Since it's the holiday season, I figured I'd offer you a holiday-themed blog.
The only thing is, I just am not in the holiday spirit and didn't want to write about anything happening this season.
But speaking to a close friend, she suggested that writing about it may make things a bit better for me.
I haven't really celebrated the holiday season for the past couple of years since my heart, my Mama, passed away. This was her season; she just loved the holidays. Of course, she'd always make sure the family got together; even if I had to work the holiday, I was just so excited to take the trek back to my hometown to see her.
When she passed, I just didn't see any need to celebrate her favorite time of the year. I woke up this morning with the uncanny thought that I need to do something to get into the spirit of the holiday.
And one thing my Mama always drilled into my head was that I can only get what I truly want for Christmas if I say it out loud. Well, although this is going to be a bit embarassing to admit, but I guess if I want to actually get it, I must express it.
I'm going to share my grown-up Christmas wish with you.
The wish that I've had for some time now, and I am very hopeful that this year I finally get it, is to have the man of my dreams, who actually wants a true-blood relationship with me, to come to my door on Christmas morning and surprise me with a mistletoe over his head and give me the grandest, most passionate kiss I've ever received.
Okay, now you know my Christmas wish. It sounds crazy, I know. Plus, it's not like that will ever happen ... those fairytales never come true for guys like me ~ the forever Charlottes and Pollyannas who still believe in fairytale endings.
But as I look around the community, I see people uniting, falling into relationship left and right. Some, I'm surprised to see the union; others, I'm just happy because they deserve happiness. And I deserve it, too.
So I've been trying my damndest to smile and laugh; it's better to make sure others have a great holiday season no matter how I may feel inside.
I know that I won't be getting my one Christmas wish, which would be to celebrate the holiday with my Mama, just once more. But maybe if I get my other wish, the mistletoed man who I just adore, perhaps I can truly believe in the spirit of the season again.
But to end this blog, I just want to wish everyone the best holiday season that they can possibly have!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
People, take responsibility for your actions and stop the whining!
I'm not one to usually judge a person, mainly because every person has traveled their own personal paths in life and no one knows what another person is all about. But as a successful media reporter, we always need to put the facts (allegedly as it may seem) out there, report the news and let the audience draw their own conclusions.
So that's what I'm going to do.
A few of my friends and I went to a local eatery early Saturday morning at approximately 2:10 a.m. We sat down at our booth and ordered some food. There was another group of individuals in the same eatery at another table. I didn't really know any of them, except maybe a brief hello to a couple of them in the past. We were minding our own business, and they were minding their own business.
Approximately an hour later, the group of guys at the other table left the eatery. A few minutes later, as we were asking for our check, the waitress innocently mentioned that she was a bit surprised that the guys only left her $1 as a tip, but, as she said, "I'm not going to complain, it's no big deal".
Now my group of friends are the type of people who not only would feel bad that this would ever happen, but we are the type of people who work in the service industry - me as a bartender - and would do our best to compensate for another table's alleged foul actions. So we decided to make her day and leave her three times the amount of our tip.
Now I'm not accusing anyone of stiffing a server; I'm not in a person's mind. But nonetheless, a couple of my friends posted generic Facebook posts - not naming any names - but just saying something like "Go out to eat and leave a $1 tip, who would do that?"
Now I have no idea what transpired before Saturday at around 11 a.m., but somehow someone mentioned something to somebody, calling these people out. My friends and I were asleep, so I have no idea what happened. And to be perfectly honest, I really could give two s**ts what happened!
So allegedly, one of the members of the table who, allegedly, was part of the group who, allegedly, stiffed the waitress out a sufficient tip, decided that it was okay in some freakin' universe to message some stupid rant to one of my friends, accusing us of spreading gossip and rumors about them, which they insist were not true.
Now I don't give a damn whether it was true or not. And I don't give a damn if this person feels justified in reacting this way. But I DO give a damn that this person would be so reckless as to think that in some universe that it is okay to give me and my friends dirty looks and talk s*** about us at our local watering holes. And trust, I know that is a fact because a couple of people mentioned it ... and I, myself, saw the dirty looks.
Now this is the quiz ~~~ If you are eating in a restaurant and you, allegedly, leave a $1 tip when 3 or 4 people are eating, would you:
A) Justify it by saying a couple of the people paid by credit card (PS - the eatery DOES NOT accept credit cards);
B) Start a text altercation with a person because you have been called out for your alleged actions;
C) After thinking you've been called out, you call the eatery the next morning and complain about the server and almost get that server fired;
D) Feel justified in causing a ruckus with the people who you falsely assume made you, allegedly, look like a fool in the community.
You can decide which letter you want, but I'm going to make this plain and as clear and concise as this blogger can make it ...
If you choose letter D, you'd better be prepared for what I do after-the-fact, because if you choose to act like a fool and talk about me and my friends out in public, this is one black man who will make you second-guess choosing letter D!
So I'm putting it out there to whoever has a problem with me ~~ you are more than welcome to approach me face-to-face and discuss your concerns or issues, I welcome it. And I'm speaking for myself, no one else, and not my friends.
But best be warned ~~ you may be greeted by Eric, who is a nice, kind-hearted person who always has an open mind. Or you may be greeted by Bernadine, who is a bitchy, cunty wildcat who doesn't put up with any crap ... from anyone.
But if I were a betting man, I'd put all my savings on meeting up with Miss Bernadine!
But take your chances ... you never know.
**Editor's note ~ For those who aren't aware, the definition of allegedly is: used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof.
So that's what I'm going to do.
A few of my friends and I went to a local eatery early Saturday morning at approximately 2:10 a.m. We sat down at our booth and ordered some food. There was another group of individuals in the same eatery at another table. I didn't really know any of them, except maybe a brief hello to a couple of them in the past. We were minding our own business, and they were minding their own business.
Approximately an hour later, the group of guys at the other table left the eatery. A few minutes later, as we were asking for our check, the waitress innocently mentioned that she was a bit surprised that the guys only left her $1 as a tip, but, as she said, "I'm not going to complain, it's no big deal".
Now my group of friends are the type of people who not only would feel bad that this would ever happen, but we are the type of people who work in the service industry - me as a bartender - and would do our best to compensate for another table's alleged foul actions. So we decided to make her day and leave her three times the amount of our tip.
Now I'm not accusing anyone of stiffing a server; I'm not in a person's mind. But nonetheless, a couple of my friends posted generic Facebook posts - not naming any names - but just saying something like "Go out to eat and leave a $1 tip, who would do that?"
Now I have no idea what transpired before Saturday at around 11 a.m., but somehow someone mentioned something to somebody, calling these people out. My friends and I were asleep, so I have no idea what happened. And to be perfectly honest, I really could give two s**ts what happened!
So allegedly, one of the members of the table who, allegedly, was part of the group who, allegedly, stiffed the waitress out a sufficient tip, decided that it was okay in some freakin' universe to message some stupid rant to one of my friends, accusing us of spreading gossip and rumors about them, which they insist were not true.
Now I don't give a damn whether it was true or not. And I don't give a damn if this person feels justified in reacting this way. But I DO give a damn that this person would be so reckless as to think that in some universe that it is okay to give me and my friends dirty looks and talk s*** about us at our local watering holes. And trust, I know that is a fact because a couple of people mentioned it ... and I, myself, saw the dirty looks.
Now this is the quiz ~~~ If you are eating in a restaurant and you, allegedly, leave a $1 tip when 3 or 4 people are eating, would you:
A) Justify it by saying a couple of the people paid by credit card (PS - the eatery DOES NOT accept credit cards);
B) Start a text altercation with a person because you have been called out for your alleged actions;
C) After thinking you've been called out, you call the eatery the next morning and complain about the server and almost get that server fired;
D) Feel justified in causing a ruckus with the people who you falsely assume made you, allegedly, look like a fool in the community.
You can decide which letter you want, but I'm going to make this plain and as clear and concise as this blogger can make it ...
If you choose letter D, you'd better be prepared for what I do after-the-fact, because if you choose to act like a fool and talk about me and my friends out in public, this is one black man who will make you second-guess choosing letter D!
So I'm putting it out there to whoever has a problem with me ~~ you are more than welcome to approach me face-to-face and discuss your concerns or issues, I welcome it. And I'm speaking for myself, no one else, and not my friends.
But best be warned ~~ you may be greeted by Eric, who is a nice, kind-hearted person who always has an open mind. Or you may be greeted by Bernadine, who is a bitchy, cunty wildcat who doesn't put up with any crap ... from anyone.
But if I were a betting man, I'd put all my savings on meeting up with Miss Bernadine!
But take your chances ... you never know.
**Editor's note ~ For those who aren't aware, the definition of allegedly is: used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Cameo, the newest kid on the gay community block, open for business
In case you haven't noticed, there's a new hot child in the city.
Cameo, the neighborhood's urban hangout in Asbury Park, is under new ownership and has reinvented itself as the new gay bar in our fair city. John McGillion, owner of Johnny Mac House of Spirits in the city, took over the bar and turned it into the newest gay bar in Asbury Park.
The reemergence took place about a month ago, and by the looks of it, the place is making a real dent in Asbury Park. The community has come out and has shown support for the new spot.
Cameo, located on Main Street, is just the newest member of the group of bars/restaurants already established as part of the gay scene ~ Georgie's Bar, Paradise Nightclub and Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa.
Cameo also has a new manager. John Figueiredo, of Asbury Park, has taken over the reigns and is already making inroads in turning the bar into one of the places to be.
"We are now serving the gay community and creating an environment where people can relax, chill and mingle. The staff is friendly and the drinks are great," Figueiredo says. "Over the next couple of months we will be transforming this iconic bar into Asbury's newest gay destination to be. The staff is planning some exciting events to include half-priced Martini Mondays and Wicked Wednesdays, where we will be viewing "American Horror Stories'" newest season just in time for Halloween.
"Sundays we will be presenting "The Big Gay Beer Explosion," a take on the traditional beer blast. Dragon's Lair Productions is also pleased to announce "Bulge," a party for gay men, on the first Saturday of every month beginning in November."
According to Figueiredo, the LGBTQ community has been receptive of Asbury Park's newest gay bar.
"The response to our opening has been met with overwhelming excitement," he says. "I would say that the general consensus is that a new gay bar is just what Asbury Park and the gay community needs. Our community has been super supportive as the business has been growing week after week."
If you haven't gotten yourself out to check out Cameo, make sure you do.
Check out their Facebook page here!
Cameo, the neighborhood's urban hangout in Asbury Park, is under new ownership and has reinvented itself as the new gay bar in our fair city. John McGillion, owner of Johnny Mac House of Spirits in the city, took over the bar and turned it into the newest gay bar in Asbury Park.
The reemergence took place about a month ago, and by the looks of it, the place is making a real dent in Asbury Park. The community has come out and has shown support for the new spot.
Cameo, located on Main Street, is just the newest member of the group of bars/restaurants already established as part of the gay scene ~ Georgie's Bar, Paradise Nightclub and Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa.
Cameo also has a new manager. John Figueiredo, of Asbury Park, has taken over the reigns and is already making inroads in turning the bar into one of the places to be.
"We are now serving the gay community and creating an environment where people can relax, chill and mingle. The staff is friendly and the drinks are great," Figueiredo says. "Over the next couple of months we will be transforming this iconic bar into Asbury's newest gay destination to be. The staff is planning some exciting events to include half-priced Martini Mondays and Wicked Wednesdays, where we will be viewing "American Horror Stories'" newest season just in time for Halloween.
"Sundays we will be presenting "The Big Gay Beer Explosion," a take on the traditional beer blast. Dragon's Lair Productions is also pleased to announce "Bulge," a party for gay men, on the first Saturday of every month beginning in November."
According to Figueiredo, the LGBTQ community has been receptive of Asbury Park's newest gay bar.
"The response to our opening has been met with overwhelming excitement," he says. "I would say that the general consensus is that a new gay bar is just what Asbury Park and the gay community needs. Our community has been super supportive as the business has been growing week after week."
If you haven't gotten yourself out to check out Cameo, make sure you do.
Check out their Facebook page here!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
The Pride Network presents awards reception, youth awards brunch in celebration of LGBT History Month
In celebration of LGBT History Month, The Pride Network will be hosting an awards reception and youth awards brunch honoring leaders in the LGBT community.
