Who knew getting a bartending gig around Asbury would be so difficult?

I've recently had to reinvent myself. The company and career that I devoted almost 60 hours a week burning myself out on cut my position (and me) due to the poor economy and cutbacks in the industry. After spending a little while assessing my life and what I truly wanted to do with my life, I finally figured out what I needed to do to be satisfied.
I knew that I wanted to follow my dream of becoming a teacher. To supplement my income until I finished schooling for my teaching certification, I knew that bartending would be a great thing to do. I felt like bartending would be a profession that I'd enjoy, and during the summers when school was out of session, I could bartend.
I entered bartending school and studied the hundreds of cocktails and how to make them correctly. I mixed drinks and memorized the formulas night and day for a few weeks. I studied the different types of alcohols, where they were from, how to mix them correctly, and the right amount of alcohol to use.
And after the weeks of studying, mixing and throwing myself into the world of mixology, the final testings and exams were finally here. And I think I did cartwheels when I passed the testing with flying colors and acheived my certification. Hot damn, I was a certified mixologist. I was gung-ho to jump into the bartending arena. Nothing could stop me now.
Or so I thought.
I've sent out dozens of resumes, filled out a slew of applications at dozens and dozens of bars, restaurants and establishments all along the Jersey Shore (and most everywhere in Asbury Park) and in New York City and Philadelphia. No one is hiring me. And to top it off, even the places that are actively seeking a bartender are passing me by. They want experience in the bars, and even though I kicked ass in bartending school, that may not be enough for these businesses.
Well, how do these businesses expect me to get experience behind the bars unless they give me the opportunity to do so? If anyone has a suggestion, I'd love to hear it.
Now I've never been a proponent of affirmative action. After all, I broke down the doors in the publishing industry by busting my ass to be the best editor I could be, and I never wanted any help in climbing the ladder at any newspaper or magazine I worked at; working long hours and giving 150 percent to all my projects was what I had to do to move up the ladder in my companies. My work always spoke for itself, and I didn't want to be given a chance just because I was a minority.
Right now, after going through the hell I've gone through in the past few months, my thinking has been slightly altered with regards to affirmative action. Everyone is looking for a job, and I will take whatever help I can get to snag a new job. Working is my life, and want to take my life back!
Now I am sure that all these establishments have done their best to make sure they have hired their fair share of minorities. And I don't want to jump up on my soapbox and rock the boat. But in Asbury Park alone, I think I've been able to count the number of black bartenders on one hand. On the outer parts of Asbury and along the Shore, there may be a few more.
Now maybe only a handful of black bartenders have applied for these jobs, but when I go into some of these places, it hits me like a ton of bricks. To make sure I wasn't making a mountain out of a molehill, I would revisit some of these places to make sure I wasn't missing anything or that there were minorities working on other shifts. But not too much luck in that; it's possible I just missed them.
I even asked a couple of the places how many minorities they have bartending. One said they had to get back to me; another one told me that's not information they can give out. Really?!?
I'm not trying to offend any of these establishments with my feelings on this issue, because this is just my opinion (I repeat - MY OPINION). But as my frustration grows, I'm at a loss because the level of race breakdown is appearing to be disproportionate in the numbers.
Again, all this is my opinion and this is just my venting on a subject that I think needs to be discussed - if not openly, then in people's minds. I feel that this issue is not really discussed in open forums any longer because people may think it's a moot point.
Maybe it is a moot point and I'm just talking nonsense, thinking too much and wearing my heart and conscience on my sleeve. It wouldn't be the first time. But what if I'm not and this is an issue that needs to be revisited? Who would it hurt?
Better yet ... who would it help?

