Charlie, you will be sorely missed by all of us ... fly, fly, fly my friend

This may very well be the most difficult blog post I’ve had to write thus far.
As most have already heard, one of our own, Charlie Gurrera, passed away Tuesday. He was one of the most influential, supportive members of not only the LGBTQ community, but all communities.
I’m sure all of us will forever be touched by our experiences with Charlie. He touched so many people’s lives, and made everyone feel so welcome who walked through the doors of Georgie’s, the bar where he served as manager.
Everyone has their own memories that they can hold dear to their hearts. Just one week prior to his death, it was my birthday. I celebrated my birthday at Georgie’s, and as soon as Charlie saw me walk through the door, he made sure to come over, give me a kiss and hug, order me a celebratory drink on him, and laugh as he made sure to supply me with jello shots, as we joked that I had posted on Facebook that I was looking forward to my jello shots and he wanted to make sure I got my birthday wish.
That was just a small part of the type of person Charlie was in our lives. Whenever one of us in the community were struggling with something, having a great day, or just trying to have fun, he was there to offer support, possibly an ear, a laugh, or (and this is funny to me for reasons only he and I know) a half-priced drink coupon.
I haven’t mentioned this too much as of this moment, but when I needed a chance, he was there. A couple of years ago, the job that I had worked so long and hard to reach the top of the ladder cut me loose and laid me off. I had put my life into that job, and in the process neglected a lot of my life, my mother in particular. Then she passed away and I lost that job. I had to reinvent myself, and in the process, I attended bartending school and received my certification.
Unfortunately, except for my best friend Ryan – who allowed me to bartend some at his place, Hotel Tides, most places in the community didn’t want to take a chance on me. It was difficult and I felt very defeated. I think Charlie knew this, and he was going to allow me to do some work at Georgie’s. Turned out shortly after, I took another job back in the media environment.
But still, Charlie was willing to take a chance, when so many other places didn’t want to do it. That meant a lot to me, as most may see me as a proud man and I don’t like to show a weaker side.
I know that so many in the community have their own Charlie moments. His friends, whom he always considered his family, can take some solace in the knowledge that he knew that he was loved, and there are so many photos, videos and snapshots of how much you all loved him.
Being an editor in the media industry, we are always forced to inform the world of the straight facts on something like this. But straight news is not the way this would go. Not only because I considered Charlie a friend, but because so many times, the person is not what the news is on that person in the end – it’s what their entire life and the lives they touched means to the world.
Charlie was an entrepreneur, a staunch supporter of all things LGBTQ, a funny, endearing, passionate young soul who was taken from us far much too soon. He was much more than that to so many of us, and will be sorely missed.
So Charlie, this is for you, a verse from my favorite song, Billy Joel’s “Vienna”:
“Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize … Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

Down for reconstruction

A few people had asked when I was going to put out a new blog post, so this is just to get viewers up to speed.
After a couple of months almost feeling like I've been on a rollercoaster, and just dealing with some personal and professional issues, I'm going to take a break from being the gay blogger reporting on Asbury Park's positives and craziness.
I guess I may as well add this bit of information to the blog as well. If you don't see me out and about that often, don't worry, I'm not dead (hopefully not!) Being out in Asbury so much is somewhat stressful at times, and after hearing four little words from my doctor today, I know a break is needed. The words, "Your numbers have spiked", has been something I've been working double-time to never hear.
I'm not going to go into any details as to things that have been going on, but just know that everything will be fine.
So I'm going down for some reconstruction and refocus.
Much love to all! And don't worry ~ I'll announce when the blog will be back up and running.
Peace!

