This has been one long, difficult week. And now that I've completed my therapy session this morning (washing and folding laundry), I can reflect on this week.
I've been working a lot, and I'm just burned out! It's time for a vacation - or should I say furcation - and I'm counting down the minutes (7 days, 12 hours, 18 minutes and 5 seconds to be exact) that I can just relax and let all the stress go from my life.
This past week, I've been through the ringer - literally. Last Sunday I went to a pre-Valentine's Day dinner with my ex-boyfriend. It was fun, and I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that we are friends and that I'm ready to move on. And I proved that to myself. See I guess that I was one of those hopeless disciples who just likes to give people the benefit of the doubt. So since I know that we can be friends, I can move on with a clear conscience.
A good thing to boost my ego happened on Valentine's Day. I was invited to dinner by two guys who I've had a passing fancy for recently. One of them - I am just so over him and all his drama and putting up with his wishy-washy personality. To be blunt, he dresses poorly for a gay man and I love fashion. So turning him down was a no-brainer on my part. The other guy, I am attracted to, I must admit. But I knew that if I opened that Pandora's box, there'd be no closing it. I like him, but I don't even want to go down that road because usually that road I travel ends up rolling straight off the edge of a cliff. And I just don't want to be bothered right now.
And I'm glad I've been following my instinct and self-analyzation ... my gut never lies. Because last night I decided to go to Club Paradise and ran into the both of these guys, in addition to my ex-boyfriend. My ex was hanging all over this guy like cheap cologne lingers on the body scent of someone exercising who refuses to wash it off before he works out at the gym! And the other two guys - well let's just say I guess one of them was experiencing a bout of "hard feelings" towards me. The other one did say "hi" but acted like I'd hurt his feelings or I was avoiding him. After all, I never told him I never wanted to go to dinner with him, I just told him I wasn't able to go out with him on Valentine's Day.
But you know what - all of this shade they are throwing my way is the exact reason why my motto is - whatever someone thinks about me is none of my business! And it's so true ... say it to yourself three times quickly and you'll feel awesome.
And this week was difficult because I had to travel back to my hometown on Wednesday to sign some papers and I stopped by my mother's gravesite to see her. The cemetery still has her gravesite in disarray, and the person who's buried next to her is still somewhat of an open grave; they haven't totally filled in the dirt on that person's grave. So you can imagine my feelings when I had to witness this scene. It still stings me greatly because I still feel like my mother's not at peace. And that's what I've been trying to acknowledge - that mom's at peace. And I can't be at peace with her death until she is finally in a good place.
So right now all I want is an ice cream cone. My mom always said that I made the best homemade ice cream cones. I never knew why she said that, but I'd make her the best ice cream cone I've ever made in my life if she were still here to eat it.
I guess everyone always thinks that way.
All I know is that my mom would have been so proud of me for letting go of these guys who are toads and just aren't right for me, and holding out for my prince. I used to always want to turn the toads into the princes, but I'm too old and - hopefully - wise to waste my time and energy in the efforts it takes to build the perfect beast.
I've tried to build the perfect beast in all my past relationships. From now on, I'm only giving my time, energy, efforts and passion to the guy who is already the prince.
Because he, in turn, would be getting a prince himself! No bragging, only acknowledging ...
Jus sayin'! :)
You ARE a catch, my friend. Any man would be lucky to have you!
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