I've made no secret that I would love to be in a committed relationship with a man that I care about. Some guys are just that way, and I'm one of them.
I haven't had too much luck in that department, as I've only had 2 boyfriends of significance in my life.
But a few weeks ago, a guy who I was pretty crazy over and who I'd gone out with on about a dozen dates (or as I like to call them, encounters) reached out to me and asked if I would let him back into my life and if we could pick up where we left off.
I knew last year that he wasn't ready for what I had to offer. He would always go back and forth, wanting to venture into a commitment and then backing away from me. This went on for far too long, and then after awhile of being this guy's yo-yo, I decided to cut him loose and stop the cycle.
Even after cutting his craziness out of my life, I'd still see him every now and again around Asbury Park. We went to the same hangouts, so I knew we'd always run into each other. It didn't really bother me because I knew what I wanted out of a relationship, and I knew he couldn't give it to me.
I guess over the past months, he'd grown up a bit and was now ready for me.
Now this is where my mom's teachings helped me out in a big way. She'd always taught me to follow my instincts and not settle for anything less than what I deserved. And as this guy who I (hate to say it) sweated for a few months while he decided if he even wanted me for the long-term asked me to rekindle things, all I could hear was my mom's voice in my ear. She was saying to run like the dickens as fast as I could in the other direction.
So what did I do? I followed my mom's advice. Even though she wasn't here physically, I knew she was with me spiritually. So my response to this man who I was once crazy about, and wanted me again, was to tell him I'd think about it. For me, that's a "no". When I met up with him later in the week, I let him know that it was not going to happen for us. Too much time had past, and I invested too much energy into getting things off the ground with him the last time. Flat out - he exhausted me, and I was getting too old to give 95 percent to another's 5 percent.
So, I'm still single. But I guess I'm happily single, because for the first time in a long time, I didn't settle for just a pretty face.
And this guy, my past, deserves to remain right where he is ... in the past. I need to move onto someone new, so for those guys in my past, you need to stay there.
I'm looking for a new love!
