Have you ever seen the popular gay film, “Torch Song Trilogy?”
If you haven’t, you should really think about turning in your gay card. The film is, hands down, one of the best LGBTQ films ever made, let alone one of the best films period. True, in my estimation it is one of the best films, and since this is my blog, what I say goes.
But there is a scene in the film that is very topical currently for a number of reasons. The scene to which I’m referring is when Arnold, aka female impersonator Virginia Ham (performed flawlessly by Harvey Fierstien), is doing one of her numbers in the club, and a group of male hustlers (one of which is portrayed by Matthew Broderick) begin heckling and causing a major disturbance. The group is manhandling Virginia, shouting obscenities and trying to embarrass her.
At this point, one of the regular patrons – who thoroughly enjoys Virginia’s and the other drag queens’ performances – is so disgusted by the group’s blatant disrespect that he jumps out of his seat, pulls out a knife and threatens to stop the ruckus – by any means necessary. There are a number of times that I, myself – an ultimate fan of drag performances, felt like doing what that patron in the film did.
This brings me to the point of this blog post – how proper audiences should behave at a drag show.
One of my personal rules for this blog is to not flat-out name anyone, just for the cause of not pointing a finger or putting anyone on the spot. I’m breaking that rule, just this once. And I’m not pointing a finger, except perhaps to give a big thumbs-up to a number of drag queens who, literally, take my breath away with their awesome spirit, drive and performances.
The rule is being broken for this blog post because it not only leads into what I had to witness this past weekend, but also because it smacks of disrespect for drag performers all over the world. Some audience members for so many years have not given the performers their due respect, and it’s time that the tide has turned.
I won’t go into details, but this past weekend at an event, some audience members at a local drag event were so disrespect, so blatant in their ignorance that a popular drag queen had no choice but to “school” them on a couple of things not to do during a drag queen’s performance. And she was absolutely correct. For those of us who understand the proper etiquette, it just boils my blood to see audience members act so discourteous, disrespectful and out of control during a drag performance.
During her performance, they sat right off of the stage and spoke in such high volumes, loud and boisterous that I couldn’t even hear a queen read a question off of one of the game cards. And not only was she speaking into the microphone, but I was standing right next to the stage. To top off the rude display of ignorance, one of those jokers had the audacity to grab on one of the drag queens’ body parts – a definite no-no, not only during a drag performance, but even for a regular person casually walking down the street. Why does anyone have to tell a person this? You would think their parents raised them right, or at least made an effort to raise them right. No home training whatsoever!
These performers put their blood, sweat and tears into what they do, and they are there to entertain. It’s their job – for some of them it’s their career. And these performers warrant, no they deserve our respect. There’s a saying, “Being a drag queen takes big balls,” and that is true.
Now come on, people. Why anyone should have to share with you what proper etiquette should be during a drag performance – or any show, it’s just beyond me! But if I must, I will offer you a number of instances. It’s certainly not all of them, but it’s just a few to get you started on your way to knowledge and understanding.
1) Do not grab at a drag queen’s body. No part of her body. You wouldn’t do it to a random woman walking across the bar, so don’t do it a drag queen walking across the bar.
2) If you must, absolutely must, talk loudly and in a boisterous, screeching voice, take a seat at the back of the bar, far enough away from the stage that it does not interrupt the performance and those patrons who wish to enjoy the performance can do so without hearing your loud mouth.
3) At some arenas, a drag queen’s stage is at the front, and the audience flows back several yards. Drag queens work for tips, and they deserve those tips. So if you don’t plan on taking any money out of your pocket to show respect for them and tip, please take a position away from the front of the stage to allow for tipping patrons to be able to do so and not struggle to get through the crowd just to tip them. When you do so, it’s almost too difficult for tipping patrons with a drink in the hand to make it through. Thus, some drag queens don’t get as much in tips as they should.
4) When a drag queen is speaking in the mic, SHE is speaking in the mic. Keep your mouths closed and don’t try to make yourself a part of her show. She’s got it covered; if she wants you to be a part of her show, she’ll call for you – don’t worry.