Is imitation really the sincerest form of flattery? Well I'm not convinced

With the news breaking that SandBlast will be taking a hike from Asbury Park and skipping down to Atlantic City this summer, many people seem to have some mixed reactions.
I’m not actually sure how the residents and tourists in AC will greet this, but I hope the organizers of SandBlast are prepared for it. I’m not saying that it won’t be a good thing; I’m just saying that for us in Asbury Park, we got a lot out of having it here. Businesses profited. Residents, although at times bothered that they had to walk miles to get to their own homes since parking was very limited, enjoyed the festivities.
It was a good source of income for Asbury Park. That’s just a fact.
But I have to say, instead of focusing on what SandBlast brought to the community, it might be a good time to reevaluate what we, ourselves, have been doing to each other – all in the name of “good, healthy” competition.
Now I already know that this blog post will not be the most popular, but some things need to be said. Some of us really need to take a good, long look in the mirror and make sure that we have been the best that we can be. In the name of competition, it has been my opinion that some people have been stepping on others’ toes and making rash decisions when individuals haven’t been acting in ways that suited their needs.
For instance, they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery … but that’s not always the case. If someone, be it a person or company, has a profitable idea under their belt, I believe (in my opinion) that the idea should not be replicated by anyone else. When a person tries to “replicate” someone else’s profitable ideas to drum up business in the community, that is not imitation – and it’s not flattering. It’s, in a word, snatching.
Not only that, but it’s obvious. I can never understand why one bar/restaurant would ever do the exact same thing another bar/restaurant is doing, on the exact same night, in an effort to steal their business. Some people, I’m sure, are saying that I’m just a naïve fool who doesn’t understand the ways of the world. And you may be correct in your assessment. But everyone is entitled to their opinions, and this is mine. Sorry about it … but not sorry about it.
Just come up with your own ideas, and be successful on that level. It’ll make you feel so much better. Well, one would hope, right?
It also saddens my heart when people in the community are penalized for trying to make a living. We all keep saying that we in the LGBTQ community want to work together, live in harmony and have equality in every way, shape and form. Well let’s start with ourselves as members of the LGBTQ community.
We need to start setting examples, because if we don’t, we have no right to complain about others. I understand that competition is tight in the LGBTQ bars and restaurants. But it just boggles this gay man’s mind when a performer, bartender, server, security guard, disc jockey, entertainer, etc., etc. loses their way of making a living – and some are making a living in the industry and nowhere else – because they need (not want but NEED)to work in two or three different venues in the community.
Now I’m not pointing fingers or even intimating that I understand why or what the reasons are. But in my humble opinion, if we are to show the straight community that we can rise above the ways they handle themselves, we need to demonstrate by example. Let’s share the talents that make our community stand out and have others take notice.
Okay, I say all this to say what, you ask? The point of my mindset is this: If a person, organization or business can be admonished and punished for doing the same type of things at two different venues, then how in the hell can people make any justifications in their ways of thinking that it is somehow okay to try to do the same events that another person, organization or business is doing?
Can someone explain this to me? $2 dollars to the person who can explain this concept to me … $5 to the person who can look me in the eye, with a straight face, and make sense when you do it!
So if it’s good business to imitate ideas, then why don’t we as a community get together and “imitate” SandBlast – under a different name – but on the same weekend? Let’s practice what we preach, because if you can justify why we do that to each other, then I’m sure we can pull off a more spectacular imitation of this event.
And as the Pink Prom is fast approaching, I’d just like to say that if anyone tries to snatch that idea/concept from me, good luck New Jerseyans because that is patented to me and Bernadine will SHUT---IT---DOWN! This admittedly naive person learned his lesson after seeing some of the things that go on. You’re welcome!

Welcome back Bernadine, you've been missed so very, very, very much!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve blogged, for the most part because I was a little fearful that so many things were going on and Bernadine might go a bit too far in reading people for their crazy actions. Well, I’ve missed the writing so much that I just can’t stop doing what I do best, right?

And I must say, if I’ve ever seemed like a bitch, this blog is going to make me seem like an absolute asshole to some people! Now I would apologize in advance, but as Mama always said, “Once you get to be a certain age, and have so much life under your belt, never apologize for anything you say – you’ve earned it!”
So, here goes.

Crazy is as crazy does

There’s this guy who hangs around Asbury Park every now and again, and most people might know who I’m talking about if I say the word “jukebox junkie.” He always plays the jukebox, and forces everyone to listen to his type of music. Some bartenders just can’t take it, and to be honest, some patrons as well.

Now this guy is a good person and he’s alright, but you just never know what you’ll get from him or how he will act in a situation.

So a couple of months ago, this person tried to get into an altercation with me (or should I say Bernadine) about the jukebox, and once all was said and done, Bernadine won. So this person not only cut off all connection with myself, but my good friends as well. To be honest, I wasn’t upset. In fact, I was slightly relieved.
Well all of a sudden, he’s back and acting as if nothing ever happened! He talks to us like the last couple of months were some sort of dream and he’s picked up like nothing has changed.  It creeps me out a little – hell, a lot. I have no idea what to make of it all. So I try to steer clear of him as much as I can.
People are just weird sometimes!

