I've always loved to dance. It's my own personal way of giving the finger to people and things that piss me off, falling into my own world and escaping into happiness.
Hell, some people joke with me that all I need is my scarf as my dancing partner. And truth be told, my scarves are my favorite dancing partners - I always know who leads, they don't bump into me or step on my feet, and they don't try to talk to me while I'm dancing the night away.
But apart from my scarf, I think my favorite dance is wearing a fancy tuxedo and slow dancing to one of my favorite love songs. That's one of the reasons why I think a prom is one of the most romantic events in a person's life.
The prom. Well, I never went to my senior prom. Believe it or not, I did have a girlfriend in high school, and sad to say, she broke up with me the week before our prom. I tried to find a replacement, but in the end I chose to avoid going to the prom. Showing up dateless was just something you didn't do, and although Molly Ringwald's character in "Pretty in Pink" chose to go to her prom solo after her boyfriend, played by sexy Andrew McCarthy, broke it off with her right before their prom, I wasn't as brave.
So I've always had a fantasy of going to the prom with the man of my dreams and dancing the night away in each other's arms. I know it's sappy, but they didn't call me Pollyanna without a reason.
So my goal is possibly a bit difficult to accomplish, but I want to accomplish it anyway ...
I want the gay community to throw a prom. I want to put together one of the most fabulous evenings for the community, and all people will be able to go and feel comfortable.
I think it would be one of the most romantic moments in our lives, and who doesn't love a little romance, right?
I want to find the best place to hold it, possibly either Club Paradise of Hotel Tides. I'm really excited about this because I think this is something that everyone would enjoy. Some people weren't able to attend their own proms in high school for many different reasons, or if they did, they couldn't attend with the person who they really wanted to go with because they were of the same sex, and it would be a way of making up for lost time.
I know there are people who don't believe in romance anymore, but just think how a evening like this would allow the cynics to maybe rethink their feelings and believe in romance again. And maybe this could be the perfect opportunity for someone who hasn't yet made that romantic move to finally ask that guy or girl to the prom. I know, I'll always and forever be a Pollyanna ... I get it.
Hopefully this can happen and it will turn out to be the best night ever.
So, shall we dance at the prom?
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A Benefit for Wendy is a cause everyone should support
I know within the gay community, something difficult happens to one of us. And that's the time for all of us, within and outside the community, to band together and offer assistance to one of our own.
I think that is one of the things that unify us, despite any differences a person may have with another. It's one of the reasons I'm most proud that I'm a part of the community.
So it made me very happy when I received notification that the community was getting together to put on a fundraising benefit for Wendy Tesoroni, one of the bartenders at Club Paradise. As some of you already know, Wendy was in an accident and suffered injuries. And as all of you know, Wendy is a major part of the community.
I know for me, she always made me feel like I was never an outsider in the gay community, actually from the moment I first moved to the area and started hanging out. I'd never told her how much I appreciated her for doing that. She's done that for so many of us.
(*And despite her massive love of hockey and the knowledge that she's the one who got me addicted to Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey shots, I still adore her*)
So as she's been a trooper during recovery, her medical expenses are pretty hefty. So this benefit is a good thing, at this time.
So we as a community, gay and straight, should make it out to Paradise Asbury Park on Tuesday, January 29th for this benefit. It starts at 7 p.m. and is being hosted by Lady Marisa and Verona Veloure Sky, Miss Paradise 2012. There will be performances by Willito Rivera and Sabrina Rondeau, Mr and Ms. Gay NJ, and there will also be 50/50s, basket raffles and homemade cooking. If you are interested in donating items for auction or financial donations, you can drop them off at the Empress Hotel desk or call 732-988-6663.
For more information you can look up the Facebook page for Paradise Asbury Park or the event page "Benefit for Wendy"
I think that is one of the things that unify us, despite any differences a person may have with another. It's one of the reasons I'm most proud that I'm a part of the community.
So it made me very happy when I received notification that the community was getting together to put on a fundraising benefit for Wendy Tesoroni, one of the bartenders at Club Paradise. As some of you already know, Wendy was in an accident and suffered injuries. And as all of you know, Wendy is a major part of the community.
