I'll always love my momma 'cause she's my favorite girl

This blog entry is dedicated to my sweet, sensitive, tough-talking mom.
As many may know by now, my mother passed away last week. And it's still rough, more so now than when I first found out she passed away. She put up a courageous battle to stay alive, but in the end she just did not have the strength to continue. She'd been sick off and on for many years, and although I'm glad that she is no longer in pain and suffering, I can't help but wish so much that she was still alive. We had so much unfinished business and conversations, and I just wanted - no needed - the opportunity to talk to her one last time.
That last time will never come. And I have a lot of unresolved issues that will never be resolved.
Mom struggled with a lifetime of unhappiness for many reasons that I will not get into right now. And right now, while dealing with her death, I have so many things that I need answers to and won't get them.
But no matter what, my mother loved me unconditionally. When she found out I was gay, she accepted it and never turned her back on me. Some individuals in the gay community never receive that sort of unconditional love. I spoke about this issue in one of my other blog entries. And I am so thankful that my mother got the chance to know me, and everything about me.
I do wish that my mother got the chance to meet the new man in my life. Finally, I've found a good man who wants to know everything about me - even though I'm sure at times I can be a handful. Even so, he still wants to be in a relationship with me.
He's cool, he's a principal and he's just so sweet and kind-hearted. This is someone who my mother always wanted me to have in my life, so I could get the chance to experience love from a person when I didn't have to try to make things work so hard. My mother would really like him.
I'm not going to make this blog entry too long because it's pretty painful for me to think about things and not explode into tears. I've been doing a lot of crying, and I always thought I wasn't the type to weep over things.
I learned a lot from my mother, and one thing haunts me that I just cannot figure out how to get past. My mother's main criticism of me (and also something she admired) was that I am a workaholic, just like my father. Now I'd been traveling two hours up to my mother's hospital for a few weeks to see her, watch over her and make sure everything was okay. She'd been on a ventilator, unable to breathe on her own for awhile.
Then I'd gotten a call, letting me know that she was finally able to breathe on her own and she was doing better than she had been for weeks. That night I was supposed to go down to see her, but since I'd gotten that call about her positive progress, I decided to work on a report for my job and go to see her the next day after work.
Unfortunately, time was not on our side, because that morning that I was going to travel down to visit my mother in the hospital, I'd gotten the call that she passed away.
I put work in front of my mother, once again. And I just can't get past it or forgive myself.
I'm thankful my mother is in a better place now. But I wish I had one more chance to share my life with her. There's still so much more I need to tell her, to talk to her about, and just to tell her she is loved.
My one piece of advice for everyone ... reach out to someone you love, someone who you may not have heard from in some time, and just let them know that you love them. Also, if you are at odds with someone, just squash the animosity and make up.
Life's too short, and that's a lesson I'm learning the hard way. I would not wish this feeling on anyone.
Take the advice ... it's free of charge and it's worth it!