LGBT History Month is a month-long annual observance, held in October, of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender history, and the history of the gay rights and related Civil Rights movements.
The awards reception will be held Friday, October 25 at The Berkeley Oceanfront Hotel, located at 1401 Ocean Ave. in Asbury Park. The event starts at 7 p.m., with an open bar from 7-8 p.m. and passed hors d’oeuvres. Tickets are $65 and can be purchased at ThePrideNetwork.org.
The keynote speaker at the reception will be Daniel L. Weiss, an attorney with over two decades of experience in immigration law. Weiss, a same-sex marriage advocate, is the past chair of the District IX Ethics Committee and a special master for the OAE.
The awards reception, sponsored by Wells Fargo, will recognize New Jersey’s finest leaders. Among the honorees: Carol Watchler, chair of GLSEN Central New Jersey; Steven Goldstein, founder of Garden State Equality; Laura Pople, president of Jersey Pride Inc.; Ed Zipprich, a member of the Red Bank Borough Council; Jeffrey Campbell, executive director of the Hudson Pride Connections Center; the Rev. Robert F. Kaeding, founder of The Center in Asbury Park; TJ Helmstetter, director of Communications and Development at Garden State Equality; David Hoffman, event planner and gay rights advocate in Asbury Park; and John Loffredo, deputy mayor of Asbury Park.
Entertainment provided by DJ Mick Hale, and event design by Peter James Floral Couture.
The youth awards brunch, recognizing New Jersey’s finest young leaders, will be held Sunday, October 27 at The Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, located at 408 7th Ave. in Asbury Park. The brunch, sponsored by The Pride Network and the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN), begins at 1 p.m. and the cost is $10 in advance and $15 at the door. Tickets can be purchased at ThePrideNetwork.org
The Pride Network strives to develop a more involved and informed LGBTQ community through leadership programs and practical solutions that build, educate and empower sustainable community networks. The organization also looks to a time when a fundamental part of being an LGBTQ individual is the opportunity to access a community that empowers and informs its members about their collective past, present and future.
For more information on these events held to honor LGBT History Month, contact Christian Fuscarino, director of The Pride Network, at 732-685-7386 or Christian@ThePrideNetwork.org
LGBT History Month is a month-long annual observance, held in October, of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender history, and the history of the gay rights and related Civil Rights movements.
The awards reception will be held Friday, October 25 at The Berkeley Oceanfront Hotel, located at 1401 Ocean Ave. in Asbury Park. The event starts at 7 p.m., with an open bar from 7-8 p.m. and passed hors d’oeuvres. Tickets are $65 and can be purchased at ThePrideNetwork.org.
The keynote speaker at the reception will be Daniel L. Weiss, an attorney with over two decades of experience in immigration law. Weiss, a same-sex marriage advocate, is the past chair of the District IX Ethics Committee and a special master for the OAE.
The awards reception, sponsored by Wells Fargo, will recognize New Jersey’s finest leaders. Among the honorees: Carol Watchler, chair of GLSEN Central New Jersey; Steven Goldstein, founder of Garden State Equality; Laura Pople, president of Jersey Pride Inc.; Ed Zipprich, a member of the Red Bank Borough Council; Jeffrey Campbell, executive director of the Hudson Pride Connections Center; the Rev. Robert F. Kaeding, founder of The Center in Asbury Park; TJ Helmstetter, director of Communications and Development at Garden State Equality; David Hoffman, event planner and gay rights advocate in Asbury Park; and John Loffredo, deputy mayor of Asbury Park.
Entertainment provided by DJ Mick Hale, and event design by Peter James Floral Couture.
The youth awards brunch, recognizing New Jersey’s finest young leaders, will be held Sunday, October 27 at The Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, located at 408 7th Ave. in Asbury Park. The brunch, sponsored by The Pride Network and the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN), begins at 1 p.m. and the cost is $10 in advance and $15 at the door. Tickets can be purchased at ThePrideNetwork.org
The Pride Network strives to develop a more involved and informed LGBTQ community through leadership programs and practical solutions that build, educate and empower sustainable community networks. The organization also looks to a time when a fundamental part of being an LGBTQ individual is the opportunity to access a community that empowers and informs its members about their collective past, present and future.
For more information on these events held to honor LGBT History Month, contact Christian Fuscarino, director of The Pride Network, at 732-685-7386 or Christian@ThePrideNetwork.org
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Embrace your indiscretions ~ no matter how ashamed you are of them
A funny thing happened on the way to the beach last week.
I wasn't planning on getting into the water ... I only swim in pools.
But I just love to sit on the boardwalk and watch the water. And by water, I mean the hot men.
So as I'm sitting there, deep in thought about my next blog entry, the subject just strolled by me. And as this man strolled by me, I instinctively put my hood over my head with the swiftness.
Sad to say, the hood was the only thing to hide me from ~~~ my indiscretion.
We all have one, or two, or 10! It's that person who you had "relations" with, who you are sort of ashamed of admitting.
That person could be a bit psychotic whose craziness was a hot turn-on in the boudoir, but in the light of day, you just know that everyone knows this fruit loop is one of Asbury Park's mental cases.
Or the person could be the biggest jerk in this city, but you didn't care at the time of the deed because you thought, "Hey, it's just sex!" But then it's the times afterward that you are just way too embarrassed to admit to your friends that the city's big jerk was someone you had sex with because you know you will be in for judgment.
Then you have the person who is the biggest flamer around, and despite the fact that he was a lion in the sack, in broad daylight he's just Mary's little lamb to everyone around the city. So when he comes up to you in a group of your friends, you steer all conversation away from any words that might give away the fact that you took him home with you one lonely night.
Well, mine was the psychotic. Hot, hot, hot in the bedroom ... but not, not, not in real life. So as I was able to avoid that awkward conversation, I felt a twinge of guilt. Who was I to judge? I mean, everyone has their faults, right?
Well guilt quickly turned to wonderment. Being the introspective gay that I am, I started to wonder, "Hey, am I anyone's hidden indiscretion?!?"
Everyone has sex with everyone around this city. But how many of us are ashamed to admit that we've had sex with someone not so desirable?
I would hate to think that a person that I had sex with would be afraid for others to know he did. But then again, we all have that person in our past ... or present.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you run into that person, don't ignore him/her because you are ashamed of your "relations" with this person. Just smile, greet that person with a warm hello, chit-chat a little. It would go a long way in making this city a friendlier place.
And isn't that what all of us gays really want ~ a friendly city?
Now the next time I run into my psychotic indiscretion, I know now what I will do ... Hell, I'm going to do the same exact thing I did last week! The dude is cra-cra!!
Sorry 'bout it ... but Bernadine isn't!
I wasn't planning on getting into the water ... I only swim in pools.
But I just love to sit on the boardwalk and watch the water. And by water, I mean the hot men.
So as I'm sitting there, deep in thought about my next blog entry, the subject just strolled by me. And as this man strolled by me, I instinctively put my hood over my head with the swiftness.
Sad to say, the hood was the only thing to hide me from ~~~ my indiscretion.
We all have one, or two, or 10! It's that person who you had "relations" with, who you are sort of ashamed of admitting.
That person could be a bit psychotic whose craziness was a hot turn-on in the boudoir, but in the light of day, you just know that everyone knows this fruit loop is one of Asbury Park's mental cases.
Or the person could be the biggest jerk in this city, but you didn't care at the time of the deed because you thought, "Hey, it's just sex!" But then it's the times afterward that you are just way too embarrassed to admit to your friends that the city's big jerk was someone you had sex with because you know you will be in for judgment.
Then you have the person who is the biggest flamer around, and despite the fact that he was a lion in the sack, in broad daylight he's just Mary's little lamb to everyone around the city. So when he comes up to you in a group of your friends, you steer all conversation away from any words that might give away the fact that you took him home with you one lonely night.
Well, mine was the psychotic. Hot, hot, hot in the bedroom ... but not, not, not in real life. So as I was able to avoid that awkward conversation, I felt a twinge of guilt. Who was I to judge? I mean, everyone has their faults, right?
Well guilt quickly turned to wonderment. Being the introspective gay that I am, I started to wonder, "Hey, am I anyone's hidden indiscretion?!?"
Everyone has sex with everyone around this city. But how many of us are ashamed to admit that we've had sex with someone not so desirable?
I would hate to think that a person that I had sex with would be afraid for others to know he did. But then again, we all have that person in our past ... or present.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you run into that person, don't ignore him/her because you are ashamed of your "relations" with this person. Just smile, greet that person with a warm hello, chit-chat a little. It would go a long way in making this city a friendlier place.
And isn't that what all of us gays really want ~ a friendly city?
Now the next time I run into my psychotic indiscretion, I know now what I will do ... Hell, I'm going to do the same exact thing I did last week! The dude is cra-cra!!
Sorry 'bout it ... but Bernadine isn't!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Don't worry, summer may be over but this city will still be sizzling
Now that the summer is over, and the out-of-towners have begun to vacate our fair city, things can get back to normal (as normal as Asbury Park can be).
And if anyone is thinking that things will slow down around this city, think again.
There are so many events, openings and happenings in store, the city will have so much to offer. Here are some things we can look forward to enjoying:
1) The reopening of La Sierra, now under the name Cascada
As many of us already know, La Sierra closed in the past couple of months to totally renovate and transform itself into a swanky nightclub atmosphere. Being the investigative reporter that I am, I was able to get a peek. And I must say, it looks awesome.
Recently I spoke with CeeMour Cox, entertainer of the year and the host of its Drag Warz, which happens on Monday nights. She was able to fill me in on some of the things on the new club's horizons.
CeeMour says "For Drag Warz, expect the unexpected. The competitions will continue, with upcoming twists and turns that will blow your minds. More drag stars, etc. I just can't wait to start it off!"
With regards to the new night spot, Miss Cox shares, "Cascada will have even better service and it will have more of an ambiance. We're looking to bring a cleaner crowd with familiar and new faces. We don't want to be known as "Oh it's a Mexican bar", or a straight bar with "a gay night" because we are so much more than that. We are going to be a nightclub that is diverse in every way, just like our beautiful town is."
The nightclub will reopen this fall, so let's amp up and support the business.
2) Fun times at Georgie's Bar
Georgie's Bar always holds the excitement for the community. It has always been a place where people can hang out and have drinks served by some awesome bartenders, dance, eat some great bar food courtesy of Pepe's Pit Stop, shoot pool, be throughly entertained by some fierce drag queens, listen to the jukebox and sing a little song or two on the stage.
Here's a rundown on what happens during the week:
On Mondays you can enjoy half-priced drinks with the city's favorite Ginger, Joe Cole;
On Tuesdays it's "Tempted Tuesdayz", when you can watch some very sexy go-go boys from New Hope and Philly while DJ Matty Flip spins the tunes. (P.S. - my favorite is Angel, or who some refer to as Clark Kent)! Yeah boy!!
On Wednesdays and Saturdays, karaoke hostess Jilly Sentino lets us belt out some strong vocals (or for some like me, sing like I'm trying to break a champagne glass).
On Thursdays we have a real treat, as Christy Girlington takes the stage as host of the bar's night of drag. Christy and the rest of the drag queens perform their hearts out as DJ Mick Hale spins the tunes, and at the end of the show, the queens get the chance to Kiki for the Coin to decide who the evening's winner will be. Such fun to watch!
On Fridays musical talent performs for the crowd, and Sundays will be the football on the TV screen while a lot of alcohol flows.
3) Paradise nightclub
So many thrilling things happen at Paradise. You can dance the night away to some great music, enjoy karaoke, stay at its Empress Hotel, enjoy some time in the pool, get some great drinks from some cool bartenders and feel like you are part of the family (unless you get messy, rambunctious drunk and find yourself escorted out by an awesome group of security guards - I never get messy drunk so I'm good! :-)
Sundays you can hang out for drinks and then once the nighttime hits, you can sing as off-tune as you like during karaoke, hosted by Nick Peters.
Mondays are for moviegoers, as Skootie and Fig show some fierce films that run the gamut from "9 to 5" to "Creature from the Pink Lagoon"!