I know for me, she always made me feel like I was never an outsider in the gay community, actually from the moment I first moved to the area and started hanging out. I'd never told her how much I appreciated her for doing that. She's done that for so many of us.
(*And despite her massive love of hockey and the knowledge that she's the one who got me addicted to Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey shots, I still adore her*)
So as she's been a trooper during recovery, her medical expenses are pretty hefty. So this benefit is a good thing, at this time.
So we as a community, gay and straight, should make it out to Paradise Asbury Park on Tuesday, January 29th for this benefit. It starts at 7 p.m. and is being hosted by Lady Marisa and Verona Veloure Sky, Miss Paradise 2012. There will be performances by Willito Rivera and Sabrina Rondeau, Mr and Ms. Gay NJ, and there will also be 50/50s, basket raffles and homemade cooking. If you are interested in donating items for auction or financial donations, you can drop them off at the Empress Hotel desk or call 732-988-6663.
For more information you can look up the Facebook page for Paradise Asbury Park or the event page "Benefit for Wendy"
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Who knew the fear of rejection would turn out to be the least of my worries?
I know fear of rejection and being gay are two things that usually don't go together. Well, for the most part.
I mean, some people think that all of us gays are just bold, brash and pick up each other with the swiftness. None of us are shy creatures, afraid of being rejected. Hell, we acquaint a "hello" as foreplay. At least that's what some people think. And looking around within the community sometimes, I may agree with them.
But that is a category that I rarely fall into. I'm very shy sometimes, almost awkwardly so. I'm always in fear of being rejected. Vulnerability sucks sometimes.
Despite my fear, I decided to just let loose and go after what I want. Of course, the object of my "desire" was a guy who I've grown used to being around. We hang out when we see each other, usually at Club Paradise. Well, to be honest, we do a little more than hang out. There's usually some making out. It's just become a staple with the two of us.
To that end, I've enjoyed the fact that we can make out with one another and still keep it above-board. It was just enjoying each other's company and having some fun. I was fine with that because I really didn't think he'd ever have any desire to take it to the next level.
I never had to worry about a fear of rejection from this guy because we were just two guys flirting, making out and hanging.
But then, a couple of people who I know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, commented that we "hang out" a lot and it's noticed. Since they know me, and know how I'm not the type of guy to just make out with a guy who I didn't have any feelings for, I started to see how they were pretty accurate in their assessments. But I never took any action.
Then I wondered if I should think about taking it to the next level. But my fear came in when my mind started to think, "hey, maybe this guy only makes out with me when we are both drinking heavily ..." So fear of rejection kept me from seeing if we should advance to the next level.
So you can imagine my surprise when, as we are "hanging out" most recently, he actually brought up the subject of getting together and getting to know each other away from the Paradise scene. Of course I agreed, since I wanted to get to know him better also. It could actually lead somewhere, who knew?
I'd felt pretty stupid for letting a fear of rejection hold me hostage. I was criticizing my shy self for putting up barriers. I mean, I'm a good guy, may even be a good catch for the right man. Why had I been doubting myself?
So just to confirm the plan, I sent him a text. No response.
As the day went by with no reply, I thought perhaps I had the wrong number. But after checking, I realized that I did have the right number. So it wasn't that.
And as the time has already passed, it's pretty evident that he didn't want to get together in a sober setting. Or maybe he second-guessed his decision and couldn't bring himself to contact me.
See, this wouldn't be bad to most people. Some people don't care about things like this happening; they chalk it up to experience and just move on to the next guy.
And that would be fine. But I'm not made up that way, as I've grown up in a different environment than others. I've not gone into much detail with too many people about the way I grew up, especially in regards to my "destiny" and where my life was supposed to go.
I had turned my back on my "destiny" when I made the tough decision to live my life being true to myself, and coming out of the closet. My religion and my ministry - as it were - didn't leave any room for Eric being a gay man.
