I ran into a co-worker of mine last night.
I was out socializing it up after midnight at Club Paradise, having a great time with my friends. And after the week I'd had, this queen needed to blow off some steam.
I've never seen this person outside of work and in a position to just say hello to him. I figured that since he was standing a few feet away from me, speaking to a couple of my friends, I would take the opportunity to say "hey".
Big mistake on my part. As he was stepping away from my friends, I simply said, "Hey, how's it going?" His response was not even rude, it was pathetic - in my opinion. He replied in a low voice, "Hi", as he wouldn't even look me in the eye while he slithered past me.
Now I know he's not closeted, so the interaction threw me for a loop.
But the funny thing about the encounter wasn't my co-worker's actions; it was my friend's discussion about it afterward. It went something like this:
Me: Maybe he acted like that because he's shy?
My friend: That's not it ...
Me: Well it could be because he didn't know what to say.
My friend: You're really stretching there, don't you think?
Me: Well I'm a nice, friendly person ... why do you think?
My friend: Because he's just a stupid twink, who's too old to be a twink anymore, and he's got a pole stuck up his ****!
Well, you get the point I'm sure. My friend had jokingly said to me that I'm so sweet sometimes, that I'm just a Pollyanna.
It was hilarious, I hadn't been called that in a long time. And you will probably be surprised to hear me say this, but I'm proud that I can still look at the world and situations through rose-colored glasses, that I'm at-times a naive optimist. It means that deep inside, at the core of my inner-being, I still have that innocence about myself! It's a good thing, right?
Despite my co-worker's chilly reaction to my greeting, I'm still going to be a Pollyanna in a lot of situations. Actually, he's not worth my time anyway. Gays who act like they are better than others just make me want to slap them. They have this false sense of entitlement. What's that about?
But I'm glad that I am so far removed from being like that. At least I hope people see me as more inviting than this co-worker of mine.
Actually, this situation happened to me before, with a much better outcome. One of my closest, dearest friends to his day, I'd met him about five years ago. And we were co-workers, which is how we knew each other in the first place. At work, I'm such an A-type personality and always in professional mode, and we rarely spoke in the office.
Then we ran into each other at Georgie's (the gay Cheers), neither of us knowing the other was gay. He approached me, greeted me with hello, introduced me to his partner, briefly exchanged a little bit of shock that neither of us knew the other was gay, and puff - we've been tight-knit ever since! And I'm glad that I didn't act the way my current co-worker acted when he ran into me.
I don't know what gets into some people sometimes. If someone says hello with a smile, don't act like if you dare say hello with a smile back, that you are inviting the other person to try to pick you up. Sometimes, just sometimes, that person is just being friendly and trying to ... wait for it ... make a new friend!
But then again, does anything still surprise me as I'm still living, breathing - and loving - the gay scene in Asbury Park?!?
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Within the world of 4-ways, I'm usually Suzanne Sugarbaker
(Editor's note: There is some reasoning behind this blog post ... you'll figure it out towards the end)
Yes, that's me.
In the world of four-ways, you could usually rely on me to be Suzanne Sugarbaker.
Or at least I used to be.
Now get your minds out of the gutter, friends! I don't mean "that" type of four-way. I'm simply referring to the characters on TV shows, a time-honored tradition in the world of television when you have four close friends share the spotlight as the main characters.
That character from "Designing Women" was set in her own ways, holds others to a certain standard, and won't back down from holding onto what's hers - whether it's an award or honor from years ago or something she's proud of that happened last week.
I've never really figured out why this is such a popular formula in writing and producing television, but the concept has lived for decades.
I have a group of friends, who some know that we are referred to as the Golden Girls. I've always been called and compared to Blanche Devereaux, for a couple of reasons. And if you know the character, you need not ask to what I am referring. I used to be that way, but I've slowed down in the past couple of years. Possibly becoming more selective ... who knows, I don't even know myself.
So while trying to figure out why I don't really foster the characteristics of Blanche any longer, I began to go down the list of other four-ways on popular TV shows and why I'm most like a particular character.
And trust - all of us closely resemble the characteristics of one of the TV characters on all of the below-mentioned shows. Why don't you try to figure out which characters on the shows that could have been molded after you. You'd be surprised what you come up with.
And if you'd like, I can tell most all my good friends which TV character in the four-way that they most resemble ... if you'd like.
I've already mentioned that on "Designing Women" and "Golden Girls", for different reasons I fall into the category of Suzanne and Blanche, respectively. Here are a few others:
1) "Girlfriends" - Toni Childs. That character had to pull herself up from meager beginnings and, now financially secure, cherishes what money can buy a person, primarily herself. But she has a big heart and will do whatever she can to help a true friend out of a situation. She will only settle down with a man who can equal her financial stability (or have the drive and passion to make the bucks).
2) "Noah's Arc" - Chance Counter. He's extremely intelligent, and he will always analyze a situation to death. He is very cautious, especially since he is determined to find that one true love to share his life. He's the one in his group who friends will look to for solid, clear thinking. He's somewhat prudish, to his own detriment.
3) "Will and Grace" - Will Truman. He was engaged to a woman before he decided to stop hiding in the closet and be himself, despite the cost to family and friends. He's successful in his career, but he, too, analyzes issues in his life a little too thoroughly. He just wants to be with one man for the rest of his life, but most times can't hold onto that true love because they don't measure up to his high standards.
4) "New Girl" - Schmidt. He grew up not always proud of his appearance, and now that he's grown up and possesses some appealing qualities - inside and out - sometimes works overtime to find a partner who will accept him for his flaws and positive qualities. He makes a lot of mistakes in his pursuit, but he wants everything in his life to be perfect and in-order. He hold friends in such high esteem, but sometimes goes too far in pleasing others.
5) "Hot in Cleveland" - Melanie. She's sappy sweet and sweet-natured. She can be a goody-two-shoes, but when the time is right, she sheds all that and can become a true lioness. She's by no means brainless; in fact, she possesses a quiet intelligence and quirky nature that people just can't help but like.
Okay, this is probably the most light-hearted blog post I've ever done. There's a reason behind that, other than pageviews and simple enjoyment. This past week has been an extremely difficult one for the nation, in light of the tragedy in Newtown, Conn. I told myself, as a member of the media, that I wouldn't comment too much on the devastating events.
I've cried over the news. I've been infuriated from the first news of this, to present day, because I feel helpless to do anything to make any sort of difference so this never happens again. It's innocence lost, not only the innocent victims of the tragic events, but when something like that happens, everyone loses a little of themselves as a result.
So as America still mourns, I just wanted to put a blog out there to possibly take minds off of the tragedy, at least for a few minutes.
So maybe, after reading this blog, you will take a minute out of thinking to just consider, "Which TV character in that four-way reminds me of me?"
Yes, that's me.
In the world of four-ways, you could usually rely on me to be Suzanne Sugarbaker.
Or at least I used to be.
Now get your minds out of the gutter, friends! I don't mean "that" type of four-way. I'm simply referring to the characters on TV shows, a time-honored tradition in the world of television when you have four close friends share the spotlight as the main characters.
That character from "Designing Women" was set in her own ways, holds others to a certain standard, and won't back down from holding onto what's hers - whether it's an award or honor from years ago or something she's proud of that happened last week.
I've never really figured out why this is such a popular formula in writing and producing television, but the concept has lived for decades.
I have a group of friends, who some know that we are referred to as the Golden Girls. I've always been called and compared to Blanche Devereaux, for a couple of reasons. And if you know the character, you need not ask to what I am referring. I used to be that way, but I've slowed down in the past couple of years. Possibly becoming more selective ... who knows, I don't even know myself.
So while trying to figure out why I don't really foster the characteristics of Blanche any longer, I began to go down the list of other four-ways on popular TV shows and why I'm most like a particular character.
And trust - all of us closely resemble the characteristics of one of the TV characters on all of the below-mentioned shows. Why don't you try to figure out which characters on the shows that could have been molded after you. You'd be surprised what you come up with.
And if you'd like, I can tell most all my good friends which TV character in the four-way that they most resemble ... if you'd like.
I've already mentioned that on "Designing Women" and "Golden Girls", for different reasons I fall into the category of Suzanne and Blanche, respectively. Here are a few others:
1) "Girlfriends" - Toni Childs. That character had to pull herself up from meager beginnings and, now financially secure, cherishes what money can buy a person, primarily herself. But she has a big heart and will do whatever she can to help a true friend out of a situation. She will only settle down with a man who can equal her financial stability (or have the drive and passion to make the bucks).
2) "Noah's Arc" - Chance Counter. He's extremely intelligent, and he will always analyze a situation to death. He is very cautious, especially since he is determined to find that one true love to share his life. He's the one in his group who friends will look to for solid, clear thinking. He's somewhat prudish, to his own detriment.
3) "Will and Grace" - Will Truman. He was engaged to a woman before he decided to stop hiding in the closet and be himself, despite the cost to family and friends. He's successful in his career, but he, too, analyzes issues in his life a little too thoroughly. He just wants to be with one man for the rest of his life, but most times can't hold onto that true love because they don't measure up to his high standards.
4) "New Girl" - Schmidt. He grew up not always proud of his appearance, and now that he's grown up and possesses some appealing qualities - inside and out - sometimes works overtime to find a partner who will accept him for his flaws and positive qualities. He makes a lot of mistakes in his pursuit, but he wants everything in his life to be perfect and in-order. He hold friends in such high esteem, but sometimes goes too far in pleasing others.
5) "Hot in Cleveland" - Melanie. She's sappy sweet and sweet-natured. She can be a goody-two-shoes, but when the time is right, she sheds all that and can become a true lioness. She's by no means brainless; in fact, she possesses a quiet intelligence and quirky nature that people just can't help but like.
Okay, this is probably the most light-hearted blog post I've ever done. There's a reason behind that, other than pageviews and simple enjoyment. This past week has been an extremely difficult one for the nation, in light of the tragedy in Newtown, Conn. I told myself, as a member of the media, that I wouldn't comment too much on the devastating events.
I've cried over the news. I've been infuriated from the first news of this, to present day, because I feel helpless to do anything to make any sort of difference so this never happens again. It's innocence lost, not only the innocent victims of the tragic events, but when something like that happens, everyone loses a little of themselves as a result.
So as America still mourns, I just wanted to put a blog out there to possibly take minds off of the tragedy, at least for a few minutes.
So maybe, after reading this blog, you will take a minute out of thinking to just consider, "Which TV character in that four-way reminds me of me?"
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Candy Bar, the new gay establishment to open soon, is so needed right now
I'm excited!
Hell, I'm more than excited!
I keep hearing that the new gay bar on the horizon, Candy Bar, will possibly open for business this summer in Asbury Park. It's just a couple of blocks from where I live, and that's good. But even if it were a mile away, I'd take a taxicab there whenever I were to go.
This new gay bar is so desperately needed right now.
I don't know about you, but I think that a little new competitive blood to attract the Asbury Park/Shore gayz is well in order, and long overdue. Now I'm not knocking Club Paradise or Georgie's - and I totally adore gay-frequented Hotel Tides (for obvious reasons) - but we need a resurgence in Asbury Park for a few reasons.
I will always frequent Hotel Tides - it's a top-notch establishment, I used to bartend there, love all the workers and patrons, and my best friend runs the place.
I will always frequent Club Paradise - a lot of cool-ass people work there and hang out there, the dance music is killer, and I love the atmosphere. Plus the tea dances there are awesome.
And Georgie's - well, I love the karaoke, they throw some good benefits, and I can get an awesome pink lemonade martini there.
With this new bar, I'd like a chance to avoid a couple of elements that I'm just tired of dealing with at times. And if I were a mean-spirited soul, I could take this opportunity to bash a couple of individuals in these gay community establishments who don't deserve our patronage or money.
But my mama taught me better than that, so I'll just say that when we are made to feel that those individuals can treat people patronizing these establishments with snarky attitudes and no respect in return, that's when a line needs to be drawn - with no apologies.
And I feel validated in feeling this way, because after talking to a number of people who I rarely see out and about in the city anymore, they reaffirmed that they would rather avoid the places and not deal with any attitudes. As one said, "I can drink at home rather than spend my money out and deal with the bitchiness!"
Those who are closest to me already know all too well which individuals and situations to which I'm referring, and I've made no secret about my feelings (or should I say old feelings, cause I could care less about the individual(s) anymore).
Don't get me wrong ... because about 99 percent of the people working in these current gay establishments are cool. And I know what they have to deal with - and STILL keep a positive attitude. It's more than difficult sometimes, and I am well aware of that. Bartending myself, I get it.
Anyway, I digress ... because I don't deal with those situations - or persons - anymore. Phew, what a relief!!
So as I was saying, Candy Bar is so needed in our community right now. We need a bolt of energy, and I think that no matter what this new bar offers the community, most of the community will accept it. Perhaps only having a couple of selections in Asbury Park has caused a lot of people to just head to the straight bars or, as mentioned by my friend earlier, just stay home.
Some places are losing patrons, and it "could" be as a result of the way patrons have been treated. Asbury Park needs some new energy. What we used to be thirsty for in the past couple of years seems to whet our appetites less and less these days. And perhaps if we had a couple of additional choices, we would also come to appreciate the bars that are still alive in the community. It could be a positive thing all-around. Who knows?!?
So when Candy Bar opens its doors, I will greet it with open arms, if for no other reason but to appreciate the gay community a little more myself. After all, variety is the spice of life - so they say.
And if for some reason this new place doesn't stand up to the hype, I'm going to do my darndest to get my father to invest in a gay bar and see where that leads ... although I think he might have to steer clear of the bar on certain nights - I don't think he's that comfortable seeing two men kiss just yet! (*Insert smile here*)
Hell, I'm more than excited!
I keep hearing that the new gay bar on the horizon, Candy Bar, will possibly open for business this summer in Asbury Park. It's just a couple of blocks from where I live, and that's good. But even if it were a mile away, I'd take a taxicab there whenever I were to go.
This new gay bar is so desperately needed right now.
I don't know about you, but I think that a little new competitive blood to attract the Asbury Park/Shore gayz is well in order, and long overdue. Now I'm not knocking Club Paradise or Georgie's - and I totally adore gay-frequented Hotel Tides (for obvious reasons) - but we need a resurgence in Asbury Park for a few reasons.
I will always frequent Hotel Tides - it's a top-notch establishment, I used to bartend there, love all the workers and patrons, and my best friend runs the place.
I will always frequent Club Paradise - a lot of cool-ass people work there and hang out there, the dance music is killer, and I love the atmosphere. Plus the tea dances there are awesome.
And Georgie's - well, I love the karaoke, they throw some good benefits, and I can get an awesome pink lemonade martini there.
With this new bar, I'd like a chance to avoid a couple of elements that I'm just tired of dealing with at times. And if I were a mean-spirited soul, I could take this opportunity to bash a couple of individuals in these gay community establishments who don't deserve our patronage or money.
But my mama taught me better than that, so I'll just say that when we are made to feel that those individuals can treat people patronizing these establishments with snarky attitudes and no respect in return, that's when a line needs to be drawn - with no apologies.
And I feel validated in feeling this way, because after talking to a number of people who I rarely see out and about in the city anymore, they reaffirmed that they would rather avoid the places and not deal with any attitudes. As one said, "I can drink at home rather than spend my money out and deal with the bitchiness!"
Those who are closest to me already know all too well which individuals and situations to which I'm referring, and I've made no secret about my feelings (or should I say old feelings, cause I could care less about the individual(s) anymore).
Don't get me wrong ... because about 99 percent of the people working in these current gay establishments are cool. And I know what they have to deal with - and STILL keep a positive attitude. It's more than difficult sometimes, and I am well aware of that. Bartending myself, I get it.