And who says playing bingo is for old ladies? Well Tuesday evenings get out your scorecards and enjoy some "Bitchy Bingo" with its host, drag queen Holly Girlington!
Wednesdays you can enjoy game night with Fig; Thursdays you can work out those frustrations during an all new Rumba-Latin Night, complete with Latin dancers, manager/bartender Jo-Jo and hosted by Verona Voulure DeMornay; and Saturday is the dance party where you can groove to the beats until 3 a.m. with a slew of amazing DJs.
And on Fridays it's on, literally, with some stellar drag queens performing center stage for our excitement, hosted by Miss Paradise 2013 Empress Vizcaya Lord. A don't miss!
4) Hotel Tides Restaurant and Spa
This place sizzles in the summers and doesn't slow down just because autumn is approaching. This is a great place to stay, and during the fall you will still be able to see some great musical performers from all over the map.
And of course, the cuisine served by the fabulous chef and his staff is to die for! And I love to eat a good meal since I don't like to cook myself. The menu is all the buzz; you should definitely check it out. If you do, you will definitely be back for more!
Piano and songstress extraordinaire Barbara Rose; jazz duo Debra and Patrick; music man Josh Zuckerman; rockin' duo Wendy and Lisa; just to name a few. The hotel is always spotlighting talented artists during the art showings, and once RuPaul's Drag Race premieres, the crowd descends on the hotel bar for its viewing parties every Monday night.
5) Booze Bus Crawl
The last one, about a year ago, was a roaring success. So now it's back again this October. Organized by entertainment planner/bartender David Hoffman and Ryan Jimenez, who runs the Hotel Tides, this will surely be a hit once again. What better way to drink and get from bar to bar than to ride on this party bus?
The bus will stop at Georgie's Bar, Hotel Tides, Cascada and Paradise, in that order. The crawl, occurring Oct. 4th from 7:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., will have drink specials at the stops and the cost is $30.
So contact David or Ryan and get your tickets fast so you don't miss out on this event!
6) LGBT History Month
This October we all will be celebrating the history of those who have paved the way for all of us to get a little closer to full equality. There will be a number of events occurring to commemorate the successes of us all. I am in the process of working with Ryan, attorney and owner of the Kissing Booth Stephanie Hunnell, and LGBTQ leader Christian Fuscarino to make this month one that will not soon be forgotten.
Stay tuned for an upcoming blog on the final plans.
7) Ricky McChesney Tribute
So many of us in the community knew Ricky, and his death has been felt throughout.
Next Sunday, Sept. 8th, his family and friends will be holding a tribute in his honor at Paradise. The event, held from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., will be hosted by CeeMour Cox. A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project. Tickets are $25 at the door, $20 advance purchase. For advance purchase, you can contact Barbara McChesney, 732-996-1643. You can also contact Paradise for more information.
Please come out and show your support, as Ricky's family and friends will be sharing memories and honoring his life.
These are just some happenings coming up in the near future. Check out these hot spots and events and support the community. Remember, you get back as much as you give out.
And if I forgot anyone or any events, this will be my disclaimer, as I smile coyly, shrug my shoulders and utter those five little words ... "Good God, getta grip girl!"
And if anyone is thinking that things will slow down around this city, think again.
There are so many events, openings and happenings in store, the city will have so much to offer. Here are some things we can look forward to enjoying:
1) The reopening of La Sierra, now under the name Cascada
As many of us already know, La Sierra closed in the past couple of months to totally renovate and transform itself into a swanky nightclub atmosphere. Being the investigative reporter that I am, I was able to get a peek. And I must say, it looks awesome.
Recently I spoke with CeeMour Cox, entertainer of the year and the host of its Drag Warz, which happens on Monday nights. She was able to fill me in on some of the things on the new club's horizons.
CeeMour says "For Drag Warz, expect the unexpected. The competitions will continue, with upcoming twists and turns that will blow your minds. More drag stars, etc. I just can't wait to start it off!"
With regards to the new night spot, Miss Cox shares, "Cascada will have even better service and it will have more of an ambiance. We're looking to bring a cleaner crowd with familiar and new faces. We don't want to be known as "Oh it's a Mexican bar", or a straight bar with "a gay night" because we are so much more than that. We are going to be a nightclub that is diverse in every way, just like our beautiful town is."
The nightclub will reopen this fall, so let's amp up and support the business.
2) Fun times at Georgie's Bar
Georgie's Bar always holds the excitement for the community. It has always been a place where people can hang out and have drinks served by some awesome bartenders, dance, eat some great bar food courtesy of Pepe's Pit Stop, shoot pool, be throughly entertained by some fierce drag queens, listen to the jukebox and sing a little song or two on the stage.
Here's a rundown on what happens during the week:
On Mondays you can enjoy half-priced drinks with the city's favorite Ginger, Joe Cole;
On Tuesdays it's "Tempted Tuesdayz", when you can watch some very sexy go-go boys from New Hope and Philly while DJ Matty Flip spins the tunes. (P.S. - my favorite is Angel, or who some refer to as Clark Kent)! Yeah boy!!
On Wednesdays and Saturdays, karaoke hostess Jilly Sentino lets us belt out some strong vocals (or for some like me, sing like I'm trying to break a champagne glass).
On Thursdays we have a real treat, as Christy Girlington takes the stage as host of the bar's night of drag. Christy and the rest of the drag queens perform their hearts out as DJ Mick Hale spins the tunes, and at the end of the show, the queens get the chance to Kiki for the Coin to decide who the evening's winner will be. Such fun to watch!
On Fridays musical talent performs for the crowd, and Sundays will be the football on the TV screen while a lot of alcohol flows.
3) Paradise nightclub
So many thrilling things happen at Paradise. You can dance the night away to some great music, enjoy karaoke, stay at its Empress Hotel, enjoy some time in the pool, get some great drinks from some cool bartenders and feel like you are part of the family (unless you get messy, rambunctious drunk and find yourself escorted out by an awesome group of security guards - I never get messy drunk so I'm good! :-)
Sundays you can hang out for drinks and then once the nighttime hits, you can sing as off-tune as you like during karaoke, hosted by Nick Peters.
Mondays are for moviegoers, as Skootie and Fig show some fierce films that run the gamut from "9 to 5" to "Creature from the Pink Lagoon"!
And who says playing bingo is for old ladies? Well Tuesday evenings get out your scorecards and enjoy some "Bitchy Bingo" with its host, drag queen Holly Girlington!
Wednesdays you can enjoy game night with Fig; Thursdays you can work out those frustrations during an all new Rumba-Latin Night, complete with Latin dancers, manager/bartender Jo-Jo and hosted by Verona Voulure DeMornay; and Saturday is the dance party where you can groove to the beats until 3 a.m. with a slew of amazing DJs.
And on Fridays it's on, literally, with some stellar drag queens performing center stage for our excitement, hosted by Miss Paradise 2013 Empress Vizcaya Lord. A don't miss!
4) Hotel Tides Restaurant and Spa
This place sizzles in the summers and doesn't slow down just because autumn is approaching. This is a great place to stay, and during the fall you will still be able to see some great musical performers from all over the map.
And of course, the cuisine served by the fabulous chef and his staff is to die for! And I love to eat a good meal since I don't like to cook myself. The menu is all the buzz; you should definitely check it out. If you do, you will definitely be back for more!
Piano and songstress extraordinaire Barbara Rose; jazz duo Debra and Patrick; music man Josh Zuckerman; rockin' duo Wendy and Lisa; just to name a few. The hotel is always spotlighting talented artists during the art showings, and once RuPaul's Drag Race premieres, the crowd descends on the hotel bar for its viewing parties every Monday night.
5) Booze Bus Crawl
The last one, about a year ago, was a roaring success. So now it's back again this October. Organized by entertainment planner/bartender David Hoffman and Ryan Jimenez, who runs the Hotel Tides, this will surely be a hit once again. What better way to drink and get from bar to bar than to ride on this party bus?
The bus will stop at Georgie's Bar, Hotel Tides, Cascada and Paradise, in that order. The crawl, occurring Oct. 4th from 7:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., will have drink specials at the stops and the cost is $30.
So contact David or Ryan and get your tickets fast so you don't miss out on this event!
6) LGBT History Month
This October we all will be celebrating the history of those who have paved the way for all of us to get a little closer to full equality. There will be a number of events occurring to commemorate the successes of us all. I am in the process of working with Ryan, attorney and owner of the Kissing Booth Stephanie Hunnell, and LGBTQ leader Christian Fuscarino to make this month one that will not soon be forgotten.
Stay tuned for an upcoming blog on the final plans.
7) Ricky McChesney Tribute
So many of us in the community knew Ricky, and his death has been felt throughout.
Next Sunday, Sept. 8th, his family and friends will be holding a tribute in his honor at Paradise. The event, held from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., will be hosted by CeeMour Cox. A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project. Tickets are $25 at the door, $20 advance purchase. For advance purchase, you can contact Barbara McChesney, 732-996-1643. You can also contact Paradise for more information.
Please come out and show your support, as Ricky's family and friends will be sharing memories and honoring his life.
These are just some happenings coming up in the near future. Check out these hot spots and events and support the community. Remember, you get back as much as you give out.
And if I forgot anyone or any events, this will be my disclaimer, as I smile coyly, shrug my shoulders and utter those five little words ... "Good God, getta grip girl!"
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Save the date ... a benefit planned for one of our own, David Hoffman
As many of us in the community already know, Asbury Park bartender and event planner ~ and Pink Prom King 2013 ~ David Hoffman has been ill for a bit now.
He's been having a lot of medical difficulties, and he's being put through painful procedures to find some relief for his condition. He's been diagnosed with neuropathy and walking is close to impossible for him, he's had fevers and at the latest, he had to undergo a spinal tap. Through it all, David has managed to hold on to his sense of humor and spirits. When I was speaking to him, he even made ME laugh. He does that to everyone; just one of the reasons we love him.
Now for those who don't know what it is, neuropathy is a collection of disorders that occurs when nerves of the peripheral nervous system (the part of the nervous system outside of the brain and spinal cord) are damaged.
Words of love and prayers have been expressed by so many members of the community and beyond for David's quick recovery. This condition has rendered him unable to work at this time and to help him financially and to show our support, the community will be putting on a benefit for one of our own.
Now everyone knows that when any of us have experienced some difficulty in our lives, David has always, always been one of the first ones to come to our rescue, either with words of wisdom, a shoulder to cry on, a hand being lent, or a fundraising benefit to help us make it over the hump. He's done this for over 20 years ... it's just the kind of man that he is.
So now, it's time to give back to the man who always gives us so much!
The benefit will be held Sunday, July 14th from 5 to 9 p.m. at Georgie's Bar, located at 5th and Memorial in Asbury Park, NJ. What we can expect for a $5 donation at the door is a hell of a lot of love. There will be go-go dancers; performances by Christy Girlington, host of drag night Thursdays at Georgie's and a favorite in the community, and Georgie's karaoke hostess and fabulous singer Jilly Sentino; a silent auction; 50/50; and a food buffet.
When I spoke to him, he explained a lot of the problems he's been having from years of up-and-down medical struggles. I wanted to go into detail about it, but I think me writing it will never be the same as the words that David will have to say at the benefit.
I know this for sure ~ those individuals in the community who think they are invincible and there may be some magic pill to overcome all medical crises should get out to the benefit to not only support David, but also to hear what he has to say. He's been through the ups and downs of his HIV-positive status, and to hit it home for all of us, you need to see first-hand.
Okay, this is when I shouldn't be listening to George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" while writing this blog because the song has a lot to say and makes me cry a bit.
David has been there for all of us, myself included. A couple of years ago, when my mother was close to death, my family was going to have to make some difficult decisions, and I was having a hard time with it. More than most people know. But living a distance from my family, I just needed someone to talk to about it all, someone at that particular moment (while I'm in tears) who would be supportive, firm, wise and would tell me what I may not want to hear but needed to hear to clear my mind. I called David. We talked, it must have been, for a couple of hours. After speaking with him, I knew that I had to allow others to support me, but I had to be the strong one as well. My mother passed away a few days later. David's words were just what I needed to hear to come to peace with it. When I moved up here, gee about 6 years ago, David was working at The Harrison and was one of the first people who extended a friendly hand to me to make me feel welcome.
