This past week has been weird for me. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I haven't had the desire to see people. I'm usually always up for some fun, but that has been the furthest thing from my mind.
What the hell is going on?
I really haven't had too much of an appetite, and for me that's not normal because I can usually eat everything in sight.
I really haven't been sleeping too well. I haven't been able to sleep through the night, and it seems as though I've been tossing and turning way too much.
Most people who know me are well aware that I can drink a hell of a lot of alcohol and still be standing. Martinis are my drink of choice, and I think I've had pretty much every martini under the sun. But for some reason, I haven't had the urge to drink at all.
And I think the last time I went out on the town was last Friday. It was my good friend's birthday party at the local gay bar, and I had a really good time. But since, the only time I really went out was Sunday; I had dinner at Hotel Tides. I usually continue the festivities at Paradise, where I have a fun time with my friends at karaoke. But I just couldn't be around anyone, and that's not like me.
But nothing has appealed to me. And I'm not sure why.
I know that my mother has been on my mind a lot lately, more than usual. I've always missed her since her death almost a year ago. She meant the world to me, and I really miss her. The anniversary of her death is coming up in October and I'm not sure how to handle that. I feel like there is something I'm missing, like there's a message she has been trying to tell me this past year and I don't have all the pieces to the puzzle.
I also feel like no one actually understands what I'm going through when it comes to my mom. I'm well aware that I'm not the first person to lose a parent, someone who means the world to me. But who really wants to hear me go on and on about it? I usually keep these things to myself, for the most part. Plus if I talk about this stuff to others, I may just burst into tears. And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to cry in public.
I do need to figure out why I'm going through all this inner strife right now. I'm not a big fan of therapy, so that prospect is out for me. I just have to figure all this out on my own.
Perhaps I really am just burned out from all the shenanigans surrounding the gay community in Asbury Park. There are some good things about it, but right now I'm struggling to figure out what those are. Anyone who knows any off the top of their heads, please let me know what these good things might be. It's appreciated.
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