We in the community always have a certain flair for describing each other. Be it in love or dislike, most of us always speak our minds.
I was having a rather lighthearted conversation with someone a couple of weeks ago, and all of the sudden, in the middle of our talk, he referred to me as a dream lover. No, he wasn’t interested in me – that’s not why he said it. He said it because I was telling him about the first man who ever said he was interested in me.
In short, the first man who was openly interested in me was this older gentleman, a wealthy antique dealer who was at least two decades my senior. This was about 13 years ago when I first came out, and although I was flattered that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, it was just not the right time for me.
To be honest, I wasn’t really attracted to him – I had sex with him the first day I met him because he liked me and I wanted someone that particular night. Hey, don’t judge – sometimes the lady really is a tramp.
Anyway, my friend said I was a dream lover, as he put it, because he joked that I always have to know that down the road I will eventually find myself in love with the person I get involved with and I rarely can look past the passion – or lack thereof – and just grab an old, rich man and settle for security because love is overrated.
See, he used to be a dream lover – waiting for the perfect man. He did that for years … until he took a long, hard look at himself in the mirror and said to himself, “Screw finding love; I’m finding a rich man who wants to be with me and support me.”
So he took his good looks and went to a club in Manhattan where older men frequent, and boom – he found his older gentleman. The two have been together for almost 10 years now. He admits he’s still not in love with his man, but it affords him the ability to work at a non-profit without being paid much.
But I digress. The focus of this blog post isn’t discussing his life’s choices. The main point is that we were discussing the concept of the many classifications upon us in life. It turned into a hilarious conversation because of the classifications. These are not set in stone or terms everyone uses – meaning it was just a funny discussion between two friends that I thought I’d share.
Here’s just a few of them:
The dream lovers, as described, usually end up waiting for the white knights to ride up with the perfect love, but we need to stop dreaming because that rarely happens. So that’s the dream lovers.
Then there are the maestros. Those individuals are very skilled at their game and usually have their pick of who they want to enter into sexual relations with, and who also rarely care about how it affects the person they take home with them. Maestros rarely ever get their hearts broken, because they are breaking the hearts of those they bring home.
Then there are the HGNs. This term, already out there and used frequently, is the shortened term for hot gay nerds. These are the sexy men who are into the world of science, technology, video games, fantasy worlds of some sort, animations, gadgets, internet start-ups … you get the point. These individuals are cute brainiacs who can stimulate your mind as well as your body and soul.
We were discussing the dogged. Now these individuals literally look like they’ve been around the block a few thousand times. They’ve been with everyone and anyone, and don’t care that their reputation is shot to hell. The only thing about the dogged ones is that they’ve already been through about 70 percent of the population on the East Coast, and not many people are interested in seriously being with them at all. A don’t see them too often, but when I do, all I really feel for them is a sort of pity.
Then there are the smooth operators. Now these people might be the maestros, but there only thing distinguishing them from maestros is that for the most part, everyone already knows their moves. Sometimes these people are just too smooth for their own good. Their targets see them coming a mile away and already have made up their minds if they want to deal with them or not.
We discussed those individuals who fall into the “adorable” category. He said that I often fall into that category, but of course Miss Bernadine (my alter – for those who’ve just met me) knocks me out of that category when she’s around. To be truthful, I find adorable guys, well, adorable. Everything about them is adorable. Their thoughts, the way they carry themselves, their genuine qualities, how they make you feel very comfortable in their presence. Adorable guys just get my juices revving, if I must say so myself.
Then we were discussing the ruggedly handsome. I’ve spoken about those men from time to time; those gentle men who could, literally, toss me around like a rag doll (I think you get my point with that description). They are sexy, strong, confidant, very friendly and they just have that innate ability to make a person feel safe when in their presence.
We bantered about the confused. These individuals really don't know what the hell they are doing. They enter into romantic entanglements, most times with their eyes sealed shut, and they make a mess of it. Then they will ultimately complain about their harrowing experience, and then in their next romance, they repeat the same mistakes over again. They are cute but clueless.
The victims. Now discussing these individuals almost made me want to cry - or vomit. Victims are those put-upon people who always seem to be the victim, play the victim, act like a victim, or fake it as a victim. "Woe is me" is their song of choice, and they will never change until they get stronger or more confident in themselves. Another group that's cute but clueless, but unlike the confused, these individuals will get on your nerves.
Oh, then we spoke about the pretty boyz. They are all around, and my friend is lumped into that category (although he vehemently protests that distinction because he says he’s much more than that). Pretty boyz can be fun, loving, lively and a great joy to be around. There’s only one problem – with some pretty boyz, a lot of admirers are a bit fearful of approaching them because they are so pretty. It’s a Catch-22, because they could be the best match for someone but their pretty looks and actions sometimes make them seem unattainable.
It’s easy to find that you fall into more than one category. Sometimes that's a good thing; sometimes not so much. But wherever you fall, enjoy it while you can.
So, my friends, this was part of that conversation. I thought it’d be a funny thing to write up. Can you see yourself in any of those categories? There are undoubtedly more categories, and these descriptions go for both men and women.
My final statement to him during our conversation on this subject:
“Dream lover?!? You couldn’t lump me into the pretty boyz category? … Bitch!”