Whenever David sees me, his first words are, "Everybody loves a parade" ... Parade - his nickname for me ... love it!
We've been friends ever since. He's one of my closest friends and confidantes. He's a friend and confidante to us all.
So we all need to come together and support David. He's given so much to make the LGBTQ community a much more unified group, and it's time we give back.
I also request that we all send up prayers for our brother to make a speedy recovery.
Benefit ~ Sunday, July 14th ~ 5-9 p.m. ~ Georgie's Bar ... Be there!
He's been having a lot of medical difficulties, and he's being put through painful procedures to find some relief for his condition. He's been diagnosed with neuropathy and walking is close to impossible for him, he's had fevers and at the latest, he had to undergo a spinal tap. Through it all, David has managed to hold on to his sense of humor and spirits. When I was speaking to him, he even made ME laugh. He does that to everyone; just one of the reasons we love him.
Now for those who don't know what it is, neuropathy is a collection of disorders that occurs when nerves of the peripheral nervous system (the part of the nervous system outside of the brain and spinal cord) are damaged.
Words of love and prayers have been expressed by so many members of the community and beyond for David's quick recovery. This condition has rendered him unable to work at this time and to help him financially and to show our support, the community will be putting on a benefit for one of our own.
Now everyone knows that when any of us have experienced some difficulty in our lives, David has always, always been one of the first ones to come to our rescue, either with words of wisdom, a shoulder to cry on, a hand being lent, or a fundraising benefit to help us make it over the hump. He's done this for over 20 years ... it's just the kind of man that he is.
So now, it's time to give back to the man who always gives us so much!
The benefit will be held Sunday, July 14th from 5 to 9 p.m. at Georgie's Bar, located at 5th and Memorial in Asbury Park, NJ. What we can expect for a $5 donation at the door is a hell of a lot of love. There will be go-go dancers; performances by Christy Girlington, host of drag night Thursdays at Georgie's and a favorite in the community, and Georgie's karaoke hostess and fabulous singer Jilly Sentino; a silent auction; 50/50; and a food buffet.
When I spoke to him, he explained a lot of the problems he's been having from years of up-and-down medical struggles. I wanted to go into detail about it, but I think me writing it will never be the same as the words that David will have to say at the benefit.
I know this for sure ~ those individuals in the community who think they are invincible and there may be some magic pill to overcome all medical crises should get out to the benefit to not only support David, but also to hear what he has to say. He's been through the ups and downs of his HIV-positive status, and to hit it home for all of us, you need to see first-hand.
Okay, this is when I shouldn't be listening to George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" while writing this blog because the song has a lot to say and makes me cry a bit.
David has been there for all of us, myself included. A couple of years ago, when my mother was close to death, my family was going to have to make some difficult decisions, and I was having a hard time with it. More than most people know. But living a distance from my family, I just needed someone to talk to about it all, someone at that particular moment (while I'm in tears) who would be supportive, firm, wise and would tell me what I may not want to hear but needed to hear to clear my mind. I called David. We talked, it must have been, for a couple of hours. After speaking with him, I knew that I had to allow others to support me, but I had to be the strong one as well. My mother passed away a few days later. David's words were just what I needed to hear to come to peace with it. When I moved up here, gee about 6 years ago, David was working at The Harrison and was one of the first people who extended a friendly hand to me to make me feel welcome.
Whenever David sees me, his first words are, "Everybody loves a parade" ... Parade - his nickname for me ... love it!
We've been friends ever since. He's one of my closest friends and confidantes. He's a friend and confidante to us all.
So we all need to come together and support David. He's given so much to make the LGBTQ community a much more unified group, and it's time we give back.
I also request that we all send up prayers for our brother to make a speedy recovery.
Benefit ~ Sunday, July 14th ~ 5-9 p.m. ~ Georgie's Bar ... Be there!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Going to the chapel and going to get married! Going to the chapel of love
I'm sure that you've already heard that same-sex partners are now allowed to get married. Or at least we are in the final stretch of marriage equality.
Euphoria has overtaken the country - at least for those who are happy about it. Those vehemently against marriage equality are seething, but who really cares if they are angry? No one really cares. It's a time for celebration, and most members of the LGBTQ community are doing a lot of celebrating this weekend, especially today, in New York City.
What this all means in a nutshell:
The Supreme Court made two highly anticipated decisions on same-sex marriage, striking down the Defense of Marriage Act and dismissing California’s Proposition 8 case. The 1996 federal law defined the institution of marriage as a union between a man and a woman, thus denying federal benefits for gay couples whose marriages were recognized at the state level — like joint tax returns, Social Security, health insurance, pension protection, benefits for military couples, and immigration protections for couples from different countries. But no longer: the court invalidated DOMA in a 5-4 ruling. The Prop 8 ruling, on the other hand, is less decisive and more complicated. Prop 8 is a 2008 California ballot initiative that prohibited same-sex marriage by amending the state’s constitution. The case was dismissed on the basis that the petitioners don’t have standing; since the California courts have already struck down Prop 8, the lawyers opposing the bill don’t have standing to defend it. This means the court has effectively validated the rulings of lower courts that have rejected Prop 8.
Same-sex partners will be heading to the chapel in droves; some already have.
In New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie is still going to try hard to find some way so the LGBTQ community can't walk down the aisle. This is probably why the community will make sure he doesn't get re-elected.
Hours after the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark ruling, Christie maintained his opposition to same-sex marriage and lambasted the high court. As he did last year, Christie said he would veto any gay marriage bill that reaches his desk. He accused Democrats of playing politics by refusing to put the issue up for referendum while asking voters to amend the constitution to tie future minimum wage increases to inflation.
So, this upcoming gubernatorial election is a big power play, now that the Supreme Court has given the LGBTQ community their right to marry. Make your voices heard, and don't think that just because we have gotten this far that we can rest now. There's still more to be done!
Now for me personally ...
I was going to break this blog entry in two parts. The reason: I didn't want to put a damper on such a historically positive subject. I am so happy that the LGBTQ community finally have marriage equality; we deserve it, and the struggle has been far too long.
We should be cheering from the rooftops, trying to grab a piece of the rainbow. And believe it or not, we have been. Everyone in the community seems to be ecstatic; we are jumping for joy. Hell, my cynical best friend is even ordained and able (and inspired) to marry the members of the LGBTQ community in what would most possibly be the gayest Judy Garland-inspired wedding ceremony ever to take place. He's fabulous, so it goes without saying that any ceremony he'd be overseeing would be fierce.
The community is so happy, so endearing, so joyous. They are bouncing off the walls!
So why aren't I? While everyone has been ecstatic, posting happy gay messages all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., I've just been overwhelmed and, I hate to say this, depressed a bit.
I couldn't figure out why my heart was sinking. I should have been one of the happiest gay men in the country, since I've put so much time and effort into the community and our struggles. I thought at first that I was anxious and depressed about all of this because, as a self-proclaimed romantic and Pollyanna at heart, it just meant that it would be so much harder to find the man of my dreams. I mean, the gays have been pairing up (some matches make me scratch my head and wonder "HOW") and ready to take that stroll down the aisle. Now people will be asking me, "So when are you getting married?" I never had to worry about that as a gay man ... until now.
But that's not why, actually. I didn't realize why I was feeling anxiety until I read a Facebook post from a good friend of mine. Basically his post acknowledged the Stonewall anniversary, giving credit and homage to those who kept pushing forward despite being beat down and beat up, and suggested that people make an effort to get to know their community in person and those who belong to it. In addition, we as a community should support the establishments that remain and make us feel like we have a place to go, right in our backyards. We all need to become a part of making our community the very best that it can be; make yourselves known and show yourself in the community. Get out from behind your gadgets and get into the community so we can become unified.
He was absolutely right! I have made so many personal goals to do just that, and I've accomplished these goals. I have instituted this blog to show the good, bad and ugly of the LGBTQ community; I volunteer in the community and with different organizations supporting the community; I worked long and hard to put together (with the help of my best friend) an annual prom to support the LGBTQ community so I can give a hefty donation to an LGBTQ organization who is giving their all back to the community; I always go out into the community and support the many establishments and businesses who are making it easy for this gay man to stay unified with my fellow LGBTQ members; I've worked with members of the community to help get politicians elected who will do whatever they can to get us equality.
I wouldn't have done anything differently because I knew the goal was to finally be equal in all aspects of this walk of life. To be honest, I think I'm just a bit burned out. I may sound like sour grapes with this next statement, but it saddens me a bit that maybe there are some members of the community who haven't lifted a finger to assist in the struggle for equality, but they've just sat back and reaped the benefits.
I felt sad that I was actually feeling this way. After all, we are finally going to have equal rights, so I should be happy and leave it at that. But for some reason, in the pit of my soul, I feel like we need to do more ... and we ALL need to do more.
I'm happy for those who will finally have their dreams become a reality and will be able to say "I do" to their beloved same-sex partners. And I pray that even though I've hidden it pretty well, that I, myself, can one day marry my beloved ... if he's even out there for me.
Yes, I'll forever be Charlotte from "Sex and the City"! Optimistic to a fault ... but never giving up!
Euphoria has overtaken the country - at least for those who are happy about it. Those vehemently against marriage equality are seething, but who really cares if they are angry? No one really cares. It's a time for celebration, and most members of the LGBTQ community are doing a lot of celebrating this weekend, especially today, in New York City.
What this all means in a nutshell:
The Supreme Court made two highly anticipated decisions on same-sex marriage, striking down the Defense of Marriage Act and dismissing California’s Proposition 8 case. The 1996 federal law defined the institution of marriage as a union between a man and a woman, thus denying federal benefits for gay couples whose marriages were recognized at the state level — like joint tax returns, Social Security, health insurance, pension protection, benefits for military couples, and immigration protections for couples from different countries. But no longer: the court invalidated DOMA in a 5-4 ruling. The Prop 8 ruling, on the other hand, is less decisive and more complicated. Prop 8 is a 2008 California ballot initiative that prohibited same-sex marriage by amending the state’s constitution. The case was dismissed on the basis that the petitioners don’t have standing; since the California courts have already struck down Prop 8, the lawyers opposing the bill don’t have standing to defend it. This means the court has effectively validated the rulings of lower courts that have rejected Prop 8.
Same-sex partners will be heading to the chapel in droves; some already have.
In New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie is still going to try hard to find some way so the LGBTQ community can't walk down the aisle. This is probably why the community will make sure he doesn't get re-elected.
Hours after the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark ruling, Christie maintained his opposition to same-sex marriage and lambasted the high court. As he did last year, Christie said he would veto any gay marriage bill that reaches his desk. He accused Democrats of playing politics by refusing to put the issue up for referendum while asking voters to amend the constitution to tie future minimum wage increases to inflation.
So, this upcoming gubernatorial election is a big power play, now that the Supreme Court has given the LGBTQ community their right to marry. Make your voices heard, and don't think that just because we have gotten this far that we can rest now. There's still more to be done!
Now for me personally ...
I was going to break this blog entry in two parts. The reason: I didn't want to put a damper on such a historically positive subject. I am so happy that the LGBTQ community finally have marriage equality; we deserve it, and the struggle has been far too long.
We should be cheering from the rooftops, trying to grab a piece of the rainbow. And believe it or not, we have been. Everyone in the community seems to be ecstatic; we are jumping for joy. Hell, my cynical best friend is even ordained and able (and inspired) to marry the members of the LGBTQ community in what would most possibly be the gayest Judy Garland-inspired wedding ceremony ever to take place. He's fabulous, so it goes without saying that any ceremony he'd be overseeing would be fierce.
The community is so happy, so endearing, so joyous. They are bouncing off the walls!
So why aren't I? While everyone has been ecstatic, posting happy gay messages all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., I've just been overwhelmed and, I hate to say this, depressed a bit.
I couldn't figure out why my heart was sinking. I should have been one of the happiest gay men in the country, since I've put so much time and effort into the community and our struggles. I thought at first that I was anxious and depressed about all of this because, as a self-proclaimed romantic and Pollyanna at heart, it just meant that it would be so much harder to find the man of my dreams. I mean, the gays have been pairing up (some matches make me scratch my head and wonder "HOW") and ready to take that stroll down the aisle. Now people will be asking me, "So when are you getting married?" I never had to worry about that as a gay man ... until now.