Anyway, I digress ... because I don't deal with those situations - or persons - anymore. Phew, what a relief!!
So as I was saying, Candy Bar is so needed in our community right now. We need a bolt of energy, and I think that no matter what this new bar offers the community, most of the community will accept it. Perhaps only having a couple of selections in Asbury Park has caused a lot of people to just head to the straight bars or, as mentioned by my friend earlier, just stay home.
Some places are losing patrons, and it "could" be as a result of the way patrons have been treated. Asbury Park needs some new energy. What we used to be thirsty for in the past couple of years seems to whet our appetites less and less these days. And perhaps if we had a couple of additional choices, we would also come to appreciate the bars that are still alive in the community. It could be a positive thing all-around. Who knows?!?
So when Candy Bar opens its doors, I will greet it with open arms, if for no other reason but to appreciate the gay community a little more myself. After all, variety is the spice of life - so they say.
And if for some reason this new place doesn't stand up to the hype, I'm going to do my darndest to get my father to invest in a gay bar and see where that leads ... although I think he might have to steer clear of the bar on certain nights - I don't think he's that comfortable seeing two men kiss just yet! (*Insert smile here*)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
The next drag superstar competition
I've been trying to get a project off the ground for a little over a year, and I think it's time it has taken wings.
Not only would it promote camaraderie in the community, but it would also be a positive effort to raise money to help those hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. I've mentioned this to a few people, but of course, I'm not a successful event planner or promoter. So maybe someone will help me get this off the ground.
There are some good drag competitions in Asbury Park, and I love to see a good drag show. I think drag queens are some of the most talented performers in our generation. The way they move, glide, dance, lip-sync, and sweat a crowd into a frenzy is just mesmerizing. Club Paradise, La Sierra and Georgies have some amazing drag performances - which is what initially prompted the idea. That, and drag superstar RuPaul, of course.
It would be amazing to have a drag competition where five gay men in Asbury Park and the Shore area who have never done drag before in their lives were to compete over a four-week period, knocking off a competitor each week, until they reached the top spot.
The added feature to this competition would be for each novice to be mentored by five accomplished drag queens in the area. Not only would the last drag queen standing receive a financial reward, but the mentor of the ultimate winner would receive a financial reward as well.
Each competitor could canvass New Jersey to get some sponsors and perhaps whatever we were able to raise would be a great thing to donate to rebuild Asbury Park after Hurricane Sandy's destruction.
The competition could have three judges, certain individuals who are well-versed in the world of drag, style and entertaining. It would also need a host(ess) for the stage. There are a few people who I think would be perfect for these roles.
Believe it or not, drag fascinates me, and I would really consider being one of the contestants. There are some people who think that this gay man is too masculine to do drag. They might be right. But that would be the intricate part of this whole thing, and it would be the ultimate challenge for the mentors - turning someone butch into a lovely, mesmerizing drag queen.
I think that a competition such as this would be just what Asbury Park needs to start to get over this latest tragedy named Sandy.
Now like I said, I'm in no means an event planner. But I would love to be one of the competitors. Just to say that I've done drag - one item on my bucket list complete.
And just because I dressed as Serena/Venus Williams and Tootie from "The Facts of Life", that was in no way, shape or form drag.
And hey, I know the perfect person to be my mentor!
I'm game to make this happen. I want to definitely see if we can get this done, and ... May the best woman win!
Not only would it promote camaraderie in the community, but it would also be a positive effort to raise money to help those hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. I've mentioned this to a few people, but of course, I'm not a successful event planner or promoter. So maybe someone will help me get this off the ground.
There are some good drag competitions in Asbury Park, and I love to see a good drag show. I think drag queens are some of the most talented performers in our generation. The way they move, glide, dance, lip-sync, and sweat a crowd into a frenzy is just mesmerizing. Club Paradise, La Sierra and Georgies have some amazing drag performances - which is what initially prompted the idea. That, and drag superstar RuPaul, of course.
It would be amazing to have a drag competition where five gay men in Asbury Park and the Shore area who have never done drag before in their lives were to compete over a four-week period, knocking off a competitor each week, until they reached the top spot.
The added feature to this competition would be for each novice to be mentored by five accomplished drag queens in the area. Not only would the last drag queen standing receive a financial reward, but the mentor of the ultimate winner would receive a financial reward as well.
Each competitor could canvass New Jersey to get some sponsors and perhaps whatever we were able to raise would be a great thing to donate to rebuild Asbury Park after Hurricane Sandy's destruction.
The competition could have three judges, certain individuals who are well-versed in the world of drag, style and entertaining. It would also need a host(ess) for the stage. There are a few people who I think would be perfect for these roles.
Believe it or not, drag fascinates me, and I would really consider being one of the contestants. There are some people who think that this gay man is too masculine to do drag. They might be right. But that would be the intricate part of this whole thing, and it would be the ultimate challenge for the mentors - turning someone butch into a lovely, mesmerizing drag queen.
I think that a competition such as this would be just what Asbury Park needs to start to get over this latest tragedy named Sandy.
Now like I said, I'm in no means an event planner. But I would love to be one of the competitors. Just to say that I've done drag - one item on my bucket list complete.
And just because I dressed as Serena/Venus Williams and Tootie from "The Facts of Life", that was in no way, shape or form drag.
And hey, I know the perfect person to be my mentor!
I'm game to make this happen. I want to definitely see if we can get this done, and ... May the best woman win!
Friday, October 19, 2012
This weekend it's all about leather
The next three days will be a big weekend for the leather community.
Tonight kicks off the NJ Leather Weekend, featuring the Mr and Ms NJ Leather Contest. To find out the weekend's festivities, check out the attached link in the previous sentence.
The Leather family is a huge part of the gay community - no new news there. They have always been.
And I absolutely adore them. I will share something that I've never divulged. Before I fully came out of the closet, I was curious and intrigued by the leather family within the gay community. I didn't know what to think, or if I'd ever have anything in common with the leather family. I figured that I'd be so unfamiliar with anything leather that I'd feel so awkward. And I didn't think they would ever make me feel welcome.
I couldn't have been more wrong!
The leather family brings a happiness out of me, and not only because they are extremely friendly and open to allowing everyone feel like they are a part of their family. I guess to put it into its simplest terms - the family's passion and spirit is intoxicating.
I've made pretty good friends with a number of the members of the leather family, and some actually call me "Tootie". For those who don't know, I dressed as precocious teen Dorothy "Tootie" Ramsey from "The Facts of Life" for last year's Halloween festivities, and some members of the leather family were at the same party.
To make it plain, if you are not familiar with the family, make it a point to get to know them. When I attended last year's Leather Weekend, I had so much fun.
This past Gay Pride Weekend in Asbury Park, the place that I bartend, Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, held a pool party for the leather family that Sunday. It was packed, and everyone was having a blast. Then the rain came. And as it poured outside, everyone converged inside. As the only bartender working inside that day, and seeing how many people were waiting for drinks and there were wall-to-wall patrons, for a minute I panicked.
But so many people, instead of being upset that they had to wait on being served, they helped me out instead. See, many subdivisions within the gay community would not have cared to assist me, but the leather family did whatever they could to help me out. When former Ms. NJ Leather and fellow bartender Lisa jumped behind the bar to help me out in any way that she could, she was a Godsend. And many others helped out as well.
To make a long story short, I am blessed and proud to say that I know so many members of the leather family, and they are a true family in every sense of the word. So come out and support the family this weekend, celebrate their accomplishments ... and wear some leather.
Personally I haven't worn any leather yet, but you just might be surprised to see me in some very soon!
A complete rundown of this weekend's festivities, courtesy of their Facebook event page:
Tonight kicks off the NJ Leather Weekend, featuring the Mr and Ms NJ Leather Contest. To find out the weekend's festivities, check out the attached link in the previous sentence.
The Leather family is a huge part of the gay community - no new news there. They have always been.
And I absolutely adore them. I will share something that I've never divulged. Before I fully came out of the closet, I was curious and intrigued by the leather family within the gay community. I didn't know what to think, or if I'd ever have anything in common with the leather family. I figured that I'd be so unfamiliar with anything leather that I'd feel so awkward. And I didn't think they would ever make me feel welcome.
I couldn't have been more wrong!
The leather family brings a happiness out of me, and not only because they are extremely friendly and open to allowing everyone feel like they are a part of their family. I guess to put it into its simplest terms - the family's passion and spirit is intoxicating.
I've made pretty good friends with a number of the members of the leather family, and some actually call me "Tootie". For those who don't know, I dressed as precocious teen Dorothy "Tootie" Ramsey from "The Facts of Life" for last year's Halloween festivities, and some members of the leather family were at the same party.
To make it plain, if you are not familiar with the family, make it a point to get to know them. When I attended last year's Leather Weekend, I had so much fun.
This past Gay Pride Weekend in Asbury Park, the place that I bartend, Hotel Tides Restaurant & Spa, held a pool party for the leather family that Sunday. It was packed, and everyone was having a blast. Then the rain came. And as it poured outside, everyone converged inside. As the only bartender working inside that day, and seeing how many people were waiting for drinks and there were wall-to-wall patrons, for a minute I panicked.
But so many people, instead of being upset that they had to wait on being served, they helped me out instead. See, many subdivisions within the gay community would not have cared to assist me, but the leather family did whatever they could to help me out. When former Ms. NJ Leather and fellow bartender Lisa jumped behind the bar to help me out in any way that she could, she was a Godsend. And many others helped out as well.
To make a long story short, I am blessed and proud to say that I know so many members of the leather family, and they are a true family in every sense of the word. So come out and support the family this weekend, celebrate their accomplishments ... and wear some leather.
Personally I haven't worn any leather yet, but you just might be surprised to see me in some very soon!
A complete rundown of this weekend's festivities, courtesy of their Facebook event page:
DRAGONSLAIR Productions and the NJ Leather Family present NJ Leather Weekend featuring the NJ Leather Contest. It all starts on Friday Oct 19 with our annual Uniform/Gear party and our Meet and Greet. The weekend will be packed with educational events, parties, bootblacks, and as always hundreds of the hottest leather men and women from all over the Mid-Atlantic and North East. Of course the highlight of the weekend will be the Mr and Ms NJ Leather Contest on Saturday Oct 20. ** Contest will be ASL interpreted **
Ms & Mr NJ Leather 2013 will each receive:
* A Trophy, medallion and $500 Travel Fund courtesy of DRAGONSLAIR Productions;
* A custom sash donated by Rawhides Custom Leathers;
* An original back patch, title vest, medallion holder and a $250 gift certificate from the Leatherman NYC;
* A digital photo shoots by Pete Philomey;
* A package to Chesapeake Leather Awareness Pride Weekend (CLAP) donated by Hooker & Boys;
* 10 hours of American Sign Language (ASL) classes (via Skype) taught by Michelle Jackson, Ms World Leather 2005;
* A pair of tickets to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night compliments of PLPN;
* A Paradise VIP Card;
* A $100 gift certificate to La Chateau Exotigue;
* An evening in the Personal play space of Mistress Mir and mj;
* A one year complimentary Associate Membership to the Jersey boys of Leather.
Ms NJ Leather 2013 will receive an IMsL/IMslBB Run package
Mr NJ Leather will receive a custom made harness from FM Leather Design
The First Runners up will receive a ticket to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night
Each contestant will receive a book from Tim Brough
NJ Leather Weekend Featuring the Mr & Ms NJ Leather 2013 contest Schedule of Events:
Friday Oct 19 6:30 to 8:30: “Opening Reception for Leather Women and their Friends” in honor of Ms NJ Leather 2012, Fidget, hosted by the Jersey Amazons Paradise Lobby Bar
8:30 to 11:30: Meet & Greet/Uniform/Gear Party Paradise Lobby Bar
11:30: introduction of Judges & Contestants on stage Paradise Copper Bar
Saturday Oct 20 11 am: a display from the Carter/Johnson Leather Library Paradise Copper Bar
Venders featuring the Leatherman NYC starting at 1 pm Paradise Lobby Bar
11 am to 3 pm: Jersey Kollege Of Kink Paradise Copper Bar
11 am: Leather History, Tradition & Evolution
Noon: Puppy Play with Scruffy
1pm: Food Fetish Demo by Dave Watt
2 pm: Making it HOT with Jeff Tucker
3 to 5 pm (weather permitting): Poolside Cigar Party hosted by the Jersey boys of Leather
6 pm: Contest doors open Paradise Main Room
6:30 pm: Parade of Colors
The Contest will be followed by DAMNED the after party featuring DJ John Michael Di Spirito
Sunday Oct 21 11 am: Recovery Meeting Paradise
Noon to 2 pm: Victory Brunch Paradise/TABU
3 pm: Charity BINGO with David Hoffman and Lady Marisa to benefit Mr Friendly and the Title Holder Travel Fund, held at Georgie’s, located at 5th and Memorial Drive
Ms & Mr NJ Leather 2013 will each receive:
* A Trophy, medallion and $500 Travel Fund courtesy of DRAGONSLAIR Productions;
* A custom sash donated by Rawhides Custom Leathers;
* An original back patch, title vest, medallion holder and a $250 gift certificate from the Leatherman NYC;
* A digital photo shoots by Pete Philomey;
* A package to Chesapeake Leather Awareness Pride Weekend (CLAP) donated by Hooker & Boys;
* 10 hours of American Sign Language (ASL) classes (via Skype) taught by Michelle Jackson, Ms World Leather 2005;
* A pair of tickets to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night compliments of PLPN;
* A Paradise VIP Card;
* A $100 gift certificate to La Chateau Exotigue;
* An evening in the Personal play space of Mistress Mir and mj;
* A one year complimentary Associate Membership to the Jersey boys of Leather.
Ms NJ Leather 2013 will receive an IMsL/IMslBB Run package
Mr NJ Leather will receive a custom made harness from FM Leather Design
The First Runners up will receive a ticket to Philadelphia Leather Pride Night
Each contestant will receive a book from Tim Brough
NJ Leather Weekend Featuring the Mr & Ms NJ Leather 2013 contest Schedule of Events:
Friday Oct 19 6:30 to 8:30: “Opening Reception for Leather Women and their Friends” in honor of Ms NJ Leather 2012, Fidget, hosted by the Jersey Amazons Paradise Lobby Bar
8:30 to 11:30: Meet & Greet/Uniform/Gear Party Paradise Lobby Bar
11:30: introduction of Judges & Contestants on stage Paradise Copper Bar
Saturday Oct 20 11 am: a display from the Carter/Johnson Leather Library Paradise Copper Bar
Venders featuring the Leatherman NYC starting at 1 pm Paradise Lobby Bar
11 am to 3 pm: Jersey Kollege Of Kink Paradise Copper Bar
11 am: Leather History, Tradition & Evolution
Noon: Puppy Play with Scruffy
1pm: Food Fetish Demo by Dave Watt
2 pm: Making it HOT with Jeff Tucker
3 to 5 pm (weather permitting): Poolside Cigar Party hosted by the Jersey boys of Leather
6 pm: Contest doors open Paradise Main Room
6:30 pm: Parade of Colors
The Contest will be followed by DAMNED the after party featuring DJ John Michael Di Spirito
Sunday Oct 21 11 am: Recovery Meeting Paradise
Noon to 2 pm: Victory Brunch Paradise/TABU
3 pm: Charity BINGO with David Hoffman and Lady Marisa to benefit Mr Friendly and the Title Holder Travel Fund, held at Georgie’s, located at 5th and Memorial Drive
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Reconciling religion with sexual orientation is a difficult cross to bear
I am at a crossroads in my life. And I owe it all to this past week's National Coming Out Day.
The day holds special meaning to so many people - in and out of the gay community. It's the day that all individuals in the gay community can reflect, celebrate and honor the struggles that we've endured, and cheer us on for making it safely to the other side.
