This weekend it's all about leather

The next three days will be a big weekend for the leather community.
Tonight kicks off the NJ Leather Weekend, featuring the Mr and Ms NJ Leather Contest. To find out the weekend's festivities, check out the attached link in the previous sentence.
The Leather family is a huge part of the gay community - no new news there. They have always been.
And I absolutely adore them. I will share something that I've never divulged.  Before I fully came out of the closet, I was curious and intrigued by the leather family within the gay community. I didn't know what to think, or if I'd ever have anything in common with the leather family. I figured that I'd be so unfamiliar with anything leather that I'd feel so awkward. And I didn't think they would ever make me feel welcome.
I couldn't have been more wrong!
The leather family brings a happiness out of me, and not only because they are extremely friendly and open to allowing everyone feel like they are a part of their family. I guess to put it into its simplest terms - the family's passion and spirit is intoxicating.
I've made pretty good friends with a number of the members of the leather family, and some actually call me "Tootie". For those who don't know, I dressed as precocious teen Dorothy "Tootie" Ramsey from "The Facts of Life" for last year's Halloween festivities, and some members of the leather family were at the same party.
To make it plain, if you are not familiar with the family, make it a point to get to know them. When I attended last year's Leather Weekend, I had so much fun.
This past Gay Pride Weekend in Asbury Park, the place that I bartend, Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, held a pool party for the leather family that Sunday. It was packed, and everyone was having a blast. Then the rain came. And as it poured outside, everyone converged inside. As the only bartender working inside that day, and seeing how many people were waiting for drinks and there were wall-to-wall patrons, for a minute I panicked.
But so many people, instead of being upset that they had to wait on being served, they helped me out instead. See, many subdivisions within the gay community would not have cared to assist me, but the leather family did whatever they could to help me out. When former Ms. NJ Leather and fellow bartender Lisa jumped behind the bar to help me out in any way that she could, she was a Godsend. And many others helped out as well.
To make a long story short, I am blessed and proud to say that I know so many members of the leather family, and they are a true family in every sense of the word. So come out and support the family this weekend, celebrate their accomplishments ... and wear some leather.
Personally I haven't worn any leather yet, but you just might be surprised to see me in some very soon!

A complete rundown of this weekend's festivities, courtesy of their Facebook event page:

DRAGONSLAIR Productions and the NJ Leather Family present NJ Leather Weekend featuring the NJ Leather Contest. It all starts on Friday Oct 19 with our annual Uniform/Gear party and our Meet and Greet. The weekend will be packed with educational events, parties, bootblacks, and as always hundreds of the hottest leather men and women from all over the Mid-Atlantic and North East.  Of course the highlight of the weekend will be the Mr and Ms NJ Leather Contest on Saturday Oct 20. ** Contest will be ASL interpreted **

Ms & Mr NJ Leather 2013 will each receive:
* A Trophy, medallion and $500 Travel Fund courtesy of DRAGONSLAIR Productions;
* A custom sash donated by Rawhides Custom Leathers;
* An original back patch, title vest, medallion holder and a $250 gift certificate from the Leatherman NYC;
* A digital photo shoots by Pete Philomey;
* A package to Chesapeake Leather Awareness Pride Weekend (CLAP) donated by Hooker & Boys;
* 10 hours of American Sign Language (ASL) classes (via Skype) taught by Michelle Jackson, Ms World Leather 2005;
* A pair of tickets to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night compliments of PLPN;
* A Paradise VIP Card;
* A $100 gift certificate to La Chateau Exotigue;
* An evening in the Personal play space of Mistress Mir and mj;
* A one year complimentary Associate Membership to the Jersey boys of Leather.

Ms NJ Leather 2013 will receive an IMsL/IMslBB Run package
Mr NJ Leather will receive a custom made harness from FM Leather Design
The First Runners up will receive a ticket to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night
Each contestant will receive a book from Tim Brough

NJ Leather Weekend Featuring the Mr & Ms NJ Leather 2013 contest Schedule of Events:
Friday Oct 19 6:30 to 8:30: “Opening Reception for Leather Women and their Friends” in honor of Ms NJ Leather 2012, Fidget, hosted by the Jersey Amazons Paradise Lobby Bar
8:30 to 11:30: Meet & Greet/Uniform/Gear Party Paradise Lobby Bar
11:30: introduction of Judges & Contestants on stage Paradise Copper Bar
Saturday Oct 20 11 am: a display from the Carter/Johnson Leather Library Paradise Copper Bar
Venders featuring the Leatherman NYC starting at 1 pm Paradise Lobby Bar
11 am to 3 pm: Jersey Kollege Of Kink Paradise Copper Bar
11 am: Leather History, Tradition & Evolution
Noon: Puppy Play with Scruffy
1pm: Food Fetish Demo by Dave Watt
2 pm: Making it HOT with Jeff Tucker
3 to 5 pm (weather permitting): Poolside Cigar Party hosted by the Jersey boys of Leather
6 pm: Contest doors open Paradise Main Room
6:30 pm: Parade of Colors
The Contest will be followed by DAMNED the after party featuring DJ John Michael Di Spirito
Sunday Oct 21 11 am: Recovery Meeting Paradise
Noon to 2 pm: Victory Brunch Paradise/TABU
3 pm: Charity BINGO with David Hoffman and Lady Marisa to benefit Mr Friendly and the Title Holder Travel Fund, held at Georgie’s, located at 5th and Memorial Drive 