5) Unless you have to desperately go to the bathroom and the path there is right across the drag queen’s stage, there is no feasible reason that you must walk directly across her stage when she is performing. That would seem like the only emergency that would warrant a patron doing such an act. So if you need to cross her stage, do her a favor and wait the 4-5 minutes until her performance has concluded. Common decency, people. Common decency.
6) Don’t throw anything at a drag queen during her performance. Holy Mormon, Batman! I can’t even believe that I have to add this one on here, but sadly I do. I know you might want to be a part of the act, and think perhaps throwing a shirt, straws or ice is a good idea … trust me, it’s not. The only things remotely in the realm of decency to throw at a drag queen would be dollars at her feet or a little shade, but be prepared, because most every drag queen knows how to properly throw shade right back at you, and twice as razor sharp. So tread lightly with that. (*And for anyone who doesn't understand this, you can shower the STAGE with money as a tip, but THROWING money directly at a drag queen isn't the best course of action*)
These are just a few of the ways for patrons to display proper etiquette to drag performers during their shows. But if you’ve been guilty of doing any of these things, and if you believe none of these tips will help you to act a little better than you’ve been thus far, I suppose I only have one other suggestion that may bring it home for you.
You could try this … If all else fails, try acting how you would want an audience to treat you if you were doing drag. How about that?
Perhaps the reason why I can say that with all sincerity, and why it gets me a little heated when fellow patrons find it difficult to display proper etiquette during a drag show, is because of a little ole bitty named Olivia Twisted. Yes, I’ve performed drag years ago, when I first came out and tried to do my thing.
To be honest, sadly I was not very graceful at painting the mug. I did it just three times, but decided to put it on hold for a couple of reasons that, today, just seem to me like it was a cop-out. Those reasons: I know my mother was not accepting of her son wearing a dress, and her respect was everything to me. She was all for her son being a gay man, but she wouldn’t get on board with her gay son wearing a dress. She was way old school.
The other reason was because when I first came out, I didn’t have that support system, I didn’t have that close-knit group of family of friends in the gay community that I am proud to say I have now. All those years ago, it was just me, trying to make it as a young Black gay man on his own in a new world.
I have that courage these days that I didn’t have 15 years ago when I did it, because I’ve established myself in the LGBTQ community and on top of all that, I no longer give a damn what people think of me. It took me years to get to that point, and now here, it’s time to reintroduce Olivia Twisted. Hey, it’s just something I’m looking into and toying with at this point.
So if you are ever blessed to go to a show with a drag performer on stage, trust, it would be in your best interest to show proper etiquette. It’s very simple … and besides, you wouldn’t want to be embarrassed, because those memes of you acting like a damn fool at the drag shows will last forever.
Now go out and watch “Torch Song Trilogy” if you haven’t already.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Some people should have warning labels so we know what's in store for us
I want to begin this blog post by giving major props to those individuals working in the service industry. Whether you are a hotel, bar or restaurant manager … a server/waiter/waitress … a chef, cook or baker … bartender, cocktail waitress …. bouncer, security guard or barback … those individuals working as bellhops, maids, restaurant hosts, kitchen help, busboys, front desk workers or maitre d’s.
All of you have to put up with a lot of crap. And you will understand why I am praising you as this blog progresses.
But to put things into simple terms, it amazes me that in a world where so many people have to put up with so many situations, attitudes and craziness, that there are some people on this planet who just don’t understand the simple joys of avoiding drama and tragic occurrences.
To make it plain, there are just too many people who should be wearing a bright red warning label that specifically says, “DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS!”
They seem to be coming out of the woodwork. I’ll give you a few examples of these individuals.
First, you have those individuals who will take any open opportunity to cause a rift between two content, loving souls who are just trying to make it day to day in a happy relationship. Sure, all of us have ups and downs, but these interlopers who will use the first sign of discord between a couple to attempt to break them up, well these individuals are just tragic souls.