But that's not why, actually. I didn't realize why I was feeling anxiety until I read a Facebook post from a good friend of mine. Basically his post acknowledged the Stonewall anniversary, giving credit and homage to those who kept pushing forward despite being beat down and beat up, and suggested that people make an effort to get to know their community in person and those who belong to it. In addition, we as a community should support the establishments that remain and make us feel like we have a place to go, right in our backyards. We all need to become a part of making our community the very best that it can be; make yourselves known and show yourself in the community. Get out from behind your gadgets and get into the community so we can become unified.
He was absolutely right! I have made so many personal goals to do just that, and I've accomplished these goals. I have instituted this blog to show the good, bad and ugly of the LGBTQ community; I volunteer in the community and with different organizations supporting the community; I worked long and hard to put together (with the help of my best friend) an annual prom to support the LGBTQ community so I can give a hefty donation to an LGBTQ organization who is giving their all back to the community; I always go out into the community and support the many establishments and businesses who are making it easy for this gay man to stay unified with my fellow LGBTQ members; I've worked with members of the community to help get politicians elected who will do whatever they can to get us equality.
I wouldn't have done anything differently because I knew the goal was to finally be equal in all aspects of this walk of life. To be honest, I think I'm just a bit burned out. I may sound like sour grapes with this next statement, but it saddens me a bit that maybe there are some members of the community who haven't lifted a finger to assist in the struggle for equality, but they've just sat back and reaped the benefits.
I felt sad that I was actually feeling this way. After all, we are finally going to have equal rights, so I should be happy and leave it at that. But for some reason, in the pit of my soul, I feel like we need to do more ... and we ALL need to do more.
I'm happy for those who will finally have their dreams become a reality and will be able to say "I do" to their beloved same-sex partners. And I pray that even though I've hidden it pretty well, that I, myself, can one day marry my beloved ... if he's even out there for me.
Yes, I'll forever be Charlotte from "Sex and the City"! Optimistic to a fault ... but never giving up!
Friday, June 7, 2013
Despite the best efforts, it's damn near impossible to put a lock on your heart
I had an affair with a married man.
I rarely talk about this time in my life because at times it's too painful to think about. It ended a couple of years ago, and to be honest, I didn't feel bad about having relations with this person. The man had been with his husband for years and they had an open relationship.
When we ended relations, it wasn't my decision. He had decided that it was no longer something he wanted to do, especially since he was happy with his partner. Unfortunately, by the time our affair was axed, I had feelings for him. I never exposed to him the fact that I had fallen for him - I felt some sort of embarassment.
We had an understanding that we wouldn't let any emotions interfere. But the heart will do what it wants, despite my best efforts to lock it up. I've been in a couple of other relationships with men that were very dear and special to me. But this man that I'd gotten into an affair with, well, he stole my heart. In a very real way, he was the only man who I was truly in love with.
I loved all the men who I let into my heart, don't get me wrong. But giving my full heart to, well that's a different story. I don't diminish any part of my relationships in any way. But this man is the only person I've ever been involved with who actually makes my heart ache when I see him.
So when I saw him the other day at a fundraising event, my heart was heavy. I knew that I'd see him there, but I was hoping that when I saw him I'd be able to prove to myself that he didn't mean much to me anymore.
I'm not in love with him anymore, but I do still have feelings for him. This angers me somewhat.
I don't have any ill feelings towards him, none at all. I wish him well, and I know that he didn't do anything to lead me on. It was an affair, plain and simple.
But it was good to see him.
Not because I had any fantasies of him grabbing me, picking me up in his arms and kissing me passionately. (Well, I sorta did!)
But because I needed to see that he and his husband were really happy together. I don't know why I needed to see that, perhaps because I needed to understand why I gave my heart to him anyway.
To this day I haven't found another man who has been able to touch my heart in that way. And trust me ~ I've been on the lookout. Of course people always tell me that I am always oblivious to guys who are interested in me.
I really do want to find another man to let into my life and heart, but it's so difficult to find that man.
So I'm hoping he's out there and will approach me. Can you believe some think I'm unapproachable??? Perhaps, but I won't bite ... well, not much.
The purpose of this blog post, I suppose, is to let this man off the hook. I haven't had the chance to say it to him, but to this man ~ I forgive you. And in the same breath, I forgive myself.
Now I think I can put all that, I don't know what it was, behind me. This man was a sweet, funny, attractive, kind-hearted gentleman, and I am glad that I was able to share part of myself with him for the time that we had.
(... I hope I don't seem too introspective and wistful, but this is what happens when I watch the part in the "Sex and the City" movie when Carrie finds the letters Big wrote to her!)
I rarely talk about this time in my life because at times it's too painful to think about. It ended a couple of years ago, and to be honest, I didn't feel bad about having relations with this person. The man had been with his husband for years and they had an open relationship.
When we ended relations, it wasn't my decision. He had decided that it was no longer something he wanted to do, especially since he was happy with his partner. Unfortunately, by the time our affair was axed, I had feelings for him. I never exposed to him the fact that I had fallen for him - I felt some sort of embarassment.
We had an understanding that we wouldn't let any emotions interfere. But the heart will do what it wants, despite my best efforts to lock it up. I've been in a couple of other relationships with men that were very dear and special to me. But this man that I'd gotten into an affair with, well, he stole my heart. In a very real way, he was the only man who I was truly in love with.
I loved all the men who I let into my heart, don't get me wrong. But giving my full heart to, well that's a different story. I don't diminish any part of my relationships in any way. But this man is the only person I've ever been involved with who actually makes my heart ache when I see him.
So when I saw him the other day at a fundraising event, my heart was heavy. I knew that I'd see him there, but I was hoping that when I saw him I'd be able to prove to myself that he didn't mean much to me anymore.
I'm not in love with him anymore, but I do still have feelings for him. This angers me somewhat.
I don't have any ill feelings towards him, none at all. I wish him well, and I know that he didn't do anything to lead me on. It was an affair, plain and simple.
But it was good to see him.
Not because I had any fantasies of him grabbing me, picking me up in his arms and kissing me passionately. (Well, I sorta did!)
But because I needed to see that he and his husband were really happy together. I don't know why I needed to see that, perhaps because I needed to understand why I gave my heart to him anyway.
To this day I haven't found another man who has been able to touch my heart in that way. And trust me ~ I've been on the lookout. Of course people always tell me that I am always oblivious to guys who are interested in me.
I really do want to find another man to let into my life and heart, but it's so difficult to find that man.
So I'm hoping he's out there and will approach me. Can you believe some think I'm unapproachable??? Perhaps, but I won't bite ... well, not much.
The purpose of this blog post, I suppose, is to let this man off the hook. I haven't had the chance to say it to him, but to this man ~ I forgive you. And in the same breath, I forgive myself.
Now I think I can put all that, I don't know what it was, behind me. This man was a sweet, funny, attractive, kind-hearted gentleman, and I am glad that I was able to share part of myself with him for the time that we had.
(... I hope I don't seem too introspective and wistful, but this is what happens when I watch the part in the "Sex and the City" movie when Carrie finds the letters Big wrote to her!)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Pink Prom was a success, thanks to all its fabulous contributors
(Part 2 of 2)
As the Pink Prom was a successful event, it was a slightly difficult event to put together .
But even though it was a fabulous event, it couldn't have been a worthwhile event without the help of several important individuals.
When I decided to put together the Pink Prom, I was nervous that this event wouldn't be the best event it could be. I thought it would be a good event with a lot of things left out. But after all the planning, it turned out to be the best event that it could possibly be.
If I had to list all its fabulous contributors, I would be here all day. The event was a success, thanks to many generous contributors. Even though the prom was one of the most fabulous events of the season, it would not have been a great event without the help of certain people.
I have to give a big shout-out to Ryan Jimenez, the person who helped me to put this entire event together. I had no idea what to do to make this event a success, but Ryan had the know-how and knowledge to turn this event into one of the most fabulous events in Asbury Park's history.
I wanted to make as much money as possible to give back to an organization that has done so much good for the community, so this event was so worthwhile. The Leather Community, DragonsLair, put together the silent auction, and we were able to raise a good amount of funds for a good cause. Paradise and the individuals in charge of the club helped in the organization and helping to make this event a success.
I never wanted to shine any attention on myself and let anyone know that I was behind the funding for this event because I believed the most important thing was the cause. But I guess it is okay that people know what the purpose of this event was for, and who was behind the fundraiser.
I never realized that even though this was for a good cause, not all the supporters of the gay community would be behind this. So when some organizations who have usually supported the gay community did not have our backs, I was taken aback. I'm usually in a position to have faith in all organizations supporting one another, but when I pounded the pavement to get companies to give back to the gay organizations who have put themselves out there to make things better for the LGBTQ organization, I came up short.
I won't guesstimate why, but I am just hoping that the many organizations and companies unite to help the gay organizations make a difference. Some of them haven't done it yet, but down the road I am hoping they do it. The only way we can make a difference is by supporting ourselves and giving back what we already put out there.
I, myself, support the companies that are supportive of the gay community. I'm just hoping that it doesn't continue to be a one-way street.
As the Pink Prom was a successful event, it was a slightly difficult event to put together .
But even though it was a fabulous event, it couldn't have been a worthwhile event without the help of several important individuals.
When I decided to put together the Pink Prom, I was nervous that this event wouldn't be the best event it could be. I thought it would be a good event with a lot of things left out. But after all the planning, it turned out to be the best event that it could possibly be.
If I had to list all its fabulous contributors, I would be here all day. The event was a success, thanks to many generous contributors. Even though the prom was one of the most fabulous events of the season, it would not have been a great event without the help of certain people.
I have to give a big shout-out to Ryan Jimenez, the person who helped me to put this entire event together. I had no idea what to do to make this event a success, but Ryan had the know-how and knowledge to turn this event into one of the most fabulous events in Asbury Park's history.
I wanted to make as much money as possible to give back to an organization that has done so much good for the community, so this event was so worthwhile. The Leather Community, DragonsLair, put together the silent auction, and we were able to raise a good amount of funds for a good cause. Paradise and the individuals in charge of the club helped in the organization and helping to make this event a success.
I never wanted to shine any attention on myself and let anyone know that I was behind the funding for this event because I believed the most important thing was the cause. But I guess it is okay that people know what the purpose of this event was for, and who was behind the fundraiser.
I never realized that even though this was for a good cause, not all the supporters of the gay community would be behind this. So when some organizations who have usually supported the gay community did not have our backs, I was taken aback. I'm usually in a position to have faith in all organizations supporting one another, but when I pounded the pavement to get companies to give back to the gay organizations who have put themselves out there to make things better for the LGBTQ organization, I came up short.
I won't guesstimate why, but I am just hoping that the many organizations and companies unite to help the gay organizations make a difference. Some of them haven't done it yet, but down the road I am hoping they do it. The only way we can make a difference is by supporting ourselves and giving back what we already put out there.
I, myself, support the companies that are supportive of the gay community. I'm just hoping that it doesn't continue to be a one-way street.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Hey you, I know what you tried to do to hurt the Pink Prom ~ but you failed!
(Part 1 of a 2-part blog post)
This past Friday, the 1st Annual Pink Prom debuted in Asbury Park. I was so nervous and excited, and I feared that maybe it wouldn't be a success.
Well my worst fear was not realized, and the prom was a stellar event that made me so damn proud.
Now as mentioned earlier, this is the first part of a two-part blog post. This first one will primarily be me venting about a couple of things that pissed me off; the second part will be more on a positive note, thanking many individuals for all their work and going into detail about who helped, who wore what and a shout-out to the prom's king and queen.
So many people came together to support a great cause. All of the prom's proceeds went to The Pride Network, an organization that supports, benefits and helps the LGBTQ community. I was so happy that we made so much money to give back to the community.
There were a couple of bumps in the road. The printing place messed up the commemorative books last minute, so Ryan (who is the prom's co-founder, general manager/event planner at the prom's location, Hotel Tides, and my best friend) and I had to do a lot of scrambling to make sure the books were ready.