We miss you Christy

As many in the community already know, Georgie’s drag superstar Christy Girlington decided to not continue her Classic Drag Show at the bar a couple of months ago. There’s a distinct reason that Christy is one of my favorite drag queens … she not only entices the audience with her slapstick comedy, but she puts on a damn good show.
She enlists great drag performers to strut their stuff on the stage. She makes the crowd feel like they are a part of the action. And she will read us bitches in the crowd and actually make us laugh at ourselves.
Christy will be missed, and I’m just that sort of patron who likes to watch the drag shows that aren’t the ordinary. Christy has been replaced by former Miss Paradise, The LadyMarisa, a talented performer in her own right.
Okay, I’m just going to say to check out her performance for yourselves. Now as for me, for someone who likes the type of drag performance that Christy brings to the stage, I don’t want to see the drag at Georgie’s become just like all the other drag shows around Asbury Park.
I’m not saying that it will; I’m just saying that I want to see a little more. So I’m hoping that The LadyMarisa will bring us a little more than what we see at the other places. Actually I’m hoping that we still get to see some “KiKi for the Coin”, a little lip synching for their lives to see who wins the night.
Let’s just hope we get more than the norm. I’m sure she can do it. And speaking of performances …

Put in your dues

When I started my career life in the world of journalism, I started at the bottom. I started as a reporter, then investigative journalist, then copy editor, then graphic designer, then associate editor, then night desk editor, then digital editor, to news editor.
In brief, I put in my dues.
There have been a number of performers, artists, writers, etc. who have just started in their craft and then (PUFF) – instant stardom. The only problem is – some people like to see the path that some performers take. It’s so interesting; it makes the performer more enticing for the audience. We root for them.
When a performer seems to have the expected rationale to feel like they have the ability to catapult past all those who have climbed the ladder – step by step – and put in their dues, it leaves a sour taste in some people’s mouths.
All Bernadine is saying is that make sure to climb that ladder – step by step – so your audience will root for you and give you much more support in the community. It will pay in deuces in the long run. But that’s just one person’s opinion … no, actually, that is a lot of people’s opinions. I just said it.

Word of caution – date in your generation

I’ve been a guilty person of this very crime in the recent past. I’ve had the distinct honor of falling into this trap. But as of late, I’ve come to the realization that it just doesn’t work out in the long run.
It’s funny – my Mama used to make sure that I always knew that if I tried to date someone who wasn’t a part of my generation, it wouldn’t work out. I miss her so very much, if for no other reason, than her keen knowledge that she knows me inside and out.
Now to clear it up, when I say dating in your generation, I don’t mean to date someone your own age. Not at all. What I mean by that phrase, courtesy of Mama, is that you can date someone not in your age category. A guy 50 years old can date someone in their late 20s, early 30s. That's not what I’m saying.
What I’m saying, when referring to generation, is the same mindset. For me, I will give up my seat to an elderly woman. So I need to date someone who will do the same. For me, I ask a person out on a date or some event. So I need someone in my life who will not only do that, but will also follow up if they are asked. If they wait too long, I lose interest. Time is of the essence with me, and life is too short to dilly-dally around. For me, I put others’ needs above myself. So I need to date someone who does the same.
That’s the “generation” to which I refer. I just don’t know why I’ve forgotten that. That’s me! I never settle. But I’ve done that in past years just to have someone near me. Mama drilled self-respect into my being, into my self-esteem. When she passed away, it seemed to be as if I’d forgotten that part of me. Suddenly, it has become clear all over again.
I guess because of events such as the prom, I’ve let Mama’s knowledge about myself, the man that I am and have always been, fall by the wayside. After all, who wants to attend a huge event solo? But it’s okay … my brain is working again. This weekend I had a dream where she told me “Stop chasing guys who just can’t keep up with YOU!” Thanks Mama, message received!

