal with any of the craziness any longer … or perhaps the fact that I’m just burned out and got tired of people spilling, knocking over other people’s drinks, or the few people who shoved their credit cards in my face when they wanted to pay (even though I was making drinks for people).
But I’m proud of myself, because in none of those instances, did Bernadine show herself.
And for that, people, happy PRIDE!

The new 'drunken-truth device' ~ coming to stores near you

Miss Manners dictates that if you are brave enough to drink like a fool and get drunk, you should be grown enough to face the consequences. This, my friends, is exactly why when I’ve gotten drunk, I’m never afraid to face my demons the next day.
And friends, if you are grown-ups you should never do anything while drunk that you can’t face the next day.
Now for me, I’ve always joked that I should have recording mics and cameras attached to me when I get drunk, for the simple fact that I’ve done a number of crazy things while intoxicated that I would be petrified to learn of the next day. But then again, I’m a seasoned drinker, as well as a bartender. So my ass has been on both sides of the counter.
Still, I’m classy enough to know that when I’m out drinking on the town, that if I ever find myself being a drunken mess, that I have a number of people in my corner to watch not only my back, but their backs as well.
In this world that we live in, and Asbury Park in particular, when we go out and drink ourselves under the table, we have many responsible workers in the establishments we frequent who are looking out for our own good. And speaking for myself, I rely on the managers, bartenders, security guards, servers, etc., in the bars I frequent to watch my back. I’m grown enough to realize that these individuals working there aren't cutting my drunken ass off because they have a problem with me – they want to protect me and themselves.
I would never assume that if my drunken ass were told I couldn’t have another drink, it’s them being mean, rude or inconsiderate. I’m smart enough to know, being a bartender myself, that they are doing it for my own good. Everyone in the service industry is in it to make money. So how absurd it is for some people to make the leap that they don’t want your money; they just want to make things difficult for you.
Now I’m not saying that it is inconceivable that in the rarest of circumstances that it would never happen. A person may have a personal grudge against a person for whatever reason. But when you run into a situation where you’ve had too much to drink, and the crew you are hanging with have also had too much to drink, and not one, but three or four workers in the establishment have taken note of your obvious drunkenness … well then it’s time to look yourself in the mirror immediately after, and ask yourself, “Dude, where’s my manners?”
When I’ve bartended, I’ve been in the unenviable position of having to cut people off, a couple of times bouncing them from the bar. Trust me, it’s no fun, and no one loves to do it. And when you know the “drunk one” well, it’s a tough situation. But it’s something that needs to be done when the situation presents itself, no matter how hurt your feelings become. It’s in these situations when the old adage is not true … and the customer is, in fact, not always right.
But I’ll tell you this – if that person I had to boot and not serve anymore alcohol were to go out of their way to try to embarrass me or my place of business through the use of social media, … well things would not turn out pretty. Once you put something out there on social media, it’s out there for good. And when you only have access to, maybe, 25 percent of the true story (researchers have analyzed these situations and have concluded in some studies that when you are drunk and in a heated situation, you aren’t in a mindset to remember much; only the part that makes yourself seem as if you are the victim), you are doing a disservice to those employees who are forced to deal with you.
This is one of the main reasons why I always believe that a great invention would be a “drunken-truth device”, something that once you reach the legal alcohol-level where you start to get hazy on things around you, that a microphone device would begin taping your every sound and move.
Because I’ll tell you, if we all had one of these instruments on ourselves when we went out on the town, lives would be much simpler.
So my moral of this blog post is quite simple to comprehend … if you go out on the town and become inebriated, don’t resort to name calling and giving an establishment an offensive, flaming review. Take a long, self-reflecting moment to clearly ask yourself, “Gee, what did I do to cause me to get flagged at the bar and why did things get so out-of-hand?” Also, it is a good idea to ask someone, anyone, who works in the establishment or who was also in attendance at the establishment what you did, and why all of it went down. You may just figure out that you were the one who was in the wrong, and people stopped serving you alcohol for YOUR OWN GOOD.
