Hi my name's Eric, and I'm addicted to emotionally unavailable bisexual men

I consider myself a fairly intelligent homosexual man. But I suppose any amount of intelligence can fly right out of the window when an attractive man gives you the time of day.
I’m single – painfully so, attractive (in my own opinion), fun-loving, with a big heart and infectious laugh. I take care of myself, eat right, enjoy the company of others and am fiercely loyal. Some look at me and my actions at times and consider me a Pollyanna. True, I can be too trusting and see the world through rose-colored glasses.
Okay, this is beginning to sound like a personals ad. But I digress…
I do think of myself as intelligent. So it boggles my mind that I continually find myself in the situation that I lap into on occasion. And I wish there were a 12-step program for my compulsion. My compulsion, you ask?
I’m addicted to bisexual men, especially the emotionally unavailable ones.
I’m as amazed as anyone that I find myself in that situation. I mean, my usual type of man that I find myself attracted to have been men in their mid-40s to early 50s, attractive, muscular, with salt-and-pepper hair. The professional gay man, established with a strong sense of who he is and what he wants to do. Those are the men I find most attractive.
So why, or why do I always find myself in the throes of romantic entanglements with bisexual men who just want to use my heart as a middle ground between loving themselves too much and finding the next woman who they ultimately will leave me behind for because the moral society is much easier for them as a man with a woman on his arm? This is the question I ask myself in the mirror; I’m just waiting for the mirror to answer me back.
I know all too well that there is a definite allure for a gay man to want straight men. That’s a given. But I’m not talking about straight men. I’m speaking of the men who are at the crossroads between the land of straight-hood and being a fabulous gay man. They don’t want to make that leap, so they linger in the middle swampland and just stay.
There most definitely needs to be a 12-step rehabilitation program for gay men like myself, who just can’t help themselves. Bisexual men are like Reese’s peanut butter cups for me – I am addicted to the sheer joy of the taste, and although due to health reasons I cannot enjoy them anymore, when I pass one I just can’t resist. My mouth waters, my eyes twitch, my heart races, my blood boils a bit, and my hands get sweaty. After all, no one can eat just one.
My last most-recent encounter with a bisexual man, who I’d sworn off because it’s just a merry-go-round of heartbreak each time he enters my universe, did not turn out like I’d thought it would. He’s still the same person who I was addicted to before. And I’m glad he is, because it makes it easier to move on and leave him behind.
He did teach me one thing, though. He taught me that he, along with so many other bisexual men, are unattainable and unable to commit anything to me because there will always be another woman in the wings.
It’s hard enough for gay men to have to continually worry that they may lose their boyfriends/partners/lovers to another gay man. But when you add in the prospect and fear that you could lose him to another woman as well! Well, that’s just too much to take at times.
So if there is a support group or rehabilitation program out there, send me the phone number; I need it. And friends, if you see that I’m slipping into falling off the wagon, I give you permission to scurry me away from the “drug” and lecture me endlessly.
I promise I will thank you!
(*Editor’s note: To my readers and followers, this will begin a new schedule for my blog. Starting today, my blog will post bi-weekly on Sundays. So enjoy!)