Open relationships are great, as long as you keep it classy

Open relationships – whether each party knows about it or not – has been a prevalent concept for individuals for years. For some, it’s just a way of life. For some, it saves their relationships. And for some, it’s just a hard habit to break.
Before I get stoned by the masses, I have nothing against open relationships. I think in many cases it’s a positive aspect to explore. After all, who says a person can only love or be involved with just one other person. Open relationships can really be a great thing.
And I will put this out there – I, myself, have been involved in open relationships. I have seen it from both sides. I was not only in a relationship with a guy who persuaded me to open up our relationship to outside forces – so to speak; I was also, at one time in my life, the other person who was brought into a couple’s open relationship.
So I am not a person who can judge others who are in successful open relationships. After being involved in the situation twice, I know that it’s just not for me at this time in my life. I don’t have the patience, I guess, because I want to be someone’s one and only. It is difficult to find that these days, but I’m always hopeful. Hey, they didn’t use to call me Charlotte (“Sex in the City”) for nothing.
And as long as an open relationship works for all parties involved, it’s a win-win. I praise you, and I’m all for it. But … when your open relationship gets sloppy, that’s where I must call it out. If you want your relationship to expand to others in the community, that’s your prerogative. More power to you.
But when some drama within it spills over to others, who have nothing to do with it, that’s where I think you need to take a close look at yourself and your relationship.
When you have one partner in the open relationship crying at the bars, belly-aching about how it’s not what he or she wants but can’t bring themselves to make the other partner stop it and just be with them, sir or madam, it’s time to take the high road. Maybe it’s time to get out of that type of relationship.
When you have one partner acting like a fool in the bars, like they have to make a scene and take home every person they encounter just because they have permission, it may be time to rethink what and who you want. Classiness should triumph over any showing of tragic behavior because it leads to others in the community to see you in a certain way, and sometimes it’s just not in the most positive light.
When you have some overzealous people making a fierce beeline to a man or woman who they know full well are in that type of relationship, and they literally embarrass themselves with their blatant flirtations, making out and sloppin’ sugar right out in the open for all to see, it doesn’t demonstrate that you have a lot of pride in yourself.
My advice: If you absolutely must get involved, or be involved, in an open arrangement, just keep it classy and be charming. It goes a long way in showing yourself in a positive light. Plus, people do inevitably talk about you – it’s just a way of life.
And I can’t be a hypocrite, because if I were to be absolutely honest with you, I have been guilty in the last few years of “sloppin’ sugar” with one or two gentlemen who were in this sort of relationship. (Just for kicks, sloppin' sugar is sometimes the Southern manner of speaking of two people kissing in public, in case you weren’t aware; it also refers to people acting fake while being sweet to others - but not what I'm talking about now). But I’ve since learned my lesson, so I’m hoping to provide you with my insight.
I know, I know – I do share a life’s motto with a number of people: “Whatever anyone thinks about me is none of my business.” And I do agree with the concept that you shouldn’t really care what others think of you. But it’s just not what people might think about you; people will surely sooner or later begin to treat you in a certain way, by the way you carry yourself.
Now I’m sure that not too many people even had a clue that I’d been involved in open arrangements. And there’s a reason why … less than a handful of people who know me know my personal business and relationships. That, it would seem, is how it should be.
Everyone doesn’t need to know if Tom and Dick are fooling around because Harry opened the barn door and let Tom be in an open relationship. Being in an open relationship is totally fine, as long as people don’t have to have it thrown in their faces when they are just out on the town to have fun or grab a drink. Just show a little decorum in your actions. No one needs, nor wants, to see any illicit behavior right next to them at the bars.
Now I am well aware that there are some single guys and gals doing the same things at the bars, demonstrating less-than-stellar behavior right out in the open. And a blog on that will be due out soon.
It just seems as if more and more, some people who are involved in open relationships – in Asbury Park and beyond – are behaving like they just broke out of prison and need as much excitement as they can possibly find before law enforcement discovers where they are hiding out and force them to return to their place behind bars.
I’m sure some are reading this post and saying to themselves, “Damn, this guy is a freakin’ prude!” Maybe I am, and maybe I’m not. Who knows, and who cares? But I’ll tell you one thing – when I found myself getting involved in that type of relationship, I’ve been highly aware that no one needs to see that.
So just a suggestion – no one needs to see that.
(Editor’s note: There is no one named Tom, Dick and Harry in an open relationship … for those who’ve never heard it before, it’s a term used to refer to ordinary people in general)