Reconciling religion with sexual orientation is a difficult cross to bear

I am at a crossroads in my life. And I owe it all to this past week's National Coming Out Day.
The day holds special meaning to so many people - in and out of the gay community. It's the day that all individuals in the gay community can reflect, celebrate and honor the struggles that we've endured, and cheer us on for making it safely to the other side.
Not many people know my "Coming Out" story. I guess it just didn't seem like something I wanted to reflect upon too much.
But as the past few weeks have come and went, it seems that my mind has been struggling to reflect on the struggles. I made a few mistakes in my move to come out and acknowledge my sexual orientation. Actually, one very special individual in my life - my God - hasn't been given the respect that is deserved. I need to do that now, as I feel that things in my life call for it - now more than ever.
Before I acknowledged being gay, I was an extremely religious person. I wanted to make my way into the ministry. I was a Deacon, devout church member, youth advisor ... to sum it up, I lived for the church. It was my life.
I'm not going to go into the details of what transpired when I decided to be true to myself. At the time, I felt as if I had to make a definite choice - devoting my life to my church, or living my life by living for my sexual orientation. I went through such turmoil and strife, and when I was told to make a choice, I chose to be true to myself and live my life as a gay man.
I never wanted to give up my religion and beliefs in order to be happy ... I was happy in the church. But it just wasn't something that was allowed, so I moved away from devoting my life to the church and moved toward exploring my new life as a gay man.
But over time, that choice has been more difficult to understand. Deep down, I knew that I could very well be gay and religious. But for a few reasons (which I'm not in a position to revel at this time), in the church, this was not allowed. So I made the move.
But even though I knew that if I stayed in the church environment that people would treat me differently, I guess it has surprised me that even in the gay community, there are people who treat me different as well. That's just something I never thought would be a reality.
Trying to reconcile my religion with being gay and all that being gay entails has been trying at times. When there are people who know you so well, but can sense - for whatever reason - that they have to curb their actions in my presence, it makes me feel like I'm a minister and they are in the confessional, showing me their sins.
I truly wish that I, sometimes, didn't feel like that. But as time goes by, the look on some faces becomes just too much to take. Sometimes I just blow it off, but when it comes up, what am I to say? I can't help how I grew up, and truth be told, I wouldn't change anything about the way I grew up.
A fact no one knows about me: I became a devout member of the church as an escape from my family life. I love every member of my family and would lay down my life for any one of them, but my parents never talked. Instead of talking, they argued - every single day of my life. They never got along, and there were deep-seated reasons why this was the case. That's another thing I will discuss at a later date - at this point, I'm not ready to delve into that and share with the public.
But anyway, my constant struggles to not be a prude or too regal while hanging in the gay community is more of a tightwalk than anyone realizes. Sometimes I want to break free and act just like everyone else - and sometimes I do. But when you've lived, truly gave all your heart, to the church, merging that with being a gay man is disheartening sometimes.
And when you've known you were gay for three decades, and you've been in the church community for three decades - most times overlapping, it's hard to figure out how to handle life.
That's what I need to do - figure out what the next move will be. I want to avoid holding back any person in my life from being able to be themselves around me, and in the same breath, when a person points this out, it makes me feel a little less-than.
To sum it up, I'm just looking for a sign. Just a sign.

