You always get as much as you give

Tonight is the Mayors Ball in Asbury Park.
I think everyone who is lucky enough to attend this event is beaming. I think it's probably one of the biggest events of the year.
But, of course, I'm Cinderella ... not able to go to the Ball.
It wasn't for lack of trying, though. I did try to get a ticket; after all, this is not only a fancy, show-what-you've-got event - it's probably one of the biggest events where the gay community can come together (as a non-gay event) and dance and be happy. Really, who at this event would stop any of us from showing love and feel comfortable dancing with your same-sex significant other in a fancy, dressed-up affair.
After all, the host of the Ball - the mayor - is openly gay himself. It's a positive thing; this was one of the reasons why I wanted to attend this affair so desperately.
But, alas, all the tickets were sold out. And there were none available; the place was filled up.
Of course, I did just discover that a friend of mine scored a ticket or two. But then, I guess it's all about the connection. I can't really hate; I just don't have it like that, I guess - not just yet! But Cinderella's time will come.
I think I really wanted to go because I just needed to feel, well, like I was special. Right now, I don't really feel extremely "special" in my gay surroundings.
Don't get me wrong - I know I feel love from my fellow comrades. Some of them just don't really know me or what I'm all about. Most do always see me out and about in the city. They see me dancing up a storm at Club Paradise; singing karaoke like a crazy fool at Georgie's; making the rounds at Swell; and sipping a martini and eating my steak dinner at The Harrison. In addition, you'll catch me eating a really great meal at Bistro Ole sometimes, or stopping in Tides Hotel for a mojito or martini as well. Or enjoying good conversation with the staff - and a great-tasting calamari dish - at Munch (owner Ken does a great take on calamari, it's the best - in my opinion).
So when I say "special", I'm not saying that I feel invisible or obsolete. That's not it at all! You'll always see me around the city somewhere, and usually laughing infectiously and smiling like a Cheshire cat.
I have my best friends in the gay community, and also those who have taken the time to get to know the"real Eric". I love them and would never trade any of them (and they know who they are).
But a big part of people not knowing the "real Eric" is probably my own fault. When I'm out, I'll usually just mind my own business and sit back and examine the scene before loosening up and showing people I do indulge in great conversation. And once they discover this, it's golden for everyone involved.
So for some reason, it would've been great to go to this Ball. Because I just needed to dress up in fancy clothes and strut my stuff. But I guess I'll just have to read about it after the fact.
I need to start giving as much as I want to get, I guess, because in turn, you always get as much as you give!
But I've found that people assume I want more than they do out of a relationship. And okay, dressing up and attending a fancy function with a special gentleman on my arm is exactly what I want! A few guys in the very recent past assumed I wanted more than they did - just because I wanted to hold a conversation with them and not just kiss constantly and make out. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind that at all; but I do like to talk as well. So could you imagine going to a fancy Ball with one of them?? I could just imagine their impending panic attack and scuff marks on my hardwood floor as they retreated and darted out my front door, never to return!
I don't need a boyfriend or partner. I just want someone who I can attend a gala with, who I can go to the movies with, who I can sit down with and have an intelligent conversation over dinner at my favorite restaurant, and who I can be intimate with as well ... but we don't need to call it a boyfriend, significant other or partner.
Maybe I just don't like labels. But I want it to be open relations where the guy in my life can enjoy the company of other guys, because I am very driven in my career and other interests and things I like to do on my own.
Boy, how did I get from feeling like Cinderella not invited to the Ball, to feeling like Superfly who wants all the guys in the city to fall into his web? :)
But I digress.
What I'm saying, I guess in a long-winded way, is if you are going to the Ball tonight, have a dance in honor of Cinderella!