Anyway, I will go into more detail about all of this in a later blog post. But for the case right before us, I will simply say that when I made my decision years ago, it was determined by my elders that I would never have a successful life with another man. So every time I have a false start with a man (and trust me, there have been a heck of a lot ... too many to mention), my thoughts immediately go to that determination.
So the fear of rejection, as it is, would turn out to be the least of my worries. I'd gotten past the rejection stage, or so I thought. I figured that if I could get past the rejection stage, my opportunities would take a turn for the better. Hey, I may just have success and that determination would finally be a thing of the past.
I've only said this to a couple of people, but I was getting scared that I would be alone because of the choice I made years ago. So maybe I put too much emphasis on this latest situation. I mean, hey, people say a lot of things when they are in a drunken situation and in the throes of the moment, things they may not really mean to say or do.
But I think it worried my sis when I told her, and I didn't say that I was upset or angry ... I had used the word "disillusioned". I think that word held a lot of weight, because when a person is disillusioned with a situation, a person or a choice, a part of their spirit has taken a beating.
I guess to be honest, my spirit has taken a beating. People sometimes joke with me that no matter what, I continually see romance and relations as this grand dame of life, that soulmates and true love do exist as long as we want it to happen. I just knew that I'd always be a Pollyanna about romance.
Well Pollyanna is looking at things a little differently today. That's been a fear of mine as well, that I'd lose that spirit about me and that I'd soon regret my decision years ago.
I don't want to lose that spirit. For some of us, that's all we really have.
I don't want to be cynical, because, in the long run, I put too much on the line to lose now.
I don't want to lose now.
I mean, some people think that all of us gays are just bold, brash and pick up each other with the swiftness. None of us are shy creatures, afraid of being rejected. Hell, we acquaint a "hello" as foreplay. At least that's what some people think. And looking around within the community sometimes, I may agree with them.
But that is a category that I rarely fall into. I'm very shy sometimes, almost awkwardly so. I'm always in fear of being rejected. Vulnerability sucks sometimes.
Despite my fear, I decided to just let loose and go after what I want. Of course, the object of my "desire" was a guy who I've grown used to being around. We hang out when we see each other, usually at Club Paradise. Well, to be honest, we do a little more than hang out. There's usually some making out. It's just become a staple with the two of us.
To that end, I've enjoyed the fact that we can make out with one another and still keep it above-board. It was just enjoying each other's company and having some fun. I was fine with that because I really didn't think he'd ever have any desire to take it to the next level.
I never had to worry about a fear of rejection from this guy because we were just two guys flirting, making out and hanging.
But then, a couple of people who I know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, commented that we "hang out" a lot and it's noticed. Since they know me, and know how I'm not the type of guy to just make out with a guy who I didn't have any feelings for, I started to see how they were pretty accurate in their assessments. But I never took any action.
Then I wondered if I should think about taking it to the next level. But my fear came in when my mind started to think, "hey, maybe this guy only makes out with me when we are both drinking heavily ..." So fear of rejection kept me from seeing if we should advance to the next level.
So you can imagine my surprise when, as we are "hanging out" most recently, he actually brought up the subject of getting together and getting to know each other away from the Paradise scene. Of course I agreed, since I wanted to get to know him better also. It could actually lead somewhere, who knew?
I'd felt pretty stupid for letting a fear of rejection hold me hostage. I was criticizing my shy self for putting up barriers. I mean, I'm a good guy, may even be a good catch for the right man. Why had I been doubting myself?
So just to confirm the plan, I sent him a text. No response.
As the day went by with no reply, I thought perhaps I had the wrong number. But after checking, I realized that I did have the right number. So it wasn't that.
And as the time has already passed, it's pretty evident that he didn't want to get together in a sober setting. Or maybe he second-guessed his decision and couldn't bring himself to contact me.
See, this wouldn't be bad to most people. Some people don't care about things like this happening; they chalk it up to experience and just move on to the next guy.
And that would be fine. But I'm not made up that way, as I've grown up in a different environment than others. I've not gone into much detail with too many people about the way I grew up, especially in regards to my "destiny" and where my life was supposed to go.