Not many people know my "Coming Out" story. I guess it just didn't seem like something I wanted to reflect upon too much.
But as the past few weeks have come and went, it seems that my mind has been struggling to reflect on the struggles. I made a few mistakes in my move to come out and acknowledge my sexual orientation. Actually, one very special individual in my life - my God - hasn't been given the respect that is deserved. I need to do that now, as I feel that things in my life call for it - now more than ever.
Before I acknowledged being gay, I was an extremely religious person. I wanted to make my way into the ministry. I was a Deacon, devout church member, youth advisor ... to sum it up, I lived for the church. It was my life.
I'm not going to go into the details of what transpired when I decided to be true to myself. At the time, I felt as if I had to make a definite choice - devoting my life to my church, or living my life by living for my sexual orientation. I went through such turmoil and strife, and when I was told to make a choice, I chose to be true to myself and live my life as a gay man.
I never wanted to give up my religion and beliefs in order to be happy ... I was happy in the church. But it just wasn't something that was allowed, so I moved away from devoting my life to the church and moved toward exploring my new life as a gay man.
But over time, that choice has been more difficult to understand. Deep down, I knew that I could very well be gay and religious. But for a few reasons (which I'm not in a position to revel at this time), in the church, this was not allowed. So I made the move.
But even though I knew that if I stayed in the church environment that people would treat me differently, I guess it has surprised me that even in the gay community, there are people who treat me different as well. That's just something I never thought would be a reality.
Trying to reconcile my religion with being gay and all that being gay entails has been trying at times. When there are people who know you so well, but can sense - for whatever reason - that they have to curb their actions in my presence, it makes me feel like I'm a minister and they are in the confessional, showing me their sins.
I truly wish that I, sometimes, didn't feel like that. But as time goes by, the look on some faces becomes just too much to take. Sometimes I just blow it off, but when it comes up, what am I to say? I can't help how I grew up, and truth be told, I wouldn't change anything about the way I grew up.
A fact no one knows about me: I became a devout member of the church as an escape from my family life. I love every member of my family and would lay down my life for any one of them, but my parents never talked. Instead of talking, they argued - every single day of my life. They never got along, and there were deep-seated reasons why this was the case. That's another thing I will discuss at a later date - at this point, I'm not ready to delve into that and share with the public.
But anyway, my constant struggles to not be a prude or too regal while hanging in the gay community is more of a tightwalk than anyone realizes. Sometimes I want to break free and act just like everyone else - and sometimes I do. But when you've lived, truly gave all your heart, to the church, merging that with being a gay man is disheartening sometimes.
And when you've known you were gay for three decades, and you've been in the church community for three decades - most times overlapping, it's hard to figure out how to handle life.
That's what I need to do - figure out what the next move will be. I want to avoid holding back any person in my life from being able to be themselves around me, and in the same breath, when a person points this out, it makes me feel a little less-than.
To sum it up, I'm just looking for a sign. Just a sign.
The day holds special meaning to so many people - in and out of the gay community. It's the day that all individuals in the gay community can reflect, celebrate and honor the struggles that we've endured, and cheer us on for making it safely to the other side.
Not many people know my "Coming Out" story. I guess it just didn't seem like something I wanted to reflect upon too much.
But as the past few weeks have come and went, it seems that my mind has been struggling to reflect on the struggles. I made a few mistakes in my move to come out and acknowledge my sexual orientation. Actually, one very special individual in my life - my God - hasn't been given the respect that is deserved. I need to do that now, as I feel that things in my life call for it - now more than ever.
Before I acknowledged being gay, I was an extremely religious person. I wanted to make my way into the ministry. I was a Deacon, devout church member, youth advisor ... to sum it up, I lived for the church. It was my life.
I'm not going to go into the details of what transpired when I decided to be true to myself. At the time, I felt as if I had to make a definite choice - devoting my life to my church, or living my life by living for my sexual orientation. I went through such turmoil and strife, and when I was told to make a choice, I chose to be true to myself and live my life as a gay man.
I never wanted to give up my religion and beliefs in order to be happy ... I was happy in the church. But it just wasn't something that was allowed, so I moved away from devoting my life to the church and moved toward exploring my new life as a gay man.
But over time, that choice has been more difficult to understand. Deep down, I knew that I could very well be gay and religious. But for a few reasons (which I'm not in a position to revel at this time), in the church, this was not allowed. So I made the move.
But even though I knew that if I stayed in the church environment that people would treat me differently, I guess it has surprised me that even in the gay community, there are people who treat me different as well. That's just something I never thought would be a reality.
Trying to reconcile my religion with being gay and all that being gay entails has been trying at times. When there are people who know you so well, but can sense - for whatever reason - that they have to curb their actions in my presence, it makes me feel like I'm a minister and they are in the confessional, showing me their sins.
I truly wish that I, sometimes, didn't feel like that. But as time goes by, the look on some faces becomes just too much to take. Sometimes I just blow it off, but when it comes up, what am I to say? I can't help how I grew up, and truth be told, I wouldn't change anything about the way I grew up.
A fact no one knows about me: I became a devout member of the church as an escape from my family life. I love every member of my family and would lay down my life for any one of them, but my parents never talked. Instead of talking, they argued - every single day of my life. They never got along, and there were deep-seated reasons why this was the case. That's another thing I will discuss at a later date - at this point, I'm not ready to delve into that and share with the public.
But anyway, my constant struggles to not be a prude or too regal while hanging in the gay community is more of a tightwalk than anyone realizes. Sometimes I want to break free and act just like everyone else - and sometimes I do. But when you've lived, truly gave all your heart, to the church, merging that with being a gay man is disheartening sometimes.
And when you've known you were gay for three decades, and you've been in the church community for three decades - most times overlapping, it's hard to figure out how to handle life.
That's what I need to do - figure out what the next move will be. I want to avoid holding back any person in my life from being able to be themselves around me, and in the same breath, when a person points this out, it makes me feel a little less-than.
To sum it up, I'm just looking for a sign. Just a sign.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Gay boyz, I think there's a cool experiment we should try at least once
I'll set the scene for you ...
A local gay establishment, expressly advertised as such, is having a usual night. You know, the gay community hanging out, joking, reconnecting and sharing stories, ready to enjoy a usual Sunday night of karaoke.
As my best friend and I are on our way to engage in our Sunday night ritual, we approach the door of the club and give each other a knowing glance as we look inside. The place is packed, and we have a sinking feeling that this night is going to be a little crazy. After all, we've seen this exact scene a few times before.
And as we enter, it's evident that this place is overrun by "breeders" ... for those who aren't privy to this term, it's straight people. Now I love straights ... hell, some of my closest friends are straights. (*I hope you can appreciate the humor in that statement*)
The last time the place was overrun with a crowd of this nature and this capacity, it was a madhouse and people didn't know how to act in this gay establishment. But I was cautiously optimistic that tonight would not be a repeat performance.
So as we ordered our drinks and looked up on the karaoke stage, about 10-12 people were trying to crowd on the stage to sing. Not only that, but once about 7 of them were ejected from the stage, the remaining girls started drunkenly dancing uncontrollably. I’m sure they were just excited that it was a bachelorette party, but come on – have some respect for the small stage space and the expensive equipment! There were actually two large groups partying there.
But I digress …
I thought that, once again, it was funny that a number of the straight people were practically trying to play varsity tongue hockey with one another, and the couples were clutching each other’s hands for dear life – the women afraid that their beloved men would be hit on by a gay man (or another female), and the men were fearful that they’d be accosted and picked up by one of the gay men.
Now I’m an advocate of playful fun and being flirty, but I think there is another issue that should be explored here. And I’m not saying this to incite any hurt feelings with my straights.
But in what year in the future will it finally be a moot point that gay men can kiss and make out, not to mention lovingly hold intertwined hands, in the bars and restaurants geared toward the straight community? After all, while I’m in the bars geared toward the gay community, straight people make out, kiss and hold hands all of the time. Hell, sometimes it goes further than that.
Asbury Park is known by so many groups, organizations and individuals in general as the gay capital of New Jersey. So is Asbury Park the place where we gays can do these things and it be acceptable?
Now honestly, how many straight men would be totally content with two gay men coming into a straight bar in Asbury Park, standing right in front of them and French kissing each other? I’m not sure how many wouldn’t feel any negative reaction to this, but if I were to offer up a guess, the percentage would be in the low teens. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to see straight couples making out in the bars and clubs in Asbury Park – and beyond – geared toward the gays.
And by the way, I’m focusing on the male population because straight men wouldn’t care if two lesbians starting kissing in front of them – if I’m not mistaken.
So gay boyz in Asbury Park (and even beyond), perhaps we should try a little experiment. Let’s start kissing like bandits in all bars, and let’s see what reaction we receive. Let’s see if things have, indeed, gotten better in the battle for equality.
I mean, so many have gotten on board with gays getting married. And that’s tremendous. But how many have gotten on board with gays making out in front of them? I couldn’t tell you – chances are, not many.
Now I could be totally mistaken in my assessment. So boyz, let’s test it out, and report back to me what you discover. And if they react poorly, just tell them that they are on "Candid Camera" … I bet they “suddenly” treat you with some class.
Let’s hope.
A local gay establishment, expressly advertised as such, is having a usual night. You know, the gay community hanging out, joking, reconnecting and sharing stories, ready to enjoy a usual Sunday night of karaoke.
As my best friend and I are on our way to engage in our Sunday night ritual, we approach the door of the club and give each other a knowing glance as we look inside. The place is packed, and we have a sinking feeling that this night is going to be a little crazy. After all, we've seen this exact scene a few times before.
And as we enter, it's evident that this place is overrun by "breeders" ... for those who aren't privy to this term, it's straight people. Now I love straights ... hell, some of my closest friends are straights. (*I hope you can appreciate the humor in that statement*)
The last time the place was overrun with a crowd of this nature and this capacity, it was a madhouse and people didn't know how to act in this gay establishment. But I was cautiously optimistic that tonight would not be a repeat performance.
So as we ordered our drinks and looked up on the karaoke stage, about 10-12 people were trying to crowd on the stage to sing. Not only that, but once about 7 of them were ejected from the stage, the remaining girls started drunkenly dancing uncontrollably. I’m sure they were just excited that it was a bachelorette party, but come on – have some respect for the small stage space and the expensive equipment! There were actually two large groups partying there.
But I digress …
I thought that, once again, it was funny that a number of the straight people were practically trying to play varsity tongue hockey with one another, and the couples were clutching each other’s hands for dear life – the women afraid that their beloved men would be hit on by a gay man (or another female), and the men were fearful that they’d be accosted and picked up by one of the gay men.
Now I’m an advocate of playful fun and being flirty, but I think there is another issue that should be explored here. And I’m not saying this to incite any hurt feelings with my straights.
But in what year in the future will it finally be a moot point that gay men can kiss and make out, not to mention lovingly hold intertwined hands, in the bars and restaurants geared toward the straight community? After all, while I’m in the bars geared toward the gay community, straight people make out, kiss and hold hands all of the time. Hell, sometimes it goes further than that.
Asbury Park is known by so many groups, organizations and individuals in general as the gay capital of New Jersey. So is Asbury Park the place where we gays can do these things and it be acceptable?
Now honestly, how many straight men would be totally content with two gay men coming into a straight bar in Asbury Park, standing right in front of them and French kissing each other? I’m not sure how many wouldn’t feel any negative reaction to this, but if I were to offer up a guess, the percentage would be in the low teens. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to see straight couples making out in the bars and clubs in Asbury Park – and beyond – geared toward the gays.
And by the way, I’m focusing on the male population because straight men wouldn’t care if two lesbians starting kissing in front of them – if I’m not mistaken.
So gay boyz in Asbury Park (and even beyond), perhaps we should try a little experiment. Let’s start kissing like bandits in all bars, and let’s see what reaction we receive. Let’s see if things have, indeed, gotten better in the battle for equality.
I mean, so many have gotten on board with gays getting married. And that’s tremendous. But how many have gotten on board with gays making out in front of them? I couldn’t tell you – chances are, not many.
Now I could be totally mistaken in my assessment. So boyz, let’s test it out, and report back to me what you discover. And if they react poorly, just tell them that they are on "Candid Camera" … I bet they “suddenly” treat you with some class.
Let’s hope.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Coming off a difficult weekend and looking for the sunshine
I'm not going to lie and say that this past weekend was not extremely difficult for me. As some of my friends know, Saturday was the anniversary of my mother's death.
It's like no time has passed. I was hoping that this weekend would throw me some positivity to outweigh the sadness. But just wishful thinking, I suppose. And as I've been told, I am the King of wishful thinking.
My mother meant the world to me, and I just couldn't help but remember, over and over, how my life changed so drastically when I received the phone call about Mama. She always had the knack for referring to me - wherever she went - as her baby. I was her youngest child, and she made sure I never forgot it. I used to dislike when she referred to me as "the baby", but to be honest, I loved it.
I guess to be honest with myself, I knew that I wasn't her favorite child. I knew which of my siblings held that distinctive honor, but I was okay with that fact for the most part. It hurt sometimes; there were times that I felt like I was not her favorite because I was gay. And although I didn't come out to my mother until about four years prior to her death, they say that mothers always know. So I just figured that she knew and kept it to herself.
This weekend was difficult for another reason as well. I was seeing a man who I really liked. I've mentioned him in my blog a few times before. I really needed to see him this past weekend. I've mentioned that he is very entrenched in running his company, and even though he gave me his word that a relationship would not take a back seat in his life, he couldn't keep his promise.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, since this had happened before when we were a part of each others' lives. I believed that I wanted to make this work, enough for the both of us.
Despite my efforts to keep things going, I'm no longer seeing this man. And to be honest, these turn of events are kind of painful because I put my hopes into this person. It's so difficult to make things work in any relationship that I have. And I guess that it's something inside of me. I'm the common denominator, right?
Well this past weekend, I needed him. And I picked up the phone to contact him a few times. But I just couldn't make that call because I am just tired of chasing after a man.
I'm wondering today if I should have just made the call and asked if we could get together. It wasn't pride that stopped me from contacting him; it was fear.
I am very fearful that I would always be chasing after a man who just didn't want to be caught. And if that happens, I'd just be repeating my mistakes. Looking back, each of my previous relationships with men have been pretty much this scenario = Eric meets man, Eric pursues man, Eric catches man, Eric works hard to keep man in his life, Eric realizes that he's doing all the work and the other half of the relationship is just coasting through it, Eric ends the relationship because there are too many footprints on his back from the guy and he has too much pride, guy realizes Eric was too good to lose, Eric takes the guy back, and the cycle repeats itself for one more spin.
So I'm not giving the most recent man another opportunity to do this to me again because my Mama taught me better than that. She would be so disappointed if I gave this man another chance and just settled for "someone". So I'm going to make her proud and just continue the search for the man who won't make me jump through hoops.
So I suppose that Mama taught me well; at least I have finally learned my lesson. So Mama, I'll always love you, 'cause you are my favorite girl. Thanks for the life lessons and please continue to keep the bad guys away from me, even if it's from up above.
It's like no time has passed. I was hoping that this weekend would throw me some positivity to outweigh the sadness. But just wishful thinking, I suppose. And as I've been told, I am the King of wishful thinking.
My mother meant the world to me, and I just couldn't help but remember, over and over, how my life changed so drastically when I received the phone call about Mama. She always had the knack for referring to me - wherever she went - as her baby. I was her youngest child, and she made sure I never forgot it. I used to dislike when she referred to me as "the baby", but to be honest, I loved it.
I guess to be honest with myself, I knew that I wasn't her favorite child. I knew which of my siblings held that distinctive honor, but I was okay with that fact for the most part. It hurt sometimes; there were times that I felt like I was not her favorite because I was gay. And although I didn't come out to my mother until about four years prior to her death, they say that mothers always know. So I just figured that she knew and kept it to herself.