2^nd Annual Pink Prom

Speaking of the prom, the fundraising event of the season will take place Friday, May 2^nd. Tickets are $75 each and go on sale March 1^st. A blog will be forthcoming in a few days.
Details about the prom can be viewed at the following Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/1456540244569037/
But courtesy of myself and Ryan Jimenez, general manager of the Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, we will be giving away free tickets to the prom this Thursday at The LadyMarisa’s “Glitter and Glam” drag show at Georgie’s, the premiere of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 6 viewing party at Hotel Tides on Monday, Feb, 24^th, and at Stephanie Hunnell and Peter James Calafiore’s fundraising event “Charity Begins at Home @ Cameo” on Sunday, Feb. 23^rd.

Center of attentions need not apply

I love to be the life of the party. Who doesn't?
But one type of guy who is never a match for this guy would be those who just have, just must be the center of attention. I've seen a couple of those guys out and about, and rest assured, I lose interest fast!
Those people don't get too far with me. In a crowded room, with a wide array of people who know me and who I love to interact, if someone ever needs for Bernadine to pay all attention to them ... safe to say, that's not gonna happen. And plus, I wouldn't want the guy to treat me like I was the only one in the room. To be honest, for me, it gets to be way too much.

Oh, and by the way ... Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Just consider this my Valentine's gift to you all!

My grown-up Christmas wish

Since it's the holiday season, I figured I'd offer you a holiday-themed blog.
The only thing is, I just am not in the holiday spirit and didn't want to write about anything happening this season.
But speaking to a close friend, she suggested that writing about it may make things a bit better for me.
I haven't really celebrated the holiday season for the past couple of years since my heart, my Mama, passed away. This was her season; she just loved the holidays. Of course, she'd always make sure the family got together; even if I had to work the holiday, I was just so excited to take the trek back to my hometown to see her.
When she passed, I just didn't see any need to celebrate her favorite time of the year. I woke up this morning with the uncanny thought that I need to do something to get into the spirit of the holiday.
And one thing my Mama always drilled into my head was that I can only get what I truly want for Christmas if I say it out loud. Well, although this is going to be a bit embarassing to admit, but I guess if I want to actually get it, I must express it.
I'm going to share my grown-up Christmas wish with you.
The wish that I've had for some time now, and I am very hopeful that this year I finally get it, is to have the man of my dreams, who actually wants a true-blood relationship with me, to come to my door on Christmas morning and surprise me with a mistletoe over his head and give me the grandest, most passionate kiss I've ever received.
Okay, now you know my Christmas wish. It sounds crazy, I know. Plus, it's not like that will ever happen ... those fairytales never come true for guys like me ~ the forever Charlottes and Pollyannas who still believe in fairytale endings.
But as I look around the community, I see people uniting, falling into relationship left and right. Some, I'm surprised to see the union; others, I'm just happy because they deserve happiness. And I deserve it, too.
So I've been trying my damndest to smile and laugh; it's better to make sure others have a great holiday season no matter how I may feel inside.
I know that I won't be getting my one Christmas wish, which would be to celebrate the holiday with my Mama, just once more. But maybe if I get my other wish, the mistletoed man who I just adore, perhaps I can truly believe in the spirit of the season again.
But to end this blog, I just want to wish everyone the best holiday season that they can possibly have!

People, take responsibility for your actions and stop the whining!