Gay boyz, I think there's a cool experiment we should try at least once

I'll set the scene for you ...
A local gay establishment, expressly advertised as such, is having a usual night. You know, the gay community hanging out, joking, reconnecting and sharing stories, ready to enjoy a usual Sunday night of karaoke.
As my best friend and I are on our way to engage in our Sunday night ritual, we approach the door of the club and give each other a knowing glance as we look inside. The place is packed, and we have a sinking feeling that this night is going to be a little crazy. After all, we've seen this exact scene a few times before.
And as we enter, it's evident that this place is overrun by "breeders" ... for those who aren't privy to this term, it's straight people. Now I love straights ... hell, some of my closest friends are straights. (*I hope you can appreciate the humor in that statement*)
The last time the place was overrun with a crowd of this nature and this capacity, it was a madhouse and people didn't know how to act in this gay establishment. But I was cautiously optimistic that tonight would not be a repeat performance.
So as we ordered our drinks and looked up on the karaoke stage, about 10-12 people were trying to crowd on the stage to sing. Not only that, but once about 7 of them were ejected from the stage, the remaining girls started drunkenly dancing uncontrollably. I’m sure they were just excited that it was a bachelorette party, but come on – have some respect for the small stage space and the expensive equipment! There were actually two large groups partying there.
But I digress …
I thought that, once again, it was funny that a number of the straight people were practically trying to play varsity tongue hockey with one another, and the couples were clutching each other’s hands for dear life – the women afraid that their beloved men would be hit on by a gay man (or another female), and the men were fearful that they’d be accosted and picked up by one of the gay men.
Now I’m an advocate of playful fun and being flirty, but I think there is another issue that should be explored here. And I’m not saying this to incite any hurt feelings with my straights.
But in what year in the future will it finally be a moot point that gay men can kiss and make out, not to mention lovingly hold intertwined hands, in the bars and restaurants geared toward the straight community? After all, while I’m in the bars geared toward the gay community, straight people make out, kiss and hold hands all of the time. Hell, sometimes it goes further than that.
Asbury Park is known by so many groups, organizations and individuals in general as the gay capital of New Jersey. So is Asbury Park the place where we gays can do these things and it be acceptable?
Now honestly, how many straight men would be totally content with two gay men coming into a straight bar in Asbury Park, standing right in front of them and French kissing each other? I’m not sure how many wouldn’t feel any negative reaction to this, but if I were to offer up a guess, the percentage would be in the low teens. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to see straight couples making out in the bars and clubs in Asbury Park – and beyond – geared toward the gays.
And by the way, I’m focusing on the male population because straight men wouldn’t care if two lesbians starting kissing in front of them – if I’m not mistaken.
So gay boyz in Asbury Park (and even beyond), perhaps we should try a little experiment. Let’s start kissing like bandits in all bars, and let’s see what reaction we receive. Let’s see if things have, indeed, gotten better in the battle for equality.
I mean, so many have gotten on board with gays getting married. And that’s tremendous. But how many have gotten on board with gays making out in front of them? I couldn’t tell you – chances are, not many.
Now I could be totally mistaken in my assessment. So boyz, let’s test it out, and report back to me what you discover. And if they react poorly, just tell them that they are on "Candid Camera" … I bet they “suddenly” treat you with some class.
Let’s hope.

Coming off a difficult weekend and looking for the sunshine

I'm not going to lie and say that this past weekend was not extremely difficult for me. As some of my friends know, Saturday was the anniversary of my mother's death.
It's like no time has passed. I was hoping that this weekend would throw me some positivity to outweigh the sadness. But just wishful thinking, I suppose. And as I've been told, I am the King of wishful thinking.
My mother meant the world to me, and I just couldn't help but remember, over and over, how my life changed so drastically when I received the phone call about Mama. She always had the knack for referring to me - wherever she went - as her baby. I was her youngest child, and she made sure I never forgot it. I used to dislike when she referred to me as "the baby", but to be honest, I loved it.
I guess to be honest with myself, I knew that I wasn't her favorite child. I knew which of my siblings held that distinctive honor, but I was okay with that fact for the most part. It hurt sometimes; there were times that I felt like I was not her favorite because I was gay. And although I didn't come out to my mother until about four years prior to her death, they say that mothers always know. So I just figured that she knew and kept it to herself.
This weekend was difficult for another reason as well. I was seeing a man who I really liked. I've mentioned him in my blog a few times before. I really needed to see him this past weekend. I've mentioned that he is very entrenched in running his company, and even though he gave me his word that a relationship would not take a back seat in his life, he couldn't keep his promise.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, since this had happened before when we were a part of each others' lives. I believed that I wanted to make this work, enough for the both of us.
Despite my efforts to keep things going, I'm no longer seeing this man. And to be honest, these turn of events are kind of painful because I put my hopes into this person. It's so difficult to make things work in any relationship that I have. And I guess that it's something inside of me. I'm the common denominator, right?
Well this past weekend, I needed him. And I picked up the phone to contact him a few times. But I just couldn't make that call because I am just tired of chasing after a man.
I'm wondering today if I should have just made the call and asked if we could get together. It wasn't pride that stopped me from contacting him; it was fear.
I am very fearful that I would always be chasing after a man who just didn't want to be caught. And if that happens, I'd just be repeating my mistakes. Looking back, each of my previous relationships with men have been pretty much this scenario = Eric meets man, Eric pursues man, Eric catches man, Eric works hard to keep man in his life, Eric realizes that he's doing all the work and the other half of the relationship is just coasting through it, Eric ends the relationship because there are too many footprints on his back from the guy and he has too much pride, guy realizes Eric was too good to lose, Eric takes the guy back, and the cycle repeats itself for one more spin.
So I'm not giving the most recent man another opportunity to do this to me again because my Mama taught me better than that. She would be so disappointed if I gave this man another chance and just settled for "someone". So I'm going to make her proud and just continue the search for the man who won't make me jump through hoops.
So I suppose that Mama taught me well; at least I have finally learned my lesson. So Mama, I'll always love you, 'cause you are my favorite girl. Thanks for the life lessons and please continue to keep the bad guys away from me, even if it's from up above.