This weekend was difficult for another reason as well. I was seeing a man who I really liked. I've mentioned him in my blog a few times before. I really needed to see him this past weekend. I've mentioned that he is very entrenched in running his company, and even though he gave me his word that a relationship would not take a back seat in his life, he couldn't keep his promise.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, since this had happened before when we were a part of each others' lives. I believed that I wanted to make this work, enough for the both of us.
Despite my efforts to keep things going, I'm no longer seeing this man. And to be honest, these turn of events are kind of painful because I put my hopes into this person. It's so difficult to make things work in any relationship that I have. And I guess that it's something inside of me. I'm the common denominator, right?
Well this past weekend, I needed him. And I picked up the phone to contact him a few times. But I just couldn't make that call because I am just tired of chasing after a man.
I'm wondering today if I should have just made the call and asked if we could get together. It wasn't pride that stopped me from contacting him; it was fear.
I am very fearful that I would always be chasing after a man who just didn't want to be caught. And if that happens, I'd just be repeating my mistakes. Looking back, each of my previous relationships with men have been pretty much this scenario = Eric meets man, Eric pursues man, Eric catches man, Eric works hard to keep man in his life, Eric realizes that he's doing all the work and the other half of the relationship is just coasting through it, Eric ends the relationship because there are too many footprints on his back from the guy and he has too much pride, guy realizes Eric was too good to lose, Eric takes the guy back, and the cycle repeats itself for one more spin.
So I'm not giving the most recent man another opportunity to do this to me again because my Mama taught me better than that. She would be so disappointed if I gave this man another chance and just settled for "someone". So I'm going to make her proud and just continue the search for the man who won't make me jump through hoops.
So I suppose that Mama taught me well; at least I have finally learned my lesson. So Mama, I'll always love you, 'cause you are my favorite girl. Thanks for the life lessons and please continue to keep the bad guys away from me, even if it's from up above.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
I haven't got time for the pain
Right now I'm listening to one of my favorite '80s songs, "Why You Treat Me So Bad?" by Club Nouveau. This song used to always make me smile when I'd hear it back in the day. But today, right now, I have to wonder if this song has a few different meanings.
I've had to come to some conclusions during the past couple of weeks, and a couple of these revelations of sorts is making me sad. I haven't really gotten into this issue too much because I know that it would lead me to think too much about things.
I don't really like to think about immortality, but I've found that just like everyone else, I should be prepared for whatever happens in life.
I really am not in the frame of mind to delve too deep into this, but since I always say that this blog is about exposing things and how I perceive them, I have to be willing to do the same about myself.
I have medical issues that aren't letting me put it in my back pocket and let it go. I'ver known that I do have something wrong with my heart, and I haven't gotten into this issue with others because it just didn't feel like it was something I wanted to talk about. I'm not going to go any further than that in explanation of the situation because seriously, I don't want anyone to mention it to me or ask me about it, nor do I want them to act any differently toward me. And I trust no one will act any differently.
The reason I am sharing this information is because I need to examine some things in my life while I still am in a position to do so. Hey, I'm not stupid ... I know that no one knows what the future holds for them or how long they have on this Earth to make things right with people or show people how much they mean to you.
I had a dream last night about some people who I've held near and dear to me. I've made efforts to slow down in my work schedule and to avoid all stress. I know it's impossible to avoid all stress, but I'm making a valiant effort. I have some people in my life who I've tried to make sure that our relationships stay on the right course, but it just feels like I'm making the effort and not getting much in return. I know that people are going to do what they want to do and they will make as much effort as they humanly want to, but sometimes it seems like I'm being criticized for not going the extra mile, while some others aren't doing nearly enough (in my opinion - I repeat - my opinion).
See, I know all too well that life is short and you have to share your life with people when you can. But I'm also the type of person who will stress over a situation, and right now, that's not a good thing.
So I've decided to just let it go. I'm at that point, and that's a point that I've tried to make sure people knew to not get me to reaching.
If you have people in your life that you haven't spent a lot of time with, make an effort to change that. That's just my advice. There are some people I've made an effort to spend more time with, but I know there comes a time that I should just let it go and let people go on with their lives. That goes for family, friends and lovers.
Family: well, I tried to reach out to a family member to spend a little more time with, but I can only figure that since it has to be both parties trying on both ends, I can only do so much.
Friends: well, I know that you can only try to be with them as much as they will let you. If they want you around, they will open themselves up to let you be around. The days of me trying need to be a thing of the past because I have too much to deal with medically on my own front to keep trying. Hey, my door is open wide ... but all doors close after a certain point. A good point of advice which I've learned myself: "If you've given an effort, you can relax in the knowledge that you've done all that you can do. Friends will go the extra mile when they are in a position to do so. You should never apologize for being yourself; true friends will take the good with the bad."
An aside - friends also need to be able to be themselves around you. I hope a friend never tells you that even though they are R-rated, they find themselves having to be PG-13 when you are around. That's not a good thing to hear and will ultimately make you feel like there is something wrong with you. And that is never a good thing nor a good complex to deal with.
Lovers: my involvement with "Mr. Big" has left me wondering if things will ever even out. In an earlier blog I finally let people in on my situation with this guy, and if you recall I let you know that he has a very intense business and I was letting my guard down with him, believing that business would not interfere again. I know that I should just be happy that he wants to be a part of my life, but for me, dealing with things that I am, I want more. He's tied up in business deals right now, and I feel like I'm on the back burner. Life is short, and I don't want to waste any of it.
I guess things will work themselves out on all fronts ... in the end.
Okay, I'm going to end this blog entry on a brief note about the craziness in Asbury Park's gay community ...
Far be it from me to talk out of turn, but there is a phenomenon going around our fair city. It's called "Don't say you love me and kick my ass ... no wait, yes you can 'cause I have no backbone."
I've touched on this subject before, but there is one or two nutcases in this city who take this to a higher level. One of them, he's has a track record of being a lousy boyfriend to a few gay boyz who seem to have their life in order. But these boyz will do whatever it takes to keep this "bad boy" in their lives. Why, I never know. I don't see any redeeming qualities in this particular person.
But he's off-and-on with a nice guy, and he's physically hit this nice guy. Now I would have kicked some ass if some guy even attempted to lay a finger on me, but this nice guy would much rather slink after this loser and cry about him not being a good boyfriend and how he can't live without him. I say, "WHAT?"
I no longer have any tolerance for this crap. Who ever knew that some of these gay couples would be so openly tragic and violent toward one another?
My compassion for these "trampled upon" gay boyz who keep running back to their abusers has run its course. Any sympathy for your situation stops at my front door. I may complain about my own romantic situations in the confines of this blog, but I know it's my venting and I know the advice.
But boyz and gurls, if you are in a abusive relationship (my dear, I can't believe anyone still needs to say this line any longer!), get out of it before it's too late.
I've had to come to some conclusions during the past couple of weeks, and a couple of these revelations of sorts is making me sad. I haven't really gotten into this issue too much because I know that it would lead me to think too much about things.
I don't really like to think about immortality, but I've found that just like everyone else, I should be prepared for whatever happens in life.
I really am not in the frame of mind to delve too deep into this, but since I always say that this blog is about exposing things and how I perceive them, I have to be willing to do the same about myself.
I have medical issues that aren't letting me put it in my back pocket and let it go. I'ver known that I do have something wrong with my heart, and I haven't gotten into this issue with others because it just didn't feel like it was something I wanted to talk about. I'm not going to go any further than that in explanation of the situation because seriously, I don't want anyone to mention it to me or ask me about it, nor do I want them to act any differently toward me. And I trust no one will act any differently.
The reason I am sharing this information is because I need to examine some things in my life while I still am in a position to do so. Hey, I'm not stupid ... I know that no one knows what the future holds for them or how long they have on this Earth to make things right with people or show people how much they mean to you.
I had a dream last night about some people who I've held near and dear to me. I've made efforts to slow down in my work schedule and to avoid all stress. I know it's impossible to avoid all stress, but I'm making a valiant effort. I have some people in my life who I've tried to make sure that our relationships stay on the right course, but it just feels like I'm making the effort and not getting much in return. I know that people are going to do what they want to do and they will make as much effort as they humanly want to, but sometimes it seems like I'm being criticized for not going the extra mile, while some others aren't doing nearly enough (in my opinion - I repeat - my opinion).
See, I know all too well that life is short and you have to share your life with people when you can. But I'm also the type of person who will stress over a situation, and right now, that's not a good thing.
So I've decided to just let it go. I'm at that point, and that's a point that I've tried to make sure people knew to not get me to reaching.
If you have people in your life that you haven't spent a lot of time with, make an effort to change that. That's just my advice. There are some people I've made an effort to spend more time with, but I know there comes a time that I should just let it go and let people go on with their lives. That goes for family, friends and lovers.
Family: well, I tried to reach out to a family member to spend a little more time with, but I can only figure that since it has to be both parties trying on both ends, I can only do so much.
Friends: well, I know that you can only try to be with them as much as they will let you. If they want you around, they will open themselves up to let you be around. The days of me trying need to be a thing of the past because I have too much to deal with medically on my own front to keep trying. Hey, my door is open wide ... but all doors close after a certain point. A good point of advice which I've learned myself: "If you've given an effort, you can relax in the knowledge that you've done all that you can do. Friends will go the extra mile when they are in a position to do so. You should never apologize for being yourself; true friends will take the good with the bad."
An aside - friends also need to be able to be themselves around you. I hope a friend never tells you that even though they are R-rated, they find themselves having to be PG-13 when you are around. That's not a good thing to hear and will ultimately make you feel like there is something wrong with you. And that is never a good thing nor a good complex to deal with.
Lovers: my involvement with "Mr. Big" has left me wondering if things will ever even out. In an earlier blog I finally let people in on my situation with this guy, and if you recall I let you know that he has a very intense business and I was letting my guard down with him, believing that business would not interfere again. I know that I should just be happy that he wants to be a part of my life, but for me, dealing with things that I am, I want more. He's tied up in business deals right now, and I feel like I'm on the back burner. Life is short, and I don't want to waste any of it.
I guess things will work themselves out on all fronts ... in the end.
Okay, I'm going to end this blog entry on a brief note about the craziness in Asbury Park's gay community ...
Far be it from me to talk out of turn, but there is a phenomenon going around our fair city. It's called "Don't say you love me and kick my ass ... no wait, yes you can 'cause I have no backbone."
I've touched on this subject before, but there is one or two nutcases in this city who take this to a higher level. One of them, he's has a track record of being a lousy boyfriend to a few gay boyz who seem to have their life in order. But these boyz will do whatever it takes to keep this "bad boy" in their lives. Why, I never know. I don't see any redeeming qualities in this particular person.
But he's off-and-on with a nice guy, and he's physically hit this nice guy. Now I would have kicked some ass if some guy even attempted to lay a finger on me, but this nice guy would much rather slink after this loser and cry about him not being a good boyfriend and how he can't live without him. I say, "WHAT?"
I no longer have any tolerance for this crap. Who ever knew that some of these gay couples would be so openly tragic and violent toward one another?
My compassion for these "trampled upon" gay boyz who keep running back to their abusers has run its course. Any sympathy for your situation stops at my front door. I may complain about my own romantic situations in the confines of this blog, but I know it's my venting and I know the advice.
But boyz and gurls, if you are in a abusive relationship (my dear, I can't believe anyone still needs to say this line any longer!), get out of it before it's too late.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The gay community does come together to support a worthy cause
It's always good to see the individuals in our community rallying around a good cause, and the efforts to pay for the restoration of the Rainbow sign is just that type of cause.
This past Sunday, a fundraising benefit was held at Georgie's Bar to raise more money for Project Rainbow, a project at the hands of the Asbury Park Historical Society. This latest benefit, a combination of Bingo, Name That Tune and trivia questions, kept everyone entertained. Sponsored by Vail Realty and hosted by David Hoffman and Lady Marisa, the event was successful.
I'm hoping that the monetary goal is reached soon. The project's initial goal, according to their website, "We have hired a neon sign restorer, Robbie Ingui, from Artistic Neon Inc. in Ridgewood, New York. He will complete the sign restoration in four stages. When completed, The City of Asbury Park will provide the expertise to hang the sign in its new home in the Transportation Center. The total cost to complete the project is $15,000. Our goal is to complete and hang the sign by Summer 2012. ...We have one more fundraising event planned for the month of November."
As the monetary goal to finish paying for the sign's restoration comes closer to being reached, I'm hopeful that we as a community can dig in our pockets a little deeper and get this accomplished.
I was very surprised when my lucky raffle ticket was called as the winner of a cash prize in the amount of $125. So as I gave the money directly back to the cause, I feel somewhat satisfied that I helped get us a little closer. My goal is to donate more money, and I'm hoping that all of us in the community give a little money - those who are in a position to do so.
It's no secret that money is tight. But I was joking with someone later that evening after the benefit that we really need to reach this goal sooner rather than later because it just doesn't seem like it's an exorbitant amount of money ... and also, how many more benefits will be needed for this?
Come on people, we got this, right?
Let's ban together and get this the final funding to pay off the sign's restoration. Doesn't it seem like the individuals trying to get this project completed have been trying to get the funding forever? I know that's a gross exaggeration, but it just seem like it's been a long time.
A lot of people in the community, most notably Carol Torre, have been doing so much to attain this monetary amount, and I'm just hopeful that by the end of 2012 the financial goal will be reached.
Let's get this done!
And see, I even took a break from any romantic tales of woe, and I even steered clear of coming down hard on some of the tragic characters that have made Asbury Park a nice place to visit - and live - all to devote this blog entry to this worthy cause.
(P.S. - Don't worry, tomorrow I'll be back to normal and shedding light on the crazy, offbeat and even the sweet-natured situations that make this city a goldmine!)
This past Sunday, a fundraising benefit was held at Georgie's Bar to raise more money for Project Rainbow, a project at the hands of the Asbury Park Historical Society. This latest benefit, a combination of Bingo, Name That Tune and trivia questions, kept everyone entertained. Sponsored by Vail Realty and hosted by David Hoffman and Lady Marisa, the event was successful.
I'm hoping that the monetary goal is reached soon. The project's initial goal, according to their website, "We have hired a neon sign restorer, Robbie Ingui, from Artistic Neon Inc. in Ridgewood, New York. He will complete the sign restoration in four stages. When completed, The City of Asbury Park will provide the expertise to hang the sign in its new home in the Transportation Center. The total cost to complete the project is $15,000. Our goal is to complete and hang the sign by Summer 2012. ...We have one more fundraising event planned for the month of November."
As the monetary goal to finish paying for the sign's restoration comes closer to being reached, I'm hopeful that we as a community can dig in our pockets a little deeper and get this accomplished.
I was very surprised when my lucky raffle ticket was called as the winner of a cash prize in the amount of $125. So as I gave the money directly back to the cause, I feel somewhat satisfied that I helped get us a little closer. My goal is to donate more money, and I'm hoping that all of us in the community give a little money - those who are in a position to do so.
It's no secret that money is tight. But I was joking with someone later that evening after the benefit that we really need to reach this goal sooner rather than later because it just doesn't seem like it's an exorbitant amount of money ... and also, how many more benefits will be needed for this?
Come on people, we got this, right?
Let's ban together and get this the final funding to pay off the sign's restoration. Doesn't it seem like the individuals trying to get this project completed have been trying to get the funding forever? I know that's a gross exaggeration, but it just seem like it's been a long time.
A lot of people in the community, most notably Carol Torre, have been doing so much to attain this monetary amount, and I'm just hopeful that by the end of 2012 the financial goal will be reached.
