I haven't mentioned it in my blog too much - if never at all, but I was laid off in June. I've been living off of my savings, investments and some unemployment, and I was a little fearful that I would never figure out what my next move should be to fulfill my happiness.
I've always knew pretty much what my true calling is in life, but I've been too afraid to give up the job that paid me healthfully and venture out into the unknown. After all, a safety net is something that I always needed and my job as a newspaper editor was perfect for me. I loved to work long hours and get paid doing what I liked to do.
But even in every newspaper job I had, I always worked in a program with young children and junior/high school students. I loved to do that, especially since I could be a journalist and get paid for it, all the while doing what I loved to do - teach children - on the side.
Teaching has always been my true calling, for as far back as I can remember. But I knew teachers never got paid the proper salary they deserved. I don't know why I've always been worried about money. My parents have put me in a situation where I can always look to them for financial stability if I wanted to do that. My father worked hard and set up his family so we always had everything we needed or wanted, financially or otherwise.
Even so, I never really wanted to go to my father for it. He and my sister always said it was just foolish pride on my part. And they are right. So I never wanted to depend on anyone else for what I needed; it was always up to me. I shouldn't have looked at it that way because that is why I went into the field that would net me the most financial security.
I should have followed the path to teaching when the fork in the road presented itself years ago. I didn't follow my true calling; I went the other route.
There is an added incentive to go into the teaching field - too many young teens are being bullied and have been taking their own lives as a result. This is going on way too much these days and I want to do my part in erasing that from our society. As a gay man, I want to let young gay teens know that things may be trying right now, but it gets better. I need to lead by example, and what better way to do that is to show them that it got better for their teacher, and it will get better for them as well.
I know that everyone doesn't have an easy time in life; I'm not denying that fact. But just as the "It Gets Better" project reiterates to the country, things will improve.
But just as in school, bullies are everywhere ... even in Asbury Park. I don't pay them any mind. But some people do, and a bully will feed off of it. Don't give them the time of day and eventually they will get tired of it.
Of course, I should have taken my own advice recently. A few days ago I was in one of the gay establishments in Asbury and there was a drunk, obnoxious jerk who was trying to throw his weight around. He began to harass someone who I know and after a while of sitting there, listening to this bully continue to speak his stupidity, I just couldn't take it any longer. I decided to shut him down and told him to stop talking the trash and treat people with the respect they deserve.
We shouted at each other a little, and then I realized that in my anger to stop this bully's tirade, I was bullying the bully. I had to take a few moments to contain myself, count to 10, and diffuse the situation.
He took off for a bit and I apologized to those around me for acting out, which isn't like me at all. About a half-hour later he came back in, came up to me, shook my hand and apologized for being such an ass.
I learned two things as a result of that encounter. The first thing was that if you stand up to a person who is on a bullying rampage, you may teach that person a thing or two about respecting one's self. The second thing I learned about myself was that I have fully forgiven my ex-boyfriend for things that happened in our relationship.
See, the person who the bully was harassing was my ex. I didn't know why I was protecting him; he was no longer in my life as a lover. But the protective nature in me just emerged and I couldn't hold it back. Funny things happen when you least expect it.
And with that, I know that I am ready to educate our youth and show them right from wrong. It's now time to re-invent myself. But not too much ... I still need to hold onto the fabulous, fierce creature that I've always been! ;)
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