Don't worry ... your man's probably not hot enough to handle these guys

I was out Saturday night dancing at a club in Asbury, and while out, my friends and I made a very odd observation.
There was a small party at the club, and it was a bunch of straight couples. Every now and again the club has parties there with straight couples and they are a blast to party with, but this time, it was a bit disturbing.
I'm sure the ladies knew that they were partying in a gay establishment, and it's not only because the place was flanked with guys hanging out in groups and dancing freely with each other on the dance floor. I mean, really, the club advertises that it's gay.
But how did we know they were incredibly astute to their surroundings? Because the women were holding onto their men for dear life. These women were leading their men along with them holding their hands as tight as a mother holds her young child so they don't lose their grip and run off. They had their arms intertwined with their guys, almost suffocating them in a death grip. We even noticed a woman literally attached to their man's back, as if they were Siamese twins. Usually that's a sexy look and oh-so-cute, but not this time.
Now I know that some of us gay men do hit on any guy with a pulse. But to be honest, these women were not particularly attractive, and their men were no prettier.
So why did these women act this way in a gay establishment? Fear.
Fear that their men would be vulnerable to being flirted with and hit on by a gay man. Fear that their relationships weren't strong enough to survive a knowing glance from another fella.
It was so funny that it was tragic ... and insulting. Women, I think for the most part, you all are amazing people who should be admired. I do feel that way about the women I know, whether straight or gay. But if I don't know you, it would be my opinion that you really don't need to worry that I'm going to steal your man. I don't go after straight dudes ... they are too much trouble.
When I overheard one of these women say to her man "Just don't even engage or act like you are flirting with these guys because they don't know their boundaries", well I went from thinking this travesty was tragic, to thinking that it is becoming downright insulting.
Most straight women who come into these gay clubs are either just hanging with their girls for a night of crazy dancing with a bunch of guys who they don't have to worry about impressing, or they are involved in a bachelorette party. I love when these women are around, because they know how to act when they are around the gay community in the club.
But when these desperate housewives (and I'm not saying all housewives who come in there are desperate or insulting) hang out in the club, don't insult the gay community by making snarky comments about us gay men being desperate enough to try to steal their husbands. Your man is probably not hot enough ... and as in this past weekend's occurrence, that statement is so on the money.
So women, please chill out and just relax! Enjoy the music, dancing and alcohol, and stop worrying that your man is going to be a gay man's next conquest. And straight guys, stop letting your wives, girlfriends and significant female companions treat you like you're property and drag you around the club like you are attached at the hip ... it makes you look whipped!
I love you all, now go out and party!

Poor me, poor me ... pour me another drink!

I noticed something when I was out last night with a couple of friends. Actually it's not the first time that I noticed it, but this is the first time that I am acknowledging it.
They say sometimes you need to look within yourself for answers, so that's what I'm doing.
I'm always complaining, albiet to myself, that I can't find a man who wants to embark on a relationship. But everywhere I turn I am seeing men who have found their partners. They've been able to find the Prince Charmings. The couples come in all shapes, sizes, appearances and colors.
I think the reason I am still single is because of a reason I don't like to admit to myself. It's not all the other guys, it's because I'm just not that appealing to the guys. There are guys who want sex from me, I'm not saying that guys don't see me and want sex. But truth be told, I think every guy wants to have sex; most times the other guy only needs to be breathing to be an object of sexual attraction.
I'm realizing that other than sex, guys don't want to enter a relationship with me. They hardly want anything at all from me. I'm not complaining; it's just not in the cards for me.
Some people are going to be alone for the rest of their lives. I'm probably going to be one of those people.
The guys who I've had sexual relations with, well, they go right on entering a relationship with someone else. It's like I'm the speedbump to the next full-blown romance with another guy.
When I was young, I never thought of myself as handsome. When I entered high school, I got a boatload of good friends and enjoyed some popularity, but I wasn't the guy who was sort after by women. (P.S. - little known fact: I used to date women)
I got a girlfriend in my senior year, but she was a bit loopy and a lot crazy. Long story; if you want the long version it's in my novel.
But I digress. In college women started to seek me out for romance. After college I was engaged twice. The first woman was too good for me; the second one went nuts. Before I decided to be myself and come out of the closet, I dated two other women.
It was pretty easy for me to get into a relationship with women. But dating men is a whole different arena. I'm just not good at it. I would never go back to dating women because they don't appeal to me whatsoever. I only want to be with a man. But that is out of my reach for whatever reason.
But as I was saying, I noticed something last night. My friend was pushing me to talk to this guy, and after a few minutes I decided to talk to the guy. We joked a bit, talked a lot, and then I went to grab a drink. By the time I turned back around, the guy was being hit on by another guy, and it was as if he no longer knew who I was. We'd had a good talk, and a lot of flirting.
It's not the first time this has happened to me, but damn, this is going to be the last. I'm not putting myself out there like that again. Perhaps I'm just not that attractive. In any event, I'm just going to mind my own business. I'm attractive to men not of my race, and it's so damn hard to figure out which men are attracted to black guys.
So I'm going to take a few months off to do some things I need to do to get myself in order. I'm completing bartending classes so by the holidays I'll have a job as a bartender. I'm going after my teaching certification so I'll be able to teach teenagers how to avoid butchering the English language.
I'm focused now, so I know what I need to do to attain happiness. I've had two boyfriends, and perhaps that's all I'm supposed to have in my lifetime. After all, one loved drugs and cheating on me more than he loved me; the other loved my money and being taken care of more than he loved me.
But I would hate it if I could never find true romance and those two failed relationships were all I had to show for the amount of passion I have within me.
That can't be all there is. It just can't.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, 'cause no one could ever love me more than I love myself.
But a little human tenderness and the caress of a man's touch sure would do me right! Jus sayin'!