Let's get this done!
And see, I even took a break from any romantic tales of woe, and I even steered clear of coming down hard on some of the tragic characters that have made Asbury Park a nice place to visit - and live - all to devote this blog entry to this worthy cause.
(P.S. - Don't worry, tomorrow I'll be back to normal and shedding light on the crazy, offbeat and even the sweet-natured situations that make this city a goldmine!)
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I'm ready for this relationship ... but is the object of my affections ready?
In the gay community, it's so difficult to grab and hold onto a relationship. So after taking some time off from any relationships, I'm ready to embark on a new one. Hell, I'm more than ready ... I'm exploding!
A departed queen from long ago has recently re-entered my life and is ready to rekindle a relationship with me. That's what he says he wants.
The last time, although we cared for each other, it just wasn't the right time for us to go full-steam ahead. I was ready, but I think he knew that although his heart was saying "take the plunge", his head was telling him to ignore the yield sign but not the stop sign. So he eventually told me that he knew I wasn't ready for the relationship.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. He knew that I had to experience all that the gay community had to throw at me - good and bad. So he let me go.
This was years ago. Since then, I had three other serious relationships. As I mentioned in past blogs, the first one was a struggle since he was an addict (and I was too naive to realize how tragic his situation really was) and I gave to much and received less than enough in return; the second one was a learning experience because I had to realize that giving 100 percent to a relationship while the other man is giving 25 percent, it's impossible to make it work; and the third relationship, well, I had to understand that some people really are dishonest about themselves right from the start of a relationship.
Looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to learn these lessons because it has put me in the right position to love a man and let that man meet me half way. So for me, I'm more than ready for this relationship. I've put in my dues - and then some.
I have a fear nagging at my soul, though. I know that this man wants me, and I know this man cares about me and wants only the best for me. But my fear is that he will not have enough time to devote to making this relationship work. He insists that he will, but I've learned the hard way - actually from my parents - that when a man is enthralled in business and is a powerful executive in his dealings, that the other person ends up taking a backseat.
I'm sure this is just my fear of losing this man talking to my subconscious. I mean, if he wants to make this relationship finally work and he's in it for the long haul this time I should just forget my nagging feelings, right?
I've just always given 100 percent and have been disappointed in the past, every time in the past. So in my mind, I'm just thinking how can this time be any different? He's successful in business, but in relationships I think they have taken a backseat. I know that he wants so badly to change all that and focus on the relationship. But is that possible?
I really care about this man, and I've finally got a guy who wants to be with me - for better or worse.
I'm probably thinking too much. It wouldn't be the first time; I'm always too analytical. They do have a 12-step program for that, right?
A departed queen from long ago has recently re-entered my life and is ready to rekindle a relationship with me. That's what he says he wants.
The last time, although we cared for each other, it just wasn't the right time for us to go full-steam ahead. I was ready, but I think he knew that although his heart was saying "take the plunge", his head was telling him to ignore the yield sign but not the stop sign. So he eventually told me that he knew I wasn't ready for the relationship.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. He knew that I had to experience all that the gay community had to throw at me - good and bad. So he let me go.
This was years ago. Since then, I had three other serious relationships. As I mentioned in past blogs, the first one was a struggle since he was an addict (and I was too naive to realize how tragic his situation really was) and I gave to much and received less than enough in return; the second one was a learning experience because I had to realize that giving 100 percent to a relationship while the other man is giving 25 percent, it's impossible to make it work; and the third relationship, well, I had to understand that some people really are dishonest about themselves right from the start of a relationship.
Looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to learn these lessons because it has put me in the right position to love a man and let that man meet me half way. So for me, I'm more than ready for this relationship. I've put in my dues - and then some.
I have a fear nagging at my soul, though. I know that this man wants me, and I know this man cares about me and wants only the best for me. But my fear is that he will not have enough time to devote to making this relationship work. He insists that he will, but I've learned the hard way - actually from my parents - that when a man is enthralled in business and is a powerful executive in his dealings, that the other person ends up taking a backseat.
I'm sure this is just my fear of losing this man talking to my subconscious. I mean, if he wants to make this relationship finally work and he's in it for the long haul this time I should just forget my nagging feelings, right?
I've just always given 100 percent and have been disappointed in the past, every time in the past. So in my mind, I'm just thinking how can this time be any different? He's successful in business, but in relationships I think they have taken a backseat. I know that he wants so badly to change all that and focus on the relationship. But is that possible?
I really care about this man, and I've finally got a guy who wants to be with me - for better or worse.
I'm probably thinking too much. It wouldn't be the first time; I'm always too analytical. They do have a 12-step program for that, right?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Hey twink, you've got years to grow before reaching your elders' level
Every now and again, something I encounter in the gay community really cracks me the hell up.
Now most people who know me are well aware that I love to laugh, even at things that are not really politically correct.
But I seem to always encounter a particular person in the gay community who just boggles my mind. I am always so glad and fortunate when the young gayz come into their own and are able to express themselves by finding their space in the community - and their own skin.
And as I've come into my own in the gay community, I've always thanked my older gayz who have paved the way for me and have taken me under their wing and made me feel comfortable.
So I've always tried to do the same. But I think there are some young gayz, admirably called "twinks", who are just out of control. A few of them need to brace themselves and not make an overt effort to show others that they are seasoned in the community, when it's painfully obvious they are not.
Don't get me wrong - I love the young ones who are finding their own in the community. But please, I beg of you - don't try to step over the older ones who have made it easier for you to be your grand 'ol gay self! And above all else, don't make a feeble effort to throw shade and be disrespectful.
This past Sunday, I turned 44. And I'm proud of it because I don't look it. Thankfully, black don't crack! I was treated on my birthday by having to suffer through a rowdy group of twinks demonstrating how tragic they could be. Now at first I loved seeing their enthusiasm. But as the night progressed, their obnoxious nature just grated on my nerves.
So my friend and I figured it was time to show them how being fabulous, honoring the true divas in song and on stage, should be done. I think showing them how it should be done caused gthem to retreat and leave. Mission accomplished, and let's hope they figure out how to truly honor the musical divas who us gayz have loved for years and years. I'm sure they will; I have faith in them ... I think.
But actually, the catalyst for this blog entry was not only the group I've mentioned. It was my encounter with a tragic twink who continually prances around Club Paradise and Georgie's (two established gay establishments) like he's been here for decades. He hasn't earned his stripes yet.
What made me chuckle was that he had "relations" with my friend, and for some reason he thought this made him part of MY world. No, sadly young buck, it doesn't. So after running into him a couple times later and briefly saying "hi" to me, he got upset that his name wasn't drilled into my head.
Really??? He told me his name in passing, and me - having a couple (or few) martinis, I had no idea what he said his name was. I mean, young twink, you didn't have sex with me, so did I really need to remember your name?
So he storms off in a huff, all pissed at me that I didn't remember his name. I just broke out in laughter because if he wanted to know how I had remembered him, he would have been really upset. The reason - I'd been referring to him as "Bookbag boy", and if he wanted me to call him that when he questioned me about his name, I sure enough would have done it.
Lesson to the young gayz under 23 trying to find their own way in the community - don't think that you've put in enough time in the struggle for gay equality and redemption to step to the older gayz, 'cause you haven't.
Your time will come ... just hold your horses, earn the respect and learn from your elders.
Now most people who know me are well aware that I love to laugh, even at things that are not really politically correct.
But I seem to always encounter a particular person in the gay community who just boggles my mind. I am always so glad and fortunate when the young gayz come into their own and are able to express themselves by finding their space in the community - and their own skin.
And as I've come into my own in the gay community, I've always thanked my older gayz who have paved the way for me and have taken me under their wing and made me feel comfortable.
So I've always tried to do the same. But I think there are some young gayz, admirably called "twinks", who are just out of control. A few of them need to brace themselves and not make an overt effort to show others that they are seasoned in the community, when it's painfully obvious they are not.
Don't get me wrong - I love the young ones who are finding their own in the community. But please, I beg of you - don't try to step over the older ones who have made it easier for you to be your grand 'ol gay self! And above all else, don't make a feeble effort to throw shade and be disrespectful.
This past Sunday, I turned 44. And I'm proud of it because I don't look it. Thankfully, black don't crack! I was treated on my birthday by having to suffer through a rowdy group of twinks demonstrating how tragic they could be. Now at first I loved seeing their enthusiasm. But as the night progressed, their obnoxious nature just grated on my nerves.
So my friend and I figured it was time to show them how being fabulous, honoring the true divas in song and on stage, should be done. I think showing them how it should be done caused gthem to retreat and leave. Mission accomplished, and let's hope they figure out how to truly honor the musical divas who us gayz have loved for years and years. I'm sure they will; I have faith in them ... I think.
But actually, the catalyst for this blog entry was not only the group I've mentioned. It was my encounter with a tragic twink who continually prances around Club Paradise and Georgie's (two established gay establishments) like he's been here for decades. He hasn't earned his stripes yet.
What made me chuckle was that he had "relations" with my friend, and for some reason he thought this made him part of MY world. No, sadly young buck, it doesn't. So after running into him a couple times later and briefly saying "hi" to me, he got upset that his name wasn't drilled into my head.
Really??? He told me his name in passing, and me - having a couple (or few) martinis, I had no idea what he said his name was. I mean, young twink, you didn't have sex with me, so did I really need to remember your name?
So he storms off in a huff, all pissed at me that I didn't remember his name. I just broke out in laughter because if he wanted to know how I had remembered him, he would have been really upset. The reason - I'd been referring to him as "Bookbag boy", and if he wanted me to call him that when he questioned me about his name, I sure enough would have done it.
Lesson to the young gayz under 23 trying to find their own way in the community - don't think that you've put in enough time in the struggle for gay equality and redemption to step to the older gayz, 'cause you haven't.
Your time will come ... just hold your horses, earn the respect and learn from your elders.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Some couples have the 'Romeo & Juliet' syndrome ... not a good thing
I've lamented incessantly that I desire a relationship. I've told it to friends, family and the followers of my blog. I've told it to anyone who would listen, I suppose.
I've learned over time on the proper ways to treat my partner, as I've been privy to the positives and negatives. My past relationships have not been the best, and after a lot of self-analyzation, I've realized that a major part of the romances not lasting was because I gave too much.
I didn't mean to do that ... it just comes naturally for me. I learned early on that the more you give in a relationship, the less your significant other has to give. Ultimately, you will end up in an imbalanced relationship.
I've had my share of imbalanced relationships. Trust me ... it's no fun for the person giving 80 percent. But it's so easy for the person giving 20 percent to get too comfortable. And then when you decide to push the other person to step it up and become an equal, they can't - or won't - do it.
So as I've stood back and observed a lot of gay men while in their respective romances, it has become painfully apprarent that some gay men just can't find their ways into healthy relationships. I'm glad that I've watched these relationships blossom, crumble, get pieced back together with duct tape, and then crash and burn in the most treacherous ways - because by watching from a close distance, I've gotten a eyeful of the tragic messes some of these gay boyz have stumbled upon.
And how some of these boyz have handled their relationships, it has become all too apparent at where you can draw the line in the sand and separate the men from the boyz.
It's so tragic to watch guys break down in public, at the local hangouts no less, crying and lamenting over how their boyfriend/lover/trick has broken their hearts and stripped them of their dignity.
News flash boyz: No one can take anything away from you unless you give them the power to do so. Too many of these boyz are giving away their power in the relationship, which is why they find themselves in physically frightening and verbally abusive romances.
When you have to watch a couple out on the town fighting like cats and dogs, it not only makes the two of them look bad, it causes some people who care about the two of them to take measures to separate themselves from the tragic pair. Then the couple always seem to wonder why people begin to act differently around them. It's not too hard to figure it out - your tragic displays in public are just pathetic to watch.
I wish that some gay men who are confident, secure and loving to their relationships with their significant others would take some of these "Romeo & Juliet" pairings under their wings and teach them a thing or three about proper relationship etiquette. It would make a world of difference.
Now I'm not saying that these tragic pairings don't have the capacity to make it work and become loving couples; I'm sure they have it in them. But before they can show a more loving side of themselves, they'd have to take a long look in the mirror (separately and as a couple) and try to change the things that are causing them to look tragic to the masses.
And remember, Asbury Park's gay community has a long memory. You don't want to be remembered as "that guy" who has gotten the bad reputation and potential romantic interests have heard that you aren't capable of being in a drama-free relationship. Some people already have that reputation, and the best way to turn that around is simple. I really can't believe anyone has to tell a person this, but:
1) If the person you are in a relationship with constantly abuses you verbally, behind closed doors and out in the public - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
2) If the person has ever put his hands on you in a menacing, abusive way - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
3) If the person refuses to meet you halfway and you are always giving more than you are getting out of a relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
4) If you always have to track down your boyfriend and figure out what, or who, he's doing - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
5) If you ever find yourself crying out in public over the man in your life who has consistently treated you like yesterday's garbage, and you are wracking your brain trying to find reasons to stay in the relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
My mother and sister always told me that if you are in a bad relationship, get out of it because "You can do bad all by yourself"! And it's true - you can do bad all by yourself!
And now that I've sat back and observed how to finally have a true, meaningful, equal relationship, I know that I'm ready. So I will let you in on a little secret - next week I am going out with a man who I have known for a few years, but circumstances have caused us to never get it together (I'll explain in more detail at a later date). Although he lives in another state, I'm determined to make this man a significant part of my life. I've waited long enough, and before I wait any longer because of circumstances, I know you have to grab the person who means something to you when he's in your grasp.
My guardian angel is giving me the green light, so I'm grabbing!
I've learned over time on the proper ways to treat my partner, as I've been privy to the positives and negatives. My past relationships have not been the best, and after a lot of self-analyzation, I've realized that a major part of the romances not lasting was because I gave too much.
I didn't mean to do that ... it just comes naturally for me. I learned early on that the more you give in a relationship, the less your significant other has to give. Ultimately, you will end up in an imbalanced relationship.
I've had my share of imbalanced relationships. Trust me ... it's no fun for the person giving 80 percent. But it's so easy for the person giving 20 percent to get too comfortable. And then when you decide to push the other person to step it up and become an equal, they can't - or won't - do it.
So as I've stood back and observed a lot of gay men while in their respective romances, it has become painfully apprarent that some gay men just can't find their ways into healthy relationships. I'm glad that I've watched these relationships blossom, crumble, get pieced back together with duct tape, and then crash and burn in the most treacherous ways - because by watching from a close distance, I've gotten a eyeful of the tragic messes some of these gay boyz have stumbled upon.
And how some of these boyz have handled their relationships, it has become all too apparent at where you can draw the line in the sand and separate the men from the boyz.
It's so tragic to watch guys break down in public, at the local hangouts no less, crying and lamenting over how their boyfriend/lover/trick has broken their hearts and stripped them of their dignity.
News flash boyz: No one can take anything away from you unless you give them the power to do so. Too many of these boyz are giving away their power in the relationship, which is why they find themselves in physically frightening and verbally abusive romances.
When you have to watch a couple out on the town fighting like cats and dogs, it not only makes the two of them look bad, it causes some people who care about the two of them to take measures to separate themselves from the tragic pair. Then the couple always seem to wonder why people begin to act differently around them. It's not too hard to figure it out - your tragic displays in public are just pathetic to watch.
I wish that some gay men who are confident, secure and loving to their relationships with their significant others would take some of these "Romeo & Juliet" pairings under their wings and teach them a thing or three about proper relationship etiquette. It would make a world of difference.
Now I'm not saying that these tragic pairings don't have the capacity to make it work and become loving couples; I'm sure they have it in them. But before they can show a more loving side of themselves, they'd have to take a long look in the mirror (separately and as a couple) and try to change the things that are causing them to look tragic to the masses.
