The struggle is real to be living in this world as a Black gay man

Sometimes standing up for what’s right when an injustice has been done is the most difficult thing a person can be called on to do.
But it’s just so odd that for me, during Black History Month, that I am being led to do something that will make things easier for the younger African-American generation.
It’s not something that I really want to do, but I definitely need to do. I can’t go into details just yet because some issues are in the midst of going to be a tough hurdle to leap. And I can’t speak about it until I’m a bit further in the motions and understand fully what I will need to sacrifice. But it will be one of the hardest struggles for me personally and professionally.
But in any case, it just reminds me of the older LGBTQ community members who, despite knowing the struggle might not end well, still went forward bravely. Those individuals, I’m relying on for some inner strength. Just knowing that they didn’t give up makes me believe I can go to the finish line as well.
The older generation put their all into making things equal for all of us. From the Stonewall Riots … to the formation of PFLAG in 1972 … to the march on Washington for gay rights in 1979 … to trying to fix the uncomfortable compromises of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell … to AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) … to Queer Nation … to the successful results of marriage equality in the last few years.
Did they falter or lose their nerve? No. We can learn so much from those who came before us.
But the focus of this blog isn’t a history lesson or my own upcoming struggle. The focus, primarily, deals with perception.
One’s perception of another person in the community can be shortsighted at times. I was speaking with a friend recently, and it occurred to me that we all have a perception of a person, and no matter how hard that person tries to change how others perceive them, it’s so difficult to get people to see the “new you”.
It’s a bit sad, really. Once members of the community, and in the world, see you in a certain way, it’s so damn hard to change their minds. The reason it’s sad is because I’ve known a number of individuals who aren’t like I’ve heard they are from other people. Did I catch those individuals after they’ve made the transformation? It is possible, you know.
A lot of people’s perception of me is not how I always am. Yes, I’m strong-willed, confidant and believe in my convictions. But I can use support and a shoulder every now and again. And since I rarely ask for any help, some think I never need it. That’s my fault, because that’s the perception I give off. It’s difficult to change that.
Those who always attempt a smile can be sad inside at times; they just don’t like to show it. Conversely, those who seem to always have a frown on their faces are sometimes happy. It’s just perception.
When a person gains a certain reputation in the community, it’s even harder to change. Someone could have been a troubled soul in 2008, but has since become much more stable and is just a shadow of their former self. But the community is hard on them. That’s always struck me as odd, because if a person has the strength and ability to change, why don’t we as a community give them as much help as possible?
We’re not that jaded, now are we?
I believe a person should always get the opportunity to reinvent themselves. And a person isn’t just skin deep; there can be so much more beneath the surface. I guess in a nutshell that is what my blog post is about. Now that it is Black History Month, people can look within themselves and gauge if they are doing everything they can to make change. To be brutally honest, it gives me pause that Black History Month is the time that a large portion of the population celebrates the lives of African Americans.
And it hurts my feelings that even though we are all equal, that even in the community, it’s sort of a statement when in mixed relations. Now I’m very up front about the interracial relationship issue. I date the opposite race, never made that a secret. But I have to tell you, it’s very difficult to formulate a relationship with a non-minority. In many instances, either a non-minority sees a Black man as a conquest … or a challenge … or not worthy of entering into a relationship. It’s the lucky souls who are able to make it work.
Why is that? Why does it seem like the Black man has to work that much harder to attain a lasting relationship with someone of the opposite race? And professionally, it’s just as hard. I think that some in the corporate world (and other job markets) see a Black man in terms of how much they are actually needed. It’s hard to get promotions, difficult to get the respect we’ve earned, and downright stressful to have those not in the minority give us a break. I’m not speaking for the entire population, just some of them.
The struggle is real to be in this world as a gay, Black man. I mean don’t get me wrong, I know we all have struggles of sorts, and I don’t take away from anyone the amount of difficulty it might be for them. I feel your pain.
When my father learned I was gay, he was totally cool with it. But he did caution me, “At work, don’t tell anyone about it, because they will make things difficult for you.” I told him, “I wish I didn’t have to tell people in my company that I’m Black; things would be a lot easier for me to climb the ladder.” He’s a self-made man and businessman, so he’s made a name for himself on his own terms, and I love that about him.
But looking at myself in the mirror as I reflect on Black History Month, I truly wonder how much more of a struggle I will need to endure to get my due as an intelligent, competent, self-starting, hardworking Black man in my industry. I’ve got the gay struggle down and under my belt. It’s the struggles of the Black man where I need to understand just where I stand.
As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “The time is always right to do what’s right.”
I suppose I have no choice but to make sure others do what’s right, no matter my personal cost. So as I stated earlier, in the months to come I am being led to do something that will make things easier for the younger African-American generation. I think of my nephew, who’s not only one of the football stars at Rowan University, but also at the top of his Business class. He’s busting his butt to be the most successful he can be, and I would hate, absolutely hate, for him to do all that’s he’s doing now to be successful in his industry and people would hold him back because of his race.
I have to act now so he can make it further than I ever could. It’s time for change; I know I probably won’t get further than Dr. King, Rosa Parks, Oprah Winfrey or even Booker T. Washington, but I can at least try my best. I can try for those coming up behind me, before it’s too late for them, too.