Because people, sometimes using social media while in a drunken haze over a heated situation can be just as dangerous as getting behind the wheel of your automobile while highly intoxicated. Sometimes it doesn’t end well.
After all, why do you always hear that drunken texting is not a good thing to do? Because nine times out of 10, it’s not.

Advice: Take a break from the stresses of life to honor your God-given talent

It’s been said that God blesses all of us with a special talent. I’ve always known that my special talent is creative writing. Also, it is a well-known belief that we should never squander the talents we’ve been blessed with holding.
These past few weeks, especially, I’ve had a few conversations with my Mama. She’s passed away a couple of years ago, but I still talk to her all of the time, especially when I feel like no one else will fully understand what I’m going through. I’ve kept myself away from most people these past few weeks – not because of any one thing in particular; primarily because things have been far too overwhelming, both personally and professionally.
I won’t go into details … that’s not actually the focus of this blog. But because I’ve needed some time by myself and so I could figure out things about myself, I’ve been asking Mama for some of her special brand of advice. I know that it has been time to finish my novel, get the re-workings done, and get it out there. It has been long overdue. The novel I’ve been struggling with deals with issues from a few years back.
For weeks, I wasn’t sure whether I should just sit back and focus on being alone, or if I should complete what I’ve started some time ago. My Mama wanted me to finish the workings of my novel awhile back, but I put it off because I wanted to focus on my professional life, as well as having my share of personal enjoyment. To do so (or so I've rationalized with myself over the years), I didn't make as much time as I could with her. Well I know all too well that life is short, and if you are going to put your mark on this world, you’d best do it before it’s too late. Mama wanted to do that for a long time, but as she said, "Life just got in the way!"
I got a personal message from Mama a couple of weeks ago, something only the two of us could have known the significance surrounding. But thanks to her message, I know that my focus in the coming weeks needs to be on my novel and to steer clear of anything blocking my path. What I’ve always found solace in was my writings (thus the reasons surrounding my introspective blog, among other projects).
Of anything else, I can’t ignore the completion of my novel any longer. Most of what’s in my novel was worked on prior to Asbury Park. Mama always knew that my novel was a huge part of my existence, and making it to the finish line with the book was my personal goal.
As I need some time away from a lot of exterior things in my life, now is the best time to just concentrate fully on my novel’s completion. Sometimes you need to take yourself out of the equation, so things in your life will equal out to a complete circle. So if you haven’t, or don’t, see me for awhile just know that I’m still alive, I’m just working on myself and my novel. Bernadine still loves ya!
So my only advice to others, as well as myself, would be to never sacrifice your God-given talent for other things seeming more pertinent in your life. If you don’t use it, it may just be taken away. I’m taking a 30-minute break just to write this blog, but I’m getting back to the book right after.
So I’m using my talents … how ‘bout you?

Once upon a time in a land far, far away was a city called Gayton Place

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a spirited, fabulous city called Gayton Place.
In Gayton Place, there was a community filled with fantastic fairies, fierce queens and blossoming butch bitches. Now in this city, you truly never knew who a person could actually trust. So many people were out for themselves, never really looking to what they could do to make life simpler for others.
But, there were always people who, no matter what, would always be a sparkling presence in the lives of others. Those individuals usually gravitated toward one another, and those groups of people were called “destinies.”
Years ago two of those individuals, Josephine and Delia, found each other. The two young gals became the bestest of friends, totally inseparable. No one could separate them, no matter how much anyone tried. It was, what some would call, friendship of soul mates.
Josephine was somewhat reserved, but fiercely loyal. She came from a religious background and her father worked long, hard hours to make sure his family never wanted for anything – he was a self-made successful businessman and law enforcement official who made sure the family had a financial blanket to fall back on. He instituted trusts for his children, and Josephine – in a way – always counted on it. By her father doing such things, she believed that family is not always blood-related; often family was friends who would give their left leg just to make sure her family/friends were safe. Josephine believed that love existed, but lost trust over the years that it was ever really possible. But she knew that if she found love, she would do as much as she could to make it work. A hard worker and stubborn in her own right, she knew that anything worth having was worth working for. She wasn’t the type of person, from her upbringing, to take handouts. She always had a boatload of friends, whom she revered as family. That’s the way she always wanted it to be, especially in Gayton Place.