Not only will they amp up the tragedy, but they will also blow a situation out of proportion just to cause a rift and break the two up. Why? There are a number of reasons. But one reason is because these individuals don’t have anything going on in their own lives, so they interject themselves into a couple’s relationship.
Maybe it’s just what these people like to do, cause drama and dissention in the lives of others. But I wish these people would see a glimmer of self-reflection and understand that their actions are not lost on the many members of the community and that person will no longer be trusted by anyone. And not only that, but they will begin to be shunned by a large portion of the community because their two-faced masks will forever be uncovered.
People in such a close-knit community have long memories, and if an individual gets this sort of reputation, it will be years before they can get rid of it; if they ever will. There are a few individuals who already have this reputation, and trust me, people in the community no longer trust you. And if you lose a community’s respect and trust, it’s lost for good.
Another group of people who should be wearing that warning label are those individuals who are out on the town and turn into drunken disasters. Now I know that we all can tie one on and sometimes overdo it, but that’s not the ones I’m describing. The ones I’m describing are those individuals who will tie one on, get drop-down drunk, cause so many people to worry about them, and will do the unthinkable – will insult and cause chaos with their true friends who just want to make sure they don’t crash their cars, end up in the slammer with a DUI, or worse – get themselves killed.
I’ve been the recipient of these people’s agitation and verbal abuse because I’ve been sober enough to try to help them to keep themselves safe, and I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. We’ve all had to deal with these friends, because at the end of the day they are friends. There have been a few times that fellow members in the service industry have asked me to make sure these people remain safe.
I don’t mind, because I’d want a person to do this for me, and some of my friends have done this for me. And I’ve been grateful.
And this is why I’ve given a shout out to so many in the service industry, because they have no choice but to help you out. They’ve had to put up with a lot of aggravation, so how about this – how about you give them a break and if you do lose control in a drunken stupor, you treat them with respect? How about that? It’s very simple.
Because sir or madam, once you do it one too many times, they will not watch your back because you end up kicking them in the back one too many times. You lose their respect, then you’ll lose your privileges. So calm it down and try to keep yourself in check. And if you have people who consider you a friend trying to keep your ass safe, just let them and don’t fight them. You may just end up fighting them one too many times and they just might you go ahead and let you kill yourself on the road because they are tired of your drunken shenanigans.
And I must not forget the ones who should wear these warning labels, the ones who aggravate Miss Bernadine the most. I absolutely cannot stand the gay men in the community who feel entitled in life that they act like they own other gay men. Now I’m not speaking of the gay men who for them, this is their way of life due to a particular community to which they belong.
I’m referencing those gay men who act like just because they’ve either broken up with their man or have been dumped by him, that they act way too possessive with him, and in addition, act like the fool and cause a ruckus with any other man who seems to enter their universe.
It’s absurd! Ladies, get a grip on yourselves and stop playing the possessive, overly-trite gay man. It’s not a good look for you, and you ultimately look like you are trying to hold the monopoly on every man in the community. If you fellas want to date a slew of your fellow gay men, go for it. I’m not stopping you. But if you interfere in the lives of other men who I, or the others in the community, are dating as well, and you try to act like you have the exclusive rights to all men, that’s where I and others will draw the line with you.
So don’t act like you are all flabbergasted or indignant when you are called out for your actions. Because if you are putting yourself out there and want to play the field and date four or five guys at once, don’t act the fool if one of the many men spending time in your whorehouse is also spending time in others’ whorehouses. It’s just the way things go. Unless you are with the man exclusively, you have no say.
It’s as simple as that.
All of you have to put up with a lot of crap. And you will understand why I am praising you as this blog progresses.
But to put things into simple terms, it amazes me that in a world where so many people have to put up with so many situations, attitudes and craziness, that there are some people on this planet who just don’t understand the simple joys of avoiding drama and tragic occurrences.
To make it plain, there are just too many people who should be wearing a bright red warning label that specifically says, “DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS!”
