I haven't written a blog in over a month, and I've missed it.
I've been busy with a huge project at work, and it's just beginning the next phase. Boy, I'm tired!
The other reason it's been some time since my last blog entry is pretty selfish on my part, I hate to say. This past month, as I've been throwing myself into my work, it's been easier than thinking about being depressed about my mother's recent passing. It's been a difficult time, since my mother passed away. Especially over the holidays. The holidays is exactly what my mother loved - and she loved it to the hilt.
I've been doing a lot of crying behind closed doors. I haven't wanted to lean on my family and friends to help me get through the holidays, nor did I want them to feel sorry for me. I've been doing enough of that for everyone.
So I've tried to desperately keep them at bay by partying as much as I could. I don't think people are really in a position to see me cry, because most are used to hearing me laugh. Plus, I've discovered that it takes more energy to cry than laugh. And people have said that they love to hear my laugh. So I want to make others happy, right?
But I guess if I really want to get past all the sadness, I need to explore it. But I don't want to explore it. Because if I explore it, I'm just afraid that I'll just drown in the sadness. So I've been partying and working as much as I can. But I know - it's time to get over the sadness over my mother. And I may need some help with that.
But in the process of dealing with things, I am proud of myself for not falling into the arms of some random guy who just wanted to have their way with me. I've learned that lesson, and I'm happy that I didn't fall back into the "old Eric"!
But I think it's time to figure things out and make some definite headway in dealing with the grief that I know I haven't dealt with thus far.
Boy, self reflection is good for the soul I suppose.