It's time for me to re-invent myself and go after what I truly want

I haven't mentioned it in my blog too much - if never at all, but I was laid off in June. I've been living off of my savings, investments and some unemployment, and I was a little fearful that I would never figure out what my next move should be to fulfill my happiness.
I've always knew pretty much what my true calling is in life, but I've been too afraid to give up the job that paid me healthfully and venture out into the unknown. After all, a safety net is something that I always needed and my job as a newspaper editor was perfect for me. I loved to work long hours and get paid doing what I liked to do.
But even in every newspaper job I had, I always worked in a program with young children and junior/high school students. I loved to do that, especially since I could be a journalist and get paid for it, all the while doing what I loved to do - teach children - on the side.
Teaching has always been my true calling, for as far back as I can remember. But I knew teachers never got paid the proper salary they deserved. I don't know why I've always been worried about money. My parents have put me in a situation where I can always look to them for financial stability if I wanted to do that. My father worked hard and set up his family so we always had everything we needed or wanted, financially or otherwise.
Even so, I never really wanted to go to my father for it. He and my sister always said it was just foolish pride on my part. And they are right. So I never wanted to depend on anyone else for what I needed; it was always up to me. I shouldn't have looked at it that way because that is why I went into the field that would net me the most financial security.
I should have followed the path to teaching when the fork in the road presented itself years ago. I didn't follow my true calling; I went the other route.
There is an added incentive to go into the teaching field - too many young teens are being bullied and have been taking their own lives as a result. This is going on way too much these days and I want to do my part in erasing that from our society. As a gay man, I want to let young gay teens know that things may be trying right now, but it gets better. I need to lead by example, and what better way to do that is to show them that it got better for their teacher, and it will get better for them as well.
I know that everyone doesn't have an easy time in life; I'm not denying that fact. But just as the "It Gets Better" project reiterates to the country, things will improve.
But just as in school, bullies are everywhere ... even in Asbury Park. I don't pay them any mind. But some people do, and a bully will feed off of it. Don't give them the time of day and eventually they will get tired of it.
Of course, I should have taken my own advice recently. A few days ago I was in one of the gay establishments in Asbury and there was a drunk, obnoxious jerk who was trying to throw his weight around. He began to harass someone who I know and after a while of sitting there, listening to this bully continue to speak his stupidity, I just couldn't take it any longer. I decided to shut him down and told him to stop talking the trash and treat people with the respect they deserve.
We shouted at each other a little, and then I realized that in my anger to stop this bully's tirade, I was bullying the bully. I had to take a few moments to contain myself, count to 10, and diffuse the situation.
He took off for a bit and I apologized to those around me for acting out, which isn't like me at all. About a half-hour later he came back in, came up to me, shook my hand and apologized for being such an ass.
I learned two things as a result of that encounter. The first thing was that if you stand up to a person who is on a bullying rampage, you may teach that person a thing or two about respecting one's self. The second thing I learned about myself was that I have fully forgiven my ex-boyfriend for things that happened in our relationship.
See, the person who the bully was harassing was my ex. I didn't know why I was protecting him; he was no longer in my life as a lover. But the protective nature in me just emerged and I couldn't hold it back. Funny things happen when you least expect it.
And with that, I know that I am ready to educate our youth and show them right from wrong. It's now time to re-invent myself. But not too much ... I still need to hold onto the fabulous, fierce creature that I've always been! ;)

