I had dinner with my golden girls last night, and they mentioned something to me that I was not aware of. They were worried about me because of one of my most recent blog posts. So I just re-read it, and I can totally understand why they were worried about me.
I'm glad that I have close people in my life who will look out for me. I think that's the best thing about living in Asbury Park and enjoying the gay scene in the city.
It's a drastic opposite of some things that I dislike about the city's gay scene. Last week I went to the Miss Paradise Pageant. It was very long, and I guess they wanted to showcase every single drag performer in Asbury Park and the surrounding area. I was intending to do a write-up on the pageant, but it went way, way too long for me to write anything about it. I mean, really? The pageant only had 4 contestants; it shouldn't have taken almost four hours to crown a drag queen as the next Miss Paradise. Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. But to be honest, the drag queens who performed gave their all and they did a fantastic job!
I was sort of surprised that I went anyway, because I did something very nice for one of the past Miss Paradise drag queens, and she didn't even say "thank you". That left a very sour taste in my mouth, but no big deal I guess because one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, right?
So there's always good and bad within the gay community in this city.
But I digress ...
The point of this blog really breaks down to a love song. I was working out at the gym and one of my favorite love songs came on my iPod. It's not really the type of love song like "Truly" by Lionel Richie or "At Last" by Etta James.
This song is by the Jets, an '80s love song called "You've Got It All". That song, I wish, was one I could relate to right now. It's about a person who is in a new relationship, and they realize that the new person has finally made all the bad things perpetrated on them by their previous lover just fade away. Because the new person has given their all into making them forget all the horrific acts be the past love of their life.
I would like that in my life. I guess everyone wants a new love to help them forgive all the past misdeeds by their past loves. I think that's one of the reasons why my golden girls were so worried about me. I know me, and I know that I really don't need someone to help me get over my demons of the past.
When I read my past blog over again, I could actually feel the anger and loss in my words. I was having a mini-meltdown because I was so stressed from working so much, missing my mother and dealing with the crazy guys who've been interested in me and who've jerked me around. But I'm better now.
I'm also ready for a new love to bust into my life and show me as much love, passion and understanding as I know I, myself, am capable of doling out. But I'm not going to chase it down like I've done in the past. This time, they are going to chase after me. It's going to be an even trade by me and my future guy. No more me giving 80 percent and the other person giving 20 percent. It needs to be 50-50 or it won't work. I've learned my lesson.
So perhaps my love life will follow the lyrics of "You've Got It All" and my future guy will have it all over all the rest of my previous suitors.
One can only hope.
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