And remember, Asbury Park's gay community has a long memory. You don't want to be remembered as "that guy" who has gotten the bad reputation and potential romantic interests have heard that you aren't capable of being in a drama-free relationship. Some people already have that reputation, and the best way to turn that around is simple. I really can't believe anyone has to tell a person this, but:
1) If the person you are in a relationship with constantly abuses you verbally, behind closed doors and out in the public - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
2) If the person has ever put his hands on you in a menacing, abusive way - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
3) If the person refuses to meet you halfway and you are always giving more than you are getting out of a relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
4) If you always have to track down your boyfriend and figure out what, or who, he's doing - KICK HIM TO THE CURB;
5) If you ever find yourself crying out in public over the man in your life who has consistently treated you like yesterday's garbage, and you are wracking your brain trying to find reasons to stay in the relationship - KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
My mother and sister always told me that if you are in a bad relationship, get out of it because "You can do bad all by yourself"! And it's true - you can do bad all by yourself!
And now that I've sat back and observed how to finally have a true, meaningful, equal relationship, I know that I'm ready. So I will let you in on a little secret - next week I am going out with a man who I have known for a few years, but circumstances have caused us to never get it together (I'll explain in more detail at a later date). Although he lives in another state, I'm determined to make this man a significant part of my life. I've waited long enough, and before I wait any longer because of circumstances, I know you have to grab the person who means something to you when he's in your grasp.
My guardian angel is giving me the green light, so I'm grabbing!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Perhaps my guardian angel is keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me
I'm back.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
I took a break from my blog during the month of June because I actually needed a few weeks to figure out some things in my life, and if it was even worth writing about things in my life.
I know that people read my blog, and I get a lot of feedback - good and bad. But I was just feeling like I was venting about things that no one actually cared about or understood how it was feeling for me as a gay man trying to maneuver through life in the gay community.
It just seemed as if most gay men already had boyfriends, and the ones who didn't have one, they didn't want one anyway; they'd had enough of it and just wanted to play the field and have random hook-ups with random guys.
Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that he was getting tired of mixed signals and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. He was absolutely 100% correct. I so know how he feels, because in May, I'd had it with a majority of these gay men doing that to me.
So I guess I'm not alone in feeling that way. I wish there was a solution to get these men to just cut the crap and act like they are full-grown, mature men and not teen-aged schoolgirls who've just entered puberty and are all wishy-washy over relationships.
I mean, the gay community wants to come together and unite in a common goal - equality. In the process, I'd suggest that we work on humanity as well.
I, myself, know that I need a break from the community before something breaks inside of me. You know how you can feel yourself getting aggravated by people just when they say hello? Well that's where I am right now. Trying to maintain a little happiness right now while dealing with the gay community is putting me in a bad space.
I've found myself being very intolerable to people's stupid machinations in an attempt to get me upset. I know for most of these people, they just don't know any better and they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. But then again, sometimes I feel very naive in letting them do it also.
I'm not angry at these people ... I'm just losing patience with them. I know that being under the influence of alcohol is a very powerful aphrodisiac for some people. It's funny - that excuse (I had too much to drink; I'm sorry that I acted that way) is just getting old and tired in my book.
There's one guy who I'm friends with who has made the mistake of making out with me a couple of times while he was pretty intoxicated. Hey, I'm human, and I let him do it. He's cute - sue me. But after he'd done this for a few times, I got the point across to him that it might not be a good idea because I know that he doesn't mean it; vodka meant it.
So what happens the next time I run into him at Paradise - he sees me being very flirtatious with another guy and you'd think he'd just let me continue. But instead, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go to another part of the club with him. He didn't want to make out; he just didn't want me to make out with someone who he knew.
For the time being, I just keep my distance from this person. It's better this way - at least until things cool down and there's no chance of either of us making out while a little drunk.
But there are a couple of others who have been guilty of this, and I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of guy who wants to settle for one-nighters. Yes, I grew up in a different time and place. And unfortunately, I can't just turn that way of life on and off like a faucet.
I'll always be looking for something deeper and more meaningful. A lot of guys around here in the community don't want to deal with that anyway.
Someone was joking with me about my guardian angel putting up a forcefield around me when she knows that the wrong guy is in my personal space and trying to hit on me. I didn't take it too seriously when it was mentioned to me some time ago. But perhaps it's right on the money.
Perhaps I should start believing it, that I do have this certain guardian angel keeping the Mr. Wrongs away from me so I won't be taken when that certain Mr. Right comes along.
I believe; I believe.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Congratulations Asbury gays ... the cynicism has finally worn me down
A little over a year ago, I had posted a blog that had some of my good friends worried that all the drama, chaos, cynicism and bitchiness surrounding the gay community had put me in a bad place. I was fine (sort of); I was just a little tired of having to put up with it all.
This time, I'm not "just a little tired" ... I'm done!
Over the past couple of months, I had been trying to keep it together because I knew that I never let things get the better of me and I always maintained a positive attitude about the gay scene in Asbury Park. I always knew that no matter what, happiness was just around the corner for me.
So I always let my guard down and let people know that I was always the optimist, that my gays would never really let me down. Despite the fact that so many people in the gay community were becoming - or had already become - cynics about the community and all the drama, I refused to let myself be cynical about the scene.
I can no longer say that. Some of the people in this gay community have put me in a very negative space. I can no longer makes lemonade out of lemons. I can no longer let myself care about the gay community in Asbury.
There are so many people who I'd like to thank for pushing me to feel like a part of me has died, especially since I'd always felt so alive being a confident, passionate black gay man, one who always knew that romance and camaraderie was always possiible. I was fooling myself, for so many years.
I wish I didn't feel this way, especially since this past Mother's Day was so tremendously hard for me to deal with. I still smiled and made sure everyone around me didn't know how awful I was feeling; I didn't want to ruin anyone's special day.
So I made the decision to bury those feelings down, deep down, so I didn't show them to anyone. And I was fine with that.
But despite how I felt about no longer having my mom around and not being able to celebrate her day the way we honored her every year, I pressed forward. But I just wanted to throw myself into being so happy in my gay community. But no, some of these gays in Asbury must have just known how awful I was feeling and wanted to make me feel so much worse.
It's a rule of mine to never offer up names, and I'm not going to change that rule now. But if any of you reading this relate to the situations, know it is about you or something you've done and don't like the mirror being held up to your dark, passionless soul, too damn bad!
You have people lying to your face because they think you are too stupid to know they're deceptive jerks; people who would rather serve out-of-towners before their regular patrons because they think you'll wait forever because you are here all year round; people who start fights because they have something to prove; people who ignore you and act like they don't know you (even though they wanted to be your Facebook friend - what's that about?); people who are so afraid of getting older that they settle for a younger, very tragic person - just because they are young.
You also have people who are just too damn tragic and spreaded drama in their past relationships that they are so inept at being in a true, loving relationship in the future so they try to push that drama into the new prospective romantic relationship; people who ask you out, then realize you want more than a one-night stand (even though you told them so prior); people who will let you know that you are only a customer who tips big, when you may have mistakenly assumed that they are a friend; people who you think are friends and they will drag you into a situation by opening their mouths about something they "assume", then try to backpedal by lying; and those who will make you feel like you can't trust a living soul ever again.
I know some of this is harsh ... hell, who am I kidding? It's all harsh. But I'm at the end of my rope, and I've already tied a knot to hang on but it seems like that knot is coming loose. But hey, I'm a writer, and what writers do is write about what they know and how things make them feel.
But I'm SO grateful for the people in the gay community who counteract these negative souls; I need more of them. If it weren't for these individuals, I know I'd just crumble.
My bestie, who has found all this stuff out long ago but still has never crushed my hopes that some people are still good for me, has been a true rock for me;
My golden girls, who have always let me know that even though there are some tragic souls in Jersey's gay community, they always have my back and we can always, always laugh about it until it all seems so trivial;
A few very tight, close friends who will let me vent and cry in front of them and never, ever turn their backs on me;
A few close confidantes who will pull me aside and tell me when I'm making a tragic mistake because they know me all too well and know I'm worth more than what I'm blindly walking into.
Actually, there are a lot of people who I am cool with and who I know have my back - even when I don't even know they are protecting me. They don't always tell me they are protecting me; they just do it. And I love them for it and hope they know I love them for it. I'm going to have to tell them how much they mean to me a lot more.
So although I've encountered some people who make me feel nauseous just at the sight of them, I thank the Heavens that some truly dear people have been placed in my path to counteract the negative souls.
I was about to apologize if anyone was offended at this blog post, but I'm not really sorry at all. Those who I love and adore in this community know how much I care about them because I make every attempt to let them know how much I love them and appreciate them - whether by tipping very well for their service, or texting them our secret crazy catch-phrases all the time, buying them a drink when I'm happy to get the chance to hang out with them, or giving them a huge hug when I see them out and about.
Perhaps if anyone learns anything from reading this blog post, I'd like it to be this ... If you treat people like they are insignificant in the big scheme of things in this world, you will continue to return to this Earth as a less fortunate soul who will get beat up emotionally, even worse than the time prior. Act towards others as you want to be treated yourself.
And more importantly, never treat another human being in a manner that you would never want someone treating your own mother.
This time, I'm not "just a little tired" ... I'm done!
Over the past couple of months, I had been trying to keep it together because I knew that I never let things get the better of me and I always maintained a positive attitude about the gay scene in Asbury Park. I always knew that no matter what, happiness was just around the corner for me.
So I always let my guard down and let people know that I was always the optimist, that my gays would never really let me down. Despite the fact that so many people in the gay community were becoming - or had already become - cynics about the community and all the drama, I refused to let myself be cynical about the scene.
I can no longer say that. Some of the people in this gay community have put me in a very negative space. I can no longer makes lemonade out of lemons. I can no longer let myself care about the gay community in Asbury.
There are so many people who I'd like to thank for pushing me to feel like a part of me has died, especially since I'd always felt so alive being a confident, passionate black gay man, one who always knew that romance and camaraderie was always possiible. I was fooling myself, for so many years.
I wish I didn't feel this way, especially since this past Mother's Day was so tremendously hard for me to deal with. I still smiled and made sure everyone around me didn't know how awful I was feeling; I didn't want to ruin anyone's special day.
So I made the decision to bury those feelings down, deep down, so I didn't show them to anyone. And I was fine with that.
But despite how I felt about no longer having my mom around and not being able to celebrate her day the way we honored her every year, I pressed forward. But I just wanted to throw myself into being so happy in my gay community. But no, some of these gays in Asbury must have just known how awful I was feeling and wanted to make me feel so much worse.
It's a rule of mine to never offer up names, and I'm not going to change that rule now. But if any of you reading this relate to the situations, know it is about you or something you've done and don't like the mirror being held up to your dark, passionless soul, too damn bad!
You have people lying to your face because they think you are too stupid to know they're deceptive jerks; people who would rather serve out-of-towners before their regular patrons because they think you'll wait forever because you are here all year round; people who start fights because they have something to prove; people who ignore you and act like they don't know you (even though they wanted to be your Facebook friend - what's that about?); people who are so afraid of getting older that they settle for a younger, very tragic person - just because they are young.
You also have people who are just too damn tragic and spreaded drama in their past relationships that they are so inept at being in a true, loving relationship in the future so they try to push that drama into the new prospective romantic relationship; people who ask you out, then realize you want more than a one-night stand (even though you told them so prior); people who will let you know that you are only a customer who tips big, when you may have mistakenly assumed that they are a friend; people who you think are friends and they will drag you into a situation by opening their mouths about something they "assume", then try to backpedal by lying; and those who will make you feel like you can't trust a living soul ever again.
I know some of this is harsh ... hell, who am I kidding? It's all harsh. But I'm at the end of my rope, and I've already tied a knot to hang on but it seems like that knot is coming loose. But hey, I'm a writer, and what writers do is write about what they know and how things make them feel.
But I'm SO grateful for the people in the gay community who counteract these negative souls; I need more of them. If it weren't for these individuals, I know I'd just crumble.
My bestie, who has found all this stuff out long ago but still has never crushed my hopes that some people are still good for me, has been a true rock for me;
My golden girls, who have always let me know that even though there are some tragic souls in Jersey's gay community, they always have my back and we can always, always laugh about it until it all seems so trivial;
A few very tight, close friends who will let me vent and cry in front of them and never, ever turn their backs on me;
A few close confidantes who will pull me aside and tell me when I'm making a tragic mistake because they know me all too well and know I'm worth more than what I'm blindly walking into.
Actually, there are a lot of people who I am cool with and who I know have my back - even when I don't even know they are protecting me. They don't always tell me they are protecting me; they just do it. And I love them for it and hope they know I love them for it. I'm going to have to tell them how much they mean to me a lot more.
So although I've encountered some people who make me feel nauseous just at the sight of them, I thank the Heavens that some truly dear people have been placed in my path to counteract the negative souls.
I was about to apologize if anyone was offended at this blog post, but I'm not really sorry at all. Those who I love and adore in this community know how much I care about them because I make every attempt to let them know how much I love them and appreciate them - whether by tipping very well for their service, or texting them our secret crazy catch-phrases all the time, buying them a drink when I'm happy to get the chance to hang out with them, or giving them a huge hug when I see them out and about.
Perhaps if anyone learns anything from reading this blog post, I'd like it to be this ... If you treat people like they are insignificant in the big scheme of things in this world, you will continue to return to this Earth as a less fortunate soul who will get beat up emotionally, even worse than the time prior. Act towards others as you want to be treated yourself.
And more importantly, never treat another human being in a manner that you would never want someone treating your own mother.
Friday, May 4, 2012
When do you know that you are in the right place for a new relationship?
I'm not sure what I did in a past life, but after looking at the way my love life has progressed, there's a chance I may have caused a few lovers some emotional stress.
Wow, that's deep.
Not too deep. I always believe that the way you treat someone in a past life is the way you'll be treated in your next life. That's why I make every attempt to be kind, considerate, chivalrous and sweet-natured.
It's kind of obvious that not many people who I encounter believe in this concept too much, because they aren't really following these guidelines.
This is one of the reasons why I'm cautiously optimistic when I meet a new person who I consider a potential romantic interest. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Why? Because it always does. But even so, I still keep chugging along. Someone said I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe they were right. But I always see the best in a person until they give me a reason to toss them aside.
I know maneuvering my way through the sea of gay men, looking for my next romance, is a treacherous course. So many of the men who I encounter expect me to always make the move. Believe it or not, I'm one of the most shy individuals when it comes to that. I am deathly fearful of rejection, due mainly to something that happened in my past (which is totally for another blog post, likely to be written when I've had a couple of stiff martinis).
But despite my apprehension, I still want to see what the future holds for me. I am interested in someone new, but I'm not sure how much this person really likes me in return. Sure, I've been told that he likes me and wants to me, but until I hear those words out of his mouth, there's always a chance that it's just my wishful thinking.
My close friend was joking with me about my goal to finally do something and enter into a new relationship; he'd said I haven't done too much to find someone new. And he's right. I just didn't want to make any moves to allow myself to get hurt. I guess I should have just taken my own advice, because I always tell people to get past themselves to let a new person into their lives. Practice what I preach - I know, I know!
My blog entires are always truthful - sometimes painfully so. But as a writer, I've been taught that you have to expose yourself to get to the good stuff. Well, if I were to be truthful, I'd have to reveal that this particular person seems very kindhearted and genuine. The reason why I'm so uncertain - I've asked him to join me at a function, but as of yet, he hasn't answered me. And I'm not sure if he even wants to spend time with me.
My mother, God rest her soul, always taught me to never, ever chase someone who may not want to be caught. In matters like these, she's always been right.