This week is definitely filled with highs and lows I'll have to deal with

This week is one of the best and worst for me.
I'm not sure how it worked out that way, but this first week of October is turning out that way.
Sunday was a pretty good day. I went to an Employee Drag Show at the local gay bar, Georgie's. It was very entertaining, as I got to see a few people who I know very well in a whole different light. So many of them did a great job, including my friend's performance as Della Gates. A lot of people were commenting that he needs to try out for RuPaul's Drag Race, as his stage presence was so stellar. He, and a few others, definitely have a career to fall back on.
Monday I decided to stay in. Well it wasn't exactly my choice; my apartment endured some damage from this past summer's hurricane and my building's super had to come and work on it. Did he show up? No he didn't. To top that off, one of my friends got on my nerves about something so stupid that I'm just glad he wasn't in front of me because I would have yelled at him and said something I probably would have regretted in hindsight.
Tuesday was a day I'd been waiting a while to get here. That was the day I was going to head to New York City and see my first Broadway show, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", with one of my best friends. My first Broadway show ever! Boy, I was excited. And it didn't disappoint, because I had an awesome time. I actually couldn't believe how much fun I had. So much fun that I just might find myself addicted to Broadway shows.
So as Tuesday was the high point of my week, Thursday will be the opposite. I'm not really looking forward to dealing with Thursday. But then again, I haven't been looking forward to this particular Thursday for the last 364 days.
Thursday is the one-year anniversary of my mother's passing. I've missed her like you wouldn't believe, and although I knew she was in poor health when she died, I just wasn't prepared for her dying. When she died, my mother took a big part of me with her. This past year I'd been searching for a loving man, hell any man, to help fill a huge void in my life. Most of these guys were not even worth my time and energy.
So six months ago I made the decision to hold off from any casual sex until I found the guy who was worth me and my whole self. No one would get the goods until they prove they deserve them. Some people may think that's a bit drastic but these past months I've been feeling like I've been settling way too much. I felt like my mother was trying to deliver a message to me and let me know that even though she wasn't around anymore to give my potential partner the seal of approval, she'd already given me all the tools I need to give the seal of approval myself.
I'm not sure how I will deal with Thursday. I do know one thing - for those who know me or know others who know me, just a word of caution ... I won't be putting up with anyone's drama, attitudes or hassles. If anyone puts me through any of it, I'll be cutting them out of my life with the quickness. Just as my mom believed - I'm at an age that I really don't have to put up with anyone's chaos and don't need to curb my opinions so as to save anyone's feelings.
Perhaps it's about time I put that motto into effect. The ones who love me and are close friends and confidantes will remain true; the others will fall away.

