I've lamented incessantly that I desire a relationship. I've told it to friends, family and the followers of my blog. I've told it to anyone who would listen, I suppose.
I've learned over time on the proper ways to treat my partner, as I've been privy to the positives and negatives. My past relationships have not been the best, and after a lot of self-analyzation, I've realized that a major part of the romances not lasting was because I gave too much.
I didn't mean to do that ... it just comes naturally for me. I learned early on that the more you give in a relationship, the less your significant other has to give. Ultimately, you will end up in an imbalanced relationship.
I've had my share of imbalanced relationships. Trust me ... it's no fun for the person giving 80 percent. But it's so easy for the person giving 20 percent to get too comfortable. And then when you decide to push the other person to step it up and become an equal, they can't - or won't - do it.
So as I've stood back and observed a lot of gay men while in their respective romances, it has become painfully apprarent that some gay men just can't find their ways into healthy relationships. I'm glad that I've watched these relationships blossom, crumble, get pieced back together with duct tape, and then crash and burn in the most treacherous ways - because by watching from a close distance, I've gotten a eyeful of the tragic messes some of these gay boyz have stumbled upon.
And how some of these boyz have handled their relationships, it has become all too apparent at where you can draw the line in the sand and separate the men from the boyz.
It's so tragic to watch guys break down in public, at the local hangouts no less, crying and lamenting over how their boyfriend/lover/trick has broken their hearts and stripped them of their dignity.
News flash boyz: No one can take anything away from you unless you give them the power to do so. Too many of these boyz are giving away their power in the relationship, which is why they find themselves in physically frightening and verbally abusive romances.
When you have to watch a couple out on the town fighting like cats and dogs, it not only makes the two of them look bad, it causes some people who care about the two of them to take measures to separate themselves from the tragic pair. Then the couple always seem to wonder why people begin to act differently around them. It's not too hard to figure it out - your tragic displays in public are just pathetic to watch.
I wish that some gay men who are confident, secure and loving to their relationships with their significant others would take some of these "Romeo & Juliet" pairings under their wings and teach them a thing or three about proper relationship etiquette. It would make a world of difference.
Now I'm not saying that these tragic pairings don't have the capacity to make it work and become loving couples; I'm sure they have it in them. But before they can show a more loving side of themselves, they'd have to take a long look in the mirror (separately and as a couple) and try to change the things that are causing them to look tragic to the masses.
And remember, Asbury Park's gay community has a long memory. You don't want to be remembered as "that guy" who has gotten the bad reputation and potential romantic interests have heard that you aren't capable of being in a drama-free relationship. Some people already have that reputation, and the best way to turn that around is simple. I really can't believe anyone has to tell a person this, but:
1) If the person you are in a relationship with constantly abuses you verbally, behind closed doors and out in the public - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
2) If the person has ever put his hands on you in a menacing, abusive way - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
3) If the person refuses to meet you halfway and you are always giving more than you are getting out of a relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
4) If you always have to track down your boyfriend and figure out what, or who, he's doing - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
5) If you ever find yourself crying out in public over the man in your life who has consistently treated you like yesterday's garbage, and you are wracking your brain trying to find reasons to stay in the relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
My mother and sister always told me that if you are in a bad relationship, get out of it because "You can do bad all by yourself"! And it's true - you can do bad all by yourself!
And now that I've sat back and observed how to finally have a true, meaningful, equal relationship, I know that I'm ready. So I will let you in on a little secret - next week I am going out with a man who I have known for a few years, but circumstances have caused us to never get it together (I'll explain in more detail at a later date). Although he lives in another state, I'm determined to make this man a significant part of my life. I've waited long enough, and before I wait any longer because of circumstances, I know you have to grab the person who means something to you when he's in your grasp.
My guardian angel is giving me the green light, so I'm grabbing!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Perhaps my guardian angel is keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me
I'm back.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
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