The other bump came in the form of someone who couldn't get tickets for the prom, so this "person" allegedly attempted - and failed - to have the prom possibly not even happen.
Okay, once again for all those who couldn't get a ticket before they were sold out ~~ we set the number of attendees at a certain number so the place wouldn't be too crowded and individuals could move around easily in their finest prom tuxedos and gowns. Another reason ~ we didn't want to have it overcrowded and have a problem with the fire marshal or any other officials who might have an issue with the number of people.
Well, an official had an issue with something for the prom, and contacted us to inquire. The official was given incorrect information by someone, and the issue was solved because it was a moot point. It was from a tipster, and since I'm an investigative reporter by trade, it wasn't too difficult to do a little sleuthing and find out who this "tipster" was behind that mess.
Okay, this is where Bernadine (my rattlesnake, no-holds-barred, take no prisoners diva alter ego) is making her debut ...
This "tipster" is a person who isn't well-liked or respected in the community, despite his feeble efforts to be a force or presence of some sort of importance in the LGBTQ community. That a person of such little standards would go to such underhanded methods, crying and boo-hooing that he couldn't get in to the event because he is under the false impression that he's important ~ well he ought to be ashamed of himself!
By doing what he did, he almost caused a real issue for us and the prom ~ a lovely event whose sole purpose was to donate a bucketload of money to an LGBTQ organization that is helping our community out in so, so many fabulous ways! Not only was he attempting to harm the prom, he was attempting to push his dark soul on to everyone who gave their all in making this event a success.
Well, that wasn't the worst! This person had the gall to show up at this event that he tried to cause a problem for! A couple of people couldn't attend last minute, so despite efforts to stop it, they sold their tickets to this person.
Well Bernadine will be having a one-on-one "conversation" with this cad, this hypocrite who would be so atrocious as to smile in my face after trying to cause me a problem. Especially since every time people in the community would trash this person in my presence, I'd always say, "Hey, he's not such a bad guy, he just has some issues."
Well don't I feel like the fool?!? Well fool me once, shame on me; fool Bernadine once, shame on YOU!
But I digress ...
So after my first foray into event planning in the LGBTQ community, I've learned a number of valuable lessons. Next year, we will do what we need to do to open the prom up to a few dozen more people and will do what's needed to include more individuals so thay can attend this fabulous prom.
I've also learned that some people in the LGBTQ community will bend over backwards to help you and make sure your event is a roaring success, while others will do whatever it takes to hurt you and try to make sure you fail.
Well the prom was a great event for the community with much success. We were able to donate a hell of a lot of money to The Pride Network, and that was one of the major purposes of this event.
Now that I've had my venting session in this one, part two of this blog post about the prom will be a shout-out of thanks to certain individuals, the lovely aspects of this event, and plans that are in the works for the 2nd Annual Pink Prom.
But before I close out Part One, I just want to say how blessed I feel to know that Ryan and I have begun something so amazing in the LGBTQ community! It was worth all my burnout and stress!
This past Friday, the 1st Annual Pink Prom debuted in Asbury Park. I was so nervous and excited, and I feared that maybe it wouldn't be a success.
Well my worst fear was not realized, and the prom was a stellar event that made me so damn proud.
Now as mentioned earlier, this is the first part of a two-part blog post. This first one will primarily be me venting about a couple of things that pissed me off; the second part will be more on a positive note, thanking many individuals for all their work and going into detail about who helped, who wore what and a shout-out to the prom's king and queen.
So many people came together to support a great cause. All of the prom's proceeds went to The Pride Network, an organization that supports, benefits and helps the LGBTQ community. I was so happy that we made so much money to give back to the community.
There were a couple of bumps in the road. The printing place messed up the commemorative books last minute, so Ryan (who is the prom's co-founder, general manager/event planner at the prom's location, Hotel Tides, and my best friend) and I had to do a lot of scrambling to make sure the books were ready.
The other bump came in the form of someone who couldn't get tickets for the prom, so this "person" allegedly attempted - and failed - to have the prom possibly not even happen.
Okay, once again for all those who couldn't get a ticket before they were sold out ~~ we set the number of attendees at a certain number so the place wouldn't be too crowded and individuals could move around easily in their finest prom tuxedos and gowns. Another reason ~ we didn't want to have it overcrowded and have a problem with the fire marshal or any other officials who might have an issue with the number of people.
Well, an official had an issue with something for the prom, and contacted us to inquire. The official was given incorrect information by someone, and the issue was solved because it was a moot point. It was from a tipster, and since I'm an investigative reporter by trade, it wasn't too difficult to do a little sleuthing and find out who this "tipster" was behind that mess.
Okay, this is where Bernadine (my rattlesnake, no-holds-barred, take no prisoners diva alter ego) is making her debut ...
This "tipster" is a person who isn't well-liked or respected in the community, despite his feeble efforts to be a force or presence of some sort of importance in the LGBTQ community. That a person of such little standards would go to such underhanded methods, crying and boo-hooing that he couldn't get in to the event because he is under the false impression that he's important ~ well he ought to be ashamed of himself!
By doing what he did, he almost caused a real issue for us and the prom ~ a lovely event whose sole purpose was to donate a bucketload of money to an LGBTQ organization that is helping our community out in so, so many fabulous ways! Not only was he attempting to harm the prom, he was attempting to push his dark soul on to everyone who gave their all in making this event a success.
Well, that wasn't the worst! This person had the gall to show up at this event that he tried to cause a problem for! A couple of people couldn't attend last minute, so despite efforts to stop it, they sold their tickets to this person.
Well Bernadine will be having a one-on-one "conversation" with this cad, this hypocrite who would be so atrocious as to smile in my face after trying to cause me a problem. Especially since every time people in the community would trash this person in my presence, I'd always say, "Hey, he's not such a bad guy, he just has some issues."
Well don't I feel like the fool?!? Well fool me once, shame on me; fool Bernadine once, shame on YOU!
But I digress ...
So after my first foray into event planning in the LGBTQ community, I've learned a number of valuable lessons. Next year, we will do what we need to do to open the prom up to a few dozen more people and will do what's needed to include more individuals so thay can attend this fabulous prom.
I've also learned that some people in the LGBTQ community will bend over backwards to help you and make sure your event is a roaring success, while others will do whatever it takes to hurt you and try to make sure you fail.
Well the prom was a great event for the community with much success. We were able to donate a hell of a lot of money to The Pride Network, and that was one of the major purposes of this event.
Now that I've had my venting session in this one, part two of this blog post about the prom will be a shout-out of thanks to certain individuals, the lovely aspects of this event, and plans that are in the works for the 2nd Annual Pink Prom.
But before I close out Part One, I just want to say how blessed I feel to know that Ryan and I have begun something so amazing in the LGBTQ community! It was worth all my burnout and stress!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Be afraid of Miss Bernadine, folks! Be very, very afraid!
It takes a lot to piss me off. I mean, you really have to do something vicious to push me to the point to show my inner diva.
The one thing you can do to get me to that point would be to play with my money. My Dad worked long and hard to make sure his family was financially stable and never really wanted for anything along those lines. So Dad taught me that if anyone disrespects your money, put them in their place right away!
So when a person messes with my money, I sure as hell am gonna mess with them.
So last night, some bitchy lesbian tried to mess with my money, and she didn't know that when she did that, Miss Bernadine would emerge.
A little aside ~~ Bernadine is my alter ego; she is the no-holds-barred, get in your face, lets you know what she thinks of you no matter how vicious it may sound. So when goody-two-shoes Eric becomes dormant and fierce diva Bernadine takes over, run for the hills!
Only a small number of people have run into Bernadine, but the mean-spirited lesbian got a huge dose of her last night! This disgusting excuse of a "lady" decided to kill a few of my friends' songs out of the jukebox if she didn't like them, and so only her songs would play. But when my songs, which I paid my hard-earned money to listen to, were eliminated by her in such an underhanded way, Bernadine took over and confronted her.
Now I'm not going to assume how she got her hands on the remote to skip songs; it's usually kept behind the bar. It's possible there is some sort of app that will do it. I don't even want to guesstimate how it happened because I will be upset with another person as well.
But neither here nor there, she did it. And when I confronted her immediately after I saw her do this for the third time, she acted like she was incredulous that someone caught her, and said that she skipped songs earlier but hadn't done it now.
I call bulls**t!!
I told her that if I don't kill her songs out of the jukebox, then she'd better not be so ignorant as to do that to me! I put my money in the machine out of my pocket to play songs, and just because she wants to be a bitch and knock them out, it's not right. And I'd better not catch her doing it again!
But of course, you know she will do it again. No one in any sort of power will do anything to stop her. I mean, especially since lesbians like this girl think that since she's a woman, a guy can't do anything to her.
Now I love my lesbians, but when one of them acts like they are superior to ALL men, some serious steps need to be taken to drive her back to reality. Have some common decency for everyone around you, I mean really?!?
It takes five seconds to do something nice and treat people with respect. It takes at least five minutes to do something mean, especially because you have to think about the process. Of course, those individuals with dark souls need only 10 seconds to plan their villanous attempts ... we refer to those people as sociopaths. There are a few people who fit this category, and I think the "lady" from last night may be one of them.
So just be warned ~~ don't put yourself in a situation where you will meet up with Bernadine! Because once you force Bernadine to show herself, life for you will never be the same! BERNADINE WILL RUIN YOU!
Now have a nice day!
The one thing you can do to get me to that point would be to play with my money. My Dad worked long and hard to make sure his family was financially stable and never really wanted for anything along those lines. So Dad taught me that if anyone disrespects your money, put them in their place right away!
So when a person messes with my money, I sure as hell am gonna mess with them.
So last night, some bitchy lesbian tried to mess with my money, and she didn't know that when she did that, Miss Bernadine would emerge.
A little aside ~~ Bernadine is my alter ego; she is the no-holds-barred, get in your face, lets you know what she thinks of you no matter how vicious it may sound. So when goody-two-shoes Eric becomes dormant and fierce diva Bernadine takes over, run for the hills!
Only a small number of people have run into Bernadine, but the mean-spirited lesbian got a huge dose of her last night! This disgusting excuse of a "lady" decided to kill a few of my friends' songs out of the jukebox if she didn't like them, and so only her songs would play. But when my songs, which I paid my hard-earned money to listen to, were eliminated by her in such an underhanded way, Bernadine took over and confronted her.
Now I'm not going to assume how she got her hands on the remote to skip songs; it's usually kept behind the bar. It's possible there is some sort of app that will do it. I don't even want to guesstimate how it happened because I will be upset with another person as well.
But neither here nor there, she did it. And when I confronted her immediately after I saw her do this for the third time, she acted like she was incredulous that someone caught her, and said that she skipped songs earlier but hadn't done it now.
I call bulls**t!!
I told her that if I don't kill her songs out of the jukebox, then she'd better not be so ignorant as to do that to me! I put my money in the machine out of my pocket to play songs, and just because she wants to be a bitch and knock them out, it's not right. And I'd better not catch her doing it again!
But of course, you know she will do it again. No one in any sort of power will do anything to stop her. I mean, especially since lesbians like this girl think that since she's a woman, a guy can't do anything to her.
Now I love my lesbians, but when one of them acts like they are superior to ALL men, some serious steps need to be taken to drive her back to reality. Have some common decency for everyone around you, I mean really?!?
It takes five seconds to do something nice and treat people with respect. It takes at least five minutes to do something mean, especially because you have to think about the process. Of course, those individuals with dark souls need only 10 seconds to plan their villanous attempts ... we refer to those people as sociopaths. There are a few people who fit this category, and I think the "lady" from last night may be one of them.
So just be warned ~~ don't put yourself in a situation where you will meet up with Bernadine! Because once you force Bernadine to show herself, life for you will never be the same! BERNADINE WILL RUIN YOU!
Now have a nice day!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Either you're gay or you're straight ... or you're just foolin' yourself
I was recently watching an interview with record producer Clive Davis, who was discussing his latest memoir, "The Soundtrack of My Life". In the book, 81-year-old Davis goes into detail about his sexual orientation, and he remarked "I'm here to say that bisexuality does exist."