The eyes of autumn are upon us and I'm breaking out of my limits

My friend mentioned to me that now that October 1st is finally here, "the eyes of autumn" are upon us.
I really didn't understand what he meant, but when he explained it to me, I thought it was hilarious. He told me that the eyes of autumn is a gay term that he and his friends used back in his hometown. It was an inside joke between he and his gang of gay male friends, but it certainly applies here.
He said that it is the time when autumn weather finally hits and gay men get into their snuggle mode. The summer has officially ended and the men are scouring the city of Asbury Park (and beyond) in search of, not necessarily a one-night stand, but they will be looking for a significant other to share their blanket.
I'd never heard of this, and I'm sure other gay men around this area haven't either. But starting today, gay men are in extreme mode to lasso another man who can - and will - do a lot more than just keep them warm. I think that's a grand concept. He warned me that this month will be the time that I just might find a man who will be perfect for me.
I have no idea what the eyes of autumn - October - will have in store for me. But I'm going to keep my eyes open, just in case a handsome gentleman looks my way. I'm usually pretty oblivious to potential suitors looking my way, but I'm going to break out of that mode and try to push the envelope more than I've been doing.
I'm also going to do something that I haven't done in the past. I'm going to expand my search net. Most people who know me well are aware that I don't date within my race and haven't really looked at other black men as an option. It's not that they aren't attractive to me; I just haven't looked at another black man as a potential suitor. Maybe that has been a little shortsighted on my part.
Don't get it twisted - my main type of man is Caucasian. But in the past I've found that it's very difficult to know if a white man is attracted to a black guy. I'd agree with the statistics that approximately 78 percent of the population of gay white men aren't attracted to black men to enter into a monogamous relationship with, only for a casual romp so they can try something different. For the most part, the statistics are not on my side.
So I'm considering looking within my own race for a man. But when it comes to any man, my standards are still high. Maybe a little too high. But as I've said before, my parents raised me to maintain a high level of standards and it's difficult to break that. I did that once, and to this day I regret a lot about that relationship. I won't do that again.
So my eyes will be open, but I'll still be looking at potential suitors with one eye open as well. And for those who don't know what that means, that "one eye open" is referring to my third eye. Everyone has a third eye; some just decide to keep that eye shut.
So if you catch me eyeing you over the top of my martini glass (one of my bartender friends jokes with me about the fact that I subconsciously tend to do that sometimes), don't be taken aback. It just means that the eyes of autumn are upon you and you've been found attractive by me.
But be forewarned ... I don't just share my blanket to snuggle with just anyone. Because even though I'm just like every other horny gay man, I'm still a lady!

Can't eat, can't sleep, can't drink, can't go out ... what the hell is going on?

This past week has been weird for me. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I haven't had the desire to see people. I'm usually always up for some fun, but that has been the furthest thing from my mind.
What the hell is going on?
I really haven't had too much of an appetite, and for me that's not normal because I can usually eat everything in sight.
I really haven't been sleeping too well. I haven't been able to sleep through the night, and it seems as though I've been tossing and turning way too much.
Most people who know me are well aware that I can drink a hell of a lot of alcohol and still be standing. Martinis are my drink of choice, and I think I've had pretty much every martini under the sun. But for some reason, I haven't had the urge to drink at all.
And I think the last time I went out on the town was last Friday. It was my good friend's birthday party at the local gay bar, and I had a really good time. But since, the only time I really went out was Sunday; I had dinner at Hotel Tides. I usually continue the festivities at Paradise, where I have a fun time with my friends at karaoke. But I just couldn't be around anyone, and that's not like me.
But nothing has appealed to me. And I'm not sure why.
I know that my mother has been on my mind a lot lately, more than usual. I've always missed her since her death almost a year ago. She meant the world to me, and I really miss her. The anniversary of her death is coming up in October and I'm not sure how to handle that. I feel like there is something I'm missing, like there's a message she has been trying to tell me this past year and I don't have all the pieces to the puzzle.
I also feel like no one actually understands what I'm going through when it comes to my mom. I'm well aware that I'm not the first person to lose a parent, someone who means the world to me. But who really wants to hear me go on and on about it? I usually keep these things to myself, for the most part. Plus if I talk about this stuff to others, I may just burst into tears. And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to cry in public.
I do need to figure out why I'm going through all this inner strife right now. I'm not a big fan of therapy, so that prospect is out for me. I just have to figure all this out on my own.
Perhaps I really am just burned out from all the shenanigans surrounding the gay community in Asbury Park. There are some good things about it, but right now I'm struggling to figure out what those are. Anyone who knows any off the top of their heads, please let me know what these good things might be. It's appreciated.