Delia didn’t grow up in Gayton Place; she lived in a town for years somewhat less desirable but where a person learned how to survive. Since growing up there, she knew how to handle herself in any situation and made sure things always turned out her way. She knew the strength of family, and once she moved to Gayton Place, she made sure her family of friends lived in a place they felt safe. In her mind, love of a good man wasn’t anything that would ever be needed to make her be a whole person. In her estimation, if love came – fine, but she wasn’t going to look for it or allow it into her life easily. A player by any means, Delia was not the type to settle down with any man. Love was just a concept that people fell into to make themselves feel safe; it wasn’t for her. Delia could be described as a businesswoman who made a name for herself in Gayton Place. People respected her, and knew that friendship and respect meant so much to her. A bit controlling in her ways maybe, but that was her charm. Some people liked that about her; they knew where she stood on situations.
So when Josephine and Delia found each other’s friendship, some were surprised because of their upbringing and the way each handled situations. Best friends, neither ever wanted to see the other hurt. They would always do everything in their power to make the other feel loved and each had the others’ back – always.
Prior to becoming friends, both had their share of romantic relationships. Delia had a few boyfriends, but nothing really stuck as long-term. Josephine had three significant romances over the years. The first one, although very good in the beginning months, turned ugly after the first year’s anniversary, as her man fell into the world of drugs and ended up being abusive – emotionally and physically. When he was carted off to rehab following an overdose, the two parted company. Although the two loved each other, Josephine was deemed an enabler and not positive for his recovery. The second romance lasted almost two years, but ended when Josephine stopped paying for everything – including his bills and making him happy. Once she put the brakes on the money, he accelerated into the world of infidelity. That breakup was very vocal in the community – and very ugly. The two rarely talk nowadays when running into each other in Gayton Place. The third relationship ended after a 6-month stint … let’s just say that ended when Josephine discovered he had a partner in another state. And one thing Josephine would never do is be the other woman in any relationship.
But I digress. During Delia and Josephine’s friendship, there was never another man who split their time. The two were inseparable, and everyone in Gayton Place was well aware. It was a friendship most aspired to have in their own lives, and if you were lucky enough to find a friend like those two, you considered yourself lucky.
Delia and Josephine worked together on projects, so they were tighter than ever. Sadly, one of the projects the two of them worked on together, Josephine’s parents weren’t extremely happy about because they felt like she was just putting her money into it without getting anything back. “An awful business move” is how it was referred, and Josephine’s father put her trust on hold until she began to act more “responsible” with her business dealings.
So Josephine sucked it up and did what she needed to do to make ends meet, without allowing herself to burden anyone in her life. Pride was something of utmost importance to her, and that was just the way things were always going to be.
After some time had passed, Josephine’s parents decided to put their confidence back into her and ultimately decided to reinstate her trust. “The struggle was worth it,” Josephine thought, “because the parents know I can hold my own and know that the way the project’s funding was handled was the best way for me to go.”
Josephine was happy again, she could get things back on track financially. Sadly, a bit of tragedy occurred shortly thereafter. Delia found herself in a situation where she was in trouble, and to save her from the situation where she would find herself in financial and judicial burden, Josephine stepped up and took the fall.
Well, Josephine didn’t step up – she was sort of pushed into the situation. Josephine didn’t care, because she knew that in any sort of situation, she’d actually always take a bullet for her best friend Delia. That’s just the way she handled her loving friendships.
Soon after, through word-of-mouth in a number of ways, Josephine’s father discovered what she had done, and decided that Josephine was not ready to handle some situations in her life, and held the trust back again – this time indefinitely. Josephine was already in a career spiral, having to deal with a backstabbing friend and co-worker who underhandedly took the promotion and hefty pay raise she was in line to receive, so losing that funding was a huge blow. But she did what she needed to do to make ends meet.