So revisiting the past, I've been exploring my past relationships and some of the mistakes that I've made. Now they haven't been princes, and at times I've given way too much. I'm not sure why I'd always bent over backwards to make things turn out the way I wanted/needed them to turn out.
But I'm thankful I do have something to go on as a reference to what I need to do next time, before I go down the same path.
So I guess it's time to explore what's out there waiting for me in the way of romantic relations.
Wow, that's deep.
Not too deep. I always believe that the way you treat someone in a past life is the way you'll be treated in your next life. That's why I make every attempt to be kind, considerate, chivalrous and sweet-natured.
It's kind of obvious that not many people who I encounter believe in this concept too much, because they aren't really following these guidelines.
This is one of the reasons why I'm cautiously optimistic when I meet a new person who I consider a potential romantic interest. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Why? Because it always does. But even so, I still keep chugging along. Someone said I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe they were right. But I always see the best in a person until they give me a reason to toss them aside.
I know maneuvering my way through the sea of gay men, looking for my next romance, is a treacherous course. So many of the men who I encounter expect me to always make the move. Believe it or not, I'm one of the most shy individuals when it comes to that. I am deathly fearful of rejection, due mainly to something that happened in my past (which is totally for another blog post, likely to be written when I've had a couple of stiff martinis).
But despite my apprehension, I still want to see what the future holds for me. I am interested in someone new, but I'm not sure how much this person really likes me in return. Sure, I've been told that he likes me and wants to me, but until I hear those words out of his mouth, there's always a chance that it's just my wishful thinking.
My close friend was joking with me about my goal to finally do something and enter into a new relationship; he'd said I haven't done too much to find someone new. And he's right. I just didn't want to make any moves to allow myself to get hurt. I guess I should have just taken my own advice, because I always tell people to get past themselves to let a new person into their lives. Practice what I preach - I know, I know!
My blog entires are always truthful - sometimes painfully so. But as a writer, I've been taught that you have to expose yourself to get to the good stuff. Well, if I were to be truthful, I'd have to reveal that this particular person seems very kindhearted and genuine. The reason why I'm so uncertain - I've asked him to join me at a function, but as of yet, he hasn't answered me. And I'm not sure if he even wants to spend time with me.
My mother, God rest her soul, always taught me to never, ever chase someone who may not want to be caught. In matters like these, she's always been right.
So revisiting the past, I've been exploring my past relationships and some of the mistakes that I've made. Now they haven't been princes, and at times I've given way too much. I'm not sure why I'd always bent over backwards to make things turn out the way I wanted/needed them to turn out.
But I'm thankful I do have something to go on as a reference to what I need to do next time, before I go down the same path.
So I guess it's time to explore what's out there waiting for me in the way of romantic relations.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Straight people, gay people ... we're all the same, so let's act like it
I was reading an article, "An etiquette guide for straight people in gay bars", and it just made me chuckle.
They make some points in the article that are right on the money. It mainly focused on gay bars mostly frequented by men. In the piece, it was mentioned that women, although welcome in these bars, don't have much power because the topless male bartenders aren't tripping over themselves to wait on them first and women are virtually invisible. Also, women who accompany their male gays to these establishments sometimes turn into cockblockers, thus hindering their gay male friend in the pursuit of a sexual liaison for the evening.
The article went on to explain that some women love to bring their bachelorette parties into gay bars because they can have a much better time partying it up with the gay males. In some cases, the gays just don't want to be bothered, according to the article.
The article beat up on the straight guys as well. It explained that the straight men who happen to wander into the gay bars, whether just checking out the atmosphere or being dragged there by their girlfiends/wives, sometimes have a chip on their shoulder. They tend to think that they are going to get hit on by every single gay man in the place. But sometimes, the straight guy will get hit on - and if he does, the guy shouldn't be utterly offended and act like a jerk to the gay guy. Proper etiquette would be to let him down gently, just like you'd act if you were letting a woman know you weren't interested.
It's a funny article, and although it pokes fun at straight people in gay bars, it does hit the nail on the head. For example, a couple of months ago Paradise, the local gay club in Asbury Park, was overrun with a raucous crowd of drunken, overbearing straight individuals who literally were tearing the place apart. It was a Sunday night and was kind of slow - that is, until this group of about 20-25 straight people invaded the place. One of them said they were coming from a crazy party at another local bar/restaurant on the boardwalk.
Now I had no issue with them hanging out at Paradise, because I love my straights (a little joke because most people who know me are well aware that I hate it when someone says "I love my gays"). But the part of them being there was the way they acted. They were not only drunk and disorderly, but disrespectful because some of them were so out-of-control because a couple of them that were "talking" to me said that since it was a gay club, we should be used to it because that's how we act.
Total misconception! Just because a person is gathered with his gay friends in a gay establishment does not mean we act the fool and knock over tables, fall sloppily on the floors, toss people we are dancing with into walls, and have no qualms ruining DJ or karaoke equipment.
I've never been so upset at watching drunk people tear through a bar, never in my life. But watching some of them get booted from the club was just embarassing. Would they do the same thing if they were hanging at Brickwall, Porta or BACA? I know they wouldn't.
If this is what people think goes on at gay bars and clubs, they are wrong! I am making a request of any straight people who venture into gay bars/clubs/restaurants: Have the same respect and decency that gay people have for the places they frequent. I'm in no way saying that all straight people act like this, but there are a small portion who do act this way.
I, for one, love it when bachelorette parties frequent the gay bars because some of these women are so cool and love to dance as crazy as I do. So unlike the article, I am a fan of them. My only request: don't block me when I'm hitting on a hot guy. Otherwise, you are fine.
I do think it's going a bit too far when straight couples come in to the gay bars and clutch each others' hands for dear life. The lady is doing it so her guy doesn't get hit on by a gay man; the guy is doing it because he doesn't want to get hit on by a gay man. But more often than not (as I've witnessed firsthand), the guy is not even worth hitting on because he's not that cute! So please stop disrespecting us - and making yourselves look foolish - by clutching each other like you are attached at the hip. The gays are only laughing at you when you do it anyway.
And please, straight dudes, stop repeating over and over that you aren't gay - or you have gay friends - or asking me if it's okay for straight people to be in the bar. It's insulting and you are making a pain-in-the-ass of yourself.
To close, I just have one more request: Please stop referring to your businesses/bars/restaurants, etc. as "gay-friendly"! It sends a poor message to the universe that gay people are different, and trust me, we are no different than any other individual on the planet. Would you call your establishment "straight-friendly", "Beyonce-friendly" or "alien-friendly"? No you wouldn't, so stop parading this phrase around like it's a badge of honor. It's crossing the line to downright insulting, and it tends to make me want to avoid those places altogether.
Editor's Note: I'm not lumping all straight people into the same category; this blog post is only referring to the tiny population who are guilty of these actions. Amen!
They make some points in the article that are right on the money. It mainly focused on gay bars mostly frequented by men. In the piece, it was mentioned that women, although welcome in these bars, don't have much power because the topless male bartenders aren't tripping over themselves to wait on them first and women are virtually invisible. Also, women who accompany their male gays to these establishments sometimes turn into cockblockers, thus hindering their gay male friend in the pursuit of a sexual liaison for the evening.
The article went on to explain that some women love to bring their bachelorette parties into gay bars because they can have a much better time partying it up with the gay males. In some cases, the gays just don't want to be bothered, according to the article.
The article beat up on the straight guys as well. It explained that the straight men who happen to wander into the gay bars, whether just checking out the atmosphere or being dragged there by their girlfiends/wives, sometimes have a chip on their shoulder. They tend to think that they are going to get hit on by every single gay man in the place. But sometimes, the straight guy will get hit on - and if he does, the guy shouldn't be utterly offended and act like a jerk to the gay guy. Proper etiquette would be to let him down gently, just like you'd act if you were letting a woman know you weren't interested.
It's a funny article, and although it pokes fun at straight people in gay bars, it does hit the nail on the head. For example, a couple of months ago Paradise, the local gay club in Asbury Park, was overrun with a raucous crowd of drunken, overbearing straight individuals who literally were tearing the place apart. It was a Sunday night and was kind of slow - that is, until this group of about 20-25 straight people invaded the place. One of them said they were coming from a crazy party at another local bar/restaurant on the boardwalk.
Now I had no issue with them hanging out at Paradise, because I love my straights (a little joke because most people who know me are well aware that I hate it when someone says "I love my gays"). But the part of them being there was the way they acted. They were not only drunk and disorderly, but disrespectful because some of them were so out-of-control because a couple of them that were "talking" to me said that since it was a gay club, we should be used to it because that's how we act.
Total misconception! Just because a person is gathered with his gay friends in a gay establishment does not mean we act the fool and knock over tables, fall sloppily on the floors, toss people we are dancing with into walls, and have no qualms ruining DJ or karaoke equipment.
I've never been so upset at watching drunk people tear through a bar, never in my life. But watching some of them get booted from the club was just embarassing. Would they do the same thing if they were hanging at Brickwall, Porta or BACA? I know they wouldn't.
If this is what people think goes on at gay bars and clubs, they are wrong! I am making a request of any straight people who venture into gay bars/clubs/restaurants: Have the same respect and decency that gay people have for the places they frequent. I'm in no way saying that all straight people act like this, but there are a small portion who do act this way.
I, for one, love it when bachelorette parties frequent the gay bars because some of these women are so cool and love to dance as crazy as I do. So unlike the article, I am a fan of them. My only request: don't block me when I'm hitting on a hot guy. Otherwise, you are fine.
I do think it's going a bit too far when straight couples come in to the gay bars and clutch each others' hands for dear life. The lady is doing it so her guy doesn't get hit on by a gay man; the guy is doing it because he doesn't want to get hit on by a gay man. But more often than not (as I've witnessed firsthand), the guy is not even worth hitting on because he's not that cute! So please stop disrespecting us - and making yourselves look foolish - by clutching each other like you are attached at the hip. The gays are only laughing at you when you do it anyway.
And please, straight dudes, stop repeating over and over that you aren't gay - or you have gay friends - or asking me if it's okay for straight people to be in the bar. It's insulting and you are making a pain-in-the-ass of yourself.
To close, I just have one more request: Please stop referring to your businesses/bars/restaurants, etc. as "gay-friendly"! It sends a poor message to the universe that gay people are different, and trust me, we are no different than any other individual on the planet. Would you call your establishment "straight-friendly", "Beyonce-friendly" or "alien-friendly"? No you wouldn't, so stop parading this phrase around like it's a badge of honor. It's crossing the line to downright insulting, and it tends to make me want to avoid those places altogether.
Editor's Note: I'm not lumping all straight people into the same category; this blog post is only referring to the tiny population who are guilty of these actions. Amen!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
It's better to let people in on your angst ... before it boils to the surface
I just have to realize that I'll never have all the answers.
As many of the followers of my blog already know, I've been trying to reinvent myself. In June, when I was laid off from my job, it took me a couple of months to re-gather myself after the job that I literally burned myself out at had just cut me loose. Those couple of months after, I was just burned out and felt used up. I was depressed for awhile, but like I'd been taught, you make sure everyone sees you smile and keep the depressing feelings far away from the people in your life.
That worked for awhile. But then after I realized that I needed to do something to help myself get past all the turmoil, life just kicked my ass into gear. I knew that the only thing that would make this man happy was to look towards the future. What was I going to do? How was I going to pick myself up?
So after some serious soul-searching, I decided that it was time to rearrange my life and switch gears. I was going to follow my dream and become a teacher. That's what I always wanted to do, and the time to do it was now.
So I took measures to do it. I decided to go to bartending school so I could supplement the financial strain of the cost of returning to school to get my teaching certification. And I completed bartending school successfully and prepared to follow my dream. If I needed to, I could have just dug into my IRA trust account and paid for it, but it just didn't seem right. I was scared that if I'd failed at my dream and needed the funds in that account to live off for an extended period of time, I wouldn't have money when I was older, alone and needed a lot of money to live off.
This is the reason I wanted to speed through my courses and bartend while doing this. Of course I should have told myself that I would never get a full-time bartending gig because no one was going to take a chance on me. (*I'm not going to rehash my rant on bartending, especially in Asbury Park when there's less than a handful of black bartenders working in this city - you can read my previous blog on the subject, "Who knew getting a bartending gig around Asbury would be so difficult?" if you'd like ... but I digress)
So to continue on what this blog entry is all about ...
I've been feeling more and more disillusioned in my work, my dreams, my life and myself as a person. I always tried to be the best at what I did. I hardly never fell short because I wouldn't let myself fall short of accomplishing everything I set my mind to do. I've been feeling like a failure, and I couldn't let anyone know how desperate and disheartened I'd been feeling. I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, but since losing my job I've applied for over 100 jobs and haven't gotten any of them. It's been really upsetting to not only my ego but also my self-esteem.
I'm the type of person who can never let anyone see him break down and cry. I'd built my personal reputation on never allowing another person see me cry; I'd always felt it was a sign of weakness.
Last week I felt like I was at the end of my rope and I couldn't even tie a knot and hang on. But despite the stress and angst, I decided to be around people to at least avoid feeling alone. I think that was my mistake; I'd forgotten that most people only see me as a strong-willed innocent who always keeps it calm, cool and collected.
And as the night went on, person after person was doing something that just drove me to the brink. I can't blame any of them because they had no clue that my internal struggles had come to a head and was ready to explode to the surface.
I did two things that I'd promised myself I would never do - I blew up at a very dear friend who didn't know that I was so distressed with my life, and I broke down into tears in front of another close friend who had the unfortune of being in my presence at the inopportune moment of my breakdown.
This blog is a way of apologizing, not only to them but myself. They both know how much I love and adore them and respect their places in my life. But it's turned out to be a good thing that this all happened. I know that I need to let people in on my inner-demons so they know just how much I can handle. That's something I need to work on.
And I've never been a fan of getting therapy to help overcome issues that are just too much to bear. But I may need to consider it now. Things are just very tough for me these days and I know that I can't have a sit-down talk with my mother. She was always my rock, and although I know that I can always talk to her, I'm painfully aware that she can't answer me back.
So maybe it's time to consider therapy of some sort to get over this hump. Perhaps it's not the worst thing I could do.
As many of the followers of my blog already know, I've been trying to reinvent myself. In June, when I was laid off from my job, it took me a couple of months to re-gather myself after the job that I literally burned myself out at had just cut me loose. Those couple of months after, I was just burned out and felt used up. I was depressed for awhile, but like I'd been taught, you make sure everyone sees you smile and keep the depressing feelings far away from the people in your life.
That worked for awhile. But then after I realized that I needed to do something to help myself get past all the turmoil, life just kicked my ass into gear. I knew that the only thing that would make this man happy was to look towards the future. What was I going to do? How was I going to pick myself up?
So after some serious soul-searching, I decided that it was time to rearrange my life and switch gears. I was going to follow my dream and become a teacher. That's what I always wanted to do, and the time to do it was now.
So I took measures to do it. I decided to go to bartending school so I could supplement the financial strain of the cost of returning to school to get my teaching certification. And I completed bartending school successfully and prepared to follow my dream. If I needed to, I could have just dug into my IRA trust account and paid for it, but it just didn't seem right. I was scared that if I'd failed at my dream and needed the funds in that account to live off for an extended period of time, I wouldn't have money when I was older, alone and needed a lot of money to live off.
This is the reason I wanted to speed through my courses and bartend while doing this. Of course I should have told myself that I would never get a full-time bartending gig because no one was going to take a chance on me. (*I'm not going to rehash my rant on bartending, especially in Asbury Park when there's less than a handful of black bartenders working in this city - you can read my previous blog on the subject, "Who knew getting a bartending gig around Asbury would be so difficult?" if you'd like ... but I digress)
So to continue on what this blog entry is all about ...