It struck me as sort of interesting. I've always been intrigued by bisexuals. I've never really cared too much what someone's sexual orientation is, because in our universe, there's no black or white about the issue - it's all shades of grey.
So bisexuality - in its simplest form - is fine with me. I never practiced bisexuality prior to coming out as a gay man ... when I burst out of the closet, I didn't make any pitstops on my way to Gayhood. I figured, if I was going to make this much of a change in my life, why not go all the way. Plus, I think women are fascinating; I just don't want to have sex with them.
So when I look at the concept of bisexuality, what truly intrigues me is the mass of straight men who just love hanging out with us gay boyz. I have no problem with a straight man hanging out all of the time with gay men. But there are some straight men who do this with this sort of undeniable pleasure of being surrounded by gay men.
To the open public, it is very open-minded of the straight men to be able to do this. After all, the joke has always been to look at the situation as difficult, because if people were to believe the crazy rumor, they'd believe that all gay men wanted to convert straight men to join our team.
This is just a fairytale; we don't want to convert heterosexuals into gays. At least I don't.
But it just sometimes makes me wonder why so many straight men love to hang with the group of gay boyz? I know that we can be a lot of fun, don't take ourselves too seriously, and to top it off, the straight guys don't have to worry about buying us drinks, etc., because we have our own. So in some instances, I guess it's a good thing for them to hang with us.
But here is when it gets to me a bit. There will always be the self-proclaimed straight man, who has been in our midst for a good amount of time, to take it a bit too far. They get very aggressively "playful" and sooner or later starts to act like a bit of an ass in our presence. I guess sometimes we can chalk it up to the guy just trying to assert some masculinity. But for me, it just smacks of fear, sometimes a fear of living life as a gay man.
And there are some of these guys who get a swelled head thinking that all of us gay boyz are just fawning all over them. They will ask pointed questions like "What would you like to do to me?" or "You know I'm straight, right?" Boy, when their questions start to resemble these, they should begin to realize that their status in the circle of gays has reached its limit.
At this point, straight dudes, you have to make a decision - either pull back and get a grip (possibly become less visible in our circle), or come out as a gay man. I'm sorry, but if you get such joy out of flirting with the gays and having us flirt mercifully right back at ya, then there is something deep down that you haven't yet come to terms with in your own being.
Now some straight guys don't act like this at all, and I adore hanging with them as much as I can. But there are a few ... and if any straight guy that you are hanging out with in your circle of friends begins to act in this way, pull him aside and let him know what he needs to do.
I know of one or two straight guys in my midst that need a reality check. And trust - it's inevitably for their own good.
It struck me as sort of interesting. I've always been intrigued by bisexuals. I've never really cared too much what someone's sexual orientation is, because in our universe, there's no black or white about the issue - it's all shades of grey.
So bisexuality - in its simplest form - is fine with me. I never practiced bisexuality prior to coming out as a gay man ... when I burst out of the closet, I didn't make any pitstops on my way to Gayhood. I figured, if I was going to make this much of a change in my life, why not go all the way. Plus, I think women are fascinating; I just don't want to have sex with them.
So when I look at the concept of bisexuality, what truly intrigues me is the mass of straight men who just love hanging out with us gay boyz. I have no problem with a straight man hanging out all of the time with gay men. But there are some straight men who do this with this sort of undeniable pleasure of being surrounded by gay men.
To the open public, it is very open-minded of the straight men to be able to do this. After all, the joke has always been to look at the situation as difficult, because if people were to believe the crazy rumor, they'd believe that all gay men wanted to convert straight men to join our team.
This is just a fairytale; we don't want to convert heterosexuals into gays. At least I don't.
But it just sometimes makes me wonder why so many straight men love to hang with the group of gay boyz? I know that we can be a lot of fun, don't take ourselves too seriously, and to top it off, the straight guys don't have to worry about buying us drinks, etc., because we have our own. So in some instances, I guess it's a good thing for them to hang with us.
But here is when it gets to me a bit. There will always be the self-proclaimed straight man, who has been in our midst for a good amount of time, to take it a bit too far. They get very aggressively "playful" and sooner or later starts to act like a bit of an ass in our presence. I guess sometimes we can chalk it up to the guy just trying to assert some masculinity. But for me, it just smacks of fear, sometimes a fear of living life as a gay man.
And there are some of these guys who get a swelled head thinking that all of us gay boyz are just fawning all over them. They will ask pointed questions like "What would you like to do to me?" or "You know I'm straight, right?" Boy, when their questions start to resemble these, they should begin to realize that their status in the circle of gays has reached its limit.
At this point, straight dudes, you have to make a decision - either pull back and get a grip (possibly become less visible in our circle), or come out as a gay man. I'm sorry, but if you get such joy out of flirting with the gays and having us flirt mercifully right back at ya, then there is something deep down that you haven't yet come to terms with in your own being.
Now some straight guys don't act like this at all, and I adore hanging with them as much as I can. But there are a few ... and if any straight guy that you are hanging out with in your circle of friends begins to act in this way, pull him aside and let him know what he needs to do.
I know of one or two straight guys in my midst that need a reality check. And trust - it's inevitably for their own good.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Mid-life crisis takes on a whole new meaning around these parts
There is an epidemic that has hit Asbury Park. And sad to say, there's no antibiotics to take so you won't catch it.
This epidemic, it seems, is a direct result of experiencing some sort of mid-life crisis. Maybe someone can explain to me how some individuals in the gay community find it desirable to "date" someone almost half their age, and then decide to act like they are still in junior high school.
They will start knock-down, dragged out arguments and battles right out in public, and then become offended when people who actually have common sense will let them know that their actions are unacceptable.
Older men who are well past their prime should find it appropriate to actually act like grown gentlemen; I, personally, find an older gentleman who acts their age - with some distinguished grey - very attractive. That, my dears, is actually my type of man.
But for a few of you older men entrenched in a mid-life crisis around Asbury Park, you have this warped confusion that you are actually being "fun". Well no, it's not "fun and carefree" ... it's tragic for others in the community to have to witness this train wreck.
But rest assured, there is a way to avoid falling victim to this epidemic. You can either have friends who will give you a stiff lecture and let you know you are acting the fool. Or you can just maintain a high level of sanity, have a mid-life crisis like a true gentleman, and let the community breathe a sigh of relief when you are around.
Guys, you don't have to prove how youthful and desirable you are by blindly running around this city and embarassing yourselves. Plus, once you demonstrate these tragic qualities about yourself, your reputation in Asbury Park will be forever destroyed. People in this city have a long memory, and you will always be known as "that old queen who had to get tossed out of that bar or restaurant for getting into an altercation with their twink boyfriend"!
Now I'm not saying that older men should never go out with younger guys. I'm just saying that if you do decide to go that route, just remember to behave with proper decorum and carry yourself as a gentleman.
I don't think I can take seeing one more older guy acting like a broke-down queen chasing after a bitchy twink ever again.
Respect yourself. Simple as that.
This epidemic, it seems, is a direct result of experiencing some sort of mid-life crisis. Maybe someone can explain to me how some individuals in the gay community find it desirable to "date" someone almost half their age, and then decide to act like they are still in junior high school.
They will start knock-down, dragged out arguments and battles right out in public, and then become offended when people who actually have common sense will let them know that their actions are unacceptable.
Older men who are well past their prime should find it appropriate to actually act like grown gentlemen; I, personally, find an older gentleman who acts their age - with some distinguished grey - very attractive. That, my dears, is actually my type of man.
But for a few of you older men entrenched in a mid-life crisis around Asbury Park, you have this warped confusion that you are actually being "fun". Well no, it's not "fun and carefree" ... it's tragic for others in the community to have to witness this train wreck.
But rest assured, there is a way to avoid falling victim to this epidemic. You can either have friends who will give you a stiff lecture and let you know you are acting the fool. Or you can just maintain a high level of sanity, have a mid-life crisis like a true gentleman, and let the community breathe a sigh of relief when you are around.
Guys, you don't have to prove how youthful and desirable you are by blindly running around this city and embarassing yourselves. Plus, once you demonstrate these tragic qualities about yourself, your reputation in Asbury Park will be forever destroyed. People in this city have a long memory, and you will always be known as "that old queen who had to get tossed out of that bar or restaurant for getting into an altercation with their twink boyfriend"!
Now I'm not saying that older men should never go out with younger guys. I'm just saying that if you do decide to go that route, just remember to behave with proper decorum and carry yourself as a gentleman.
I don't think I can take seeing one more older guy acting like a broke-down queen chasing after a bitchy twink ever again.
Respect yourself. Simple as that.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Shall we dance at the prom?
I've always loved to dance. It's my own personal way of giving the finger to people and things that piss me off, falling into my own world and escaping into happiness.
Hell, some people joke with me that all I need is my scarf as my dancing partner. And truth be told, my scarves are my favorite dancing partners - I always know who leads, they don't bump into me or step on my feet, and they don't try to talk to me while I'm dancing the night away.
But apart from my scarf, I think my favorite dance is wearing a fancy tuxedo and slow dancing to one of my favorite love songs. That's one of the reasons why I think a prom is one of the most romantic events in a person's life.
The prom. Well, I never went to my senior prom. Believe it or not, I did have a girlfriend in high school, and sad to say, she broke up with me the week before our prom. I tried to find a replacement, but in the end I chose to avoid going to the prom. Showing up dateless was just something you didn't do, and although Molly Ringwald's character in "Pretty in Pink" chose to go to her prom solo after her boyfriend, played by sexy Andrew McCarthy, broke it off with her right before their prom, I wasn't as brave.
So I've always had a fantasy of going to the prom with the man of my dreams and dancing the night away in each other's arms. I know it's sappy, but they didn't call me Pollyanna without a reason.
So my goal is possibly a bit difficult to accomplish, but I want to accomplish it anyway ...
I want the gay community to throw a prom. I want to put together one of the most fabulous evenings for the community, and all people will be able to go and feel comfortable.
I think it would be one of the most romantic moments in our lives, and who doesn't love a little romance, right?
I want to find the best place to hold it, possibly either Club Paradise of Hotel Tides. I'm really excited about this because I think this is something that everyone would enjoy. Some people weren't able to attend their own proms in high school for many different reasons, or if they did, they couldn't attend with the person who they really wanted to go with because they were of the same sex, and it would be a way of making up for lost time.
I know there are people who don't believe in romance anymore, but just think how a evening like this would allow the cynics to maybe rethink their feelings and believe in romance again. And maybe this could be the perfect opportunity for someone who hasn't yet made that romantic move to finally ask that guy or girl to the prom. I know, I'll always and forever be a Pollyanna ... I get it.
Hopefully this can happen and it will turn out to be the best night ever.
So, shall we dance at the prom?
Hell, some people joke with me that all I need is my scarf as my dancing partner. And truth be told, my scarves are my favorite dancing partners - I always know who leads, they don't bump into me or step on my feet, and they don't try to talk to me while I'm dancing the night away.
But apart from my scarf, I think my favorite dance is wearing a fancy tuxedo and slow dancing to one of my favorite love songs. That's one of the reasons why I think a prom is one of the most romantic events in a person's life.
The prom. Well, I never went to my senior prom. Believe it or not, I did have a girlfriend in high school, and sad to say, she broke up with me the week before our prom. I tried to find a replacement, but in the end I chose to avoid going to the prom. Showing up dateless was just something you didn't do, and although Molly Ringwald's character in "Pretty in Pink" chose to go to her prom solo after her boyfriend, played by sexy Andrew McCarthy, broke it off with her right before their prom, I wasn't as brave.
So I've always had a fantasy of going to the prom with the man of my dreams and dancing the night away in each other's arms. I know it's sappy, but they didn't call me Pollyanna without a reason.
So my goal is possibly a bit difficult to accomplish, but I want to accomplish it anyway ...
I want the gay community to throw a prom. I want to put together one of the most fabulous evenings for the community, and all people will be able to go and feel comfortable.
I think it would be one of the most romantic moments in our lives, and who doesn't love a little romance, right?
I want to find the best place to hold it, possibly either Club Paradise of Hotel Tides. I'm really excited about this because I think this is something that everyone would enjoy. Some people weren't able to attend their own proms in high school for many different reasons, or if they did, they couldn't attend with the person who they really wanted to go with because they were of the same sex, and it would be a way of making up for lost time.
