I'm not sure what I did in a past life, but after looking at the way my love life has progressed, there's a chance I may have caused a few lovers some emotional stress.
Wow, that's deep.
Not too deep. I always believe that the way you treat someone in a past life is the way you'll be treated in your next life. That's why I make every attempt to be kind, considerate, chivalrous and sweet-natured.
It's kind of obvious that not many people who I encounter believe in this concept too much, because they aren't really following these guidelines.
This is one of the reasons why I'm cautiously optimistic when I meet a new person who I consider a potential romantic interest. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Why? Because it always does. But even so, I still keep chugging along. Someone said I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe they were right. But I always see the best in a person until they give me a reason to toss them aside.
I know maneuvering my way through the sea of gay men, looking for my next romance, is a treacherous course. So many of the men who I encounter expect me to always make the move. Believe it or not, I'm one of the most shy individuals when it comes to that. I am deathly fearful of rejection, due mainly to something that happened in my past (which is totally for another blog post, likely to be written when I've had a couple of stiff martinis).
But despite my apprehension, I still want to see what the future holds for me. I am interested in someone new, but I'm not sure how much this person really likes me in return. Sure, I've been told that he likes me and wants to me, but until I hear those words out of his mouth, there's always a chance that it's just my wishful thinking.
My close friend was joking with me about my goal to finally do something and enter into a new relationship; he'd said I haven't done too much to find someone new. And he's right. I just didn't want to make any moves to allow myself to get hurt. I guess I should have just taken my own advice, because I always tell people to get past themselves to let a new person into their lives. Practice what I preach - I know, I know!
My blog entires are always truthful - sometimes painfully so. But as a writer, I've been taught that you have to expose yourself to get to the good stuff. Well, if I were to be truthful, I'd have to reveal that this particular person seems very kindhearted and genuine. The reason why I'm so uncertain - I've asked him to join me at a function, but as of yet, he hasn't answered me. And I'm not sure if he even wants to spend time with me.
My mother, God rest her soul, always taught me to never, ever chase someone who may not want to be caught. In matters like these, she's always been right.
So revisiting the past, I've been exploring my past relationships and some of the mistakes that I've made. Now they haven't been princes, and at times I've given way too much. I'm not sure why I'd always bent over backwards to make things turn out the way I wanted/needed them to turn out.
But I'm thankful I do have something to go on as a reference to what I need to do next time, before I go down the same path.
So I guess it's time to explore what's out there waiting for me in the way of romantic relations.
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