I've been feeling more and more disillusioned in my work, my dreams, my life and myself as a person. I always tried to be the best at what I did. I hardly never fell short because I wouldn't let myself fall short of accomplishing everything I set my mind to do. I've been feeling like a failure, and I couldn't let anyone know how desperate and disheartened I'd been feeling. I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, but since losing my job I've applied for over 100 jobs and haven't gotten any of them. It's been really upsetting to not only my ego but also my self-esteem.
I'm the type of person who can never let anyone see him break down and cry. I'd built my personal reputation on never allowing another person see me cry; I'd always felt it was a sign of weakness.
Last week I felt like I was at the end of my rope and I couldn't even tie a knot and hang on. But despite the stress and angst, I decided to be around people to at least avoid feeling alone. I think that was my mistake; I'd forgotten that most people only see me as a strong-willed innocent who always keeps it calm, cool and collected.
And as the night went on, person after person was doing something that just drove me to the brink. I can't blame any of them because they had no clue that my internal struggles had come to a head and was ready to explode to the surface.
I did two things that I'd promised myself I would never do - I blew up at a very dear friend who didn't know that I was so distressed with my life, and I broke down into tears in front of another close friend who had the unfortune of being in my presence at the inopportune moment of my breakdown.
This blog is a way of apologizing, not only to them but myself. They both know how much I love and adore them and respect their places in my life. But it's turned out to be a good thing that this all happened. I know that I need to let people in on my inner-demons so they know just how much I can handle. That's something I need to work on.
And I've never been a fan of getting therapy to help overcome issues that are just too much to bear. But I may need to consider it now. Things are just very tough for me these days and I know that I can't have a sit-down talk with my mother. She was always my rock, and although I know that I can always talk to her, I'm painfully aware that she can't answer me back.
So maybe it's time to consider therapy of some sort to get over this hump. Perhaps it's not the worst thing I could do.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sometimes the past deserves to remain right where it is - in the past
I've made no secret that I would love to be in a committed relationship with a man that I care about. Some guys are just that way, and I'm one of them.
I haven't had too much luck in that department, as I've only had 2 boyfriends of significance in my life.
But a few weeks ago, a guy who I was pretty crazy over and who I'd gone out with on about a dozen dates (or as I like to call them, encounters) reached out to me and asked if I would let him back into my life and if we could pick up where we left off.
I knew last year that he wasn't ready for what I had to offer. He would always go back and forth, wanting to venture into a commitment and then backing away from me. This went on for far too long, and then after awhile of being this guy's yo-yo, I decided to cut him loose and stop the cycle.
Even after cutting his craziness out of my life, I'd still see him every now and again around Asbury Park. We went to the same hangouts, so I knew we'd always run into each other. It didn't really bother me because I knew what I wanted out of a relationship, and I knew he couldn't give it to me.
I guess over the past months, he'd grown up a bit and was now ready for me.
Now this is where my mom's teachings helped me out in a big way. She'd always taught me to follow my instincts and not settle for anything less than what I deserved. And as this guy who I (hate to say it) sweated for a few months while he decided if he even wanted me for the long-term asked me to rekindle things, all I could hear was my mom's voice in my ear. She was saying to run like the dickens as fast as I could in the other direction.
So what did I do? I followed my mom's advice. Even though she wasn't here physically, I knew she was with me spiritually. So my response to this man who I was once crazy about, and wanted me again, was to tell him I'd think about it. For me, that's a "no". When I met up with him later in the week, I let him know that it was not going to happen for us. Too much time had past, and I invested too much energy into getting things off the ground with him the last time. Flat out - he exhausted me, and I was getting too old to give 95 percent to another's 5 percent.
So, I'm still single. But I guess I'm happily single, because for the first time in a long time, I didn't settle for just a pretty face.
And this guy, my past, deserves to remain right where he is ... in the past. I need to move onto someone new, so for those guys in my past, you need to stay there.
I'm looking for a new love!
I haven't had too much luck in that department, as I've only had 2 boyfriends of significance in my life.
But a few weeks ago, a guy who I was pretty crazy over and who I'd gone out with on about a dozen dates (or as I like to call them, encounters) reached out to me and asked if I would let him back into my life and if we could pick up where we left off.
I knew last year that he wasn't ready for what I had to offer. He would always go back and forth, wanting to venture into a commitment and then backing away from me. This went on for far too long, and then after awhile of being this guy's yo-yo, I decided to cut him loose and stop the cycle.
Even after cutting his craziness out of my life, I'd still see him every now and again around Asbury Park. We went to the same hangouts, so I knew we'd always run into each other. It didn't really bother me because I knew what I wanted out of a relationship, and I knew he couldn't give it to me.
I guess over the past months, he'd grown up a bit and was now ready for me.
Now this is where my mom's teachings helped me out in a big way. She'd always taught me to follow my instincts and not settle for anything less than what I deserved. And as this guy who I (hate to say it) sweated for a few months while he decided if he even wanted me for the long-term asked me to rekindle things, all I could hear was my mom's voice in my ear. She was saying to run like the dickens as fast as I could in the other direction.
So what did I do? I followed my mom's advice. Even though she wasn't here physically, I knew she was with me spiritually. So my response to this man who I was once crazy about, and wanted me again, was to tell him I'd think about it. For me, that's a "no". When I met up with him later in the week, I let him know that it was not going to happen for us. Too much time had past, and I invested too much energy into getting things off the ground with him the last time. Flat out - he exhausted me, and I was getting too old to give 95 percent to another's 5 percent.
So, I'm still single. But I guess I'm happily single, because for the first time in a long time, I didn't settle for just a pretty face.
And this guy, my past, deserves to remain right where he is ... in the past. I need to move onto someone new, so for those guys in my past, you need to stay there.
I'm looking for a new love!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Ruben's World Gallery sparks the imagination, inspires the soul
If you want to be inspired by great digital photography and artwork, you should head over to Ruben's World Gallery.
The gallery, owned by Ruben Martinez, is located at 723 Cookman Avenue in Asbury Park. As Martinez says on his website, for more than 6 years he has contributed to the city that he refers to as a "Jewel by the sea" by donating his artwork to restaurants and worthy benefits.
When visiting Martinez's gallery, you'll be in awe of the mesmerizing pieces on display. He has dedicated years to showing his talents on the canvas, and the years of hard work are evident in his work.
On First Saturday Asbury Park - a staple in the city - Martinez showcases the works of different artists at his gallery. On this night, shops and galleries are open late, music is everywhere and the city comes alive. This occurs on the first Saturday of every month.
"As a child I was always drawn to shiny and colorful objects or anything with a unique shape or texture. I have always had a deep and passionate appreciation for art in many mediums like free-hand drawing, painting, ceramic, ostrich egg creation, sculpture, and last but not least photography," Martinez says on his website.
The gallery's hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily, or by appointment. You can contact Martinez at his gallery, (732) 222-1639, or via email at rubenamartinez@gmail.com.
Visit Martinez's website at http://www.rubensworldgallery.com to learn more about the photography and artwork, his upcoming exhibits, and the artists being featured.
The gallery, owned by Ruben Martinez, is located at 723 Cookman Avenue in Asbury Park. As Martinez says on his website, for more than 6 years he has contributed to the city that he refers to as a "Jewel by the sea" by donating his artwork to restaurants and worthy benefits.
When visiting Martinez's gallery, you'll be in awe of the mesmerizing pieces on display. He has dedicated years to showing his talents on the canvas, and the years of hard work are evident in his work.
On First Saturday Asbury Park - a staple in the city - Martinez showcases the works of different artists at his gallery. On this night, shops and galleries are open late, music is everywhere and the city comes alive. This occurs on the first Saturday of every month.
"As a child I was always drawn to shiny and colorful objects or anything with a unique shape or texture. I have always had a deep and passionate appreciation for art in many mediums like free-hand drawing, painting, ceramic, ostrich egg creation, sculpture, and last but not least photography," Martinez says on his website.
The gallery's hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily, or by appointment. You can contact Martinez at his gallery, (732) 222-1639, or via email at rubenamartinez@gmail.com.
Visit Martinez's website at http://www.rubensworldgallery.com to learn more about the photography and artwork, his upcoming exhibits, and the artists being featured.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
In retrospect: My top 5 posts of 2011
As 2011 has come and gone, I'm pretty happy that my blog, "Living in the gay scene of Asbury Park", has received more page views and has become more popular. When I began my blog in 2010, it was as a way of expressing my happiness, anger, dissatisfaction and my observations as a gay man who had planted himself in Asbury Park, the gay capital of New Jersey.
I've been through a lot of ups and downs while living in the fair city of Asbury Park. I made a boatload of friends, a lot of acquaintances, and even come across some people who have no idea what to think of me. I'm no Pollyanna, but suffice to say, I haven't been footloose either. The only times people see the outlandish side of me is when they put a microphone in my hands during karaoke, or when I hit the dancing floor at Paradise or one of the other many dance clubs. Dancing and singing karaoke are two of my favorite things to do, and thank God that he allows me to do both.
This past year has also showed me that I do have inner strength. I was cut from my job that I devoted my life to doing the best job I could, and when I thought that I wouldn't be able to get my life back together, I picked my butt up and changed gears. I also had to deal with a lot of repercussions and heartache following my mother's death. That was difficult for me because I couldn't spend a lot of time with my mother for different reasons and I blamed myself for a lot of issues and situations between us.
But as we are now in 2012, it was evident that 2011 was a significant year for so many people. I grew further into my gay life in a lot of ways, thanks to some valuable people:
1) my golden girls, who let me be crazy, humble, flirtatious and downright nuts ...
2) my Broadway boy, who allowed me to show him my sensitive and vulnerable side (and was instrumental in showing me that playing Judy Garland, Billie Holiday, Lena Horne, Patti Lupone and Liza Minelli on jukeboxes was right on the money) ...
3) some bartender friends who watched out for me, gave me some sound advice on survival in this city, and had my back, even when I didn't know they had my back ...
4) my lesbians, who for some of them, showed me that I can always count of them. I look at these gals as ones I can get crazy with, get some solid advice from, and who I can cry on their shoulders when I need a girl's sympathetic ear ...
5) a few of my gay boyz, who showed me I can call them my besties and have shown me that in some serious situations, all you need are some drinks, a little banter, and a hell of a lot of loud laughter to get through the day.
So, as I look back on 2011, here are my top 5 blog posts of the year ...
#5) "Trusting, sadly, is no longer a word that I will have in my vocabulary" from Feb. 13th. I think this is the post that had some of my friends and readers worried that I had about enough with Asbury Park and its citizens. Also, I posted this blog after I was stood up by someone in my life, and a friend of mine gave me some interesting news.
#4) "I'd forgotten how difficult it was to be gay and hiding it from everyone" from April 6th. I posted this blog entry after seeing the gay-themed movie, "Edge of Seventeen", and was reflecting on my own struggles when dealing with coming out and dealing with the fear of losing those closest to me.
#3) "Who knew getting a bartending gig around Asbury would be so difficult" from Dec. 28th. Now this blog post was just a little observation of mine, but it got a lot of page views because some individuals were very interested in the minority angle and how it related to the city's bars and restaurants. I didn't even think it was going to get a lot of views, nor start some serious dialogue. But it did, and I'm glad it did.
#2) "A friend called me a prude, and I have to admit, he was right on the money" from Sept. 18th. This post was inspired by a couple of my friends who thought I might need to reevaluate how I interacted with other gay men if I wanted to find a boyfriend. And I had to admit that they were correct in their assessment of me. It was difficult to admit it, and I knew it was time for change.
#1) "I'm no Regina George, but man, do I know a couple of them" from June 13th. I must admit, this was one of my favorite blog entries as well. This post was inspired by some questions from a good friend of mine. I would always talk with her about my gay friends, and I'd forget that the terms I was using to describe them, she had no idea what they meant. So I decided to analyze what each category meant in the world of gay, and so many people thought it was not only insightful, but hilarious! It started so much conversation, and that's what this blog is all about.
So I'm glad that you enjoyed my blog, and as 2012 is upon us, I hope I'll have many more blog posts that will spark conversation and debates, let us look into ourselves and do some self-analyzation, and make us laugh out loud!
I've been through a lot of ups and downs while living in the fair city of Asbury Park. I made a boatload of friends, a lot of acquaintances, and even come across some people who have no idea what to think of me. I'm no Pollyanna, but suffice to say, I haven't been footloose either. The only times people see the outlandish side of me is when they put a microphone in my hands during karaoke, or when I hit the dancing floor at Paradise or one of the other many dance clubs. Dancing and singing karaoke are two of my favorite things to do, and thank God that he allows me to do both.
This past year has also showed me that I do have inner strength. I was cut from my job that I devoted my life to doing the best job I could, and when I thought that I wouldn't be able to get my life back together, I picked my butt up and changed gears. I also had to deal with a lot of repercussions and heartache following my mother's death. That was difficult for me because I couldn't spend a lot of time with my mother for different reasons and I blamed myself for a lot of issues and situations between us.
But as we are now in 2012, it was evident that 2011 was a significant year for so many people. I grew further into my gay life in a lot of ways, thanks to some valuable people:
1) my golden girls, who let me be crazy, humble, flirtatious and downright nuts ...
2) my Broadway boy, who allowed me to show him my sensitive and vulnerable side (and was instrumental in showing me that playing Judy Garland, Billie Holiday, Lena Horne, Patti Lupone and Liza Minelli on jukeboxes was right on the money) ...
3) some bartender friends who watched out for me, gave me some sound advice on survival in this city, and had my back, even when I didn't know they had my back ...
4) my lesbians, who for some of them, showed me that I can always count of them. I look at these gals as ones I can get crazy with, get some solid advice from, and who I can cry on their shoulders when I need a girl's sympathetic ear ...
5) a few of my gay boyz, who showed me I can call them my besties and have shown me that in some serious situations, all you need are some drinks, a little banter, and a hell of a lot of loud laughter to get through the day.
So, as I look back on 2011, here are my top 5 blog posts of the year ...
#5) "Trusting, sadly, is no longer a word that I will have in my vocabulary" from Feb. 13th. I think this is the post that had some of my friends and readers worried that I had about enough with Asbury Park and its citizens. Also, I posted this blog after I was stood up by someone in my life, and a friend of mine gave me some interesting news.
#4) "I'd forgotten how difficult it was to be gay and hiding it from everyone" from April 6th. I posted this blog entry after seeing the gay-themed movie, "Edge of Seventeen", and was reflecting on my own struggles when dealing with coming out and dealing with the fear of losing those closest to me.
#3) "Who knew getting a bartending gig around Asbury would be so difficult" from Dec. 28th. Now this blog post was just a little observation of mine, but it got a lot of page views because some individuals were very interested in the minority angle and how it related to the city's bars and restaurants. I didn't even think it was going to get a lot of views, nor start some serious dialogue. But it did, and I'm glad it did.
#2) "A friend called me a prude, and I have to admit, he was right on the money" from Sept. 18th. This post was inspired by a couple of my friends who thought I might need to reevaluate how I interacted with other gay men if I wanted to find a boyfriend. And I had to admit that they were correct in their assessment of me. It was difficult to admit it, and I knew it was time for change.
#1) "I'm no Regina George, but man, do I know a couple of them" from June 13th. I must admit, this was one of my favorite blog entries as well. This post was inspired by some questions from a good friend of mine. I would always talk with her about my gay friends, and I'd forget that the terms I was using to describe them, she had no idea what they meant. So I decided to analyze what each category meant in the world of gay, and so many people thought it was not only insightful, but hilarious! It started so much conversation, and that's what this blog is all about.
So I'm glad that you enjoyed my blog, and as 2012 is upon us, I hope I'll have many more blog posts that will spark conversation and debates, let us look into ourselves and do some self-analyzation, and make us laugh out loud!
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