But sadly, one thing she had to cut back on was hanging out as much socially. Either that, or start eating Ramen Noodles. And trust, Josephine knew what it was like to eat that in college; she wasn’t ready for that. So she got a second job and made ends meet as best she could. She thought everyone would understand; plus it wasn’t like no one would never see her again – just not as much. After all, everyone knows what you need to do to survive, especially in Gayton Place. And Josephine prided herself on never, ever having to “work” the room for drinks; it just wasn’t her style.
Shortly thereafter, things between Delia and Josephine got a bit tense when Josephine began spending a little time with a new man, Gulliver. It was merely casual, just the two of them hanging out here and there – nothing big or serious, just hanging out, joking around and the little bit of time they got to spend together, she learned a lot about him. People in Gayton Place had already started gossiping, but that happens everywhere you go … that’s just life.
So Josephine made every valiant effort to make sure she still was visible out and around Gayton Place, a few times being forced to eat Ramen Noodles just so she didn’t take away any time from hanging with Delia. After all, the two of them hung out at least five times a week. Josephine knew it was getting tight financially for her, and she confided in Delia her situation and let her know that due to what has happened financially, she couldn’t be out as much. Of course, being the friend Delia was, she offered numerous times to let Josephine hang and not have to deal with the financial part of it. And of course, pride and the way she was brought up, Josephine couldn’t let that happen often.
A couple of weeks later, even though Josephine was able to find a little funds here and there and hang out in the city with Delia, that, Josephine soon discovered, was not enough. A couple of weeks after working a double-shift just so she wasn’t homeless next month and had some funds to survive, Josephine decided to stop out and meet up with Delia.
Imagine Josephine’s surprise when she finally arrived, and Delia, although a few drinks into the night, was immediately hurtful with her words. Josephine chalked it up to the alcohol and just let it slide; after all, she figured Delia had a rough night at work and didn’t mean to say anything hurtful. It was then, after about a half hour, that Delia said something to her best friend that ripped Josephine to the core.
Angry that Josephine hadn’t been able to hang out as much, Delia accused her of being a disloyal friend because she hadn’t been out as much, and, to paraphrase Delia’s words, if you were a loyal friend, you would be hanging out with me a lot more, and your crazy-in-the-head asshole new man wouldn’t be here.
Funny, the insult to Gulliver didn’t phase Josephine at all; she knew how Delia felt about him and just pretty much laughed that off. What broke Josephine’s heart was the accusation that she was not a loyal friend, since her “loyalty” was what kept Delia out boiling hot water late one night a few months prior, something that no other person in Delia’s life would never, ever do for her.
Josephine decided to just let sleeping dogs lie and forgive – not forget – all the unfortunate things Delia said to her. She just hung out with her best friend over the next few days and didn’t bring it up again.
After the few days hanging, and thinking things were all smoothed over and back to normal, Josephine was utterly devastated to hear, from a number of people in Gayton Place, that her best friend was saying awful things about her. You see, Josephine and Delia had a blood-oath promise – if either of them ever had any sort of issue with the other, they would talk directly to each other about it; no one, no one in Gayton Place would hear about it. It was a promise that Josephine held dear to her heart, and realizing that Delia did not hold the same weight to the promise, she knew the two of them would never be the same again, especially after Josephine put her financial, judicial and legal safety on the line for her best friend.
After Josephine actually overheard Delia expressing to someone how mad she was at Josephine for not being loyal, even though Delia was drunk, it was just too much for Josephine to bear. She decided to pull Delia aside – one-on-one – and discuss the issue. Delia couldn’t handle Josephine’s hurt and sadness over all that had transpired, and decided to walk away.
The two haven’t spoken since … well Gayton Place is talking all about it, and sadly as in many situations, have taken sides. Sometimes a sincere apology is all that is needed in any situation, but alas, that doesn't seem like it will be forthcoming. At the moment, this fairy tale hasn’t been given an ending.
You can write its ending … go for it. I need an ending for my children’s fairy tale before submitting it to my publisher. Can anyone help me with it?