This week is one of the best and worst for me.
I'm not sure how it worked out that way, but this first week of October is turning out that way.
Sunday was a pretty good day. I went to an Employee Drag Show at the local gay bar, Georgie's. It was very entertaining, as I got to see a few people who I know very well in a whole different light. So many of them did a great job, including my friend's performance as Della Gates. A lot of people were commenting that he needs to try out for RuPaul's Drag Race, as his stage presence was so stellar. He, and a few others, definitely have a career to fall back on.
Monday I decided to stay in. Well it wasn't exactly my choice; my apartment endured some damage from this past summer's hurricane and my building's super had to come and work on it. Did he show up? No he didn't. To top that off, one of my friends got on my nerves about something so stupid that I'm just glad he wasn't in front of me because I would have yelled at him and said something I probably would have regretted in hindsight.
Tuesday was a day I'd been waiting a while to get here. That was the day I was going to head to New York City and see my first Broadway show, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", with one of my best friends. My first Broadway show ever! Boy, I was excited. And it didn't disappoint, because I had an awesome time. I actually couldn't believe how much fun I had. So much fun that I just might find myself addicted to Broadway shows.
So as Tuesday was the high point of my week, Thursday will be the opposite. I'm not really looking forward to dealing with Thursday. But then again, I haven't been looking forward to this particular Thursday for the last 364 days.
Thursday is the one-year anniversary of my mother's passing. I've missed her like you wouldn't believe, and although I knew she was in poor health when she died, I just wasn't prepared for her dying. When she died, my mother took a big part of me with her. This past year I'd been searching for a loving man, hell any man, to help fill a huge void in my life. Most of these guys were not even worth my time and energy.
So six months ago I made the decision to hold off from any casual sex until I found the guy who was worth me and my whole self. No one would get the goods until they prove they deserve them. Some people may think that's a bit drastic but these past months I've been feeling like I've been settling way too much. I felt like my mother was trying to deliver a message to me and let me know that even though she wasn't around anymore to give my potential partner the seal of approval, she'd already given me all the tools I need to give the seal of approval myself.
I'm not sure how I will deal with Thursday. I do know one thing - for those who know me or know others who know me, just a word of caution ... I won't be putting up with anyone's drama, attitudes or hassles. If anyone puts me through any of it, I'll be cutting them out of my life with the quickness. Just as my mom believed - I'm at an age that I really don't have to put up with anyone's chaos and don't need to curb my opinions so as to save anyone's feelings.
Perhaps it's about time I put that motto into effect. The ones who love me and are close friends and confidantes will remain true; the others will fall away.
My friend mentioned to me that now that October 1st is finally here, "the eyes of autumn" are upon us.
I really didn't understand what he meant, but when he explained it to me, I thought it was hilarious. He told me that the eyes of autumn is a gay term that he and his friends used back in his hometown. It was an inside joke between he and his gang of gay male friends, but it certainly applies here.
He said that it is the time when autumn weather finally hits and gay men get into their snuggle mode. The summer has officially ended and the men are scouring the city of Asbury Park (and beyond) in search of, not necessarily a one-night stand, but they will be looking for a significant other to share their blanket.
I'd never heard of this, and I'm sure other gay men around this area haven't either. But starting today, gay men are in extreme mode to lasso another man who can - and will - do a lot more than just keep them warm. I think that's a grand concept. He warned me that this month will be the time that I just might find a man who will be perfect for me.
I have no idea what the eyes of autumn - October - will have in store for me. But I'm going to keep my eyes open, just in case a handsome gentleman looks my way. I'm usually pretty oblivious to potential suitors looking my way, but I'm going to break out of that mode and try to push the envelope more than I've been doing.
I'm also going to do something that I haven't done in the past. I'm going to expand my search net. Most people who know me well are aware that I don't date within my race and haven't really looked at other black men as an option. It's not that they aren't attractive to me; I just haven't looked at another black man as a potential suitor. Maybe that has been a little shortsighted on my part.
Don't get it twisted - my main type of man is Caucasian. But in the past I've found that it's very difficult to know if a white man is attracted to a black guy. I'd agree with the statistics that approximately 78 percent of the population of gay white men aren't attracted to black men to enter into a monogamous relationship with, only for a casual romp so they can try something different. For the most part, the statistics are not on my side.
So I'm considering looking within my own race for a man. But when it comes to any man, my standards are still high. Maybe a little too high. But as I've said before, my parents raised me to maintain a high level of standards and it's difficult to break that. I did that once, and to this day I regret a lot about that relationship. I won't do that again.
So my eyes will be open, but I'll still be looking at potential suitors with one eye open as well. And for those who don't know what that means, that "one eye open" is referring to my third eye. Everyone has a third eye; some just decide to keep that eye shut.
So if you catch me eyeing you over the top of my martini glass (one of my bartender friends jokes with me about the fact that I subconsciously tend to do that sometimes), don't be taken aback. It just means that the eyes of autumn are upon you and you've been found attractive by me.
But be forewarned ... I don't just share my blanket to snuggle with just anyone. Because even though I'm just like every other horny gay man, I'm still a lady!