I had turned my back on my "destiny" when I made the tough decision to live my life being true to myself, and coming out of the closet. My religion and my ministry - as it were - didn't leave any room for Eric being a gay man.
Anyway, I will go into more detail about all of this in a later blog post. But for the case right before us, I will simply say that when I made my decision years ago, it was determined by my elders that I would never have a successful life with another man. So every time I have a false start with a man (and trust me, there have been a heck of a lot ... too many to mention), my thoughts immediately go to that determination.
So the fear of rejection, as it is, would turn out to be the least of my worries. I'd gotten past the rejection stage, or so I thought. I figured that if I could get past the rejection stage, my opportunities would take a turn for the better. Hey, I may just have success and that determination would finally be a thing of the past.
I've only said this to a couple of people, but I was getting scared that I would be alone because of the choice I made years ago. So maybe I put too much emphasis on this latest situation. I mean, hey, people say a lot of things when they are in a drunken situation and in the throes of the moment, things they may not really mean to say or do.
But I think it worried my sis when I told her, and I didn't say that I was upset or angry ... I had used the word "disillusioned". I think that word held a lot of weight, because when a person is disillusioned with a situation, a person or a choice, a part of their spirit has taken a beating.
I guess to be honest, my spirit has taken a beating. People sometimes joke with me that no matter what, I continually see romance and relations as this grand dame of life, that soulmates and true love do exist as long as we want it to happen. I just knew that I'd always be a Pollyanna about romance.
Well Pollyanna is looking at things a little differently today. That's been a fear of mine as well, that I'd lose that spirit about me and that I'd soon regret my decision years ago.
I don't want to lose that spirit. For some of us, that's all we really have.
I don't want to be cynical, because, in the long run, I put too much on the line to lose now.
I don't want to lose now.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
My New Year's resolution should be an easy one to accomplish
This year I'm going to try a new concept for my New Year's resolution. This one I'm going to stick to, no matter how out-of-character it will be for me. And I want my family and friends to call me out if I don't follow this resolution to the "T".
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.
My resolution for 2013 will be to let the people in my life fail if they need to fail. In other words, in the past I've tried my hardest to protect the people I care about from destroying themselves and making serious mistakes. In some instances I've even put my own well-being and feelings in jeopardy, just so others wouldn't be harmed.
I've done this all my life. But a few days ago I sacrificed my own self just to protect a person who I'm close to. Afterward, the person wasn't grateful; I don't even think he actually cared that I'd put my own feelings and safety on the line to save his butt.
See, I can't blame him, because he didn't beg me to help him out. Helping people out has just been a part of myself that I've always done. It just always comes second nature.
But I've never kicked myself afterward. This time I did, and it caused me to question my sanity a little. I've never questioned myself before when I've put myself in a position of helping out someone.
But I was really stupid. I'm sure that my gesture was appreciated, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I could have suffered a lot - spiritually and financially - by jumping to action to save someone who probably could care less.
So that's why my resolution must be to stop putting myself in harms' way just so others won't suffer. I have to get it through my big heart/thick skull that my well-being matters just as much as the next guy ... hell, it means more! I mean, who is going to come to my rescue if I suffer great loss? My father and sister, sure. But who other than blood family will put their own happiness on the line when danger lurks? I've been portraying this sort of pseudo-superhero to people in my life on various levels, and it's well-past time that I think about myself.
I always felt guilty thinking about my own happiness and putting others' happiness first and foremost. That must stop.
So if it seems like I'm not on your side, or willing to give you the shirt off my back, or even in your corner with a saving grace when you need it the most, don't take it personally. I just need to start looking out for myself, that's all.
I've bailed people out way too much in my life, and then I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I get let down when it's time for someone to come to my rescue. Trust me, that's not a good feeling. And I know that some of you can relate to the words I'm speaking.
It's difficult to make this decision, but as a resolution to improve myself, I'm ready to make the change.
I've done a lot to help others out, especially during 2012, and although I've not minded coming to the rescue, at times it's been taken for granted ... it's been expected.
So it's time the #1 person who gets my attention - other than my cat, Micki - is Eric Pinckney.
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