They seem to be coming out of the woodwork. I’ll give you a few examples of these individuals.
First, you have those individuals who will take any open opportunity to cause a rift between two content, loving souls who are just trying to make it day to day in a happy relationship. Sure, all of us have ups and downs, but these interlopers who will use the first sign of discord between a couple to attempt to break them up, well these individuals are just tragic souls.
Not only will they amp up the tragedy, but they will also blow a situation out of proportion just to cause a rift and break the two up. Why? There are a number of reasons. But one reason is because these individuals don’t have anything going on in their own lives, so they interject themselves into a couple’s relationship.
Maybe it’s just what these people like to do, cause drama and dissention in the lives of others. But I wish these people would see a glimmer of self-reflection and understand that their actions are not lost on the many members of the community and that person will no longer be trusted by anyone. And not only that, but they will begin to be shunned by a large portion of the community because their two-faced masks will forever be uncovered.
People in such a close-knit community have long memories, and if an individual gets this sort of reputation, it will be years before they can get rid of it; if they ever will. There are a few individuals who already have this reputation, and trust me, people in the community no longer trust you. And if you lose a community’s respect and trust, it’s lost for good.
Another group of people who should be wearing that warning label are those individuals who are out on the town and turn into drunken disasters. Now I know that we all can tie one on and sometimes overdo it, but that’s not the ones I’m describing. The ones I’m describing are those individuals who will tie one on, get drop-down drunk, cause so many people to worry about them, and will do the unthinkable – will insult and cause chaos with their true friends who just want to make sure they don’t crash their cars, end up in the slammer with a DUI, or worse – get themselves killed.
I’ve been the recipient of these people’s agitation and verbal abuse because I’ve been sober enough to try to help them to keep themselves safe, and I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. We’ve all had to deal with these friends, because at the end of the day they are friends. There have been a few times that fellow members in the service industry have asked me to make sure these people remain safe.
I don’t mind, because I’d want a person to do this for me, and some of my friends have done this for me. And I’ve been grateful.
And this is why I’ve given a shout out to so many in the service industry, because they have no choice but to help you out. They’ve had to put up with a lot of aggravation, so how about this – how about you give them a break and if you do lose control in a drunken stupor, you treat them with respect? How about that? It’s very simple.
Because sir or madam, once you do it one too many times, they will not watch your back because you end up kicking them in the back one too many times. You lose their respect, then you’ll lose your privileges. So calm it down and try to keep yourself in check. And if you have people who consider you a friend trying to keep your ass safe, just let them and don’t fight them. You may just end up fighting them one too many times and they just might you go ahead and let you kill yourself on the road because they are tired of your drunken shenanigans.
And I must not forget the ones who should wear these warning labels, the ones who aggravate Miss Bernadine the most. I absolutely cannot stand the gay men in the community who feel entitled in life that they act like they own other gay men. Now I’m not speaking of the gay men who for them, this is their way of life due to a particular community to which they belong.
I’m referencing those gay men who act like just because they’ve either broken up with their man or have been dumped by him, that they act way too possessive with him, and in addition, act like the fool and cause a ruckus with any other man who seems to enter their universe.
It’s absurd! Ladies, get a grip on yourselves and stop playing the possessive, overly-trite gay man. It’s not a good look for you, and you ultimately look like you are trying to hold the monopoly on every man in the community. If you fellas want to date a slew of your fellow gay men, go for it. I’m not stopping you. But if you interfere in the lives of other men who I, or the others in the community, are dating as well, and you try to act like you have the exclusive rights to all men, that’s where I and others will draw the line with you.
So don’t act like you are all flabbergasted or indignant when you are called out for your actions. Because if you are putting yourself out there and want to play the field and date four or five guys at once, don’t act the fool if one of the many men spending time in your whorehouse is also spending time in others’ whorehouses. It’s just the way things go. Unless you are with the man exclusively, you have no say.
It’s as simple as that.
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