I'm not one to usually judge a person, mainly because every person has traveled their own personal paths in life and no one knows what another person is all about. But as a successful media reporter, we always need to put the facts (allegedly as it may seem) out there, report the news and let the audience draw their own conclusions.
So that's what I'm going to do.
A few of my friends and I went to a local eatery early Saturday morning at approximately 2:10 a.m. We sat down at our booth and ordered some food. There was another group of individuals in the same eatery at another table. I didn't really know any of them, except maybe a brief hello to a couple of them in the past. We were minding our own business, and they were minding their own business.
Approximately an hour later, the group of guys at the other table left the eatery. A few minutes later, as we were asking for our check, the waitress innocently mentioned that she was a bit surprised that the guys only left her $1 as a tip, but, as she said, "I'm not going to complain, it's no big deal".
Now my group of friends are the type of people who not only would feel bad that this would ever happen, but we are the type of people who work in the service industry - me as a bartender - and would do our best to compensate for another table's alleged foul actions. So we decided to make her day and leave her three times the amount of our tip.
Now I'm not accusing anyone of stiffing a server; I'm not in a person's mind. But nonetheless, a couple of my friends posted generic Facebook posts - not naming any names - but just saying something like "Go out to eat and leave a $1 tip, who would do that?"
Now I have no idea what transpired before Saturday at around 11 a.m., but somehow someone mentioned something to somebody, calling these people out. My friends and I were asleep, so I have no idea what happened. And to be perfectly honest, I really could give two s**ts what happened!
So allegedly, one of the members of the table who, allegedly, was part of the group who, allegedly, stiffed the waitress out a sufficient tip, decided that it was okay in some freakin' universe to message some stupid rant to one of my friends, accusing us of spreading gossip and rumors about them, which they insist were not true.
Now I don't give a damn whether it was true or not. And I don't give a damn if this person feels justified in reacting this way. But I DO give a damn that this person would be so reckless as to think that in some universe that it is okay to give me and my friends dirty looks and talk s*** about us at our local watering holes. And trust, I know that is a fact because a couple of people mentioned it ... and I, myself, saw the dirty looks.
Now this is the quiz ~~~ If you are eating in a restaurant and you, allegedly, leave a $1 tip when 3 or 4 people are eating, would you:
A) Justify it by saying a couple of the people paid by credit card (PS - the eatery DOES NOT accept credit cards);
B) Start a text altercation with a person because you have been called out for your alleged actions;
C) After thinking you've been called out, you call the eatery the next morning and complain about the server and almost get that server fired;
D) Feel justified in causing a ruckus with the people who you falsely assume made you, allegedly, look like a fool in the community.
You can decide which letter you want, but I'm going to make this plain and as clear and concise as this blogger can make it ...
If you choose letter D, you'd better be prepared for what I do after-the-fact, because if you choose to act like a fool and talk about me and my friends out in public, this is one black man who will make you second-guess choosing letter D!
So I'm putting it out there to whoever has a problem with me ~~ you are more than welcome to approach me face-to-face and discuss your concerns or issues, I welcome it. And I'm speaking for myself, no one else, and not my friends.
But best be warned ~~ you may be greeted by Eric, who is a nice, kind-hearted person who always has an open mind. Or you may be greeted by Bernadine, who is a bitchy, cunty wildcat who doesn't put up with any crap ... from anyone.
But if I were a betting man, I'd put all my savings on meeting up with Miss Bernadine!
But take your chances ... you never know.

**Editor's note ~ For those who aren't aware, the definition of allegedly is: used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof.

Cameo, the newest kid on the gay community block, open for business

In case you haven't noticed, there's a new hot child in the city.
Cameo, the neighborhood's urban hangout in Asbury Park, is under new ownership and has reinvented itself as the new gay bar in our fair city. John McGillion, owner of Johnny Mac House of Spirits in the city, took over the bar and turned it into the newest gay bar in Asbury Park.
The reemergence took place about a month ago, and by the looks of it, the place is making a real dent in Asbury Park. The community has come out and has shown support for the new spot.
Cameo, located on Main Street, is just the newest member of the group of bars/restaurants already established as part of the gay scene ~ Georgie's Bar, Paradise Nightclub and Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa.
Cameo also has a new manager. John Figueiredo, of Asbury Park, has taken over the reigns and is already making inroads in turning the bar into one of the places to be.
"We are now serving the gay community and creating an environment where people can relax, chill and mingle. The staff is friendly and the drinks are great," Figueiredo says. "Over the next couple of months we will be transforming this iconic bar into Asbury's newest gay destination to be. The staff is planning some exciting events to include half-priced Martini Mondays and Wicked Wednesdays, where we will be viewing "American Horror Stories'" newest season just in time for Halloween.
"Sundays we will be presenting "The Big Gay Beer Explosion," a take on the traditional beer blast. Dragon's Lair Productions is also pleased to announce "Bulge," a party for gay men, on the first Saturday of every month beginning in November."
According to Figueiredo, the LGBTQ community has been receptive of Asbury Park's newest gay bar.
"The response to our opening has been met with overwhelming excitement," he says. "I would say that the general consensus is that a new gay bar is just what Asbury Park and the gay community needs. Our community has been super supportive as the business has been growing week after week."
If you haven't gotten yourself out to check out Cameo, make sure you do.
Check out their Facebook page here!