This year I'm going to try a new concept for my New Year's resolution. This one I'm going to stick to, no matter how out-of-character it will be for me. And I want my family and friends to call me out if I don't follow this resolution to the "T".
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.
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