I know there are people who don't believe in romance anymore, but just think how a evening like this would allow the cynics to maybe rethink their feelings and believe in romance again. And maybe this could be the perfect opportunity for someone who hasn't yet made that romantic move to finally ask that guy or girl to the prom. I know, I'll always and forever be a Pollyanna ... I get it.
Hopefully this can happen and it will turn out to be the best night ever.
So, shall we dance at the prom?
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A Benefit for Wendy is a cause everyone should support
I know within the gay community, something difficult happens to one of us. And that's the time for all of us, within and outside the community, to band together and offer assistance to one of our own.
I think that is one of the things that unify us, despite any differences a person may have with another. It's one of the reasons I'm most proud that I'm a part of the community.
So it made me very happy when I received notification that the community was getting together to put on a fundraising benefit for Wendy Tesoroni, one of the bartenders at Club Paradise. As some of you already know, Wendy was in an accident and suffered injuries. And as all of you know, Wendy is a major part of the community.
I know for me, she always made me feel like I was never an outsider in the gay community, actually from the moment I first moved to the area and started hanging out. I'd never told her how much I appreciated her for doing that. She's done that for so many of us.
(*And despite her massive love of hockey and the knowledge that she's the one who got me addicted to Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey shots, I still adore her*)
So as she's been a trooper during recovery, her medical expenses are pretty hefty. So this benefit is a good thing, at this time.
So we as a community, gay and straight, should make it out to Paradise Asbury Park on Tuesday, January 29th for this benefit. It starts at 7 p.m. and is being hosted by Lady Marisa and Verona Veloure Sky, Miss Paradise 2012. There will be performances by Willito Rivera and Sabrina Rondeau, Mr and Ms. Gay NJ, and there will also be 50/50s, basket raffles and homemade cooking. If you are interested in donating items for auction or financial donations, you can drop them off at the Empress Hotel desk or call 732-988-6663.
For more information you can look up the Facebook page for Paradise Asbury Park or the event page "Benefit for Wendy"
I think that is one of the things that unify us, despite any differences a person may have with another. It's one of the reasons I'm most proud that I'm a part of the community.
So it made me very happy when I received notification that the community was getting together to put on a fundraising benefit for Wendy Tesoroni, one of the bartenders at Club Paradise. As some of you already know, Wendy was in an accident and suffered injuries. And as all of you know, Wendy is a major part of the community.
I know for me, she always made me feel like I was never an outsider in the gay community, actually from the moment I first moved to the area and started hanging out. I'd never told her how much I appreciated her for doing that. She's done that for so many of us.
(*And despite her massive love of hockey and the knowledge that she's the one who got me addicted to Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey shots, I still adore her*)
So as she's been a trooper during recovery, her medical expenses are pretty hefty. So this benefit is a good thing, at this time.
So we as a community, gay and straight, should make it out to Paradise Asbury Park on Tuesday, January 29th for this benefit. It starts at 7 p.m. and is being hosted by Lady Marisa and Verona Veloure Sky, Miss Paradise 2012. There will be performances by Willito Rivera and Sabrina Rondeau, Mr and Ms. Gay NJ, and there will also be 50/50s, basket raffles and homemade cooking. If you are interested in donating items for auction or financial donations, you can drop them off at the Empress Hotel desk or call 732-988-6663.
For more information you can look up the Facebook page for Paradise Asbury Park or the event page "Benefit for Wendy"
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Who knew the fear of rejection would turn out to be the least of my worries?
I know fear of rejection and being gay are two things that usually don't go together. Well, for the most part.
I mean, some people think that all of us gays are just bold, brash and pick up each other with the swiftness. None of us are shy creatures, afraid of being rejected. Hell, we acquaint a "hello" as foreplay. At least that's what some people think. And looking around within the community sometimes, I may agree with them.
But that is a category that I rarely fall into. I'm very shy sometimes, almost awkwardly so. I'm always in fear of being rejected. Vulnerability sucks sometimes.
Despite my fear, I decided to just let loose and go after what I want. Of course, the object of my "desire" was a guy who I've grown used to being around. We hang out when we see each other, usually at Club Paradise. Well, to be honest, we do a little more than hang out. There's usually some making out. It's just become a staple with the two of us.
To that end, I've enjoyed the fact that we can make out with one another and still keep it above-board. It was just enjoying each other's company and having some fun. I was fine with that because I really didn't think he'd ever have any desire to take it to the next level.
I never had to worry about a fear of rejection from this guy because we were just two guys flirting, making out and hanging.
But then, a couple of people who I know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, commented that we "hang out" a lot and it's noticed. Since they know me, and know how I'm not the type of guy to just make out with a guy who I didn't have any feelings for, I started to see how they were pretty accurate in their assessments. But I never took any action.
Then I wondered if I should think about taking it to the next level. But my fear came in when my mind started to think, "hey, maybe this guy only makes out with me when we are both drinking heavily ..." So fear of rejection kept me from seeing if we should advance to the next level.
So you can imagine my surprise when, as we are "hanging out" most recently, he actually brought up the subject of getting together and getting to know each other away from the Paradise scene. Of course I agreed, since I wanted to get to know him better also. It could actually lead somewhere, who knew?
I'd felt pretty stupid for letting a fear of rejection hold me hostage. I was criticizing my shy self for putting up barriers. I mean, I'm a good guy, may even be a good catch for the right man. Why had I been doubting myself?
So just to confirm the plan, I sent him a text. No response.
As the day went by with no reply, I thought perhaps I had the wrong number. But after checking, I realized that I did have the right number. So it wasn't that.
And as the time has already passed, it's pretty evident that he didn't want to get together in a sober setting. Or maybe he second-guessed his decision and couldn't bring himself to contact me.
See, this wouldn't be bad to most people. Some people don't care about things like this happening; they chalk it up to experience and just move on to the next guy.
And that would be fine. But I'm not made up that way, as I've grown up in a different environment than others. I've not gone into much detail with too many people about the way I grew up, especially in regards to my "destiny" and where my life was supposed to go.
I had turned my back on my "destiny" when I made the tough decision to live my life being true to myself, and coming out of the closet. My religion and my ministry - as it were - didn't leave any room for Eric being a gay man.
Anyway, I will go into more detail about all of this in a later blog post. But for the case right before us, I will simply say that when I made my decision years ago, it was determined by my elders that I would never have a successful life with another man. So every time I have a false start with a man (and trust me, there have been a heck of a lot ... too many to mention), my thoughts immediately go to that determination.
So the fear of rejection, as it is, would turn out to be the least of my worries. I'd gotten past the rejection stage, or so I thought. I figured that if I could get past the rejection stage, my opportunities would take a turn for the better. Hey, I may just have success and that determination would finally be a thing of the past.
I've only said this to a couple of people, but I was getting scared that I would be alone because of the choice I made years ago. So maybe I put too much emphasis on this latest situation. I mean, hey, people say a lot of things when they are in a drunken situation and in the throes of the moment, things they may not really mean to say or do.
But I think it worried my sis when I told her, and I didn't say that I was upset or angry ... I had used the word "disillusioned". I think that word held a lot of weight, because when a person is disillusioned with a situation, a person or a choice, a part of their spirit has taken a beating.
I guess to be honest, my spirit has taken a beating. People sometimes joke with me that no matter what, I continually see romance and relations as this grand dame of life, that soulmates and true love do exist as long as we want it to happen. I just knew that I'd always be a Pollyanna about romance.
Well Pollyanna is looking at things a little differently today. That's been a fear of mine as well, that I'd lose that spirit about me and that I'd soon regret my decision years ago.
I don't want to lose that spirit. For some of us, that's all we really have.
I don't want to be cynical, because, in the long run, I put too much on the line to lose now.
I don't want to lose now.
I mean, some people think that all of us gays are just bold, brash and pick up each other with the swiftness. None of us are shy creatures, afraid of being rejected. Hell, we acquaint a "hello" as foreplay. At least that's what some people think. And looking around within the community sometimes, I may agree with them.
But that is a category that I rarely fall into. I'm very shy sometimes, almost awkwardly so. I'm always in fear of being rejected. Vulnerability sucks sometimes.
Despite my fear, I decided to just let loose and go after what I want. Of course, the object of my "desire" was a guy who I've grown used to being around. We hang out when we see each other, usually at Club Paradise. Well, to be honest, we do a little more than hang out. There's usually some making out. It's just become a staple with the two of us.
To that end, I've enjoyed the fact that we can make out with one another and still keep it above-board. It was just enjoying each other's company and having some fun. I was fine with that because I really didn't think he'd ever have any desire to take it to the next level.
I never had to worry about a fear of rejection from this guy because we were just two guys flirting, making out and hanging.
But then, a couple of people who I know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, commented that we "hang out" a lot and it's noticed. Since they know me, and know how I'm not the type of guy to just make out with a guy who I didn't have any feelings for, I started to see how they were pretty accurate in their assessments. But I never took any action.
Then I wondered if I should think about taking it to the next level. But my fear came in when my mind started to think, "hey, maybe this guy only makes out with me when we are both drinking heavily ..." So fear of rejection kept me from seeing if we should advance to the next level.
So you can imagine my surprise when, as we are "hanging out" most recently, he actually brought up the subject of getting together and getting to know each other away from the Paradise scene. Of course I agreed, since I wanted to get to know him better also. It could actually lead somewhere, who knew?
I'd felt pretty stupid for letting a fear of rejection hold me hostage. I was criticizing my shy self for putting up barriers. I mean, I'm a good guy, may even be a good catch for the right man. Why had I been doubting myself?
So just to confirm the plan, I sent him a text. No response.
As the day went by with no reply, I thought perhaps I had the wrong number. But after checking, I realized that I did have the right number. So it wasn't that.
And as the time has already passed, it's pretty evident that he didn't want to get together in a sober setting. Or maybe he second-guessed his decision and couldn't bring himself to contact me.
See, this wouldn't be bad to most people. Some people don't care about things like this happening; they chalk it up to experience and just move on to the next guy.
And that would be fine. But I'm not made up that way, as I've grown up in a different environment than others. I've not gone into much detail with too many people about the way I grew up, especially in regards to my "destiny" and where my life was supposed to go.
I had turned my back on my "destiny" when I made the tough decision to live my life being true to myself, and coming out of the closet. My religion and my ministry - as it were - didn't leave any room for Eric being a gay man.
Anyway, I will go into more detail about all of this in a later blog post. But for the case right before us, I will simply say that when I made my decision years ago, it was determined by my elders that I would never have a successful life with another man. So every time I have a false start with a man (and trust me, there have been a heck of a lot ... too many to mention), my thoughts immediately go to that determination.
So the fear of rejection, as it is, would turn out to be the least of my worries. I'd gotten past the rejection stage, or so I thought. I figured that if I could get past the rejection stage, my opportunities would take a turn for the better. Hey, I may just have success and that determination would finally be a thing of the past.
I've only said this to a couple of people, but I was getting scared that I would be alone because of the choice I made years ago. So maybe I put too much emphasis on this latest situation. I mean, hey, people say a lot of things when they are in a drunken situation and in the throes of the moment, things they may not really mean to say or do.
But I think it worried my sis when I told her, and I didn't say that I was upset or angry ... I had used the word "disillusioned". I think that word held a lot of weight, because when a person is disillusioned with a situation, a person or a choice, a part of their spirit has taken a beating.
I guess to be honest, my spirit has taken a beating. People sometimes joke with me that no matter what, I continually see romance and relations as this grand dame of life, that soulmates and true love do exist as long as we want it to happen. I just knew that I'd always be a Pollyanna about romance.
Well Pollyanna is looking at things a little differently today. That's been a fear of mine as well, that I'd lose that spirit about me and that I'd soon regret my decision years ago.
I don't want to lose that spirit. For some of us, that's all we really have.
I don't want to be cynical, because, in the long run, I put too much on the line to lose now.
I don't want to lose now.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
My New Year's resolution should be an easy one to accomplish
This year I'm going to try a new concept for my New Year's resolution. This one I'm going to stick to, no matter how out-of-character it will be for me. And I want my family and friends to call me out if I don't follow this resolution to the "T".
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.
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